10-16-02(LovingArms)
Well, it has been awhile, and I am just going to be brief because it is midnight and I need sleep. My last entry here read like I was getting my head on straight. NOT. Ash moved away two weeks ago, and I have really missed his loving arms too bad. So, I went to his new town today for a visit, after he called me. He is single, and so am I. I care deeply for him, and he does for me, too. So, what's wrong? I'm not sure. But I am very insecure about him still. I guess because of our different backgrounds. Too much is still missing, although SO much is right. I think I think too much, so I will just let everything there work itself out. I enjoyed our time together very much, and I am sure he did, too. The only bad part was that I had a blinding headache that has been building for days. That's why I am going to take off my sunglasses and get to bed for now.
Until we meet again;
Crystal
10-22-02(The Sounds of Silence)
Hello;
It is 7:30pm Tues. night. Today is my day off and I haven't left the house. I'm sitting here in a comfy pair of sweats & have spent the whole day alone, without human contact. Sometimes the sounds of silence are very informative. I am alone by choice. I guess I sort of have the blues. I really don't know why. But I'm getting ready to run a tub of hot water for that. One of my co-workers came by yesterday and brought a couch they didn't want. I haven't had one since moving here and really was starting to miss it. I have cleaned on it all day today and am awaiting drying time. It didn't come out as bright as I hoped, so it will be wearing a cover. Anyway, I will have a place to crash, other than my bed or chair.
I refused to visit Ash this week. That was not working out for me, so I told him so. I am single now, and have earned a right to be very selective. I will be, from now on. Learned a rule of being single; if the man can't pick me up at my door, take me to a nice resteraunt for dinner, then there will be not date. Very simple. I have a feeling that is one of many lessons I will learn on my new adventure. For now, I am content to be with me alone, getting to know me. Needed to do this for a long time. Now; for that hot bath. Goodnight.
10-28-02(Against the Wind)
Home again. Another day off work and it is dark & rainy here. It has been dreary for days now. Not good for emotions, but good for sleep. I didn't even set my clock last night, for the 1st time in a long time. I thought maybe some extra sleep may do me good. It is noon now, and I haven't done anything yet today. Can't seem to get motivated. Been like that too much lately.
Work this weekend was a nightmare. Yesterday, I finally called a competitor to check into a job elsewhere. I worked for that company 5.5 years and honestly don't like their ethics, but don't know how much longer I can handle where I am now. The other company DOES treat women as children of a lesser God, but all women there get mistreated equally. When I left them, I felt I would find a company where all employees are treated equally. Seven years later, I realise that that is illusive in this line of work. I've known that for some time now, but I have ran into a problem where I am that is unfixable. A new female came to work here a few months ago hired as a cashier. But the asst. mgr. has a special liking for her, therefor she doesn't have to run a cash register, or do much of anything else unless she just wants to. She makes at least three trips a day to the store, on the clock, which is just next door but takes her at least 10 minutes each trip. The rest of the time, she is gone to the restroom, supposedly busy putting up stock (or overstock when there is no stock to use to keep her from her hired job), or kissing up. The bad part is that this asst. was the same manager that always lived by "a woman's place is at the cash register". The manager who took over when the asst. stepped down(the only man in mgmnt. there that I respect) is aware of the situation, but it seems everything he has tried to do to make that store run like a business, the asst. knifes him. I thought he had given up, but current events seem to have given him a new fire. Time will tell. But I've fought this situation for years now and am tired. I think that as long as this so called asst. is in this store, women here will always be either cashiers, regardless of parts knowlege, or playthings, such as this new one is. I hadn't seen him behave this way in all my years there. EVERY woman there had been shafted by him, until this one. It's sickening. She is younger than his daughters, with a mouthful of rotten teeth. That bad breath is NOT something good for customer relations to begin with. But there is a guy working there who has her hygiene practices, too. That explains the unkept condition of the store. Seems I just don't fit there anymore. It was never a really clean store, but at least the employees were once clean people. An auto parts store will always be a little on the dirty side, considering the line of work. But employees should shower and own a toothbrush! Reading my own thoughts, I see the problem. It's mine. I DON'T fit any longer. I NEED to go where I can work with a different class of people. We had an employee appreciation dinner last night at the local steak house. My sarcasm hit before we went inside. It was SUPPOSED to be for employees. But it ended up that we had the whole Hee-Haw gang there. This girl shows up in tight bib overalls, the guy I spoke of shows up in a wrinkled, stained up T-shirt. She brought her daughter & he brought his girlfriend. As we were standing outside, they are standing in a lazy side by side slouch. I said "Why does HeeHaw come to my mind?". NOT professional on my part, but got a good laugh out of some CLEAN employees who saw the picture. LOL. I had considered not going at all, as I have to be nice to these "people" at least 40hrs. a week, I surely didn't want to eat with them on my time. But I went because of the manager and a few friends there. My friend & I DID make sure we sat at a different table than the hee haw gang, so we wouldn't be too sick on our stomachs to eat and smile. Disgusting? In deed. It turned out to be a nice dinner. The food was great. Perhaps I just need to lighten up.
Well, there was more on this page, but I somehow lost it. Maybe these ten thumbs I type with. LOL. Oh, well. Looked like too much whining anyway, at a second glance. Maybe the next page will improve.
