Geeze, what an attitu… OH MY GOD!! I just recognized one of her papers, how the hell did she get it? those papers were in my pocket, weren't they? SHIT! she is reading it... Now I can't do nothing but start going away slowly and then run. So I do, very slowly I slide and.. Fuck! her right hand is holding my shoulder very hard. My heart skips a beat and I start to breath rapidly. I feel her eyes on my back, so I swallow very hard and turn around to meet her eyes.

I feel so weird... time seems to be standing still. I.. I never thought that this moment would actually happen. Me facing my feelings for B.. I ... I..

"You have five seconds to explain yourself" She says in a tone that really frightens me. I think she is mad beyond words.

"Five"

"Wu.. wait" I say nervously.





[Chapter 6]



[Buffy]


"What Faith?" I say mad "Is this your brand new way to get to my nerves? Because if it is, you have so achieved your aim"

"I..

"You know what? I hate it. I hate the way you always have to end up winning" I feel so mad that I swear I could feel a tear sliding down my cheek "Regardless of what I do, regardless of how many times I promise myself I am not going to let this get to me, I always end up like this"

She gives me one of her cocky shrugs and tell me "B… I

"Why Faith?" I sigh and then mumble "Why?"

"Why what?"

"I mean, do you get turned on, or get some kind of pleasure when you make me suffer like this? When you get me mad? When you try to kill my family?"

"C'mon B. It ain't big deal. Everyday, every time, there's someone or something trying to kill you and your family. It's not like that's never happened to ya"

"Yeah but it's completely different Faith"

"I don't really see how B… I don't see you crying over some vampire or demon that tried to kill you"

"Yeah but…

She cuts me off "But what?"

"I don't know Faith, Damn it, you're being just like Angel"

"Huh?" She frowns

"I mean, they're… They're just plain bad guys, but you are… you are you"

"What does that mean B?"

"I don't know what it means Faith. I am not sure if I want to know either… I just can't forgive you like I've forgiven everybody else. You hurt me bad" I cry, I don't know why, but I cry.

"Yeah but I am not the only one that has hurt you bad, what about…

She's being completely like Angel now… "Damn it Faith, I don't know alright? It is just different with you, and don't ask me why. I CARED ABOUT YOU, I EVEN USED TO LOOK UP TO YOU. Don't you see it?" I say mad.

Her eyes are starting to water a little and she tries to hide it. "Yo.. you.. You did?"

I fall in silence realizing of what I just did. This is not the best moment to tell her that I actually did admire her, but my body acts faster than my brain, and my head nods .

"But I am just a fucked-up bitch" She says with a weird expression as she had just heard the most unbelievable thing. 

"I never say you weren't" I answer to her

"Yeah I figured" She says looking sad

"Now explain what the fuck this means before I lose my patience ." I say throwing the paper to her face

She reads it and laughs, but her smile fades right after she raises her face and meets my angry eyes. She swallows hard and looks everywhere but to my face, as if she'd rather to be anywhere else but here. "um… did you read it?"

"obviously" I roll my eyes while I move my foot looking bored.

"Well B. It says in there what it means"

I.. I thought it was a stupid prank to get me angry. "I thought it was a stupid prank of yours Faith"

"It's not"

I get mad and yell "DON'T YOU EVER GET TIRED OF THIS?? ARE YOU STUPID OR CR…

She interrupts me "You know what? Maybe I am stupid or crazy. But do you really think this is the best place to be right now B?? Damn it, do you think I want this? Do you think I like this? Think about it Buffy. How fun do you think it is to have a major crush on the only person in the world who is never going to forgive you? On the only person that is more straight than a fucking steel ruler, on the only person you have absolutely no chances with."

I feel my jaw drops open, and the only thing I manage to do is to say "I.. I…

"No B." She says "I don't like it, yet I just can't help it. You know what's stupid?" She asks to herself "I would always complain and make fun of how you'd always be 'miss perfect' and that everyone wanted to hook up with you, and now look at me, I am just one more of them. Getting lost in your hazel eyes, daydreaming of…

I stop listening to Faith when I hear a little boy pull his dad's pants, point here, and ask him "Daddy, why is there two mommies in there ?"

I frown and I look down, then I realize Faith's hand is on my hip. It's weird I didn't even notice that. I step back and her hand falls. For her look you can tell she hadn't notice her hand was there either, she opens her mouth to say something again, but I cut her off "Faith, I have to go"

_____________________________________________________________________________________

[Faith]


"What Faith?" She asks me mad. "Is this your brand new way to get to my nerves? Because if it is, you have so achieved your aim"

I try to answer but I can't "I..

"You know what? I hate it. I hate the way you always have to end up winning. Regardless of what I do, regardless of how many times I promise myself I am not going to let this get to me, I always end up like this"

I just have no idea of what to say, yet I make the attempt of ease things "B… I

"Why Faith?" She sighs "Why?"

I don't get it "Why what?"

"I mean, do you get turned on, or get some kind of pleasure when you make me suffer like this? When you get me mad? When you try to kill my family?"

OK, That's just stupid. "C'mon B. It ain't big deal. Everyday, every time, there's someone or something trying to kill you and your family. It's not like that's never happened to ya"

"Yeah but it's completely different Faith"

Different? "I don't really see how B… I don't see you crying over some vampire or demon that tried to kill you"

"Yeah but…

I interrupt her mad. I know she was on her way to explain that but still. I want her to know that she is not the only one here with the right to get mad. "But what?"

"I don't know Faith, Damn it, you're being just like Angel"

What the hell was that supposed to mean? I have nothing alike with her ex-vampire "Huh?" I frown.

"I mean, they're… They're just plain bad guys, but you are… you are you"

Ok! I am understanding less of this every time. "What does that mean B?"

"I don't know what it means Faith. I am not sure if I want to know either… I just can't forgive you like I've forgiven everybody else. You hurt me bad" 

"Yeah but I am not the only one that has hurt you bad, what about…

"Damn it Faith, I don't know alright? It is just different with you, and don't ask me why. I CARED ABOUT YOU, I EVEN USED TO LOOK UP TO YOU. Don't you see it?"

That is a first one. My stomach feels weird now and I feel like a knot in my throat. "Yo.. you.. You did?"

She nods. "But I am just a fucked-up bitch" 

"I never say you weren't" she tells me, putting all my hopes back down

"Yeah I figured" I tell her to give the impression I had been expecting that exact answer.


"Now explain what the fuck this means before I lose my patience ." she throws the paper to my face.
Oh God! Stupid Cordelia. And stupid me for somehow believing in this shit. I laugh, but then I look at her, and her eyes make me forget about the funny part. There's no good way to explain this, so I'll go with the logic one. "um… did you read it?"

"obviously" she rolls her yes. 

Well ok! I think that question was a little too stupid. "It says in there what it means"

"I thought it was a stupid prank of yours Faith" She says.

"It's not" I mentally kick myself after saying that. It would have been a very easy way out of this, but I go for the truth this very time.

She yells "DON'T YOU EVER GET TIRED OF THIS?? ARE YOU STUPID OR CR…

I cut her off mad. She has no right to call me stupid just because. "You know what? Maybe I am stupid or crazy. But do you really think this is the best place to be right now B?? Damn it, do you think I want this? Do you think I like this? Think about it Buffy. How fun do you think it is to have a major crush on the only person in the world who is never going to forgive you? On the only person that is more straight than a fucking steel ruler, on the only person you have absolutely no chances with."

How convenient. Now she can't say anything. "I.. I…

"No B. I don't like it, yet I just can't help it. You know what's stupid?" I ask rhetorically "I would always complain and make fun of how you'd always be 'miss perfect' and that everyone wanted to hook up with you, and now look at me, I am just one more of them. Getting lost in your hazel eyes, daydreaming of…

She turns around I don't know why. After a little while I hear a child saying. "Daddy, why is there two mommies in there ?"

Buffy looks down and steps back. My hand falls, man, has my hand been there all the time? Cool, the only physical contact I am gonna have with B in my whole life, and it wasn't even conscious.

I open my mouth to say sorry for that, but before I speak she cuts me "Faith, I have to go"

"What? Where? Why? No!" OK! That was a little out of place, but it is already said.

"Because Faith." She pauses "I know how much this means to you, and I am really sorry, but I can't forgive you. I wish I could Faith, I'm sorry" She says walking back.

SHITSHITSHITSHIT… She can't go, She told me that she used to look up to me. But maybe that was just.. I can't, she can't. I look around everywhere to find a excuse. That's it! The car. "Bu.. But you can't go B. Your car is dead"

"I know. You can keep it"

But I don't want the car anymore. "It's your car, you… you must take care of it" I say feeling very very very weird in the stomach.

"You'll take better care of it" 

"Buffy… I

"Please Faith, don't make this harder for you. I have to go, Bye."

And she turns around, and along with her, go all my hopes. I can't be crying. I don't cry. I can't cry… Buffy don't go… "B.." …. "Bye"

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