I open my mouth to say sorry for that, but before I speak she cuts me "Faith, I have to go"

"What? Where? Why? No!" OK! That was a little out of place, but it is already said.

"Because Faith." She pauses "I know how much this means to you, and I am really sorry, but I can't forgive you. I wish I could Faith, I'm sorry" She says walking back.

SHITSHITSHITSHIT… She can't go, She told me that she used to look up to me. But maybe that was just.. I can't, she can't. I look around everywhere to find a excuse. That's it! The car. "Bu.. But you can't go B. Your car is dead"

"I know. You can keep it"

But I don't want the car anymore. "It's your car, you… you must take care of it" I say feeling very very very weird in the stomach.

"You'll take better care of it" 

"Buffy… I

"Please Faith, don't make this harder for you. I have to go, Bye."

And she turns around, and along with her, go all my hopes. I can't be crying. I don't cry. I can't cry… Buffy don't go… "B.." …. "Bye"




[Chapter 7]




I feel a knot in my throat, and I feel the tears burning my cheeks. I have never cried like this. I have never cried in a public park without even thinking of the people looking at me. But I don't give a fuck now. B left, my B left. I know that deep down inside I was never going to have a chance with her, but DAMN YOU Cordelia, did you really have to put up my hopes with those fucking love tests?. I don't know… I should have never been so dumb, and it is now when I realize that somehow I did believe some kind of shitty miracle was going to happen between us. I guess that is the price I have to pay for being as naive as an eight-year-old girl. Fuck, did I really think she was going to forgive me, and that then things would be cool again?. Yeah right.

I sigh and sit on the driver's seat. With the door open and my head on the wheel I'm just drowned inside my blank mind for about an hour or even more. Normally, I wouldn't give a fuck about she leaving, but right now it is different. She explicitly told me that she looked up to me and that she cared about me. It is like when you want to go to this huge concert, and you make a big ass line only to get a ticket, and once you are there in front of the counter, they say 'sorry pal, we're sold out'. Yeah, it feels like that, I feel frustrated. I want something I used to have, how cool is that?. I even had her admiration, damn it, and now I have nothing but her hate and indifference. Way to go Faith!

I could fix her car, and give it back to her in Sunnyda.. NO, actually that is not a very good idea. I won't be after her like some crappy puppy dog. Is that what she wants? Alright, then that is exactly what she is going to get. I'm not a begging person, I'm so not going to crawl on my knees for her to come back. In fact, she can die right now, and it is just fine with me. 

I get off the car, and angrily wipe the tears out of my eyes. I shake the shit out of my head, and start pushing the car back to Angel's. A guy approaches and asks me if I can handle the car myself. I was going to tell him to fuck off, but actually I could use some company right now.

"Where are we taking the car?" He asks me grinning.

"Uh… To Angel's" I reply absently.

"You're Angel? I mean you're an angel" He says trying to be all cool on me.

I roll my eyes. So much time locked up that I had forgotten how annoying a guy can be when he wants to hit on you. But I completely ignore his statement as If I had not listened to it. 

He mutters very very quetly "cute butt".

"Thanks"

"Whoa.. did you actually hear that? Sorry, I didn't me… sorry"

"ok" I say without paying much attention to him.

He blushes even harder and says "Now I guess I won't be able to make my move on you"

I think about it, the boy is kinda cute… and I… and I… "Come here" I say grabbing him by the shirt and dragging him into a wild kiss. I open the back door of the car and push him inside. He breathes rapidly, I take his shirt off, then sit on him. I kiss him desperately, I feel his cock is starting to get up and it is starting to touch me through his clothes. I grab his pants to pull them off as well, but my hands stop themselves in their way as realization hits me. I can't do this… not here, not in her car, not anywhere, not thinking about her, I can't.

"Uh.. cold feet?" He says snapping me out of my thoughts.

"No, I can't do this"

"Why not? I mean…

"None of your business, now get off the car"

"Hey but…

"GET OFF! Right now"

"Geeze but…

"NOW!" I say as I open the car's door for him. 

He starts to get off the car, and I open the other door to do the same thing. He closes the door and starts to go away, I am about to close the door as well, and… "I forgot my bag and my stake"

HOLY SHIT! "Shit B!, this.. this is not what.. what you are thinking… I… him.. we…

"I don't care alright? Just open the trunk so I can get my stuff back"

"B.. I"

"Faith, I have no time for this ok? Give me my things, and after that, the car is yours. I don't care what the fuck you do with it, or inside it for that matter"

I feel helpless, stupid, I feel like a useless and stinky peace of dog shit. I trip over my own thoughts. I try to explain nothing actually happened "Buffy, I…

"Just open it ok?"

I lower my head, and see that there is no solution to it, so I slowly get the key off the car and open the trunk for her. She reaches inside and gets her bag. I try to look at her, but I can bare to do it. I screw up again. Go me… I cry.

"Goodbye"

I shrug, I swallow hard, I can't make the words inside my mouth. "Buffy, please don't leave" Too late, she's already gone.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

[Buffy]


She mutters "Bye" to me as I leave, but I don't turn around nor do I answer to her. I can't forgive her, I can't. I'm too hurt. I'm sorry, Faith.

I head to the train station, it is not that far away from here, so I think I'll make it in just ten or fifteen minutes. I can't believe I really gave up my car like that. Not that I really really liked it. I mean, the thing was fine, but cars are just not my thing. I'm more a walking or give-me-a-ride person. Driving can be so stressing at times, and now that I just found out that you have to water them. Man that is so not fun. She'll take better care of it than me. I know I would have ended up throwing it away probably.

I'm finally at the train station, and I go to where they sell the tickets. "When does the next train for Sunnydale leaves"

"Uhm, miss, It left ten minutes ago"

"No way" I say a little frustrated.

"The next train will depart in three hours though"

If I had known the train was going to take that long, I would have sticked with the car.

"Are you going to wait for it?"

"Huh?" I say realizing she was talking to me.

"Are you going to take the next train to Sunnydale"

"Yeah, sure, whatever"

I pay her, she gives me the ticket and I go sit down in some bench. There's a woman about forty years old sitting kind of close to me. She smiles slightly at me, as if she were greeting, I do the same not to seem impolite. After a while, she talks to me. She must be really bored.

"Where are you going?"

"Sunnydale" I answer mechanically.

"Me too"

"Cool" I say without really caring of what she says.

"What's your name?"

"Buffy"

"What has you like that Buffy? A girl of your age should be all happy and radiant, not all sad and dull"

"It's nothing" I say looking at the floor.

"Come on, it can't be nothing. You can tell me, perhaps I could help you with some advice or anything"

"I don't really think so"

"Try me"

"Well… there is this person, Faith, well you see I really want to forgive her, but I just can't trust her or I don't know. I mean, I have forgiven a lot of people, REAL bad people, but I can't forgive her, and I am hurting one of my dearest friends by it too"

"But, have you ever analyzed why you can't trust her?"

"She betrayed me, she hurt me bad, I trusted her"

"And the other people you've forgotten, did you trust them too?"

"Yeah, some of them. And you see? The thing is that I also found out today that she kind of has a crush on me"

"And that bothers you?"

"No, I don't know…the thing is that… that… I don't know"

"Do you have a crush on her too?"

"Me? On Faith? Oh no"

"Your eyes tell a different story"

"I know… I am such a bad liar. I mean, I don't really know if it is a crush or anything, but I have thought of her in the past, and today when I found out she liked me, I felt kind of weird in the stomach. But it was probably because I was mad."

"Did you tell her?"

"What? That I might have liked her?"

"Yeah"

"No, what for? I'm still hurting and that would only bring more trouble to our situation. Honestly, we don't need that right now"

"You know what I think?"

"What?"

"You want that girl…

I interrupt her with wide eyes "WHAT?!?!?!"

"Let me finish. You still like her, come on, it is completely obvious. I don't know what she did to you, but it seems that she hurt you deep down inside; however, Buffy, as I said, you still like her, or even love her. Try to forgive her, try hard"

"That's the thing, I can't" 

"Why"

A couple of tears slide down my cheek "Because. Because she'll hurt me again. Because I loved her and maybe still do a little, but she will hurt me"

"Give her a chance Buffy, go look for her. Is she in Sunnydale?"

"No, she's practically around the corner"

"And you're running away from her?"

"Yeah"

"Can I slap you please?"

"Huh?" I frown.

"I mean, go get her back, give her a chance, just kiss her, and if it feels right, then you'll know what to do"

I sigh, this feels very weird "Do you really think I should do that?"

"Yeah"

"But my ticket? But my pride?"

"Come on, it's a couple of bucks, it won't make you poor or rich"

"Yeah, you're right"

"And if you are that desperate to keep your pride, then… Uhm, did you give her something? Or forgot something at her house that you might pretend to want back? So you can make the whole situation look more casual"

"It's not her house, she was in my car"

"Well DUH! You can say you want your car back"

"That's dumb. I gave it to her" 

"did you leave anything inside?"

UH.. I try to remember, then it hits me. My stake! "My s… My bag of clothes? Yeah! My bag of clothes"

"What are you waiting for, just go"

"But..

"GO"

I feel like I am smiling like a little kid. That's it… I'll tell her I forgot my clothing, which I actually did, yeah, and we'll see what happens. I turn around and wave to the lady "Thanks". She waves back. My hands are sweating cold. I feel nervous… I hope this turns out in a good way. I exhale nervously as I approach the park. God, Is this correct?!?! Do I really know what I am going to do? Should I do it? What the hell. I am in the park, she's not there anymore, my smile fades, but it comes back when I look further and yeah, there is the car. It's not moving, and she's not outside, she must be inside. I close my fists, swallow hard, and go where the car is.

My smile definitely fades, and a tear slides down my cheek when I see she's kissing some guy. I should just turn back around and forget I ever thought I was going to forgive Faith, but I want her to know I was going to forgive her and that I saw her, I want her to know.

I stop and wipe away a few tears of my eyes. How stupid can one person be? Faith, being honest? Being sorry? Caring about me? Yeah right… 

The guy gets off the car mad and goes away without even looking at her. I don't know who the hell he is, she must know. She gets off the car too, and I am close enough to make her jump with my voice. "I forgot my bag and my stake", I say mad.

She gives me one of her cocky shrugs, looks at the floor and says "Shit B!, this.. this is not what.. what you are thinking… I… him.. we…

I am so mad at myself right now. Stupid lady, I really thought this could be different "I don't care alright? Just open the trunk so I can get my stuff back"

"B.. I"

"Faith, I have no time for this ok? Give me my things, and after that, the car is yours. I don't care what the fuck you do with it, or inside it for that matter"

She tries to explain herself helplessly and uselessly "Buffy, I…

"Just open it ok?"

She opens the trunk, I get my stuff and walk away with tears in my face she hopefully doesn't see. How stupid can one person be? "Goodbye" I say as I walk away.

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