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INTERNET
“Honor your forbidden thoughts. They are merely signposts to exciting new paths you need to follow.” –Dewey color system profile
“Admit it. Sometimes when you dance in front of the mirror in your underwear, you think you're the bomb.” –www.thespark.com
“Most people aim at nothing in life. . .and hit it with amazing accuracy.” –Tony Alessandro, self-help guru, from email
“An
English professor wrote the words, “a woman without her man is nothing” on
the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.
The
men wrote: ‘A woman, without her man, is nothing.’
The
women wrote: ‘A woman: without her, man is nothing.’” –from email
“Sagittarius:
(Nov. 22--Dec. 21)
It's
tempting to cry on a good friend's shoulder this week, but that's the easy way
out. Don't settle for anything less than crying on a good friend's voluptuous
buttocks.” –www.theonion.com,
October 13th 1999
“I
had fun and I didn’t kill anyone, and in the end, that's all that counts.”
–from Lewis’s ‘Daily Glunt’
HOW
DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
KIRSTEN,
age 10:
WHAT
IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
FREDDIE,
age 6:
WHAT
DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
LYNNETTE,
age 8: “Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to
get to know each other. Even boys
have something to say if you listen long enough.”
–from email
“Fascination
is one step beyond interest.
Interested
people want to know if it works.
Fascinated
people want to learn how it works.” –from
email
“Happiness
is not an accident.
Nor
is it something you wish for.
Happiness
is something you design.” –from
email
“Success
is neither magical nor mysterious.
Success
is the natural consequence of
consistently applying basic fundamentals.” –from email
“Scorpio:
(Oct. 24--Nov. 21)
Though you're basically a good person, you have the habit of looking to strange,
random sources for guidance.” –www.theonion.com,
February 9th 2000
“Virgo:
(Aug. 23--Sept. 22)
Although
the Sun, Mercury, and Jupiter are all in Virgo this week, you shouldn't be
alarmed. That's just the kind of thing you'd expect from that slut
Virgo.” –www.theonion.com,
March 22nd 2000
Virgo:
(Aug. 23--Sept. 22)
”Though it's true that you've got your whole life ahead of you, remember that
the term "life" is not duration-specific.”
–www.theonion.com
“Sometimes
pursuing pleasure too vigorously could also qualify as risk taking.”
–Astrology Online
“expecting
the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like
expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.”
–from instant messenger profile
WHAT
IS LOVE?
Rebecca,
age 8: “When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and
paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even
when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.”
–from email
Jessica,
age 8: “You really shouldn't say 'I love
you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People
forget.” –from
email
“I'm
feeling stuck. Going through the same patterns day in and day out. Yeah, I'm
incredibly happy and all, but I feel like there's so much more I could be doing.
I want to get out of this town. I want to pile up all the grrls in a car and go
on a cross country road trip. I want live in a wonderfully messy studio
apartment in the city and draw all day long. I want to be in a punk rock band. I
want to paint huge murals. I want to wake up next to my boyfriend every morning
and have him cook me breakfast. I want to go to Japan just so I can buy cute
toys and eat candy. I want to make lots of fun computer fonts. I want to have
conversations with my dog so I can tell her how cute she is. I want to run
through the aisles of Toys R Us with walkie talkies. I want to be a spy. I want
to write a book of poetry. I want to take a paintball gun to school and shoot
people with neon pink paint. I want to stop babbling and start doing something
with my life.” –from Sarah’s
‘Screams and Hallucinations’ (Friday, January 29, 1999)
“You
know, I like making new friends. Mostly cause friends are very important and
they mean everything to me. Everyone should be my friend. Everyone should want
to be my friend. I am inordinately nice and I drive people everywhere. Besides,
I am cute and I have pink hair. Yeah!” –from
Sarah’s ‘Screams and Hallucinations’ (Thursday, January 7, 1999)
“I've
just been observing. And what I see, I wish I could forget.”
–from Lewis’s ‘Daily Glunt’
“I'm
not bitter. I don't hate most of you.”
–Martin Smith, from email
“It's
tacky to talk about how smart you are. Unless it's tongue in cheek, like
when I, Dan Harmon, the smartest man in the world, do it.”
–Dan Harmon, from email
“Close
quarters make it easy for a quick brush, a bump or even a full-fledged squeeze
of the buttocks…” –The Complete
Idiot's Guide to Riding the Subway, from ‘The Review’
“im
gonna bleach my hair and get a tan this weekend. maybe once i look like a
backstreet boy ill get some nookie.” –from
Lewis’s ‘Daily Glunt’
“It
sucks being a hot guy trapped in a non-hot guy’s body.”
–Jeff
“Eat
well, stay fit, die anyway.” –from
email
“When you lose, don't lose the lesson.” –from email
“Also,
the physical distance you maintain between you and your date conveys a powerful
non-verbal message. On the one
hand, if you keep away, she'll think you're not interested.
On the other hand, if you get too close, she'll worry you might try some
shit. Think of yourself as the
Death Star. Only from the right
distance will you seem like a gentle moon.”
–from theSpark.com, ‘How to turn
“Date” into “Mate”’
GAMES
“The
only definite thing about the future is that it’s uncertain.”
–from ‘Final Fantasy IX’
“Experience
has taught me that a man like you can be very loyal for the right price.”
–‘Grand
Theft Auto 3’
“To
know your enemy is to defeat him before you have faced him.”
–General Chang, Klingon Academy
“For the master warrior the ground will gobble up his enemies and the air will strangle his foes.” –General Chang, Klingon Academy