02-04-01
I made it up to WV last weekend and had a wonderful visit with my family. We didn't go up until Sunday morning & came back Monday, but I valued every moment. Mom was doing better than I had seen her in a LONG time. She was laughing a lot. I sure had missed her. Going on Sunday, I got to see both of my sisters & my brother. Dad was thrilled to have all his kids together for Sunday dinner. I sneaked in on them. Mom laughed when she saw me. Dad had tears in his eyes. We have always been a close family and I am the only one who moved away. It sure wasn't due to hard feelings. It was due to hard times.I miss everyone there.
My neck has really been acting up lately. I tried to ignore it, but I was getting too crabby. It has been hurting down my left arm again. I saw Doc Wedns. and he gave me something to take. It helps the pain, but it still feels like something crawling on the back of my neck under the skin. Gotta learn to live with it. However, what I CAN'T accept is Nationwide trying to shaft me. And they are trying. I had Doc to release me so I could go ahead & settle with Nationwide & shed that headache(I just used my med. ins. Wednes.). I HATE having to deal with crooks & wanted to cut ties. I'm a coward, too. Figured I could live with pain I now have, rather than go through milogram, sugery, etc., and maybe end up with a stiff neck. Then, my lawyer called Thurs. saying they had made an offer that would BARELY cover my medical expenses & lost wages. Do those people think I spent those weeks on a vacation? The only reason I missed any work at all is because I was in too much pain to do my job. All for driving through a green light. I guess they only like collecting premiums from honest people, and paying claims to theives such as themselves. Anyway, I told my lawyer that won't do. So I guess we will be going to court. I HATE THAT. But they gave me no choice.
My husband is STILL not back to work. It looks as though his employer wants rid of him because he got hurt at work AND filed an accident report. I know his ammediate supervisor was injured on the job once and didn't turn it in. He had surgery on his med. ins. and was paid cash while he was out. We don't live that way. I guess that man didn't have much choice, since workers comp now requires drug testing, but that was not an issue for my husband. The sad part is, he thought those guys were his friends. I KNEW they weren't. They have always been there for him when they needed something from him. Now, he knows it, too. Meanwhile, his nerves aren't that great, either. So far, we've managed to sick together and not take it out on each other. But it IS rough. Neither of us is used to him being home all the time. I KNOW it makes him feel bad that I am working & he is not right now. But like I told him, he will be. It's not a permanent situation. It very well could have been, had his surgery been unsuccessful. We STILL have a lot to thank God for. And He has seen us through financially, too. Just when we think it may get rough soon, something turns it around.
Tommorrow is my day off work & I HOPE to unwind a little.
02-12-01
Well, it is Monday- my day off. I am going today to get something beautiful framed & matted. It is a crosstich of my poem "Would Heaven be Empty". A wonderful friend I met on the net made it for me. I hate that there are so many miles between us. She is such a precious person.
Ice woke me in the night last night like bee-bees hitting my bedroom window. A big change from the spring time weather we've been having here. But we need some precip before the scorching summer sets in.
I have tons of chores & errands to take care of today, then back to work tommorrow. Seeya!
02-22-01
I have played hooky today. I think my boss & his boss (who is visiting our store today) are probably upset with me. But my road is icy & I just couldn't make myself get out on it today. I am VERY afraid of getting hit again. My body could NOT stand another hit right now. My head is busting & my neck is hurting as I type this. I KNOW I should have insisted on seeing a neurosurgeon after that wreck, but I am such a coward. Looks like it will haunt me the rest of my life. I TRY to smile & go on as normal, but the pain is SO tiring. Then, things such as this come up & I really feel discouraged. I am not a doctor, but I've lived in this body a long time, and I KNOW when something serious has gone wrong with it. Just don't know what to do, other than bight the bullit. So it goes. Then, like a dummy, I was looking up while getting a set of brake shoes from the shelf Tues. and got something in my left eye. Must have clogged a tear duct, because it has been red & watering since. Probably contributing to this killer headache, too. Guess this computer won't help, either....other than help calm these jangled nerves. GOD, they need help. Don't know what to do about that, either. If I weren't so stubborn, I'd lay down & cry awhile. Or maybe it is mental numbness that prevents that. I only want SOMETHING in my life to get back to normal. I can only hope & pray, as I have done for months now. It hasn't helped. My neck & shoulders stay tight as wax & I can hear popping everytime I hold my head back. Guess I've done enough griping on here today. Had tried to wait until my mood improved to come back to this, but since there's no relief in sight, thought I'd touch base. PLEASE keep us in your prayers. As for my husband, his status remains the same.
Crystal
03-09-01
My vacation starts tommorrow. I sure plan to enjoy it. But first, I intend to get some hard earned rest over the weekend. This will be the first week I've had off work in well over a year that wasn't due to illness or injury. My neck & shoulders still hurt a lot, but maybe a little R&R is what they need. I know the rest of my body does!
I haven't been writing here much lately due to lack of time for myself. I won't fool myself by thinking I'm going to have an abundance of that during this week. I know too well what I get, I will just have to TAKE. My, how times have changed! I remember a time when my husband would get aggravated because when weekends & vacations rolled around, I was well rested & ready to live it up. Work is kind of like child-bearing....the exhaustion is easily forgotten awhile after being away from it.
03-19-01
I got back from WV late last night. It seems each trip up there gets more exhausting. It leaves me emotionally drained. This one was the hardest yet. Mom's condition has worsened. It is SO rough seeing her slip away as she is. Then, when I started to leave, she started crying. "I don't want you to leave", she cried. What could I do? I told her I wasn't leaving just yet, that I was just going to go outside to have a cigarette, & smiled and kissed her tears away. Then, I went outside and cried a few tears of my own. I stayed with her another hour or so while she got herself together. I always call back when I get home to let them know I made it okay. Dad said she had cried after me a couple of times, but was okay now. I don't know what to do. I KNOW I won't have her much longer, but I can't just quit my job, let my bills and credit go, leave my husband & son, and go to help Dad take care of her. And this is so rough on him. He is not really able to do all he is doing, but refuses outside help. Yet, he is STILL physically stronger than I, since that wreck & pneumonia has taken so much away from me. This has my heart totally broken. I go back to work tommorrow, but I fear my heart won't be in it.
I have plenty of laundry to do from our trip, and I invited the kids over for dinner tonight. My hubby went & caught a mess of fresh trout for me while we were there. I have been wanting that for at least two years! I LOVE it, rolled in cornmeal, flour, salt and lots of pepper. It fries up deliciously. Perhaps getting my mind on cooking will help. I KNOW the eating part will....I hope.
Take care. And if you still can, CALL YOUR MOTHER AND TELL HER YOU LOVE HER; while she can understand what that means.
3-23-01
I am TOTALLY exhausted! Had a busy day today. About a year ago, I put in a job aplication with the City where I live. There was an opening im their parts room for their fleet dept. That was when my neck incapacitated me and they couldn't hold the job open any longer. I got a call Mon. telling me the position was open again, if I was still interested. I have mixed emotions about this. God knows I'd love to have my weekends off. I am also sure the gov. benefits would be great. Don't know what's eating at me about it. I went for an interview early this morning, then went & bought a new pair of shoes, came home & sucked down a pot of coffee, and went to work. Got butterflies last night & couldn't sleep until after 2:AM. Should be in bed now, but it seems I never get time to write here anymore. Even when I do, I am interrupted & resented. WOW! I'm stressing. Guess I'm finally realizing I am the only person in my life who will look out for me. It is amazing how everyone around you will bleed you dry without a second thought if you allow it. Even the people you live with won't even notice you are used up, as long as you keep giving. Then, if you suddenly lighten up and TAKE a little time away from them to care for your own needs, they think you are mad, or they respond by pouting. Obviously, I need some time for me. Gosh, I'm jumping from subject to subject. That's what my mind keeps doing lately. Can't keep it on track. Perhaps I will give it a rest.
03-29-01
Ahhh! A day off work. It started raining at bedtime last night and still is at 5:45PM. Good relaxation therapy. Yes, I'd have preffered sunshine, but there's no such thing as a bad day off. I can always use a break.
Still haven't heard from my prospective new employer. May not get it, as there were SEVERAL applicants - 54 when I interviewed! I'll accept however it goes, as I DO already have a decent job. I mainly just hate the hours. Wish people would quit shopping on Sundays. It REALLY makes me mad when they come in after church, still dressed up from worship, spending money. I tend to get judgemental. That's wrong on my part. I just wish they'd live it outside the church house.
Hubby is napping. Beautiful day for it. Wish I could do that. I can't sleep through the day unless I'm really sick. I sure can sleep late in the morning, though.
04-14-01
HAPPY EASTER! Been awhile. My eyes and these darn headaches have pretty much kept me off here lately. I went to an eye doc, who says my eyes are okay, but there's too much pressure behind them. He sent me back to my regular doc, who sent me for an MRI tommorrow. GOOD GRIEF! Guess the body starts falling apart getting near 40. Anyway, enough on that.
I've yet to hear about the new job. I should hear yay or nay by Wednesday. The 2nd interview went GREAT! (I think)Don't know why I was so nervous about it. Turned out the guy was a former customer of mine from my days at Carquest. He took me for a tour of the whole place. My interview was at 10:AM and I barely made it to work on time at 12:30. As he showed me around, it got comical. ALL the guys working there were saying things like "HI! Chris! What are you doing here?", and a few even said "Hire HER. She's the best parts-person in this town". He said, "Well, I won't get to introduce you to anyone. Do you know EVERYBODY that works here?" The benefits there ARE great; 11 paid holidays, THEY pay my ins. premiums, THEY buy & launder my uniforms, my pay stays the same, and most importantly, it's Mon. through Fri., 7:30 to 4:00. If I get that, I will be VERY happy. But after it tallied out, he had 74 applicants, so I am TRYING not to get my hopes up. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I got my annual raise. 31 cents. A penny less than last year. That won't cover the increase in gas prices! Beats nothing I guess. But I need out of retail. I simply MUST get this job. I'm too honest to prosper working retail. I keep my eyes TOO open, too. Because I try to do my job. Sometimes I wish I DIDN'T notice so much. I made noise once in a co. I had almost 6yrs. with when I caught the District Manager & Store Manager embezzling. In the end, the security auditor got an early retirement, the store manager got transferred to a bigger store, and I got the opportunity to continue to work under the same RM with a BIG raise and a schedule unheard of in retail. NO!!! I left. About 3yrs. later, the company was going broke & had to sell. Need we wonder why? I simply need out of retail completely. I love the customers and can handle the grease & grime. It's the dirt that won't wash off that I can't handle.
Tommorrow is wasted on that MRI, then back to work Tuesday. You all take care.
05-21-01
WOW! So much has happened, I don't know where to start.
I didn't get the new job. The man said they made him "hire within". It seems one of the mechanics wanted to move inside. He said if it doesn't work out, he would call me. I won't hold my breath. So, my search must continue. Or must it? Am I just stuck in retail for life? I've about accepted it, as this is what I know. I AM a good customer service person & I do like people. I just worry for my future, since I don't want to go salary & sell my soul again. I put too much of myself into my work & get used up too easily. I hate stagnation, too. Guess that's why I feel the urge to move on.
Mom is doing pretty well, although she forgets a lot more as time goes on. She is as sweet & wonderful as ever, but I sure do miss our heart to heart talks & getting her perfect advice on everything. NOBODY has our best interest in mind like our mothers.
My husband has still not returned to work. His income still hasn't stopped, but things sure have changed. I KNOW it's rough on his nerves not working. It's rough on mine, too, knowing he is discontent. But we have weathered this storm pretty well, the only way possible, by sticking together. He comes to my store & takes me to lunch quite often to get out a little. His health is pretty good now.
I fired my lawyer & hired someone else since I was here last. THEY sure weren't looking out for me. Meanwhile, my neck still gives me trouble always & I have headaches everyday. The doc I've been seeing said the MRI was okay & diagnosed it as tension headaches. I know my body & have had tension headaches before. Time to do something different. GOTTA get to the source of the problem. THIS is why I haven't been here much. It is interfering with my work, my family life, and my sleep. I couldn't go to sleep until 2:30 this morning, then, pain in my neck & head woke me at 4:30 & it took 2 tylenolPM & an hour to get back to sleep. Had to be at work by 10:00. Although I tried to be cheerful, it didn't hide the circles under my eyes or my sluggishness.
My manager stepped down to asst. & we have a new boss now. Too soon to form an opinion, but he sure is getting people in gear who had been slacking. Too bad they wouldn't do it for the previous manager. I think employees are like children. Spoiled children crave discipline so bad they are miserable. They NEED mom & dad to tell them what to do. Sometimes it's not what they want to do, but the results are better in the long run, and the children are better for it.
TIME TO MOVE ON WITH THIS CONTINUING SAGA, SO LET'S PROCEED TO THE NEXT PAGE
