The Florencia Lozano Homepage - Fan Fiction
Chapter 12
Yes…if he had been a younger man he would have surely fallen in love with her as Todd Manning had. Hadrian Woolf walked along the paths of the property that embraced Windsor Lake, the land that had once been his, and saw Tea in the distance, strolling in her rose garden.
She wore dark, warm clothing and held a lovely, crimson shawl loosely around her shoulders as her long, golden-brown hair fluttered in the afternoon breeze. When he approached she looked up and smiled, her lovely face and dark eyes blossoming in the afternoon sun. Dr.Woolf observed her with a rosarian’s eye, as if looking into the center of a rose, her complex beauty becoming more apparent on closer inspection, like the intricate scroll of petals that formed the beautiful flower, her warmth, intelligence and sensuality interwoven perfectly to create the exquisite woman.
“Hadrian,” she said warmly, hugging him. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
“How are you, Tea? Have you heard from Todd?”
Tea’s eyes immediately filled with tears and she turned away from him, pulling her shawl tighter.
“No. Vicki’s been keeping an eye on him, but apparently he’s been holed up at the penthouse for days…and won’t even let her in. He didn’t tell her anything. And me…I just don’t want to see him right now. I can’t,” she said, her voice breaking.
“Well…the longer you wait…the harder it will be.”
“I know…but…”
Dr. Woolf took her cold, delicate hands and warmed them with his own.
“My dear…you yourself told me he was drunk…barely conscious. You can’t believe that Todd just went out and picked up a strange woman because…he doesn’t love you?”
Tea pulled her hands away angrily.
“It doesn’t matter why it happened…it still happened! It was real…and the pain…the betrayal I feel is real. I’m a woman…before being a devoted wife, a loving mother and a rational lawyer…I’m a woman first! And, right now, I can only feel as any woman would feel, Hadrian, and I can’t just forget what I saw. I’m so angry, I just…I want to kill him…” she said as she began to cry, her face in her hands. “I want to kill him for ruining my life…”
Dr. Woolf put his arms around her and let her cry.
“Look at me,” she said, pulling away from him, “the great, tough-as-nails Tea Delgado. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep…I can barely get out of bed…dreading each morning. I should go to the office, but…I just can’t seem to motivate myself. Why…Hadrian? Why would he do this to me? And…I know there’s more to it, but…why didn’t he come to me? Why did he let this happen…let everything fall apart like this?”
“Only Todd can answer that Tea. But…there is one thing I’m very sure of …and that’s his love for you. In all my years I’ve never known two people more in love. I know you feel hurt and angry right now…but…don’t lose sight of that, Tea…or you’ll be lost.”
Tea wiped her tears and shook her head.
“You know…I think…sometimes…I’m just too in love with this man. I can’t see straight where’s he’s concerned…I can’t be rational. He’s my whole world…and that’s not right. I have Alma now…I need to focus on her…do what’s best for her. I need to stop thinking about myself…and my needs.”
“Everyone needs to be loved, Tea.”
“I thought if I loved him enough…that everything would be okay. I was vain, letting myself believe that my love for Todd was like some magical cure that would give him the strength to face anything…but I was wrong. I can’t love him enough because, damn it…it’s never enough with him. Well…I’m tapped out, Hadrian.”
Tea moved away from him and walked slowly around her ravaged garden.
“Look at this place. A few weeks ago…it was perfect…glorious. Now…it’s all ruined,” she gasped, as she reached out and touched a naked, thorny bush with regret.
“The thing with a garden Tea is…that it can always come back. With proper love and care it can come to life again and be more beautiful than ever…stronger than ever. In all my years of gardening I have faced many hardships…blight, inclement weather, unpredictable storms…pests…scavengers…but along the way I’ve learned to overcome them. Nature is an unpredictable and formidable force…and, as gardeners…we are at war with her, Tea…that’s what it is to garden…to face what life throws at us and survive. And…from what I’ve observed, you’re a natural cultivator. I have no doubt this garden will be alive again…vibrant with life and color and scent…providing beauty and happiness to anyone in its presence because…you’ll make it grow again.”
Tea turned and took the old man’s hand.
“I’m lost. I don’t know what to do?”
“Go to him. He needs you, Tea.”
Tea turned away and lowered her head, shaking it slowly.
“I know…but, I can’t…I can’t. All I can see is that woman…and him. Hadrian…I’m not sure I can get past this. Todd and I…we’ve been through so much to be together…I can’t believe he’d risk it all so easily…for nothing. It makes me feel like…nothing.”
Dr. Woolf held her as she sobbed into his shoulder. “It hurts so much…I can’t bear it. I love him so much…how could he do this to me?”
Pulling away from him, she walked toward the lake, her delicate body moving slowly, her red shawl floating aimlessly among the falling leaves. He walked silently behind her.
“I miss Starr. When Blair was in prison, Starr began to feel like my own again. I helped raise her, you know…I never thought I could be any kind of mother till I fell hopelessly in love with her. And now…she’s gone too. If I didn’t have Alma…I don’t know if I could go on…”
“Think how Todd must feel…he’s completely alone.”
Tea stopped walking and turned to him.
“Don’t you think I know that? He’s in horrible pain…I can feel it…even if I don’t know why. I feel his suffering right here inside me, every moment,” she said, touching her breast. “But…I can’t help him if he doesn’t let me in. The worst pain is being shut out of his world, making me feel like I don’t even have a right to be a part of it…and that’s what he’s done.”
Tea turned and started walking back toward the house.
“Come inside with me. Alma has been so restless, missing her daddy and sister. Maybe you can cheer her up. She loves your crazy, white hair…it always makes her smile,” she said as she took his hand and pulled him toward the path that lead to her front door.
* * * * *
Opening his eyes slowly, he lifted his head off the sofa and noticed the sun was setting beyond the Llanview skyline. He wasn’t drunk enough, he concluded, as he raised his heavy body off the sofa and headed toward the bottle of scotch on the coffee table but when he lifted it to the light he saw that it was empty. Swinging his arm high into the air he turned and pitched it quickly into the fireplace, the crash of breaking glass echoing in his aching head.
Looking up at the clock on the mantel he noticed that it was only 5:30 and there were still many hours left in this day, hours and hours he had to abort so that he could reach that darkness, that nothingness that had become his only solace.
As he walked toward the telephone to order more alcohol he heard the sound of a key being inserted into the lock of his door and he turned toward the sound. Leaning back against the desk, his heart pounding at the thought of her, he waited for Tea to enter, but when the door opened, it was Dr. Woolf who walked in, closing the door behind him.
The disappointment registered on Todd’s face.
“What the hell are you doing here? Where’d you get that key?” he asked with obvious annoyance.
Dr. Woolf couldn’t hide his shock at seeing him. His skin was white as parchment, his hazel irises swimming in a sea of red, the black circles beneath them telling of many sleepless nights. His beard was rough, his hair greasy, his clothing dirty and wrinkled, and all he could smell was the stench of stale whiskey all around him. There were empty bottles everywhere and the place was untidy, dark and musty.
“Tea gave it to me. I told her I was coming to see you and she said you’d never let me in otherwise.”
Todd looked at his old friend, his white hair sticking up like cotton candy, his perceptive blue eyes magnified by small, thick glasses taking in everything around him in a matter of seconds.
“She was right. Go away! I don’t want to talk…I don’t want to think…I…I don’t even want to live,” he whispered as he walked over to the door and opened it. Dr. Woolf, however, walked away from him and took in the view from the window. Todd shut the door with a loud, disapproving bang.
“This is quite a view, Todd. It must give you some comfort being up so high…so safe from the world down there. A powerful lord in his castle on his dark mountain.”
“It doesn’t give me any comfort…I hate this place,” he said walking back to the sofa and sitting back, closing his eyes and resting his pounding head. “How is she…how’s Tea?”
Dr. Woolf turned around.
“Devastated.”
Todd sat forward and buried his face in his hands.
“She hates me.”
“She’s angry and hurt. But mostly, I think she’s confused…doesn’t understand what went wrong. I think you owe her an explanation. Don’t you?”
Todd looked up.
“I’m a fraud. She deserves better than me. I’ve been pretending to be this…man…this man that she wanted me to be...because…I wanted her so much. But…I’m not that man. I’m…this man. And this is not who she wants.”
“Isn’t that her decision?”
“NO! IT’S MINE,” he shouted, getting up and approaching him. “Todd Manning’s back…he’s home.” Todd looked around sadly. “I’m home.”
Dr. Woolf watched him closely as he walked back toward the sofa and collapsed on it. He walked over and sat beside him.
“Todd…what happened? What brought all this on…you were doing so well. You can tell me…please, trust me. It won’t go beyond this room. I promise.”
Todd stared at him uncertainly but the need to unburden himself was too great.
“She knows,” he whispered so quietly that Dr. Woolf barely heard and leaned in closer.
“What?”
“She knows…Starr knows. Blair…that bitch…that cruel, vindictive demon…she told her.”
“Told her what, Todd? What did Blair tell Starr?”
Todd shot up and walked to the window, his back to Dr. Woolf.
“Blair…told Starr that I’m…a rapist.”
Dr. Woolf gasped. He shook his head slowly and sat back. Getting up slowly he walked quietly over to Todd and laid his hand on his arm.
“I’m so sorry, Todd. You should have been the one to tell her…you’ve certainly earned that right. And…I’m sorry that I doubted your instincts. You were right not to trust Blair…obviously she is a very disturbed individual.”
Todd looked up at him, touched by his admission, but shook his hand off and pulled away.
“I can’t forget Starr’s face…her eyes…how she looked at me when I went to pick her up. They were…Marty’s eyes, the eyes that haunted me for years after…I raped her,” said Todd. “ I thought that was all behind me. This past year with Tea…I finally let myself forget…let myself be…happy. That…was a mistake…a weakness. And Blair saw it…and took it. Remember your advice to me, Doc…let your guard down…learn to trust others? I never should have listened to you. Now…look what’s happened.”
Dr. Woolf watched him leaning against the window as he spoke, his breath forming a cloud of mist on the glass. Todd reached up with his fingertip and made a star in it.
“Todd, listen to me. You can’t just run away from this…you need to face it. You need to see Starr and explain yourself.”
“EXPLAIN WHAT! THAT HER FATHER…WHO SHE THINKS WALKS ON WATER IS…AN ANIMAL…A FUCKING RAPIST?” yelled Todd, turning around in a fury. “You don’t understand. Nobody will ever look at me the way Starr did. Her love for me…was so…pure, completely untainted by anything. When she jumps into my arms and tells me that she loves me…I feel…clean…baptized, and now…she’s going to look at me the way most people out there look at me. She’ll see a rapist…nothing more.”
Todd paced around the room, manic and desperate.
“Is that all you see when you look at yourself, Todd? You’re so much more. You’re Starr and Alma’s father. You’re Tea’s husband. You’re Vicki’s brother. You’re a businessman and publish a newspaper. You can’t possibly see yourself as merely a rapist?”
Todd walked over to Dr. Woolf and looming above him, pointed at the scar on his cheek.
“You see this…this is what I am. It’s what I’ve always been. Everybody knows it…and now…Starr knows it too.” Todd threw his head back and looked at the ceiling, his face twisted in pain. “What am I going to do…I’ve lost her. I’ve lost Tea…and my baby…I’ve lost everything,” he cried.
“No, Todd…you haven’t, but you are in danger of losing it all,” said Dr. Woolf, as he walked slowly toward the door.
Todd looked over anxiously.
“Wolfman. What am I going to do?”
Hadrian Woolf realized at this moment how much he’d come to care for this tortured man…an affection that bordered on the paternal…and how this was in danger of destroying the doctor/patient relationship that he’d struggled to build between them. His first instinct was to help Todd, but…he thought better of it.
“You need to face what’s happened, Todd. And than you need to decide whether what you have is worth fighting for…or, if you’re willing to live the rest of your life without your children…and Tea. Dig down deep and find the strength to fix what’s happened…or, you really will lose everything. Only you can do that, Todd. I can’t help you with this,” he said before walking out the door.
Todd stood there listening to the sobering silence after the door closed. Closing his eyes, he thought of Tea and Alma…the separation from them so agonizing he could barely breathe. Walking quickly to the desk he picked up the phone and dialed urgently.
“This is Todd Manning. Send up another case of scotch.”
*****
2003 Copyright by Trog
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