..::Nathan Sounds::..

..::Nathan-Speak::..

Who are you protecting? A whore who contaminated my pool? You know, honey, you mean nothing to him. He usually likes boys for his diversion. (Isn't She Great)[175k WAV]

Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? ["What's going on?"] Nah, I was just seeing if I could hear myself. ["Actually, I--" woman cuts out and Nathan waits, confused "It should be there, Nathan."] Yeah. Now I hear it, yeah. [woman explains that they were having problems, Nathan laughs cos more problems arise] Like an Alfred Hitchcock film. [woman talks to others about things not working right and Nathan starts messing with her] Gee, Nathan, everyone else can hear. What's the matter with you? ["I don't recall ever saying that, Nathan."] I, I wasn't tal-even talking to you! Jeez! ["Take one." goofy voice] Okay! Thanks for playing our game. (Recording The Producers)[1.17mb WAV]

You know, it's one of the reasons I wanted to do it, was to be abe to tell [pause] somebody's grandchildren that I worked with Mel brooks. (Recording The Producers)[194k WAV]

This is really strange. [guy says they can do it again] It just sounds tinny and odd. I don't know why. Maybe I sound tinny and odd. [happily] Tinny and Odd! I have all their albums! (Recording The Producers)[284k WAV]

Yeah, just because you're 22 and hung doesn't mean you're-- ["Let me do this, Albert."] Fine, you're the director. ["Thank you."] (The Birdcage)[100k WAV]

I'm just [pause] a guy. (The Birdcage)[91.9k WAV]

[manly voice] Albert, you pierced the toast. So what. [regular voice] You're right! There's no need to get hysterical! All I have to remember is, I can always get more toast! (The Birdcage)[227k WAV]

[Albert cries and Armand says he's driving him crazy] (The Birdcage)[484k WAV]

[Albert sobs] (The Birdcage)[26.4k WAV]

Really? You know, that's what I thought until I found out Alexander The Great was a fag. Talk about gays in the military! (The Birdcage)[150k WAV]

[macho voice] Oh, oh, right on, amigo! ["D@mn straight!"] D@mn straight! [spits] F^ckin' A! ["F^ckin' A, right!" high five] Ah!! (The Birdcage)[189k WAV]

When the schmecken beckon. (The Birdcage)[32.9k WAV]

That big gorilla looked so rediculous when he sat on you and banged your head on the ground. He didn't even know how to box! (The Birdcage)[123k WAV]

[shrieky voice] Oh! Oh ho!! My, God! Are you crazy?! What are you doing?! ["Stop screaming!"] Oh, ho ho! (The Birdcage)[125k WAV]

[suave voice] Care to dance? Baby? (The Birdcage)[51.8k WAV]

[feminine voice] How 'bout those Dolphins? (The Birdcage)[27.8k WAV]

[macho voice] D@mn straight! (The Birdcage)[18.7 WAV]

[macho voice] F^ckin' A! (The Birdcage)[11.1k WAV]

Fairy dust, fairy dust, fairy dust. (The Birdcage)[47k WAV]

[deep voice] What? [womanly voice] Oh! [clears throat] Yes! Now. That they're dead. They moved. Were moved. Because. Well. My mother always said, 'Live on Fisher Island, get buried in Palm Beach. That way, you'll have the best of Florida.' (The Birdcage)[547k WAV]

Armand! What's going on? Why can't we go home? (The Birdcage)[83.7k WAV]

Where do you go while I'm killing myself on stage? I know that look. Go ahead, hit me. ["No."] Go on! It's what you wanna do, isn't it? Well, do it. Hit me. Go on. Go on. Hit me! AAAAAAH! (The Birdcage)[301k WAV]

No, thank you! I wanna go home, now. (The Birdcage)[34.3k WAV]

[horn honks] AAAAH! (The Birdcage)[28.6k WAV]

[John Wayne voice] Howdy, ma'am. (The Birdcage)[13.8k WAV]

So, actually, we don't know where we are until we hear our last name pronounced. Ah-hahahahahahahahaha! (The Birdcage)[144k WAV]

[Mother Goldman laughs] (The Birdcage)[36.7k WAV]

[coyly] Not necessarily. (The Birdcage)[35.2k WAV]

Oh, ho ho, right on, amigo! (The Birdcage)[36.9k WAV]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! We've been robbed! (The Birdcage)[93k WAV]

[aggitated voice] Armand! Did you see what he just did? [sweet voice] Hello, Vally, darling. ["What did he do?" aggitated voice] He blew a bubble, with his gum, while I was singing! He can't do that while I'm singing!! (The Birdcage)[211k WAV]

Armand Goldman! You old so-and-so. [feminine voice] How 'bout those dolphins? [innocently] Screaming queen? (The Birdcage)[156k WAV]

Sweetie, you're wasting your gum. (The Birdcage)[38.2k WAV]

Too swishy? (The Birdcage)[13.5k WAV]

It's still me! With one, tiny difference. Well, not tiny. Ah-heh. [clears throat] (The Birdcage)[195k WAV]

["Stop trembling!" hysterically] Alright! ["Hold the knife boldly, with strength."] AH!! Oh, God! I pierced the toast! (The Birdcage)[129k WAV]

Try more gum. (The Birdcage)[17.4k WAV]

How do you think I feel? Betrayed? Bewildered? Wrong response? (The Birdcage)[88.3k WAV]

Wait! Stop! Don't do this, please! Before dad dies, he deserves to know the truth! That he has a good-looking, talented child! Daddy! Pappa! [sings] Pappa, can you hear me? (Encore! Encore!)[299k WAV]

[silly voice] Well, I just made a big ol' mess o' rague. (Encore! Encore!)[68.7k WAV]

[egotistical speech] Oh, no. I have come to make you singers. And so sing you will! Until your throats are raw, your hands are trembling, tears run down your cheeks and you beg me for mercy, but still I will show you none! Crying only again, once more from the top! And in the end, you will be greatful, for you will sing with the voices of angels! But, to get to Heaven, you will have to go through Hell. Now, who's ready to work? (Encore! Encore!)[704k WAV]

He also used to take his hands off the steering wheel and scream, 'We're all going to die!' Then he'd laugh like a madman and buy us ice cream to stop us from crying. (Encore! Encore!)[206k WAV]

Why am I like this? (Encore! Encore!)[28.5k WAV]

[everyone singing] It's up to you, New York, New York! [Nathan's voice-over] Come to Broadway and let's go on with the show! (New York Commercial)[185k WAV]

E-I-E-I no. (Encore! Encore!)[38k WAV]

Let me finish. I had a concert in Barcelona. She was sleeping so peacefully, I thought it would be rude to wake her up just to ask, 'Was it good for you, too?' (Encore! Encore!)[167k WAV]

In other words, my little duckling, ours is a love, that alas, can never be. (Encore! Encore!)[97.3k WAV]

[phone rings] Hello? Oh, hello, Danielle! Why, yes! Yes, I can come over and see you while Claude's out. Well, how much time will we have? Well, that's enough for me, but will it be enough for you? Well, then I'm on my way. (Encore! Encore!)[460k WAV]

Unlike so many other prodigiously gifted people, I will not be a slave to my ego. (Encore! Encore!)[104k WAV]

The champagne's not properly chilled, but you sounded so eager on the phone! (Encore! Encore!)[78k WAV]

Well, it wasn't an easy decision. The whole time I was sprinting across the lawn and hurdling over the hedge, I was wrestling with my conscience. (Encore! Encore!)[152k WAV]

Luckily, my French is still excellent. (Encore! Encore!)[43.1k WAV]

Okay! Then I'll be the naughty choir boy! Here's the church! Here's the steeple! Open the bed, and tweest my neeple! (Encore! Encore!)[195k WAV]

Whoops! Sorry, Sister. I should've asked for permission. I guess now I'll have to be punished! (Encore! Encore!)[88k WAV]

I'm usually pretty good at these games, but I'm not sure what to say to that. (Encore! Encore!)[61.2 WAV]

Would you please like a donut? (The Boys Next Door)[31k WAV]

Hello! My name is Norman Bulansky. Welcome to my home. (The Boys Next Door)[69.9k WAV]

Welcome to Norman Bulansky, please come again! (The Boys Next Door)[55.7k WAV]

When you ask me, you'll know how I feel. Ask me! (Laughter On The 23rd Floor)[114k WAV]

She invited a caveman. Okay? (Laughter On The 23rd Floor)[41.1 WAV]

Did somebody from NBC do this? Huh?! Is that what they're trying to tell me? I have a brain tumor? So they can break the contract?! (Laughter On The 23rd Floor)[157k WAV]

All right, pay attention. This is your post. You stand here, if it takes all night. Pay attention! I have enemies. You see anything, hear anything, you bark! You understand? As if your lives depended on it! Any questions? Good doggies. (Laughter On The 23rd Floor)[553k WAV]

Don't laugh at me, but I had this great sexual dream, about us, last night. I was hoping, tonight-- ["Max? It wasn't a dream."] It wasn't? [woman laughs] Oh! And I missed it? Why didn't you wake me? [woman laughs, "You were doing fine the way you were."] (Laughter On The 23rd Floor)[508k WAV]

Freedom. Independence. We're out! Ha-ha-ha! We're on our own, from now on! We call all the shots! (Laughter On The 23rd Floor)[227k WAV]

[sleepily] Harry? Am I home, yet? (Laughter On The 23rd Floor)[76.9k WAV]

Holy sh!t! (Laughter On The 23rd Floor)[18.7k WAV]

[straining] Wow! That was hot! (Laughter On The 23rd Floor)[51.3k WAV]

I'm a, I'm a little drunk, but uh, I just wanted to say....to everybody in this room....I, I just, wanted to say....I love you. (Laughter On The 23rd Floor)[331k WAV]

I'm not getting any pills. I hafta pee! (Laughter On The 23rd Floor)[49.4k WAV]

[drunk voice] Hellen! Hellen! He-- Hi! Helle-- Hellen! Get my saxaphone! I'm gonna play 'Sleigh Bells Roasting On An Open Fire.' And just try and stop me! Ha! (Laughter On The 23rd Floor)[338k WAV]

Okay! That's enough of that, here! Get me into the G*dd@mn sketch, already! Maybe last year, when we had an hour and a half....we could do Linus has mucus and Marcus is nauseous! But this is this year, and NBC is lookin' to f^ck us. (Laughter On The 23rd Floor)[387k WAV]

Uh, I was just sleeping. I got up for a two minute time out. (Laughter On The 23rd Floor)[89.4k WAV]

I don't think you'll have too much to say, Lawrence. Because, it's hard to talk without a f^cking tongue in your mouth! (Laughter On The 23rd Floor)[180k WAV]

This is the suckus tuckus schmuckus version. (Laughter On The 23rd Floor)[62.8k WAV]

No, grasshopper. (At First Sight)[22.4k WAV]

Virgil, my advice, after three beers, you'll see a lot, but none of that matters if you lose sight of what you want. (At First Sight)[125k WAV]

Girl, get your a$$ in the house. (Letterman: 13 July 2002)[80.4k WAV]

No, no. That part about me having big feet was to impress you! (Encore! Encore!)[91.6k WAV]

Oh! Oh, oh! Chest hair! Chest hair! Ah! Nipples! Nipples! (Encore! Encore!)[104k WAV]

Let me take you out to some nasty little club! (Encore! Encore!)[50.3k WAV]

This is about something else. Isn't it?! Something deeper! And darker. (Encore! Encore!)[139k WAV]

You played the oboe? (Encore! Encore!)[32.1k WAV]

Well, P, and might I say, U. (Encore! Encore!)[86.7k WAV]

And let me just say one thing. From now on, I'm going to be different! I'm going to be ordinary! Just ordinary Joe. Howdy neighbor! Hot enough, for you? Are those new tires? Whadda y'say we all put on our sweats, make some popcorn and watch Tv? Please, hand me a revolver. (Encore! Encore!)[544k WAV]

I, uh. I was good? Wasn't I? (Encore! Encore!)[78k WAV]

You're early. ("Dude, what's on your face?") It's an herbal mask. ("Oh. Whatever. Uh, you ready to roll?") Yes! yes, I am! I'm ready to go, right this second! Don't I look nice? In case that vacant look means you're wondering, I'm being sarcastic. (Encore! Encore!)[423k WAV]

(Joe sings part of "On The Sunny Side Of The Street") (Encore! Encore!)[699k WAV]

Way! (Encore! Encore!)[16.6k WAV]

(Burp) Oh, those flies really come back on yah. (Stuart Little 2)[111k WAV]

Oh! What about me? How will I get down from here? [falls] (Stuart Little 2)[108k WAV]

Oh, great. It's glop! Look what I'm reduced to. I'm a handy-wipe with hair. (Stuart Little 2)[134k WAV]

You've got guts, kid. Not to mention motzi! (Stuart Little 2)[62.1k WAV]

[weaze] Hairball! Major hairball! And yet, we continue to lick ourselves. Unbelievable! (Stuart Little 2)[157k WAV]

I hate to break this up, but, I need go tinky. (Stuart Little 2)[86.7k WAV]

I'm a housecat. We're fastidious creatures. We don't just yell, 'Bombs away!' and go wherever we are! (Stuart Little 2)[159k WAV]

What?! Why you little rat! Ooh! You know something? Everybody thinks you're so nice. You're not so nice! (Stuart Little 2)[255k WAV]

(She l-- I never lost my lost for her.") Really? ("I haven't.") After all these years. ("After all these years. Sometimes--") How do you keep that, that so fresh? ("Well, I'm on a wonderful medication, that I'll share with you." Laughs "But sometimes we'll be traveling and stuff--") The big V? ("Ha! The big V! No, I've never taken Viagra.") No. ("Is that what you're refering to?") Well, yes. ("No, no, no, no." Mine is more of a thing that you hook on." Laughs)(Primetime Glick) [506k WAV]

(Laughs) Well, I never saw Disney rattling any money. ("Oh, because they're cheap!") Yeah! (Laughs) You got it. (Primetime Glick)[185k WAV]

(Laughs) (Primetime Glick)[69.4k WAV]

Cow call. ("Cow call?") Yeah, you, you heard of those? ("What's that word? It sounded like you said, 'Co-ow call." Laughs "That's what I heard, anyway.") That's what you heard? ("You don't really project. That's not your thing, is it, so much?") Well, in the theatre, it is. ("In the theatre-- You do theatre?") Yes, but we're in a hotel room, now, so. ("Oh my goodness, we are.") So really, you could actually lower your voice. (Primetime Glick)[397k WAV]

He did occasionally have a drink, but not on stage. ("I bet he had it in a little flask he hid." Laughs) No! He was-- ("How come we don't hear from him so much?") Well he, unfortunately, he passed away. ("No!" Laughs) You didn't get the mem, but-- ("I didn't get the memo!") (Primetime Glick)[304k WAV]

Well, the, you know, eventually they, they narrow it down and then I, I-- ("Who's they?") I, well, the casting director or-- ("Casting director for what?") A, a commercial director and-- ("For what?") For the commercial! (Primetime Glick)[214k WAV]

(Jiminy talks about Nathan working with a drunk george C. Scott and Nathan can't stop cracking up.) (Primetime Glick)[801k WAV]

It's a beanie! (Teacher's Pet)[25.4k WAV]

Before that! (Teacher's Pet)[27.3k WAV]

I'm the coolest? (Teacher's Pet)[21.7k WAV]

Happy Valentin'e Day. I wish we were on an island, just you and I. (Teacher's Pet)[95.1k WAV]

Why? Because, I love him! That's right! I love Leonard! (Teacher's Pet)[138k WAV]

Kickball? Ooh! I love kickball! Um, but no. It can't wait! (Teacher's Pet)[126k WAV]

Uh huh. Maybe you shouldn't tell me, then. Just in case there's some clerical mix up. (Teacher's Pet)[88.1k WAV]

Is she in school, today? (Teacher's Pet)[23k WAV]

Okay, maybe she's not so lucky. (Teacher's Pet)[36.1k WAV]

So! (Teacher's Pet)[8.46k WAV]

There! (Teacher's Pet)[14.3k WAV]

There it is! (Teacher's Pet)[12.7k WAV]

I'm your real friend. Come on! Let's take him and his devil on! (Teacher's Pet)[92.8k WAV]

Go on, crunch it. It's just the right size. No! That's not right! You know you promised Leonard second suck. Ah, the heck with Leonard! Look at 'im in there about to ditch you for a little girl with a jarful of Jawcrackers. (Teacher's Pet)[334k WAV]

Be gone! And don't come back! (Teacher's Pet)[48.2k WAV]

Oh, mama! (Teacher's Pet)[22.5k WAV]

I love that boy. (Encore! Encore!)[20.4k WAV]

Where do you come up with these things? (Encore! Encore!)[40.9k WAV]

(Laughs) (Letterman: 13 July 2002)[32.2k WAV]

She left me for Hitler. For Hitler! (Letterman: 13 July 2002)[68.5k WAV]

For Hitler! Sorry. (Letterman 13: July 2002)[61.1k WAV]

A Bar!

Home | Sounds