Ella looked into Nick's eyes and saw he was serious. She quickly turned to AJ who had a look of shame written across his face.
"Well, what is it?" her voice wavered.
"I'm reentering rehab Lala. I thought I was better but I was lying to myself and I was lying to you and everyone else. I was better for a while but then I started drinking secretly and I'm sinking back into depression." AJ said solemnly.
"Oh boy...Is that why we're here?" She asked. AJ nodded.
"We have all the album recorded basically. Well, almost all. We have all of my parts done but some of the others still have some but they don't need me until a few weeks before the tour starts in November. I'm going into rehab for about 8 weeks." Ella nodded and unbuckled her seat belt and climbed into the back-seat with AJ. She grasped his hand.
"What happened Mc. J? I thought you were getting better?"
"A handful of things sweetie. It's still hard without Amanda. I'm happy we're still friends but I need her more than that. I love her very much and it's just hard. I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with her but I guess that's not the way it was supposed to be. The stress of this new album is hard on me too. And I just wanted to let you know that you were wrong earlier. You were right something was wrong with me but it wasn't what you thought it was. Those thoughts aren't bothering me. I don't want to die. I just am trying to figure out a way to deal with everything." AJ began to tear up.
"Oh J..." She sighed and pulled him into her arms and held him. She felt a hand on her leg and looked up into Nick's eyes.
"We're here," he mouthed and she nodded.
"Come on J. Let's get you to bed." She whispered and kissed his forehead.

"Love you Mc. J." Ella said softly and closed the door to his room. She sighed and pulled her robe tightly around her and walked through the house to the deck. She gazed out at the ocean and felt arms wrap around her. Letting out the breath she was unknowingly holding, she leaned into the embrace.
"I can't help but think there was something I could have done to help him. But I know there isn't." She broke the silence.
"I know what you mean." Nick whispered.
"I hate this. I hate seeing him so sad. I can see it in his eyes." She turned and buried her face in his neck.
"I hate it too Mercy but it'll be ok. I promise. Everything will be ok." He whispered into her hair and stared out at the water.
"I'm exhausted Nickels. Sleep with me?" She pleaded. He nodded and they walked up to her room and crawled under the covers.
"What are you thinking?" he whispered ten minutes later. She opened her eyes and stared into his.
"About your dad. I've been praying for him and you. And I was thinking about how you're doing." She whispered.
"Ella, you think too much about everything but one thing." She looked at him confused.
"Yourself," he whispered and she closed her eyes. "Don't do that Ella. Open your eyes and listen to me." He ordered and she opened her eyes. "You are always thinking about how you can help us and you wear yourself down. It's not good for you. It's great knowing that you are always thinking of us and trying to help us but Ella, help yourself. You're not just physically worn out. You're mentally exhausted. Especially now. You're beating yourself up over this AJ deal, and you're trying to hard to help my dad which is something you can't do. You always act happy Ella, but I can read you like you can read us. Stop trying so hard. You can't make the world perfect. You can't make the Backstreet world perfect either. So stop this baby. Please." He whispered and she nodded.
"I can't help it Nick. I'm on automatic. I can't stop," she whimpered.
"Then let me help you," he whispered back and began stroking her hair. Tears began to spill over her eyes.
"Help me," she whispered. He smiled and pulled her close.
"Anything for you. We'll start by you thinking about how good sleep is. And in the morning I'll make you pancakes." He told her and felt her breath on his neck as she laughed.
"No, you won't make me pancakes. That's the only thing you can't make. Kris will make me pancakes." She stated.
"Whatever you say. Now just sleep."
"Music Nickels. I need my personal jukebox. I need the song." She whispered. He cleared his throat and began to sing the song that always could make her smile.

Baby, please try to forgive me
Stay here don't put out the glow
Hold me now don't bother
If every minute it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man that I've become
Oh yeah

Looking back on the things I've done
I was trying to be someone
Played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

Sadness is beautiful
Loneliness is tragical
So help me I can't win this war
Oh no
Touch me now don't bother
If every second it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man I've become

Looking back on the things I've done
I was trying to be someone
Played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
I'm here with my confession
Got nothing to hide no more
I don't know where to start
But to show you the shape of my heart
I'm looking back on things I've done
I never wanna play the same old part
Keep you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
Looking back on the things I've done
I was trying to be someone (trying to be someone)
Played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart (Now let me show you the true shape of my heart)
Looking back on the things I've done
I was trying to be someone
Played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
Show you the shape of my heart
"Goodnight Mercy." Nick whispered.

[Chapter Seven: Her Rules]
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[EOTR Fan Fiction Index]
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