The Hazards of Glue
By Jesfrealo
Disclaimer:
I wish I owned ‘em but the sad truth is I don’t.
Author’s
Note: This is just a silly fic. I’m in a silly mood,
although for the life of me I can’t imagine why since I’m studying for midterms.
Anyway, enjoy.
Author’s Note: In an attempt to
clean up old stories some minor revisions have been made on this story as of October
1, 2004. Still, this story is not betaed and all mistakes are still mine. Thanks.
Review: You better, email me at jesfrealo@yahoo.com
RING,
RING, RING
Chris Larabee was sitting at his desk just outside team seven’s
bull pin, as it was known affectionately to all. He quickly moved to the phone
as it continued to ring. "Chris Larabee,
ATF," He answered.
"Chis it’s knee Thin,"
"What?
Who the Hell is this?" Chris asked,
trying to figure out if this was some elaborate prank or someone who had a
serious speech impediment.
"Thin, Thin!" Answered the frantic voice on the other
end of the line. Suddenly the voice sounded frighteningly familiar to
the team leader.
"Vin, is that you?" Chris
asked almost afraid that the answer would be yes. While Vin was a great cop and the best sharpshooter he’d
ever had the pleasure of working with, not to mention the fact that Vin was his best friend, the man was like a five-year-old
at times. Come to think of it, with the occasional exception of Josiah and
Nathan, all his men acted like small children. Chris had always thought the
state should pay him extra for constantly babysitting six grown men. The only
time they acted like adults, even a little bit, was when they were on a raid or
arresting someone or something like that. However in the office, and out of the
office, they were constantly acting like THE MOST IMMATURE PEOPLE Chris had met
in his entire life. He had known something was wrong when the sharpshooter
hadn’t come in early with coffee for the two of them like he normally did. He
had fervently hoped that the young man had slept in, but he should have known
better. Vin was always
getting into trouble; they all were. Sometimes it was Vin
and Ezra, like that fiasco with the two of them covering team three’s office
with molasses and sticking dead fish in it, or putting glue on Josiah’s chair (it
took them hours to get the former preacher freed, and boy, was he pissed). Once
Vin, Ezra, and JD had
managed to convince a woman Buck had been after for three month’s that he was
gay. She had even very publicly apologized to Buck at the bar the seven
frequented, for chasing him and that she never imagined he was gay, and
"it was so nice of his friends to tell her, she was so embarrassed."
The look of pure homicidal mania that crossed Buck’s face was unforgettable. Chris
couldn’t help but think of the time that he and the Judge had walked into the
judge’s office only to find Buck and the Judge’s secretary having sex in the Judge’s
specially ordered leather chair. Chris could only imagine what Vin had gotten into this time.
"Yesth, yesth!" Vin frantically interrupted Chris’ thoughts.
"Vin, what the Hell is wrong with you?"
"Ou, gota come help me! I gued my fthinger to muy tongue!" He yelled beginning to descend onto blind
panic.
"Geez, Vin,"
Chris began with a laugh, "How in Hell did you manage that?" Chris
asked finding the situation exceedingly funny and fair. After all the trouble
and crap he’d had to deal with after Vin’s numerous
indiscretions he disserved a little retribution and it was even better that Vin had caused if for himself.
"Chis, thith ith not thunny! I NEED HELTH! I can’t go outhide likke thith.
Youth got to com help me!"
Chris
could no longer bite back his laughter, hell, he didn’t want to. "You
didn’t answer my question, how did this disaster happen?" Chris said
through his continuing laughter while ignoring Vin’s plea for help.
"Jimmy
Rodreguez, camme ovther lathst night. He had
busted up hith toy tracktere.
I s-thaid I would thix it fer him. Thso thith
morning I was thooper gueing
the broken wheel back on and gott thum
gue on my thinger and then
by an acthident touched my tongue! That
thooper gue ith dantherous!"
Chris
couldn’t even muster up a response to ‘that thuper gue ith dantherous!’
It would probably stick in his mind forever as one of the funniest things he’d
ever heard in real life context. All he could do was sit there and laugh
hysterically at it.
"Chis, thsop
lathing! I needd ou to
come here and helth me!!"
"Vin," Chris managed to speak through his laughter.
"I’m working here, you know catching bad-guys making a living, that type
of thing. I can’t just get up and leave, now can I?" Chris stated still
thoroughly enjoying himself at Vin’s
expense.
"Chis, leath erk,
I need helth thith ith an emergenthy!"
"Well,
Vin if this is an ‘emergenthy’
why don’t you call 911, that’s what they’re there for."
"Are
you outh of yer mind?! I
can’t call the paramedics! Chis, dou ou know what it will ook like to thseea cop with hith thinger gued
to hith tongue?! I’ll look like a
idiot!!"
"Well,
Vin I don’t know what to
tell you. I mean if an idiot is someone who glues their finger to their tongue
then there’s not much you can do. I mean you did do that. Besides you know that
the only people I work with are idiots, now I have one idiot at his house with
his finger glued to his tongue and six idiots here. Now I can’t very well leave
six free to get into everything to take one to the doctor to get his finger
unglued from his tongue."
"Chis, thith ith
not a jthoke, I can’t dwive
mythelf like thith, my jeep
ith a sthandard and I only
got un hand," Vin said beginning to get very
worried that Chris wasn’t going to come help him.
"Sorry
Cowboy, I guess your just going to have to call the
paramedics. Bye," as Chris hung up the phone he heard “BATHSTARD” coming from
the descending receiver.
~*~
At
three-thirty Vin hadn’t
called since that morning and Chris was curious as to what happened, when he
heard the ding of the elevator stopping on their floor. Before he had a chance
to think about it, a very disgruntled Texan was at his door with a murderous
glare that rivaled Larabee’s own.
"LARABEE YOU BASTARD!" Vin
yelled loud enough for the other five to hear and come forward to listen to
what was up with Vin. They’d been curious as to where
he was all day, he just about never got sick and on the rare occasions when he
did most the time he would still come into work. Then Chris would end up ordering him home.
"I HAD TO CALL THE PARAMEDICS. AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DID? WELL I’LL
TELL YOU! THEY LAUGHED! THEN THEY TOOK ME TO THEY
EMERGENCY ROOM WHERE I WAITED FOR SIX HOURS. IN THOSE SIX HOURS A FIVE YEARS
OLD BOY ASKED HIS MOTHER WHY I WAS SUCKING ON MY FINGER, AN OLD MAN JUST STARED
AND LAUGHED, A TEENAGE GIRL CALLED ME A FREAK, AND AN ENTIRE TROOP OF BOY
SCOUTS LAUGHED HYSTERICALLY AT ME WHILE ONE OF THEM GOT STITCHES, NOT TO
MENTION THE LAUGH THAT THE DOCTORS AND NURSES GOT AT A COP GLUEING HIS FINGER
TO HIS TONGUE. THEN ONE OF THE DOCTORS TRIED TO PULL MY FINGER AND TONGUE
APART, IT DIDN’T WORK. SO THEY ENDED UP CUTING MY FINGER AND THUMB APART WITH
AN EXACTOKNIFE. AN EXACTOKNIFE!!" Vin finally ended his enraged rant
and looked at Larabee who had managed to keep a
straight face the entire time. However, it was behind him that caught his
attention. He turned to see JD and Buck sniggering, Josiah with a bemused look,
Nathan looking at him like he was the biggest idiot to walk the Earth, and Ezra
with an very serious yet sarcastic look on his face
that Vin knew meant he was going to make some wise
ass comment.
"Mr.
Tanner," He laughed, "It is not wise to yell out such embarrassing
stories."
Vin gasped and turned back to Larabee
who was outwardly smiling. "You didn’t tell them?" Vin whispered loud enough for
everyone to hear.
"Even
I ain’t that mean, Cowboy," Chris stated quietly
with a mischievous tone to his voice.
"So
Junior," Buck walked up to Vin
and put his arm around Vin’s shoulders. "Ya glued your tongue to your finger, smooth, real
smooth."
"I ain’t never gonna hear the end of
this."
THE END
Another
Author’s Note: Sorry if it was a little hard to understand what Vin was saying. I could think of
no other way to write his lines. Sorry. Please Review whether you loved it,
hated it, or just fell asleep reading it.