Fools
Motley Magazine About Us ---- Issue #6, March 2005: Death's Folly,
---- A Bite of the Apple, ---- Bubblegum Girl,
---- Witch Kingdom,
---- Herman,
---- The Kid Catcher,
---- |
Death's Folly by K. B. Liomas
"You see, my friend, I am what you call a good friend." Stokes puffed on his cigar. "A helpful friend." He looked immensely
"You are," I replied, "what they call an armchair quarterback." I poured the tea and took a sip from cup. What did he
"Very nice," he said. "Where did you get it from?"
"India. Some kids were riding around in a convertible as fast the car will go. Really, humans' lack of understanding
"Or their stupidity. I remember you telling me about the moron with the cigarette lighter, while he was siphoning gas."
"Stupidity I understand. TV kills brain cells. It's the physics part. Someone in the back of a pickup, good fifty miles an
"Yes, Death my old friend, they keep you too, too busy. I tell you what. Take my advice. Hire an assistant."
"But where would I get one?"
"Oh, but you meet so many humans, all so needful. Take one."
"An assistant." I repeated, pouring another cup of tea.
So Jackie arrived. Poor, poor Jackie. She knew her boyfriend was a liar. And yet, she believed him when he
"Like, oh so totally gross," she wailed. Jackie, I noted, was a great wailer.
"Yes Jackie," I said patiently removing my fingers from my ears. Jackie also was high pitched. And loud. "A
"And I'll like get another chance, right?"
"That was the deal."
"If it's the only way," she whined in a screech. I shuddered and winced.
"Second chances are not handed to just anyone. Work hard. I'm sure you'll do fine."
"Then I can see Kevy again."
"If I were you I'd ask for more brain cells next time around."
And with that, I went back to work.
Don't ask me why, but I was soon, again, complaining to Stokes. "It's the new office assistant. She's lost several
Stokes eyed the liquor addition thoughtfully. "Is it really so bad?" he asked companionably.
"Stokes old buddy, you have no idea. You work in the muse department, for God's sake. Oh sorry God." I
A big sip.
"Maybe you need more help." He suggested, looking a little bit worried.
So I hired Kevin. Nice young lad, though not overtly bright. How was he to know cleaning a toaster
"I took safety precautions," he said again, eyes still round. Jackie's head peeked up over a pile of files then
"A spoon is still metal, even though not pointed. And toasters are designed to be clean by opening the little
"The toast always looked safe enough in there," he said contemplatively.
I stared and shook my head. Were they called rednecks because all the blood stopped in their necks and
"Oh yeah," he said in that enlightened tone of voice. "I guess it's a good thing I didn't stick my hand down in
"Just get to work. Jackie can show you, uh, I'll show you the phones later. Just start filing. "
"I can not believe I compounded my mistake by doing it again," I told Stokes, pouring a healthy dose of
"I uh,"
"All day long, I hear 'Kevy, the phone doesn't work.' And then, 'Oh, like plug it in babe. In needs it cord.
"Introduce her to the Amazons. Or Susan B. Anthony. Or someone like that."
"I'm sure she has met people like that, on earth. That's the whole point of it. It's a place to think, live, breath,"
Stokes sighed heavily. "Well, maybe another one." Would he never stop giving advice?
"I don't know, I don't know," I repeated firmly, gulping from the bottle.
So I hired Sha-sha. Why? Don't ask me why, I'll give you a response that will give you nightmares for the
"I think you need more red in here." She said first thing. There were now two stacks of papers with two
"Why would I need more red?" I asked. Stupidly. Don't encourage some people.
"Because it’s a color," she stated as though obvious. "Maybe a few red streaks around the office, like at eye
"Don't you mean feng shu?" Jackie snapped.
"Why didn't you wear something pretty?" Sha-sha asked.
"Wow. Where do you buy thread strong enough to hold on a dress that tight?" Jackie asked, jealousy
"I'm a man. I'll wear what I want, woman." Kevin said. "It's my male right," he stared into space, thinking thoughts
"Red. Maybe some blue." Sha-sha said.
"I don't know. Ask Kevin."
"Blue, the color of the sky, man's search for freedom." He profoundly stated.
I ran from the office.
Stokes sat there quietly, watching me wring the neck of the largest liquor bottle I could get. Now empty. "I don't
"John, John, John," he used my old name. "Get a grip. Take a deep breath, and tell yourself it can't be that bad.
So I hired an office assistant, to be in charge. Yes, Stokes. He showed up on my front door step with a sad, hurt
"Wow." He said. "A new assignment." Each word was slow and flat, carefully stripped of revealing emotion, like
"Yep, old buddy, old pal. A new assignment." I opened the door and shoved him in.
Three heads sprouted upwards to stare at him.
"Oh, Kevy. A visitor."
"We're all visitors, babe. We're all visitors to planet Earth."
"You need more yellow in your outfit."
"Like, you know, your kinda cute."
"Something a little more quiet maybe. Orange. That would look great on you."
"Don't be complimenting the new guy. I might want him."
"You have Kevy, the tasteless wonder. He's mine. "
"He would look like a pizza in orange."
"I miss pizza. It was like life. It had everything on it, or just plain, however you wanted it." |