Morning Time
Mood:  chillin'
Dear Readers,

Hi! Well its morning and I am still a little tired dont have to do a lot today but I am going to try to stay busy. My doctor called me yesterday and said everything looked good so I dont have to worry about that situations any longer. Im not quit awake yet so this isnt going to be that long. I hope to have a good day and hope everyone else has one to so with that said good day and good bye.

melissa

Life Is Going To Get Better
Mood:  happy
Dear Readers,

Hey! Goood morning. Well I had a pretty good day yesterday and I am hoping I have another good day today. Its early here could not sleep so just got up made coffe and I am starting my day. I got through yesterday with out any bullshit. I am so glad cause I am so sick and tired of the drama all around me so I am going to put stop to it all. If I keep faith in myself I know I can do it and all I need is support from the ones that say they love me the most or whatever. Remember if you believe you can achieve a goal then you can cause help starts within your own self. thanks again. bye

melissa

Mindless and Misunderstood
Mood:  irritated
Dear Readers,

I have a lot of things on my mind as you know if you
read my last entry. Things have only gotten worse and I'm having a hard time dealing with the things that has happen over the past week or so. I just wish I coulds stop worrying about every little thing there is wrong and get over things because I am dragging people down with me and it aint fair. I am going to change whether it is hard or not. I admit I have a anger problem and stress problem that I dont deal with very good at all and I am going to get over it I swear it. I am tired of feeling down all the time and not feeeling like I can do anything. I can do anything that I set my mind to and I promised my boyfriend tom that I would try to change my attitude and my thinkking process as much as I can. I am on medications but havent been taking them right and that is going to be the first step is to take the medicine like I am suppose to. The next is to try to stay busy as possible even if I dont like the things i have to do make my self enjoy them in some sort of way. I know I need to change and at least I can admit that to. Well that is all I have to say for now thank you for stopping in and listening to what I whave to say.

melissa

My Day
Mood:  energetic
Dear Readers,

Hi! It's been awhile since I wrote anything on here and just thought I should write down what is going on in my head right now. I have got bad news three times this week and I am feeling apprehensive about even answering the phone. I found out my Mom has liver Cancer. She also has a lot of other things wrong with her and I am so afraid that I am going to lose her to cancer. I dont know what I would do without her. Over the years me and her really have not gotten along that great and now I wish I would of respected and treated her better then I have in the past. I dont have a Dad around and I sure dont want to lose the only parent that I have left. This situation is really bothering me and have hardly anyone to talk to. I have been blocking it out since i heard about it about a week ago but I dont want not to face the truth of the situation with my Mother. She is the one that tries to keep the family from falling apart. I also heard that one of my older brothers that is 24 had a stroke. His roomated found him on the floor past out and could not wake him and then called 911. He is doing ok. I also heard this week that I may have some kind of cancer in the cervix area and I am scared out of my mind. I'm scared of all the medicines i will have to take the chemotherapy and the whole nine yards. I have already had a few tests done and they were so bad but still scared. Well that's it for now if you have any suggestions on how I should handle this just leave a message and I would greatly appreciate it.


Melissa Anne Shadowens

Life In General
Mood:  chillin'
Well, the story today is First thing in the morning i Had to call the street departmetn to pick up a dead dog that was in my yard. Dont have any idea how it go there or where it come from. i think it may have been hit by a car or something. My life has been getting better and back on track. My boyfriend just had to get done dealing with his son so now maybe we can actually get some time together after he gets the rest he needs. I love him so much and I want him to get rest but sometimes I just want him to be something that he is not very good and that is romantic. Also on the agenda today i just moved back in here and have to put away the rest of my things and burn some cardboard boxes. Thats my goal for the day. I am starting to make goals so I know each Day I get something productive done. Anyways thats the story for the day. Enjoy reading about my life.
melissa shadowens

mind wondering
Mood:  spacey
I am just writing here today to ask why do people consistenly want to ruin someone's life. Why do people get a kick out of trying to piss someone off? Well, i just feel like everyone around me almost is against me or something. yeah i have made some big mistakes in myu life but i am trying to correct that now. my ex husband has been harassing me and my man for awhile and trying to make our life hell and he is kind of to. i just wish it would all stop and we could at least get along for the childs sake. why put a child through all this bickering and arguing and all well i promise to do what i can to get my son home with me or at least somewhere he is safe. well thats all for now

interest in mind
Have you ever felt like your whole life was a lie? Like your whole life was so unfair?Ever felt not good enough for anyone no matter what you try to do
to better your life. Well your not the only one out there. My mind never stays in one place it seems like it always jumps around to the many different things that do go through it. I am so used to not
being accepted by anyone im starting to get to the point where i just want to be alone in life.I dont really have a family support sytem. i am the black sheep of my family and always will be. Life is so short and i wonder what am i suppose to do change the way i am or just get my life to where i really want it. not where everyone else wants it to be. Yeah i worry so much about what others think, but then again i think to myself why do i care what they say it should matter what i think, right. well i have had time to think and cant come to a conclusion but will keep it posted.
melissa

Thoughts
Mood:  not sure
Well. This is my first blog that I have created and Im really not sure how to use it. Anyways I have a question for everone about our president and how he is running things. Do you think that Bush is ruining our country? I sure do. I think this war started over oil and I dont think our troops are getting enough support or the armour. I believe that the President needs to tell us the whole truth behind this war and i think he owes it to the american tax payers.