Crazy day in my world
Mood:  cheeky
Now Playing: Let Me Be With You from Chobits
Topic: Anime and Artt
Today has been interesting so far... I have been playing a game wit my mom all morning... Boggle... fun stuff!! lmao!! well... its been a while... sorry so short... felt i should update!!

Dev

Busy past few days
God, me and Bird hung out yesterday... sorry, btw, that I havent written in forever, but I lost this password for this one and couldn't find it until just now...well, Bird and I hung out, and while I was over and Bird's house, HE kept calling for Amanda... yea... if you only knew who I was talking about... gosh, why me???? Well, then we went over to my house, and chilled over here... and she spent the night!!! Fun!!! Yay! lol... well, I g2g... bthrm break... lol... jk! Bye!

This past week, weekend, and today!!!
Well, this past week was pretty boring... except for when Ryan was over at my house... but we wont get into that just yet.
Monday, Ryan and my mom were working, and so I got out early from school with them. We dropped him off, and went to get the mirror fixed, or something, on my mom's truck, then picked him back up. We then went to my house, and chilled until he and mom had to go work... so I was left alone... well, I went on a walk actually, so I wasn't alone... that's how it was Wed. and Thurs. too. Friday... well, thats another story.
Me and Ryan have been dating almost 8 months, and just now started to get real serious. We like to kiss alot, and we normally pay a lot of attention to eachother... at least I do to him... hehe! (I cant help it!) We went back into my woods, and basically madeout for 1hr and a half.... omg, he is soooo good! lol. I love his smooching!

Friday night I stayed at a lock in wit Bird, and it was really fun... oh crap... I g2g... I'll continue later!

Inspiration
Wow, I felt inspired two nights ago to write a song, and now I'ma put it and my other poems on this site, and my Xanga, and my LiveJournal.
"Bound In Chains"
Verse 1: The way you control me - The way you abuse me - Why must you bind me? - That's not how it should be - The things you do to me - The things you say to me - And what about family? - What will we ever be?
Bridge: It's living proof of what you are - Without me you won't get far - You're gonna mess things up again - Will this drama ever end?
Chorus: You'd put me in a bind - You'd keep me to yourself - But baby, you just can't stay - Or I would be bound in chains - Bruises aren't worht them time - For this poor body of mine - I gotta get away - Or I'll be bound in chains.
Verse 2: Just get away from here - You're no longer wanted here - Don't want to have you near - You're my greatest fear - Do you understand this dear? - Or is this in and out your ears? - I think parting time is near - I'll just have to leave you here
*Bridge*
*Chorus*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, that's an interesting song... dont you think?

Here's a poem:

"Why?: Written about a fight"
The smack I heard,
The things that were said.
All of these moments,
Still ring in my head.
The bang of the table,
His glasses being flung.
All of these actions,
Before the first bell had rung.
The hurt in my soul,
The fright in my eyes.
All these things I saw,
So I wont tell you lies.
His fase all red,
His hair quite a mess.
All of today, I can tell,
Won't be the best.
So much crap goin on,
Too much for me to see.
Why did this happen,
And why in front of me?

ttyl... bye!

Life after the party... UGH!
Well, I had a bday party this past friday... and it was awesome! Wendi, Sara, Vallie, and Lauren all came and hung out at my house, and talked and stuff girls do. They spent the night after wards. OMG! We played the question game, and that consisted of asking questions and everyone answering. Well, it ended being 5 discussion questions instead of lil yes or no questions... but that was great! The questions were, shall I say... interesting... lol.
Saturday, the first erson to leave was Lauren, and that was at around 11:30 to 12. She had a fun time it looked like. We (meaning the people left) sat around the rest of the time, playing the Sims for my gamecube. Then, and around 1, sara left, when most of us weren't even out of our pjs... lol. Vallie, wendi, and I played the Sims until 7:30 that night.
When they left, I got on the computer for a lil bit, then got off. I went into my room and did what ever... i think... i dono... then i went down stairs and ate dinner... blah blah blah... lol.
Something's been on my mind all day. It sucks... and no, its not the fact that I havent talked to Ryan since 1 this afternoon, cuz I'm taking his word for calling me back. It the fact of when I was talking to JR yesterday, I told my mom he was Ryan... and she already told me I could talk to JR... I feel really bad for that, cuz now I dont even know if I'm allowed to talk to him... I hope my mom stops been such apuppeteer, and let me talk to him, and let me hang out with him. He's not as bad as she thinks he is, cuz she doesnt know him, and isnt around him all the time... I just dont understand that bitch! *has sudden outburst of angry words* Oh fun... arent I a peach this evening? grrr! I wanna call JR... I need to talk to him and Vallie, and update them on my mom.
One reason why I'm also thinking alot, is cuz my mom has arrange a meeting between me and my councelor at school for me slitting my wrists all the time... fuck that! I aint seeing no counsellor... I'm doing this because its better than hurting other people, which is what I'd prefer to do right now... God! I gotta go calm down... write more later maybe.

Another uneventful day...
Well, I cant talk to JR cuz I got him in trouble yesterday on the phone... so last night was the last time I'd be talking to him till Monday. I'm just calling Ryan for the first time today cuz I've been busy cleaning and stuff... it really doesnt matter... he's not answering anywayz. Dammit, this fucking sucks monkey ass... shit! Wow! 3 in one sentence... fun stuff! lol
Well, Muffin and Jennifer are dating again... YUCK! Can you say drama for the millionth time! Omg... if they come up to me wit their shit, I'ma walk away like I dont care, cuz it aint my prob if he's flirting wit some girl, or my prob that she's being a hypacrite. I dont care! I'd tell them this... "Break up then!" One complaint, and they'l here from the truth of what I think... no more of this leaving it up to them shit... its my turn! Damn straight! Anywayz...
Ryan's coming over tomorrow... yay! life's so perfect when he's around... I'm not sad or anything... but I think that goes wit when I'm around anyone besides my family, or just parents, or even just my mom. But Ryan... wow, I love him so much. Its crazy... and it is at that.
"I think she likes me, and I kno I like her. Its kinda frightening, cuz its to soon to be sure. I think she likes me, maybe even might be love!" Billy Gillman, eat your heart out. The hardcore rocker babe is inlove wit country love songs. How sad is that. lol. I swear, I'm going through so much changing right now...
Ok, here's the scoop with school and who likes me and shit: School sucks... I'm doing good right now in all my classes but geometry... how nice, right? but thats ok... anywayz. In the "romance" department.
~I'm dating Ryan right now, and its the most comfortable relationship I've ever been in. He is really the one I've been looking for. Our 4 month anniversary is on the 23rd of this month.
~Being my buddy, Dee has done really good with watching me and Ryan have our fun and being boyfriend and girlfriend. I mean, I kno it hurts him to watch his lil girl date someone else, cuz I've been there before. But he's such a good friend for being there no matter what.
~Now, on the heavier end of the cycle, there would be my bestfriend, JR. He's so sweet to me, and its so obvious that he likes me, and he makes it known to everyone that he basically wants to take me away from everything here on earth, and just have me as his. And this I'm not used to, so I dont kno what to do. We cant exactly talk right now cuz of two things that happened... one that pissed my mom off alot, and one that his mom said she would talk to him about. So... we cant talk till we go back to school... its ok tho... I need the break.
This year, being gifted with the personality I have, so many are starting to look at me like I'm so awesome and all this shit...
"THEN WHY THE FUCK DONT I THINK IT!"
Anywayz... more later... I'm gonna go think... bye!

So many thoughts...
Well, here's the shit thats going down today... I fricking hate life right now! I mean, Ryan-wise, its the best thing in the world... that just seems like thats all I'm living for right now... and it sucks... *sigh*
"I'm gonna love you forever, forever and ever, amen. As long as old men sit and talk about the weather; As long as old women sit and talk about old men. If you wonder how long I'll be faithful, I'll be happy to tell you again. I'm gonna love you, forever and ever, forever and ever, amen"
Thank you, Randy Travis ,for those words that mean so much to me. They fit my world so well, and yet they shouldn't. I have more phrases from songs to come, but thats only when I'm in this mood.
I wish I didnt have to live... I wanna die, world. Just take me now, and leave me from my misery!
~Me~

All F***ed up
Well, the joy ride is over, and hell has begun... this time with a close friend... I definately dont know what I'm gonna do when she* doesnt leave me alone. She is supposed to be my mom... not my protector... I'm frickin 14 years old... I cant believe this at all...
Well... someday, I think I might do something to myself in her honor... heh... then she'll see what she does to me.

Some Thanksgiving
Finally, I can use my computer. The internet wouldn't work for a while, on my computer that is. Well, Wedenesday ended greatly, being the last day of school. It was Thanksgiving that sucked... my other dog died... wow! But Ryan came over Thurs, Fri, Sat, and Sun. So, that was good. But I was so sad about Montgumery, my dog. Only 9 years old, but he was so big... wow. Well, I g2g... write more later.

Past couple weeks
OMFG, these past couple weeks have been full of heaven and HELL! Shoot, why cant people let me be happy for a longer period of time... Ok, here's some info about these past couple weeks.
Well, the JMU trip was fun, except on Sunday when we were leaving, i was told to follow Bonnie around just cuz i was hanging with JR alot... bunch of bull shit if you ask me... but on the bus it was fun, watching Remember the Titans on the way back, poking Mitchell and JR, singing along wit the movie... fun stuff! Anywayz...
Now, my mom has something against him, and its so fricking stupid... ok, so does the world, and it depresses him... well, HELLO PEOPLE! I was the stupid ass and slit my fucking wrist... oh well, now the thing is how to tell my mommy... oh boy, fun stuff... woo hoo!
Now, I'm ok... just a lil pissed... but yea... more later!