Still sick, but not as much. I worked. I went to school. And Wednesday night I woke up at 3 a.m. coughing so hard I thought my insides would become my outsides. I thought I might die and then I went back to sleep. Pretty much all I've done is work and homework. It really sucks. So today was a nice break. No work, and all I had to do was art most the day. I painted a red and black streaked background, but am still contemplating what to put in the foreground. And at the same time I am sculpting a big alien head to look like it's coming through my wall. Ron (my prof) said he'd get me some sheetrock and we could punch a hole through it so we can use the pieces to look like it's really busting through. Should be really cool if it comes out right. I hope it's big enough.
I really dig this Rasputina song. Rarely can I stand to hear the same song more than twice in a row...but this one is really something. Very pretty - and full of feeling. It makes me want to draw something tragic. Which is, in my opinion, great art. But this wolf was fun to sketch too. This is a character of a friend of mine. I don't mind drawing for her because she has a real knack for keeping role playing interesting and I like her characters. And it's fun to make people happy. I tell you - if I could get someone like Boxcutter or Kyoht to do some of my characters, I'd be overjoyed. Anyway, I think I'm getting better. Better than I was, at least. I just need to draw MORE.
*Sigh*
I like to think of best friends as living journals sometimes - A reliable thought and memory storage unit. They know your thoughts, your feelings, the stories of your daily life, your likes and dislikes, and even a few private memories and experiences. But unlike empty books that record your life - they send feedback. You become their diary. You begin to rely on each other, tell each other secrets, because they're your secret keeper. You can write anything in your journal or diary because it's safe, and you know those little thoughts and feelings are not lost on the wind.
So when you lose best friends...lose that communication and confidence...you lose an awful lot. It's like losing a piece of yourself. I know I've not said much about it, but I miss my Annoyed Cockroach. He's rubbed off on me so much over the last few years that many little things remind me of him. My music, drawings, Army of Darkness, Venom, lemon candy, otters, rootbeer. I catch myself every so often thinking, "Fett would like this."
I don't know if he's gone forever or if I've just temporarily misplaced my journal, but here's to wishful thinking and answered prayers:
*Hails the fallout king*
Hey, yay, I found out what the mysterious monster fish were! After questioning about everyone I knew, sketching it out, and writing the water company an email, I got a reply from the water company that sent me to this page. That's right, they're white amurs. Sterile Chinese carp that eat water veggies. No wonder the fish I threw my piece of bagel to fled. They don't eat bagels, they eat nasty pond scum.
Sunday night (I think), Tim the goatman sent me this
link about Jesus' face. I've always thought everyone painted Jesus too arian. Especially since he was jewish and lived in a desert type of climate and did everything by hand. A real man's man. He should be painted as tan and nothing special. I really like the picture that site had - even if it is guesswork, I like that they're creating the look according to the time and culture rather than our time and culture. Doesn't this Jesus seem more approachable to you? All those old pictures with him in white, looking holy with a glowing head made him seem less real to me. It's what he did and said that made him different - not how he looked.
So let's see...news...
Yesterday I stuck little hairs across the top of my lip and a little goatee of hair under my bottom lip, tucked my hair under a hat, and dressed like a sloppy guy for my part as Chico in my Acting and Movement skit. I rode the bus and didn't get any strange looks so I guess I did a good job of looking like a guy. Especially since when I got to class, my partner said I wasn't there so he couldn't do the skit. It was pretty funny because he kept insisting I wasn't there and I was sitting right next to him.
I hung out, helping Bing as usual and he drove me for food and work and I ended up hanging mirrors all the rest of the day. I covered an entire wall, then dropped a hammer on my head and gave myself a headache.
This morning I decided I needed a shower so I hopped in, turned on the warm steamy water, and rubbed shampoo in my hair. Then the water turned cold. All the hot water vanished. I had to rinse with cold water until all the shampoo was out of my hair, and it was pretty aggravating. I went out after that to see what was going on and ran into two maintenance men who, upon my curious look asked, "No hot water?" I said, "Yeah..." They explained that a pipe busted and was flooding a parking lot. They were going to fix it. Then one guy noticed my wet hair and asked, "Ah, did it catch you in the shower?" I answered in affirmation and he laughed, saying, "Well, the early bird catches the worm."
But 9:00 a.m. is early to me.
Jeanie called me Monday night and asked if I could help her with a school project. I said sure, so that'll be nice to see her again. I feel like with all this school and work nonstop, my friendships are suffering because I have no free time. I need to get away. Good thing midterm break is next week. And then I'll escape after that on the college retreat in the north where it's actually COLD. Yay!
Okay gotta run - bye!
So Thursday night I was happy because I got home before 10:30 and so it was actually early enough to call people. So I called my sister, but she wasn't home. So I called home, but it was busy. I tried Jeff, but he wasn't home, then I tried my brother and got his voicemail too. I called home again and it was busy, then I called my stepbrother, Matt, just to say "hi", but got his voicemail too. Frustrated at this wasted opportunity to communicate with my family, I got online and searched for an old friend I lost a long time ago named Jeremy Cross. I had a dream about him the other night which is weird because he was really more my sister's friend, not mine. I just remember he was one of the nicest guys I've met, he was funny, and he was the only person who ever volunteered to dance with me. Heh. I wonder if he'd even remember. I wonder what happened to him. I wonder what happened to Curtis Pratt...if he's still being henpecked by his overbearing mother. I had no luck finding Jeremy. Only a few false leads. Then I got offline and checked my voicemail. I was surprised that someone had called - it was Matt. He said he was in the hospital.
So I guess last Sunday he wrecked his motorcycle on the track at 105 miles per hour and is lucky to be alive. I said I would like to visit him and so he said his girlfriend could pick me up Saturday morning since I had no free time Friday. So this morning I went to the hospital and talked to Matt until 2. He has five broken ribs, a collapsed lung (with a nice fat drainage tube draining fluid from his chest), a broken scapula, and another little shoulder bone broken. He's not going to be very mobile for the next 6 weeks at least. He can't leave the hospital until his lung reinflates, but nothing the doctors have done so far has worked. So he's sat in the hospital connected to a machine on the wall, having someone help him walk to the bathroom every so often (which is close enough so the tube stays connecting his chest to the wall) for a whole week without progress. This makes him rather frustrated, but for Matt, he's taking it rather well.
So I went to work after that and got out early. My boss and one of my coworkers took me to McDonald's with them and I used my free McFlurry monopoly coupon from Bing's fries. It was very tastey and we had fun talking about wisdom teeth and childhood experiences. Nina took me home and I met a cat halfway to my apartment in a little tree. It was at just the right height to be petted and it LOVED to be petted. Made me smile because it was so affectionate and sweet. Just a baby, really. It started to follow me home but I walked fast and didn't encourage it so it stopped before I got there. I didn't want it to get lost.
So then I filled five gallon jugs with water (complements of clone-bro Daniel) so I can live off of it for another couple weeks as well as give my fish Rasputin clean water for his bowl (he's such a bratt.). I tried to call Jeff so I can get a ride to church in the morning (because Bradley can't take me) but he wasn't home. So I got online to see if he was on AIM, but he wasn't. So I cruised a bit and discovered that my friend, Arkady, sprained her ankle earlier this month. Gee whiz, I wish my friends would stop hurting themselves. Or at least that I would find out sooner when things do happen. Ah well...she seems to be recovering well and I suppose it isn't such a big deal since I have not heard from Arkady at all in months and months. But she has a real life and glories in its richness. Not as much time for internet friends when your focus is on the real world around you I suppose. Good for you, Arkady. But I do miss you. And Fett. And Vader. And Ginny.
Man. I wish I could have a big party and have all my lost friends come and eat ice cream and play crazy games. Too bad they're all spread out all over the country...
Today I find myself particularly senstive to annoying sounds. I plugged my ears on the bus the whole way to school because of a continuous irritating, high-pitched air-conditioner noise that faded in and out, in and out. It was like the sound of a TV on mute only a hundred times louder. And now Preston is using his headphones behind me, and a tinny "Who wants to be a millionaire" type of exclamatory sound keeps arising from them. Bah. Perhaps I'm just more irratable than usual. Which means I need to watch my grouchy self or I'll say something I don't mean.
*watches self*
I have to go to work at 2 today because my boss either forgot or misread my availability since I have a 2:30 class. I'm also going to miss the bible study because of this. Hissssssssssssssssssssss.
Ha ha ha. Yeah, I'm such a great example for Jesus, eh? Gripe gripe gripe. Whine whine whine.
Okay I'm over it. I'm thinking now about how I'm going to be doing a Gollum monologue for my Acting and Movement class. And I get the rest of the week off of school (yay!). I'll get to curl up on the floor and be both evil and pitiful, saying, "Master's our friend!" Yee hee hee! It will be fun I think. I'm just not sure what I'll wear. Certainly not a loin cloth.
So much to do. I just want to write...and draw. Relax with friends and eat ice cream every once in a while. Yeah. Sounds good to me!
Good Grief it's been about 2 weeks since I last updated. Sorry. I had an excuse because my internet was down the entire first week October 28th. But I made sure to memorize what I wanted to write for each day. So here we go - let's see how shabby my memory really is:
Tuesday, Oct 28
My first day off for Midterm break. I was going to clean my apartment, but the Shadow called me and asked if I would like to go to the zoo. Who (besides my Mom)in their right mind would choose to clean over going to the zoo? (Hee hee hee) So away we went and I showed him my new CD from my sister and I think he liked it. I brought my camera and a sketchbook, deciding that this time around, I would try to sketch the animals rather than photograph them because it's a rare opportunity to draw exotic animals from real life rather than National Geographic or Ranger Rick magazines. So we went through and the Shadow used his new digital camera while I sketched. One of the first animals we saw was a black king snake a lady had on a board, weaving its way between these pegs. It was really cool because it was as slick and shiny as obsidian, reflecting the blue sky. Then we saw tortoises which were slow and a little boring even though they were eating. I ended up drawing an Asian elephant, a toucan, a spoonbill, a wallaby, baboons, an anteater, a capybara, gerenuks (these long-necked antelopey things), giraffes, and my favorite to draw was the warthogs 'cause they have such a unique body form and face. So ugly, yet so...intriguingly foreign. In a cool alien beast sort of way. Then I went home and went to work.
Wednesday, Oct 29
I cleaned a little and made cupcakes and cake so that I could bring some to my stepbrother Matt when I visited him (which I did not get to do). I decided to bring three cupcakes to work when it was time to go, because I had a lot of cake and I thought my coworkers might enjoy chocolate cake. On the bus there was a black man who looked in a sorry condition. I supposed he was homeless, but I could be mistaken. His eyes got real big when he saw my cupcakes and he held up an index finger saying, "One! One! Please? Just one." I could see he dearly wanted a cupcake and I figured that since I had three, I could certainly spare one to someone who would appreciate it far more than I would. The bus driver scolded him for bothering other passengers, but I went ahead and handed him a cupcake. He was very pleased and sat down to unwrap it when suddenly an enormous convulsion came over him like a gigantic full-body twitch and the cupcake exploded in his fingers and crumbs flew everywhere. The bus driver yelled at him and made him throw away the big pieces, then gave him the boot. Everyone was taken aback and quite nervous because for all we knew he was crazy or on drugs. As soon as he stepped off he convulsed again in a violent manner and we drove away. My eyes were wide because I must say - I did not expect my cupcake to be thrown all over the bus. The driver cleaned off the seat and grumbled angrily. I said I was sorry before I got off and he said it was okay that I was just trying to be nice. So then I brought my two cupcakes in to work and my boss ate them both, heh heh. And she really enjoyed them so it was good.
Thursday, Oct 30
I cleaned and vacumed and then went to Bing's. We watched the Italian job and had a big dinner his grandma cooked. The wonderful aroma of beef roast and dinner rolls filled the house and I inhaled it with relish. "Oh it smells sooooo good!" I said as I helped Bing walk out into the computer room. "Eh." He shrugged. I could not believe it! Here a grand dinner was being cooked - homemade grandma food that was practically a Thanksgiving feast - and all he could say was "eh"??? Well, after nearly 2 years of living on my own, you can bet I gave the poor lad a thorough lecture on appreciating the goodness of and time put into an authentic homecooked supper. We stayed up after that and I drew Bing and his dogs, Ipswitch and Nutmeg.
Friday, Oct 31
I left for Bing's around 10 a.m. because his Mom and Grandmother were leaving in the morning and so was his Dad, so someone needed to be there with him. We hung out all day and had clone brother Daniel over as well as a fellow named Lyle who I'd only seen around at school a few times. I didn't even know his name until then. We had a blast playing Mario Kart and Perfect Dark, and Bing won almost every time. I guess he's had plenty of practice. In Perfect Dark I got "Most honorable and most cowardly", which is a strange combination, but I guess it makes sense. We had pizza and talked and I played with the dogs and then we played games some more before it was time to go. The plan was that after we left Bing's, Daniel and I would dress up for Halloween and walk up Mill Avenue to observe all the weirdo costumes of the college students. I thought I might fix up one of my masks from work, but then I wasn't sure what Daniel would do for a costume. I brought out my old box of X-men costume accessories, but nothing seemed quite right. Daniel wished he'd brought something of his own, but then as I was pawing through my closet I came upon my military uniforms my Dad had given me for paintballing: One U.S. Army uniform and one authentic Iraqi uniform. I pulled out the uniforms and asked Daniel if he thought the Iraqi uniform would fit him and he checked it out and said it was very close to his size. I, of course, had to be the good guy because it says my last name on the uniform and girls are more common in the U.S. Army than the Iraqi. So we went out as soldiers, walking in step. We stopped to look at puppies at the pet store (at my insistance) and then to Frys for food (also at my insistance). Then we caught the bus up to Mill Avenue and the sight-seeing began. We counted 22 guys dressed up as girls and took a break at a coffee shop where a live jazz-type band was playing outside. Daniel bought an iced Chai Amora and I got a simple frozen lemonade. The Chai was much better, but the lemonade did quench my thirst well. We stopped at a spot in the street where a church was putting on skits depicting the devil luring people into hell with his "razzle dazzle" technique and someone asked if Daniel and I were married. Well at least people stopped thinking he was my brother after he started growing a beard. It makes us look a little more different, heh heh heh. We straightened them out, informing them that we were simply fellow college students and friends, and then we went to a gas station with a sticky floor to get Daniel a cigar so he'd look like Fidel Castro. We wandered around and looked at Borders book store where I found (to my utter surprise) the book "Eragon" which is the book that that 18 year old kid in Montana wrote. As you might recall, I mentioned my encounter at the end of March 2002 (see archives), and did not think too much of it. But heck he's got his book in BORDERS for pete's sake. That gives me new hope for Sodomerica. And I suppose I should read his book sometime.
So then also Daniel and I talked to this guy who was also dressed up in army attire and he desperately wanted to join the army, but was worried that he wouldn't be able to because he had a hernia. I encouraged him since he seemed so enthusiastic and said that perhaps the time it took him to recover would do him good. After that we found this little shop of imports from places like Gautamala and Tibet and they had cool knitted hats and wool socks (which no one needs here) and a really awesome hammock chair that I sat in for a good 15 minutes just swinging gently back and forth. It was a wonderful sensation and I cooked up a dream about living in a cabin in the forest with a hammock and a fireplace. Then we decided to catch a movie before it got too late, so we selected the movie "Mystic River" directed by Clint Eastwood. I wasn't sure I liked it at first, but then later decided that I did because it was unique and made me think, even though the end is not entirely satisfying. Not the movie to see if you're fighting depression. We caught the last bus home and Daniel ended up having to walk home. I did not find out until nearly a week later, but he was nearly run down by a car on the way! Drunken imbeciles. No wonder trick-or-treaters are becoming fewer and fewer. It's just not safe after dark anymore.
Saturday, Nov 1
My sister contacted me to get me into the shirt-making business, which I found pleasantly surprising. Her boss wanted me to send some picture samples so they could decide whether they wanted my talent or not. So for a good chunk of my Saturday I was at the library researching labradors, deer, turkeys, and fish for the outdoorsman type of designs they're after. Then I went to my friends' improv thing called "Montage" or "Medium-rare Improv (not quite well-done)". They were all really funny and it was a good time with IBC rootbeer and comedic antics.
Sunday, Nov 2
Bradley asked if I could sing for the Sunday school class since he is losing our usual singer, Phil. I agreed reluctantly, but it wasn't so bad once I got up there. With everyone else singing, it didn't feel so much that I was the center of attention and everyone could hear my voice crack. I was just part of the chorus and since I knew all the songs, I could begin with confidence. I think I do like to sing.
Went to Bing's again and he took me to school because he needed to get a few things from the library there. We arrived and the library was closed, and the homework he had to do he could have done at home so it was kind of pointless in the end.
Monday, Nov 3
School again. We reviewed for the test I knew I was going to do badly in. I took notes, but pretty much what it boiled down to was I just needed to reread all the chapters (which would never happen). We had a brief bible study and announced that we wanted to show the movie "John Q" the next day and have it be sponsored by the bible study group. So Jared said he'd bring pop or something and Bing and I agreed to bring chips and crackers. Then I went to work, and work is always a mindless blur.
Tuesday, Nov 4
Did Tai Chi in my acting and movement class and turned in my Gollum script. We also played a fun game where we passed a piece of crumpled up paper around, pretending it was different things. I pretended it was a snake and then a bomb. Later after Bing and I got together, time flew by and before we knew it, it was a half hour until we needed to start the movie. I ran over to Frys and bought cheese for my crackers and got my photos from the zoo and oatmeal bars. We watched the first part of the movie after much delay and the discovery that a DVD player was missing from one of the school's big screen TVs. We had to stop the movie early because I had to get to work. We decided to watch the rest after I was done with work. So we did, and it was a good movie. Goatboy Tim, Clone brother Daniel and I went to Frys again afterwards to get drinks and instead found loads of cheap Halloween candy. We snatched up several bags with glee and then went our separate ways. Tim went home but Daniel said he's stick around until the bus got me. We talked a while about beliefs and the past and then realized that my 77 bus was not going to come. Daniel called a cab for me and then laughed uproarously at me for sitting in the front seat. It was my first time to ride in a cab, okay?
I got home at 1:30. So much for studying for my midterm.
Wednesday, Nov 5
Bombed my midterm. Or at least, that was my state of mind at the time. I forgot my calculator and so I had to multiply everything out by hand which took me waaaay too long and time ran out on me before I finished. Helped Bing, went to work.
Thursday, Nov 6
Ran late as usual. I told my art professors the great news that my sister's company offered to pay me $100 a day to draw for them. They immediately informed me that this was not a good deal. I discussed the matter with them extensively, then painted a couple of labradors the rest of the day, and added a few wires to my alien head sculpture. Bing, Daniel, and I met later and listened to Christian music. I took a Salvador CD from Bing (with permission, of course) because I thought they were a cool band, and then went home where I called upon the Shadow to come take me away to see Matrix Revolutions! Yay!
I really liked the movie and thought it was a fine conclusion to the trilogy. I was glad that there were surprises and the effects were thrilling and marvelous.
Friday, Nov 7
I got up early and went to school even though school was canceled for senior day because I was to be the live model for the students to draw in the art class. It was fun, but not many were good artists. I get paid and I got a free lunch so it was worth it. I went home, packed, and then Jeff came and picked me up for the college retreat to Prescott. People thought it was funny that I brought my big stuffed dog, but I find that I sleep better holding him (though sometimes I do find him thrown on the floor when I awake). We drove and drove and Bryce was funny as usual. Remmington told corny jokes that starved me for intelligent conversation, but I only ended up telling Daniel that I was thinking about death again and what would happen if I were killed in an accident on the way to the camp (he asked). I tried to sleep because I was tired from standing and posing all day and the van was making me feel a bit ill. We stopped after dark to eat and Daniel and I went to Berry's where he ordered a whole cherry pie and I had clam chowder. We arrived, we unrolled our sleeping bags, we set up, sung, played hockey, and went to sleep.
Saturday, Nov 8
I woke up in a strange place and my dog was on the floor. I got up and was surrounded by other girls (a strange phenomenon). Went to breakfast, ate weird french toast, and talked to the people at my table. We all went back to the cabin and did more singing and Vermone our speaker, spoke about taking action and putting forth a dedicated effort to grow as a Christian and not just talk about it. Then we went to lunch and did some rock climbing, Foosball, pool, and putonk (I'm sure that's spelled wrong). Then we had supper and went back to the cabin for more singing and prayer and speaking and it made us think a lot about where we're at in life and gave us new goals to work towards. Like showing more love to our fellow believers - being there for them when they need it, calling them, going out for breakfast and having devotions together or whatever. He gave us ideas for how to pray better and devote time just for God during one part of our day and to discipline ourselves - just like any athlete disciplines him or herself to become stronger and better.
We sang songs late into the night, then we stayed up playing Mafia until midnight. Then Daniel and Abby and I stayed up drawing and playing cards until I was ready to drop. It was all good.
Sunday, Nov 9
I slept in and missed a big free breakfast, opting to eat an oatmeal thing instead. I think I gipped myself. We sung and I think I sounded bad because I was starting to get a cold and was still hoarse from waking up. Vermone concluded his topic and we all went out to be alone and study what the bible says on loving one another and helping one another. I moved from boulder to boulder, first to escape ants, then exhaust fumes, then screaming girls from another cabin, and then I was chased by bees. Somewhere in there I found the chance to study my bit of the bible and write out what I'd found. I went back after that and packed up all my things and helped everyone else clean the cabin, then it was time for lunch. We had to stand in a long line that ran out of the cafeteria because there were several groups of people at the same camp who ate lunch at the same time as us (imagine that). I was first in line until bees started chasing me again. Everyone kept telling me to just stand still and calmly wave them away, but after several instances of me walking away from them and their following me, it was obvious that they were really interested in me and not the 50-some other people in line. I don't know why because I was wearing gray and no perfume and I'm not a sweaty person. I finally escaped by squeezing into the cafeteria and just waiting for my friends to come in. After pizza and more talking and joking around the table it was time to go and I was alright with that because I don't like bees and they were out all over the place. We drove for hours and hours and played GHOST only they didn't call it GHOST and you had three "strikes" before you were out and could spell a word with three letters and be out. That lasted too long and Mafia was strange because only one person could be killed and then it was up to the remaining three to select who to lynch and if they were wrong the whole game would be over right away because there were so few people. Good thing we guessed right. I knew it was Daniel.
I planned on sleeping the rest of the day but that didn't happen. I took a shower and stepbrother Matt (now out of the hospital) came over to visit. I gave him a ship model/puzzle and a card from Mom and Harry Potter 5 to borrow. Then I think I may have cleaned...I was awfully tired and ended up falling asleep with all my clothes on and unbrushed teeth and change in my pocket. Exhaustion finally overtook me. As it has now. This was really too much to write. I never want to miss so many days in a row again.
