"So do you think Sonny's listening at the door?" James asked casually as he sat down on the sofa with his drink. They had just finished dinner and Alexis was still no further in her search for answers.
"I don't want to talk about Sonny tonight. Tell me what's going on with you?" He looked hesitant so she pressed further. "Come on, you can tell me anything."
"I do know that, it's just that, well I'm not sure how to say it."
"Just tell me." She demanded with some frustration.
"I'm getting married."
"What?" Her voice was a whisper.
"She's a wonderful woman, Andrew adores her, and well we both do." He continued rather awkwardly
"He's never mentioned her in his letters."
"I know, I asked him not to. I wanted to be the one to tell you."
"So you're getting married, this is great." She said without enthusiasm
"Alexis."
"No I mean it, this is what you wanted right? A wife, a mother for Drew?" She sounded angry but she couldn't help it.
"Alexis, no-one is trying to replace you." He tried to reassure her quickly.
"Of course not."
"I don't see why you're so upset, I mean you..." he stopped mid sentence.
"I had my chance?"
"That's not what I was going to say."
"Why not? It's true. I had my chance to be a wife and mother and I blew it."
"Alexis."
"Come on it's the truth James, admit it." She was yelling now but she didn't care.
"Fine you want the truth, I'll give it to you. Yes you could have been a wife and mother but that's not what you wanted. I've wondered you know, why you couldn't marry me, and I think I finally figured it out. You claim that you're afraid of losing yourself but I think you're more afraid of losing the person you love. Maybe it's because of what happened to your mother, but you are absolutely terrified that those you love will leave you."
"Thanks for the analysis, how much do I owe you?" She asked sarcastically but he continued.
"It's true. That's why you couldn't marry me, why you couldn't marry Ashton. It's the same reason you won't allow yourself to get involved with Sonny. I think that he's the one man you wouldn't be able to walk away from so you won't allow yourself to become involved with him at all."
"That's not true."
"Isn't it? I mean look at Andrew, you love him, I know you do but you moved to a different city to get away from him."
"How can you say that?"
"I can say it because it's true. I saw you with him Alexis I know how much you love him but you were so afraid of someone taking him away from you that you left him. You distanced yourself from him so it would hurt less if he left. Now you're doing the same thing with Sonny, trying to distance yourself from him so it will hurt less when he leaves, which judging from the way he looks at you he never would."
"You're crazy."
"Alexis I know what it's like to love you. I've loved you since I was seventeen years old and I saw you standing by the stairs, the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I didn't realize then how much of my life I would spend trying to make you love me back."
"I do love you."
"The saddest part is that you do, just not enough to trust it. I've found someone who is willing to trust it Alexis, and maybe you have too. Unfortunately you're so afraid of losing him you're not likely to find out. I hope for his sake Sonny isn't in love with you, it will be easier on him in the long run."
Alexis walked to the door and flung it open.
"Get out!" He left without a word and she slammed the door behind him. She would show him, she would show them all that she wasn't afraid of love. Twenty seconds later she was across the hall knocking on Sonny's door.