Azul. Bleu. Blauw. Blau. ?E?I?E??. Blu. ?s???|???q??. However you say it.
I'm unhappy- therefore, I am automatically in listmaking-mode.
[ Reasons Why I Am Unhappy: ]
[-x-] I have no good friends at camp.
[-x-] These so-called 'friends' ignore me. So I'm left alone. All day. All week. All summer.
[-x-] My parents and I don't get along. They don't try to understand me, I become unhappy. I can't help it that I'm different from them- that I don't like pink, play the piano, wear 'sensible', girly clothing, listen to music that they like, or excel in school- that's just not me. I'm a good student, but not great. I like rock music- screamo. I play the guitar, but it doesn't come easily to me. I don't like to sing in front of my parents. I like dark or bold colors. I wear baggy jeans and skate shirts. My shoes are not what would be considered 'sensible'- they express who I am, but not who my parents wish I was. I'm not perfect. Je ne suis pas parfait. Mais, je suis moi. Ils n'aiment pas moi, mais- er- too bad. *sighs* And they give me no freedom whatsoever. I'm fourteen years old here, and have enough sense to realize that I should not accept rides from strangers, no matter how cute their imaginary 'lost' puppy is. I'm not a bimbo here. I can take care of myself, you know?
[-x-] I have to go to my grandma's house next weekend. She still thinks I am a little girl. She also thinks that I am a little girl who is capable of doing everything- which, of course, is untrue on both counts. She doesn't get along with my mom. She is very bossy and doesn't seem to realize that I'm a person capable of thinking my own thoughts. Gee, this sounds exactly like what my own parents think!
[-x-] I still don't know if *a certain person* likes me or not. Everyone hints at it, but no one will tell me. I'd like to hear it from him, you know? But I'm too shy, and he's too shy.
[-x-] I feel like people think I'm dumb. When I talk to some people, I feel like I'm being talked down to. I'm not perfect, I'm not a genius- but I hate being talked down to, because I can understand a lot of things that others can't.
[-x-] I don't feel like I'm getting far in my relationship with God. I can't help but compare myself to people I know, and they all seem somewhat superior to me for some reason. Sometimes I'm embarrassed to show my religion; other times I can barely contain my pride. It's something I need to work on; but it's not something that I should be comparing to others about.
[-x-] I'm afraid to do anything- and it's holding me back. I'm letting my fears control my life, which is wrong. But I don't know how to stop. I try my hardest to trust in God, but it's hard sometimes. So hard.
[-x-] I haven't been sleeping well lately, and I'm so tired during the day that I don't feel like doing anything.
[-x-] My parents pile so much responsibility on me, yet I don't get any more freedom in return. I feel like I do everything around the house anymore.
[-x-] I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about my problems anymore. No one understands.
[-x-] I feel like I'm expected to be perfect. Just because I have talents, I'm smart and I'm pretty, people think I'm capable of everything and expect me to always be in a good mood. That's impossible. Please realize that.
[-x-] I'm so insecure. Self-esteem? *poof* I used to be so confident. Now it's gone. I don't know why, I don't know how- I just know that it's now non-existant. Which I'm not used to. I think it's because of camp- that I have no friends.
[-x-] I can be so narcissistic at times. I hate it, but I can't help it.
[-x-] I pray, and can't see anything coming of it. I know there must be something going on, but I can't [i]see[/i] it. And I need to.
[-x-] I've been trying to write some more songs lately, and they all suck. Writers' block to the extreme. I don't know what happened.
[-x-] I need to feel loved to survive, and I'm not feeling that right now. I don't get along with my family, and I don't have any friends at camp, and I can't see my only good friends until the beginning of September. Maybe that's why I feel the need to have a boyfriend- because I thrive on love. But I feel so alone sometimes. Alone.