Loser
Author: Raine
Paring: implied Craig Parker/Orlando Bloom; implied Harry Sinclair/Orlando Bloom; eventually Viggo Mortensen/Sean Bean/Orlando Bloom
Rating: R - NC-17
Summary: Orlando gets fucked over by a sadistic person, can his two friends help heal him?
Authors Notes: The song Loser by 3 Doors Down inspired this. Angst, implied rape, OM/FC's, and hopefully a happy ending.
Disclaimer: Don't own them, don't claim to. Don't know their true sexual orentation, and don't claim to. Just borrowed them for my twisted mind to play with. :) Also, I'm not a doctor, and I don't claim to be one.
Once the food was gone, and the bag thrown away, Orli looked up at Viggo and sighed, growing somber once more. "I think I'm ready to talk now. Don't hate me, for what I'm about to say."
Listening to the sad voice, Viggo frowned looking up to meet the dark gaze on the bed. "I couldn't hate you." Spoken with simple, to the point, honesty.
A small nod from Orli, as he raked his fingers through the curly mop on his head. He gathered his thoughts, growing silent. After about ten minutes, he looked up at Viggo, then dropped his gaze to the floor, his voice soft.
"It was on the set of Lord of the Rings. I had broken up with my girlfriend, and was trying to sort a few things out. I was trying to figure out, what was going on inside me. What had been going on for awhile. I hung around with the hobbits a lot, but I didn't think I could talk to them about this."
Digging into the pocket of his leather jacket, he finds the pack of cigs and the lighter that Vig gave him earlier. Fishing one out, he lit it with shaking hands. Seeing an ashtray on a small table, he stands to go get it, quickly returning to the bed.
"I guess Craig noticed a few things, and one night approached me. After a couple of beers, I began talking to him. He listened, and he didn't judge. He offered his advice, and he even offered to help me figure things out. We...we were not close, and rarely hung around, but for some reason I accepted. I trusted him."
A small sigh, looking up at Viggo. "He helped me figure out why I could look at a hot girl and get turned on. He also helped me figure out why I could look at a hot guy and get those same feelings. I...kind of knew then, before, but I wasn't positive. I had been scared to find out for sure."
Viggo watched and listened, his gaze steady. That look of worry was back again. He didn't say a word, sitting quietly, letting Orli take his time.
"Craig told me he was gay. I didn't know it, until then. He also told me while he was open about it, he didn't advertise it. He went through the same thing, and a friend helped him out. His friend was straight, but cared so much about him, he let Craig sleep with him. Craig told me that was the purest form of love, and a gift that would never be forgotten."
"He offered to help me in the same way. This wasn't a pick-up line. That he remembered the trouble he had, and wanted to ease mine if it was possible. He let me think it over and left. I spent a couple of weeks thinking over his offer. In that time we started to become closer friends. I finally decided. I slept with him. He taught me. He said no strings attached and he meant it."
"I'm Bi, Vig. By now that's obvious. I like women and men. Craig and I had a fling, on set. Nothing permanent, just a set of arms, a shoulder, and someone to love when things got too tense. It was special, and I won't ever forget it."
Sighs heavily again, taking another drag from his cig, flicking the ashes into the ashtray. Exhaling, he closes his eyes for a moment, his hands are shaking worse. Dark eyes fixated on the carpet.
"Someone found out." Orli falters, clenching his free hand tightly into a fist.
"Who?"
A few long moments pass, before the soft reply. "Harry." Tears threaten Orli's eyes again, he sets down the cig into the ashtray. Now his hands are trembling too badly for him to grip it properly.
Viggo slides out of the chair, and sits down cross legged by Orli's feet. Taking the trembling hands into his own, and squeezes them gently. Trying to lend some silent support and strength to his suffering friend.
"Har..." His voice catches, and he swallows hard, not looking at Viggo. "Harry, started following me around when no one was looking. He saw Craig and I one night. He started calling me a pretty boy fag, a whore, slut, anything he could think of. This was still new to me. I..I didn't want anyone finding out. I didn't know how anyone would feel. Harry figured that out."
"He threatened to expose Myself and Craig. I knew Craig had a boyfriend somewhere. He had told him about us, and he was very understanding. I didn't want my mom and sister to find out. I knew Ian would be cool with it. The hobbits would have been shocked, but offered their support. I just wouldn't listen to the voices in the back of my head. I was scared."
"Craig never found out about Harry. I managed to keep that burden alone. Harry, for some reason, got worse and worse. He found out who my agent was, found where my family lived, my friends. I wasn't ready for that. He started blackmailing me."
Taking a deep shuddering breath, a few tears slipping down his cheeks, sad eyes cast to the floor. "At first it was small things. He was straight, but he enjoyed being cruel. He wanted a blow job here and there. Then he got more forceful and violent. He wanted me to do one of his friends, while he watched. When I refused, he'd hit me."
"That bruise was easy to explain to Craig. As his demands became more strange, more humiliating, I'd refuse. The beatings got worse, and worse. I had to tell Craig that I had to break it off. I told him I loved him, but I didn't want to get too attached. It was the only way to hide everything. I think Craig knew something was wrong, but I wouldn't tell him."
Orli's dark eyes glazed over, as if he was in the past. At that moment, he forgot Viggo was even there. His voice was so sad and bitter, it was hard to bear.
"Two nights before Harry was set to leave. His scenes were done, and he wasn't needed any more. He forced me to take a ride with him. He took me to a bar, that was further out than any bar we'd been to. He drug me inside, and yelled over the music and the crowd, that he had a pretty little slut. That I was to be a whore for them all. I tried to run for the door, but he caught me. He punched me in the stomach so hard I couldn't breathe."
A long pause, tears coursing down his cheeks. His beautiful head bowed, causing the tears to rain down on Viggo. Vig's grip tightens, trying to soothe the distraught young man. Still listening silently, but his eyes are darkening with rage.
Another ten minutes pass, before in a very weak and broken voice, Orli starts to speak again. "I think there was fifteen guys, but with my passing out I lost count. Harry held me down the entire time. After the first few, I was too weak to even fight back. When they were finished, Harry carried me out to the car. He threw me in the back, then drove me back to my trailer. He drug me out of the car and left me lying there."
"It took me a good two hours or more to get into my trailer I hurt so damn bad. I ran a bath, very hot water. I curled up in it, and laid there. I think i filled up the tub three times. I was so bruised, and I was bleeding badly. I couldn't go to the hospital. Everyone would find out then. I called Peter, and told him I was really sick. I must have sounded really bad. He told me to call him in a few days, to let him know how I was."
"The tears are still falling, but his voice doesn't waver as much. "I went to a hotel, so no one could find me. I laid there and cried, or took hot baths until I could walk mostly normal again. Peter nearly sent me to the doctor, but I told him I was nearly better. I knew I had no choice, but to come back. I was back on the set a week and a half later."
"Then Harry was gone. I thought it was over. I stopped living in fear. I let myself heal. The nightmares never fully left though. I still have them." A shudder wracks the slim frame, accompanied by a bitter laugh.
"Oh yes, I was stupid to think it was over. To think that Harry would actually try anything, if I wasn't in his grasp. He made me more scared of coming out, of how people might treat me. I was stupid Vig, so fucking stupid to think he'd let go so easily."
Orli's eyes slowly slid to look into Vig's face, terrified to see what disgust might be there. Vig never get go of his hands, he hasn't moved other than to stroke them with his thumbs. He's still offering comfort so maybe, just maybe? Dark eyes meet blue, and Orli's startled. Viggo's gaze is full of pain and anger. Anger, somehow he knew it wasn't anger towards him. Maybe somehow he was right to tell him.
"Why do you say you were stupid, Orli? If it had been me, I would have thought that after he had left, it would have went away too." The question so soft, slight tremor in his voice.
"He left me alone during the filming of Black Hawk Down, and Deed Poll. I guess he found out about the premise of Deed Poll, and that I was filming with Atti again on Lullaby of Clubland. He found out through someone how to contact me. He also found out how to contact Atti. Atti and I became close friends. Its common knowledge that on Deed Poll, we kissed a lot between scenes. It was to make us less nervous. Neither of us had done a movie like that before. I guess Harry got the picture that we were lovers. Far from it, just close friends."
"The calls started again, the demands. Harry was far away, so I ignored them. That really pissed him off, Vig. He had a friend watch me. A big brute of a guy. He came up to me one day and introduced himself. He told me that Harry said we were friends, and he'd like to spend some time with me. I tried to get away that night, move to another hotel. I didn't know he was watching my every move."
"He beat me that night. His was always worse than Harry's. He hit in ways that wouldn't leave bruises that could be seen. I would hurt for days. He made sure every whim of Harry's was followed to the letter."
"This big brute, I only knew him as Grayson, was far worse than Harry. He helped Harry devise some of my tortures. He would beat me afterwards, if he felt I didn't perform properly. Then the rumors started. Harry and Grayson started spreading them around. It got on set, every set I worked on."
Atti stuck with me through those rumors, not believing a one. He noticed something was wrong, but I wouldn't tell him. I didn't want him drug into this too. I didn't want him hurt like that."
"After the filming was over, I went into seclusion for a few months. Only my mom and my sister knew where I was. I made them promise not to tell a soul. I didn't go out clubbing, I didn't go out to eat, I stayed home. I'm not suited for the hermit life, but then I got the part in The Kelly Gang. I had to fly out to Australia."
"It was fine and quiet for awhile. I was starting to think it was too quiet. I was right. Sometimes I hate being right. Harry showed up in person. My torment continued. Heath and the rest ignored the rumors. I hadn't given any indication otherwise. I'd go out with them, but for the most part I stayed to myself. Harry didn't find it quite so fun, without anyone listening, and eventually left."
"Then I got the part in Pirates of the Caribbean, at first all was quiet. I truly fell in love with one of the actors. He ended up feeling the same, and we started dating. We kept it quiet. It was bliss. We did everything together. We fought and we made up. Normal relationship stuff. Then Harry showed up. I couldn't hide this relationship from him. I was tired of hiding."
"Harry got to my love, somehow. He found him alone one evening, and told him his version of my behavior, starting with Lord of the Rings. Things started to change. Harry forced my hand again, I didn't know he'd told. He took pictures, sent them to Him."
"Things started getting bad, really bad. My boyfriend changed. He honestly believed everything Harry told him. I came home one night, he got me drunk. I woke up tied down. He beat me, took me under protest. I didn't want things that way. He just got angrier and angrier, he threw the pictures in my face. I knew then Harry had told. I tried telling my side, but it was too late, and it was my own fault."
The tears started falling again, dripping onto a fuming Viggo. The anger radiating from Vig at this point was dangerous. Were the tear drops actually evaporating as soon as they hit his skin? It seemed that way.
"The last night after the shoot, before everyone left their own ways. I came home early from the cast party, thinking I could pack my stuff and leave. He was there already. He drug me to the bedroom. He had five "friends" waiting for me. They grabbed me and tied me down. It hurt Vig, nearly as bad as the time at the bar."
"He had auditions the next day, so while he was gone I packed up my clothes and left. I took only what I could carry onto a plane. I left everything else there. Everything we had ever gotten together, or he had gotten for me. I went to the airport and got on the first flight leaving that was available. I didn't care where it was."
"I think I ended up someplace in Omaha, or Kansas. I'd never been there before. I found a secluded hotel, and lived there for a month. I didn't tell anyone where I was. Not even my mom. I called her and told her I was coming here. I've been here for a couple of weeks. I was happier here, before Harry. I thought maybe I could find it again."
Viggo stood quickly and pulled Orli into his arms, holding him tight. He rubbed Orli's back trying to soothe the younger man. Tears fell still, but slowly slowed. Trembling ceased, and he pushed away.
"I'm so tired, Vig. I feel worn, inside and out. I just want this to go away. I want to be me again, if I still can be. I hate myself, and I hate Harry."
"Sleep for awhile, you're safe here."
Orli just fell back to the bed. Viggo bent down and unlaced his shoes, pulling them off. Lifting him up briefly, he pulled off the leather jacket, and tucked Orli under the covers. Orli was asleep before his head came to rest on the pillow.
********************
Viggo paced the length of his hotel room about a hundred times, before picking up his cell phone off the table. Heading into the bathroom, he shut the door, and began dialing.
A few moments later, a sleepy voice was heard on the phone. "Hello?"
"Bean?"
"Yeah?" A slight pause, "Vig?"
"Yeah." His voice was calm, quiet. Too calm and quiet. The violence and anger he felt, came through with each word.
That woke Sean up more, sitting up on his bed. "Whats wrong? You're pissed."
"Yeah."
"Are you going to tell me?" Sean's voice was worried, it was hard to get Viggo this mad.
"Yeah." Vig was a brilliant conversationalist when he was pissed.
Sean sighed, and shook his head. "Well, come on then."
A heavy sigh, Vig pacing the small bathroom in three steps, running the fingers of his free hand through his hair. "Alright, but you're not going to like it."
"I don't think that's the point, Vig. If you need to talk about it, I'm going to listen."
"I know."
Sean waited, letting Viggo collect his thoughts. He could only wait, until he did. He was worried, sliding out of bed, and moving to the kitchen to start some tea. Talks were good over tea, even if he was the only one to drink it.
Then suddenly Vig started, speaking in an angry rush, his voice remained soft though. He spilled out everything he had seen, and everything Orli had told him over the past hour or two. Only he used a lot more cursing, his pacing frantic, his hair nearly on end from running his fingers through it. When he was done, silence reigned for a few moments.
Then Sean spoke, "Shit!". It was the only thing he could think of to say.
"Yeah. I'm going to kill Harry, Sean. You should see Orli. He's not even a shadow of the person he used to be. He's lost a lot of weight. I got him to eat some tonight. He's sleeping again. I'm going to go to his hotel and turn in his key, and pick up his stuff. It won't take me long. I think you should get out here, Sean. Is it possible?
Silence again, while Sean thought for a moment. "Yeah, I can come out there, I just finished with Macbeth. I'm on a vacation right now. I can be out there in a couple of days."
"Good. I'll be waiting. I won't tell Orli, I think he will enjoy seeing you again. Let it be a surprise. We can tell him that we had planned to meet up after Macbeth, and that's why you're here."
"Sounds like a plan. I'll give you a call when I get into town."
"Gre.." He stopped, listening. "Oh shit, I think Orli's having a nightmare. I've got to go."
Before Sean could say another word, the line went dead. Moving quickly he called the airlines, reserving a ticket for the first flight out to New Zealand. Then he began packing, he didn't have much time before the plane left. He called his ex-wives, talking to his daughters for a short time, and then called for a Taxi.
********************
Viggo stepped out of the bathroom, heading immediately for the bed. Orli was twisting and thrashing in his sleep, as if someone was hitting him. As if he was trying to avoid the blows. This doesn't help the anger that Vig was feeling. Sitting down behind Orli and rubbing his back, trying to silently soothe the young man.
He felt something though, a hard ridge on his back. Carefully lifting the twisting t-shirt, he peered at Orli's back in the dim light. Scars, lots of them, not from his back surgery. His anger grew.
He decided to wait until Sean got there, to take care of Orli's hotel. He couldn't leave him alone. Orli slept most of those days. Only waking long enough to eat a little and go to the bathroom. Mostly he slept. He needed it and deserved it. Viggo slept in the chair, lightly. His anger never really abating. It simmered just below the surface. He painted a lot, the paintings violent and angry. The colors loud and clashing.
Two days passed, and late in the night Vig's cell phone rang. Picking it up quickly, he answered in a soft voice, not wanting to wake Orli up. "Hello?"
"Its Sean, I'm in a Taxi. I don't know what hotel you're in. If you give me the name and room number, I'll be there soon."
"Oh, sorry I forgot to tell you."
"It's alright, it was the last thing on our minds. You can tell me now."
Vig quickly gave him the hotel name and room number. Going to the bathroom he gave himself the once over. He looked like hell, but it didn't really matter. Going back out to the room, he sits back down in the chair. Now to wait, and it seemed to take forever.
A half hour later, a knock came at the door. A very soft knock that he almost missed. Standing swiftly, he moves to the door, and opens it. "Sean"
They study each other for a moment, before Sean speaks up quietly. "You look like hell, Vig." Stepping forward he hugs Vig tightly.
"I know." Viggo returns the hug, then steps back so Sean can enter, taking his bag and setting it near the dresser the hotel provides.
Sean moved over to the bed to look down at Orli. Vig wasn't kidding, he'd lost a lot of weight. He really didn't look much like himself at all. More like a half starved scarecrow. Vig was still angry, he could feel it simmering under the surface. Sean wasn't exactly himself either right now, but someone had to remain calm.
"Can you watch him, Sean? He's been having a lot of nightmares, and I didn't want to leave him. I need to get his stuff and pay his hotel bill. It will take me about a half hour. If he starts having a nightmare, sit behind him and rub his back. It seems to soothe him and stop the dreams for awhile."
"Yeah, that's no problem, Vig. You go on, you're probably going crazy. You've been cooped up in here for days. I'll keep a close watch on him." No wonder Vig looked like shit.
********************
Orli woke slowly from his deep sleep in a fog. He thought he heard voices, he was starving, and he really had to go. He laid there for a few moments, letting himself wake up a bit more. That was Viggo's voice, who's was the other? That sounds like Sean! Sitting up slowly, he looks around. Finding them sitting at the little table, talking and eating. Was that take-out Chinese?
Jumping from the bed, he smiles brightly. "SEAN!"
The blonde man didn't have time to react, before he was plowed into by a happy Orli. Laughing as he is crushed by Orli's bear hug, he hugs him just as tightly. "Hello, Orli. Nice to see you awake."
Orli looked at the mans teasing smile, and laughs for the first time, in months upon months. "When did you get here? How long have you been here? Why didn't you wake me?"
"I've been here exactly for.." Looks down at his watch, and chuckles" Twenty-two hours, fifteen minutes, and I didn't count the seconds. We didn't wake you because you seemed very tired." His smile is gentle.
Orli gets somber again, looking at Viggo. "You didn't tell him then? You could have. I trust you, to make the right choice on that."
Viggo looks up at Orli, and hugs him close. "I told him, that's why he's here. He left immediately. He wanted to see you." Vig's voice is quiet, soothing.
Sean turns his emerald green gaze to Orli. "I was worried and wanted to see you immediately. Now, are you hungry?"
"Alright then," Came the quiet reply. Yes, I'm hungry for once, but first, I have to.." Cutting off his own reply, Orli races for the bathroom, soft chuckling following him.
After eating more in one meal, than he's probably eaten in the past two weeks, Orli went to take a shower. Viggo told him how he payed for his hotel and got his stuff. Sean told him about playing Macbeth and the different theaters he performed in. He felt like a group again, one who didn't judge him. He was grateful for that, as he stood under the hot spray.
Once he was out and dressed, Vig asked him if he wanted to get out of the hotel for awhile. Nodding his head vigorously, he grabbed his cigs, yanking on his leather jacket. Vig took his cameras, and Sean just brought himself.
Part 3
