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[EOTR Fan Fiction Index]
I can't be losing sleep over this. No I can't and I cannot stop pacing. Give me a few hours and I'll have this all sorted out if my mind would just stop racing. I cannot stand still. I cant be this unsturdy. This cannot be happening. This is over my head but underneath my feet because by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat and everything will be back to the way it was. I wish that is was just that easy. I am waiting for tonight then waiting for tomorrow and I am somewhere in between what is real and just a dream. Don't be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again. I don't want to run away from this. I know that I just don't need this.
Ella threw her razor down and reached out of the shower and turned it to the next song.
"I'm somewhere in between....Damnit. I love the damn kid." She began to cry. She slid to the floor of the shower and pulled her knees to her chest as sobs racked her body. "I'm not supposed to love him. Everything will become messed up. I can't tell him...I can't. If I tell him and we're together, something will go wrong and everything will be wrong. I'll love him but no one will know...No one will know." She whispered and stood up. She stepped out of the shower and dried herself off. She threw on her robe and walked into her room.
"Nick!" She exclaimed seeing him sitting on her bed.
"Hey Ells. You were taking forever. I just wanted to see if you wanted to go for a walk or something. It's really nice out." Nick smiled at her. She stared into his eyes and saw the love Sylvia knew was there. She groaned inwardly and tore her eyes from his.
"Actually, I was thinking about just watching a movie or something." She smiled.
"Can I watch too?" He asked.
"Um...I was thinking about all of us together. Maybe watching Pearl Harbor or something." She answered.
"Cool! I'll go tell everyone to be downstairs in fifteen minutes! See ya in a few." He pulled her into a hug and kissed her nose before walking out of her room. She stared at the closed door.
"Shit...this is gonna be so hard....Oh God...." Tears welled up in her eyes and she shook her head. "Get dressed Ella. It's just Nick." She began to get dressed. She walked back into her bathroom and ran her hand across the mirror to see her reflection. She picked up her brush and started combing her hair. She stopped and looked at herself.
"But I love that Nick...." she whispered and took a deep breath before leaving her room.
"Hey Ells!" Leighanne exclaimed when she walked into the room.
"Hey! Are we gonna start now?" Ella exclaimed and plopped onto the pillow covered floor.
"Yup! Here's the popcorn and drinks." Nick said as he and Kevin handed out the popcorn and drinks. Kevin sat on the couch next to his wife and put his arm around her. Nick fell onto the floor next to Ella and he looked around. He put his arm around her and laughed.
"Hey baby. How you doin?" He asked as everyone laughed.
"Ummm....how you doin?" she replied trying to act normal.
"Shut up guys. I wanna watch this movie. Josh Harnett is soooo sexy." Cassy grinned as Howie nudged her. Ella played with the drawstrings on her pants nervously.
"Nervous about something Mercy?" Nick whispered in her ear and she tensed up. She shook her hand and reached for the popcorn as Nick frowned but turned back to the movie. Ten minutes later she was relaxed and leaned up against the couch. Nick had laid down and his head was in her lap but she was so engrossed in the movie she didn't even mind. After the first half was over Kevin stood up.
"I'm gonna go to bed. Anyone gonna stay and watch the rest?" He asked.
"I am." Both Nick and Ella said.
"I'll put it in for ya'll. Night guys." Brian said as they all retreated to their rooms. The movie began and soon Ella was unconsciously playing with Nick's hair. He shifted and his hand rested on her leg and his thumb began to gently rub her leg. Her eyes widened as she noticed what was going on.
"Can you get up Nick? My legs are falling asleep." She whispered and he sat up. She stood up and stretched.
"I'm gonna get some water. Need anything Nick?" She asked. He looked up at her and nodded.
"I need you Mercy." He whispered and she gasped.
"You need to talk Nick?" She asked hoping he didn't mean what she thought.
"Yeah. Today was just really hard." He said and she breathed out a sigh of relief and sat down next to him. She cocked her head and gently smiled at him.
"Shoot Nickels."
"It's just hard. I mean Aj going to rehab and I love her." Nick whispered.
"Nick, I told you Nadine isn't good fo...." She began before she felt his finger on her lips.
"I'm not talking about Nadine. Mercy, I'm falling in love with you." He whispered and she shook her head.
"Yes, I am Ella. I've always thought about you as a best friend until March. When you came to visit I started falling for you. And the time apart just made me want you more. And when you came back...I just can't do it anymore Ella. I'm so in love with you and it hurts just to see you and not being able to just tell you how I feel. I want you to be mine. I love the way you care about everyone. I love the way your eyes sparkle when you're happy or when you've just pulled a joke. I love how your laugh always makes me smile. I love how much you care about me. I am so in love with you Mercy. I had to tell you..." Nick smiled and brushed away the tear that made its way down her cheek.
"Ella?"
"I....Oh...I can't do this Nick. I can't. It'll hurt too much in the end. You don't really love me Nick. You are just getting over Nadine. You don't love me Ni...." He cut her off again but this time it was his lips gently pressing against hers. A shock ran through her body and she began to relax. His hand found his way into her hair and the other hand was gently caressing the side of her face.
"No! I can't!" She pulled away and stood up.
"Ella! I really love you! What's wrong? Ella...talk to me. Ella come back." Nick sighed as she shook her head and ran out of the room. He heard the patio door open and her footsteps pound on the wooden deck.
"Nick? What's going on? Where's Ella?" Leighanne came down the stairs rubbing her eyes.
"She ran away Leigh. I gotta go find her." Nick sighed and began walking toward the door.
"She's scared Nick." Leighanne gently rested a hand on his shoulder. He glanced down at the petite blonde woman.
"I know. But she needs me."
"Nick, just be careful with her ok? She may be able to help us all with our problems but she's not as strong as we think she is." Leigh replied.
"I love her." Nick simply said and walked out the door. He stood on the deck and searched the property and found her sitting right on the sand near the water.
"Mercy." Nick whispered.
"I have rules Nick. I have them so no one will get hurt." She spoke up. He stood behind her.
"What?"
"I can't get romantically involved with any of you."
"Why not?"
"Well, if I did date you, what would happen if we broke up? It would screw up everything."
"Screw your rules Ella. Don't you always tell us to try something new? Take chances? Take a chance Ella. Be with me." Nick raised his voice.
"I CAN'T NICK! It'll hurt us all in the end! I don't ever wanna hurt any of you!" She stood up and shouted in his face. They stood staring at each other for a few seconds before Nick spoke up.
"I love you. And if you can't be with me because of some stupid set of rules then you've already hurt me. I need you Ella. You need me." He whimpered. Her face softened.
"I love you Mercy." He whispered.
"Don't cry Nickels. Don't cry." Ella whispered and pulled him into her arms. He pulled away and looked into her eyes.
"Don't be scared Mercy. Don't be scared." He whispered back. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
"Just breathe Ella. Breathe..." she thought and opened her eyes.
"I'm not anymore Nickels." She looked into his blue eyes and smiled. His eyes widened and he started to speak but her lips crashed against his before a word was spoken. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he pulled her closer. They heard clapping coming from the deck and the pulled away to look back at the house. Leighanne, Brian, Kristin, Kevin, Cassy and Howie were all standing there clapping. Ella began laughing and Nick looked at her and smiled.
"Thank you Nick." Ella grinned and kissed him again.
"GET A ROOM!" Brian yelled from the deck but Ella just waved him off as Nick picked her up and swung her around.
