Update!
Mood:  incredulous
Hello all, long time no read. yes it's been a very very long time since I've posted but it's not like you people care or anything, lol.

Anyways where to start, guess just one thing at a time. First of all I've dropped out of college. now before you yell at me I have a good reason. It's not because I wanted to it's because I had to, no money equals no school. Now you say "What about your scholarships and loans?" Well that's a funny story, I did so bad in the fall semester that my GPA dropped below 2.0 which sent me to non-degree seeking status which made my money people say "You ain't getting shit." Yeah, my hole so I'll dig myself out.

Next order of business, my parents hate my guts. now you say to yourself how could that possibly be. Well dropping out of college was the first thing. The second was me not moving back in with them when they asked me. Yeah stupid thing but that's my parents, love me till they hate me. So I'm assuming I'm a huge failure to them now and they want nothing to do with me. Not sure since I can't seem to talk to them without fighting. Oh well, life moves on and one day I'll show them there was nothing to worry about.

Thirdly, I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!! Granted that's little over enthusiastic but hey I love her. We are very much in love which happened to be at first sight so to speak. It's a funny stiory really since we met like the year before like twice. Never saw her after that. Then one day I get a call from our mutual friend Brian. He's like "Hey you remember Amanda? You want to take her to a dance." Hmm such a tough descision, take a hot girl to a danc eor not, toughie. But ever since that night we've been going out, the 17 was our 2 month, granted I'm not celebrating every month but it's nice o keep track.

Now I'm not sure how new this is but it's more of a been on my mind sorta thing. It's about my friend Sue, although I still consider her a friend I believe she hates my guts. I've wanted to talk to her and sort this whole thing out once and for all but I've been advised to stay back and let her calm down on her own and talk to me Geranted she said don't talk to her for a while but that was 2 months ago, I'm not sure how long a while is to some people but 2 months is in that range in my book. Thing is I don't want to make things worse. I'd lik my friend back, I really would, I just have no clue how to go about it. But yeah that's kinda been on my mind.

Fourthl or fifthly depending on how you see the above I think I finally got a car!!!!!! Amanda's father found another Dodge Spirit for $200. should be easy for me to get. He's checking it out completely tomorrow so hopefully it'll be good and I'll hacve a car again! YAY!!

Anyways I guess that's it for now. Yak at ya later.
Later days,
Ace

Wow
Mood:  happy
Well do I have a post for you, my adoring fans, well sorta. It's not like something amazingly spectacular has happened since the last time I posted other than I'm happy, big deal, lol.
Well anyways I'll start off with school It's going well other than Calc, which is evil to begin with and art. Art I like, except for my teacher. She expects me to put her class above her personal life. NO way. I had skipped class to see about getting a loan, unfortunately since I don't keep track of holidays I did it on columbus day, och. Well I went home around 10:30, when I'd be leaving class anyway, and got a call from the other guys insurance company. It was his fault and they were sending me a check, WOOT!.
Well anyways, I get to class the next time, assuming it would be a normal class. I was late since I had to take a friend to a court hearing since his ride bailed on his at midnight the night before. Anyways I get to class and explain everythign to her and her response was "Well why couldn't you do it after class?" Well lets see cause I have 2 hours after her class till the next one and I had/have no clue how long getting a loan takes, dumb bitch. Then she wants me to stay and work on my art when I have nothing with me, nothing. I even told her I had nothing on me and she still said I need to stay and work on it, ugh, stupid people.
Anyways, the next thing is the whole accident thing. Well to sum it up I still have to pay 3 of 4 tickets, I got 5 points on my lisence and a check from the insurance company for as much as I wanted the loan for, WOOT! I'm glad that's finally over with and once I pay the fines it'll be over for good.
I finally got to go to a Catharsis(sp?) and it was a blast! For those that don't know Catharsis is a goth dance thing. The funny thing was when I got there the place was segrigated into preps and goths. Apparently a fraternity didn't realize what it was and were stuck there smoking or something. they have their own damn hangouts, let them go there. Anyways I got to talk to a pretty girl, didn't lad to anything though, and afterwards hang out with a group at Perkins till like 4 in the morning, definately a blast! Goth people are soo fun.
Let's see what's next. Well my birthday is tomorrow, today depending on when you read this, and I'm kinda happy about it but it's just another birthday. I turn 20 and I realize that I'm really leaving my teenage years behind and moving into adulthood, a little scary. And with the silvering hair and beard it makes me feel OLD! Oh well.
My mom wants me to stop over and more than likely I'll be getting a card in the mail from my gram, other than that I don't expect anyone to remember really, and those that do I don't expect anything from. Most people forget my birthday and too be honest, I did until like the 7th of this month. I was sitting there and realized "Hey, my birthday is in seven daysm, wow." I don't have anything planned though other than just sitting on my ass and relaxing, like that's different from any other time, lol.
Well that's all for now folks. See ya next post, yak at ya later.

On my mind
Mood:  not sure
It's that time again. I'm not sad per-say, but I'm not really happy, ya know. It's one of those things where I'm thinking about things and all the negative, but not feeling the sadness exactly. I guess that's part of conroling my emmotions, part of my magic training, but still they bug me.
The first thing is me still being single. I have absolutely NO luck with women. swear I repell them. I don't know, I guess I'm putting too much into it but I can't help it. I want a relationship, almost liek a craving, as if my soul wants someone to be with, but I can't help it. I don't know, I guess I'm at an age where I expect to be in a steady relationship with marrage(sp?)in the future, heh, yeah like that will happen.
Another thing bugging me is college. I'm going to fail calc, no doubt about it and I don't think a tutor would help. It's like I'll understand it as long as someone is there to show me. The minute I'm by myself it's gone, like nothing sticks at all. As for other classes they are ok. The only one that bugs me is my art class cause my teacher has no understanding of the real world for a kid out on his own. ike I should put her class before say the appartment or my ability to drive a car. Another story for another time. and with college there's the fear of failing completely, which would let not only myself down but my entire family and I mean my ENTIRE family.
See a lot bugs me and I find myself escaping more and more into video game sand the fantasy world. I feel like I'm clinging to reality by a thread and that scares me. I think I now know what it's like to lose yourself and watch all at the same time. I try to rely on my friends to help and keep me grounded but it's like they can't even help. When my friends can't help I know I'm lost and I'm not sure what will bring me back.
Maybe I just need a farm trip, haven't been there in like 2 months, but it's a sacrifice for school, of course video games were too and you see how far that went, right down the tube. Anyways I guess that's enough ranting fo now, hopefully my next post will be more upbeat, hopefully.
Later days,
Ace

To be decided
Mood:  blue
Well this update deals with my love life, hence the mood. Where to start in my fucked up world f romance.
Well my friend gets back from his military trainign thing and hooks with with a girl I've liked since like 10th grade. But she has said that nothing will ever be between us since she considers me such a good friend...... It's not that I'm jealous, just it brings back the lonely feeling, although I'm happy for them, the deserve to be together.
Another thing is the whole thing with my one ex. She thinks I'm messign in her current affairs to get back with her but it's cause I care and don't want tee her get hurt. Yes we were close to getting back together but it didn't happen, which is ok, I'd rather her be in my life as a friend than not at all ya know. She said about not wanting me to interfere and as he friend I have to respect her wishes, I just hope she gets out of her current trouble alright. Hope she knows I'm still here for her.
As for any other girl it seems I can only get to friend status. I have no luck with women at all. Just wish I could be with someone ya know. Oh well, guess I'll just have to wait.
Till nex ttime fans.

Later days,
Ace

So much to report
Mood:  happy
Well it's been a while, sorry, I ment to post sooner but I've been a very busy person, like anyone out there cares, lol. Well in the past month I've had a lot happen so I'll start from the top.
Ok onJuly 31st I'm coming back from camping when this guy runs me off of the road. Me and my passenger almost die by going off of a cliff by going through the gaurd rail. Now needless to say the car is totaled and I have a new one, shity, but it gets me from point a to point b. Insurance is still deciding who's fault it was, ::cough:: him! ::cough::.
Lets see I've moved into an appartment with two of my friends, one moved in already the other still at a military thing in the south. That's going good so far but we don't have bills just yet so we'll see. Moving in was fun too, scraping together people and trying to move shit without a truck. Good times, good good times.
Lets see what else, I have a new job, I now work for UPS. $8.50 and hour! Woot!!!! It hard physical labor since I'm loading and unloading packages but I like it. I mean in 2 days, 7 hours I've made $59. Awsomeness.
There has really only been one thing that is bothering me. It's a friend of mine, who also happens to be an ex which complicates things just a little.
See she went out with this guy she met online for a month before he pulled shit. i don't mean like arguements either. They were at a hotel together for a night and the next day he just left, just up and left with no explination. Her FRIEND had to tell her why cause he wouldn't talk to her. Then he refused to talk to her for like another month or two. Only just now has he started to talk to her. Thing is she says she loves him.... HOW?! They only went out for a month, saw one another like 4 times cause he lives in Harrisburgh. All he really did for her was talk to her. Some hoqw whatever they talked about made her happy, that's good and all but they he went and pulled that.
Now you're probably saying to yourself I'm just the jealous ex, well if it were just me saying this I'd agree, but all of her friends as well as mine, which are pretty much the same ones, agree that he's playing her. I know uys and he's doing just that. I don't want her to get hurt and I know that I'll probably never be with her again and I want her to be happy but I know it won't be with him, but she doesn't want to believe me I think. i just hope I'm wrong about this ya know, but I don't think I am.
I don't know, I'm hoping things work out, I really do, but I can tell this guys is bad news and the fact that people agree with me makes me believe this more. I just don't see how she could love the guy, like true honest love after he pulled what he did. GRRRRRR!
I think I've ranted long enough. Hopefully things will turn out ok for her in the end, hopefully. Well till next time.

Later days,
Ace

Update!
Mood:  happy
Hello all of you loyal readers who were wondering where I went. Riiiiiiiiight.
Well not a whole lot has happened since last post. I'm not depressed anymore. Well whatever was wrong is gone I mean. I think it was that I need a trip to the farm, a place for people of the wiccan religion or religions like ikt. Now I'm not what someone might consider wiccan or pagan, but I'm intune you might say with magic and such and believe very strongly in it.
Anyways today I had my hearing for my speeding ticket. Luckily I was able to get off with a $125 ticket and 2 points. It could of been a lot worse.
Went to the park last saturday with my friend and her friends to try and get her mind off of the ass of an ex that pulled shit the week before. It worked but not as we would of liked. She got sun burned, almost had a panick attack and had a mainly miserable time, but she had fun being with us, which is good enough. Not much else other than that. Till next time.
Later Days,
Ace

Why me
Mood:  down
I don't understand why I feel like crap. It puzzles me soo much. I mean I know something is wrong and I thought I figured it out but maybe I have to talk about it to that person or maybe there's more.
Someone said I have depression. It's possible, but the way I work is that when something is wrong I deal with the problem that's causing me to feel like crap and I feel beter, since I'm still figuring out what making me feel like crap I can't feel better. I don't know anymore, maybe I am just depressed and I'll have to deal but I really don't think that's it.
Well that's about it for now, talk to all of you later.
Later Days,
Ace

Life So far
Mood:  not sure
Ah where to start. Well I've figured out what's been off. 2 thing. Part of it involves a friend of mine but I can't say anything cause I know if I do it'll ruin my friends happyness and I don't want to do that. The other half is that I really want a g/f.
Well my two best friends have broken up and are both hurting and it hurts me cause I know there is nothing I can do to help. And it really bugs me, but all I can do is be there for them and listen to them and offer any help they want.
As for my current love life I'm trying. There is a girl I used to work with when I first worked for McDonalds. A few nights ago I asked her to drinks, just coffee and pepsi mind you, and we stayed and talked at the place for 5 hours. It was nice. I'm hoping that maybe we could start dating, but that's a leap of faith but I'm hoping.
Anyways that's it for me at the moment. Talk to all of you later.
Later days,
Ace

Another Day
Mood:  happy
Well today is ok. Been going pretty well. I went off on the people I wanted to and a few others. I'm in a bit of a pickle with a friend but nothing that can't be worked out. I just need to learn to examine a situation and handle properly. Other than that no big.
I want to say I'm happy, since I am but there is something....off or whatever. I can't explain it. Eh, as long as it goes away I don't care.
Later days,
Ace

Dragon's Fury!
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: My way or the Highway
That's it I've had enough. Today people are getting it that deserve it. I'm tired of being a watcher in events and doing nothing because I'm afraid of the consequences. Staying back and watching my own ass rather than jumping in and doing what needs to be done and saying what needs to be said. There are at least two people on my list today, one being my manager, the other being a friend who may or ma ynot know the problems she is causing.
To start, the manager. Ok, I worked overnight last night and had to work kitchen, which I've never done before. And once breakfast came I was totaly lost. But the other three people there helped pull my slack and we got just about everything done. So the morning manager come sin ight, no big. After like 10 minutes he goes off saying things aren't done. We ask what and all he can say it "What is done." Now this pisses me off to start with since I was the one that did the kitchen which is what he's referencing. He came up with 2 things! 2! And they were minor things that could be done in like 3 minutes if that that I forgot about since I was dealing with more important things at the time. So I'm talking to the head manager about him.
The other person, the friend, needs someone to set her done and show her what's really up. I've kept my mouth shut for way too long about everything. The only thing that may stop me is if a second part says to keep quiet since it is mainly his affair not mine, but still, I'm tired of being quiet when I should speak up.
A warning to everyone, you may be next, if there is something I gotta say to you it will be said! This will end up being a today only thing and at the moment they are the only two but still BEWARE!
Later days,
Ace