He knew what I knew as soon as I told him I didn't want him there; I was lying. If I had meant it, I would've made some attempt, even if it were a lame one, to slam the door. He had this stupid little grin, which he now wore frequently, plastered across his face. Who did he think he was, coming to my room that time of night for any reason at all? Wasn't he the one who forgot about me and forged ahead with his life?
"What do you want, Todd?" I wasn't sure how much longer my legs would hold out, not with him so close to me.
There was that grin again; he was trying to read my mind. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction; he didn't know the new me at all. My face remained impassive as his eyes made love to my features.
"I wanna talk to you."
"Then talk," I replied, putting my hands on my hips.
"I see you've picked up some of my rudeness."
I rolled my eyes. "What are you talking about?" Now, he was beginning to irritate me.
"Aren't you going to invite me in?"
I stepped to the side and extended my arm in invitation. "I'm sorry, do come in and make it quick. I am very tired."
He scanned the room, taking in everything about this room, which he visited me in on several occasions. "Bring back any memories?"
"I know you didn't come here to talk about memories."
He sat down on my couch and looked me dead in my eyes. Talk about unnerving; that gaze of his always has made me more than a little weak. I took a deep breath, calming myself, then sat next to him.
"Where've you been?"
"I'm sure you already know the answer to that question, so stop wasting both of our time."
He smiled at me again. In all the time I'd known him, I'd never seen him smile so much. I shifted uncomfortably because, frankly, it looked psychotic. I had never been afraid of him, but that smile was a little scary.
"New York," he said simply.
"That's right. So again, I ask you, why are you here?"
"Why are you?"
"Antonio was shot. Now, you answer my question."
"How come you didn't come and talk to me at the bar today?"
My mouth widened in shock. He had the nerve to ask me why I didn't say hi? I could've slapped him right then and not felt bad about it. Did he actually think I wanted to speak to that whore he's obviously fucking? I couldn't let my jealousy show, so I sucked it up. "I didn't want to spoil the mood for you."
There was that damned smile again. "Did you see our son?"
I felt like someone had just stabbed me directly in my heart. God how I wanted to cry and then beat him until I was exhausted, rest, then beat him again. Shit, I started thinking maybe I was too harsh and somehow I had turned into his father. Even after so much time had passed, he still had the ability to cause this duplicitous rage and love inside of me simultaneously. "Yes I did," I said very calmly.
"I finally have a son," he smiled before adding, "and a new wife."
"That's great Todd, congratulations."
"Yeah, I just didn't want you to hear it from somebody else."
"How thoughtful of you," I said sarcastically." I wished he would just leave and let me have my nervous breakdown in private.
"That's me."
"Well," I yawned, "as I said, I'm tired and I have an early day tomorrow."
"You kickin' me out?"
"No, but you and your newfound thoughtfulness should do the gentlemanly thing and let me get some rest."
I guess I hit a nerve because he got up then and walked toward the door. I couldn't help but to check out his backside; at least that hadn't changed. I made myself do the polite thing and follow him to the door.
"You look good, Delgado."
And then he was gone. I don't know how long I stood in the doorway, with the door open, watching his coat swing behind him. I felt like falling into a sea of tears and drowning in them. Instead, I turned around and closed the door, leaving Todd Manning right where he belonged, in my past.
*****
The phone rang, startling me from my slumber. I didn't feel like dealing with Carlotta, or anyone else for that matter. All I wanted to do was lay in this cozy bed forever. I turned over and answered the phone anyway.
"Mija, he's awake!" Carlotta exclaimed.
Great, I'm glad somebody is, I thought. "When did this happen?" I asked.
"Just a few minutes ago. I'm going to the hospital now. Meet me there?"
"I'll be there as soon as I can."
*****
About an hour later, I was watching Carlotta talking to Antonio, through the small square window. She was stroking his hair, and I knew she was speaking softly to him in Spanish. I was an intruder in this reunion, so I decided to take a walk to the nursery.
I never thought about having kids until Todd and Starr became part of my life. Since that man and his little girl came into my life, it has been almost an obsession. We never really discussed it, other than a brief mention before our second wedding, but I think it might've been something he wanted too. Well, maybe he wanted it, just not with me. He seemed to have no problem procreating with Blair.
I was so trapped in my mind; I didn't hear my name being called. Someone tapped on my shoulder, rousing me from my thoughts. I turned and smiled immediately when I saw Starr's innocent little face looking up at me.
"Hi, Tee," she said, her voice laced with sweetness.
"Hi, sweetie. How are you?"
"Good."
I looked at her long and hard, noticing the similarities between her demeanor and Todd's, something not quite sinister, but also something very wrong. The longer I looked at her, the more I saw of both parents. I wondered what happened to my precious Starr.
"Tee?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. Gosh, you've gotten so big!"
"I eat Wheaties with my daddy."
I falsely smiled. In the background, I saw Blair smirking at me; giving me her victory smile. I did exactly what she didn't expect. I grabbed Starr's hand and said, "Come on, introduce me to your little brother."
"Sure."
She and I walked over to her mother, who stood to her full height in an effort to pull herself together. She was nervous, that much I could tell. "Hello, Blair."
"Tea," she spat, clearly irritated that I had the audacity to invade her polluted space.
I looked in the stroller and saw Todd's son. "He's cute."
"Of course he is; he takes after his mother…and his father."
"Oh, congratulations," I said with as much sincerity as my heart could muster. "Hi there," I said to the baby. I turned to Starr and asked how she liked having a little brother.
With an exaggerated roll of her eyes she said, "Ugh, he's okay."
"Well, I grew up with nothing but brothers and I've gotta tell you, they're a lot of fun."
"Whatever."
She was definitely her father's daughter, combined with a lot of her mother. "Well, I better get going." I kissed Starr on her cheek, noting the coolness of her skin. "Bye sweetie."
"Bye, Tee."
*****
Antonio was sleeping when I walked into his room. Like a protective angel, Carlotta hovered over him. I wrapped my arms around her from behind and hugged her to my body. "How is he?"
"The doctor said they're still cautious, but they think he's going to make it."
I could feel her let out the breath she'd been holding. "Good. How long has he been sleeping?"
"He just fell asleep. He was trying to stay awake to see you, but he couldn't." She turned around and asked me where I'd been.
"I came by earlier and I didn't want to interrupt, so I went to the nursery."
"What's wrong?"
How did she do that? No matter how well I thought I was covering something, she could sense when something was going on inside me. "I saw Starr."
"Ah, and her mother or father no doubt."
"Her mother. And I saw the newest edition to the Manning family with them."
It was her turn to comfort me. "Oh mija," she said sympathetically, pulling me into her arms. to be continued
