Roseanne packed her clothes carefully, smoothing the wrinkles and rolling them into a tight cylinder shape as she placed them in her tawny Coach luggage; Tea's most recent gift to her. Tea mostly stayed off to the side except when she checked, double checked and triple checked, rolled, unrolled and re-rolled the clothes that Roseanne had already put away. They worked mostly quietly, taking only the quickest of glances at each other.
Tea didn't want to let her go. Didn't want this to be the latest failure on her rapidly expanding list. She was, in a way, the mother figure, refusing to accept that fact that her prize child had to be let out of the nest. But it was what she wanted and, like it or not, Roseanne's decision had to be respected. It still hurt like no tomorrow, but what could she do?
A little bit of jealousy eased into her heart. Roseanne was "getting it," understanding that she could not continue to drown in self-pity or wade in "what ifs," while it took her years to learn that very same lesson. As she stood back and studied the way Roseanne slowly and carefully put each item in the suitcase, she hoped to herself that maybe she had changed her mind. While her movements were deliberate, there was no hint of hesitation.
Roseanne, while there were millions of butterflies fluttering around in her stomach, was itching to get back to Llanview. It wasn't only about Christian; she was in desperate need of familiarity. She desired one of Carlotta's special hugs to reassure her and a kiss on the cheek from Antonio; she desired to be surrounded by people; one person was just not enough anymore. Tea, for everything she tried to be for Roseanne wasn't enough, and she was so not there and had to suffer through her own hurts; Roseanne couldn't, in good conscience, remain her burden.
She peeked over at Tea who plopped down in the chair that prominently stood out from the corner. Checked her out, up and down, debating with herself whether she should sit down too and explain what was going on inside. Tea knew things, she was wise and giving and willing to share her experiences. Most of all Roseanne owed her honesty and she had to let her off the hook. She knew Tea and as soon as she walked out the door, she would obsess about what she could have or should have done to keep her there.
Roseanne continued to pack, still debating and Tea continued to watch, until the silence between them became so uncomfortable, they had no choice but to break it. "So, what's going to happen once you get there? Where are you going to live?" asked Tea.
She hadn't thought much further than landing on the tarmac of Llanview's only airport. The penthouse was hers again, but it was a house of her darkness, filled with her awful memories. Those damn stairs would be her downfall, in more ways than one as soon as she saw them. Those damn stairs, the stairs Christian carried her up when they were getting ready to make love and those damn stairs that killed what was to be born from her love of him. Moisture began to form in her eyes and trickled down the sides of her face.
"I can always put you up at The Palace or the Waterside Inn. That's not a problem," Tea said, pretending to not see the tears of her niece.
"Okay."
"I mean, I'm assuming you won't be at Carlotta's."
"I didn't think about it, really."
Tea withheld her comments, even though she had a bunch of things to say. For example, she wanted to ask her how she planned on supporting herself both emotionally and financially. She wanted to ask her about seeing a therapist that was brought up in one conversation and never spoken of again. And what was she going to do the first time she saw Christian with another woman? How was she going to handle even being in the same small town when the probability of them running into one another was inevitable.
Roseanne stopped packing for a minute and watched Tea, while Tea concentrated on a piece of loose skin on her cuticles. She looked good. Her skin glowed; her whole body glowed with a happiness that had to be envied. She wondered if there was the slightest chance if she would, at any point in time, reach some sort of inner peace. She stopped packing long enough to sit on the edge of her bed, and ask, "Tea, how'd you get here?"
"What? Where?" Tea's brow crinkled at such an odd question.
"All of a sudden, you just seem so happy. How'd you get here?"
"I talked it out."
"With Todd?"
"Yeah, with Todd and within myself," she answered honestly, leaving out the details of her countless nights of crying and self-pity and all that stuff she went through as a teenager and again over the past several months. It had been nearly 20 years getting to the point that Roseanne so envied. Some people probably looked at her and thought it was an overnight thing where she all of a sudden could look at herself in the mirror and talk about how much she loved herself. Nothing could be further from the truth. Outsiders knew nothing of the self-hatred she dealt with and no one knew of the low self-esteem that sometimes crippled her. No one knew anything about anything, other than she positively radiated with happiness.
"You were so hurt before…with my father…and all of that…and now…you just…keep moving."
"There's nothing else you can do."
"I'm not like you, though."
"You're a Delgado, of course you're like me. You know, it's all up to you to decide…no more."
"So, you really think I should see someone in Llanview?"
"Yes, I do."
Roseanne sighed and lifted her hair in a ponytail, then let it splay around her shoulders. She did it repeatedly and then began rubbing her temples. A thought crossed her mind that almost made her cancel her trip altogether. It was something her doctor said to her when she was in the hospital and how odd it was for her to think of it right then. Dr. Sayebrook had mentioned that, "that man" would only cause Tea more pain.
Tea watched a look form across Roseanne's face and for some reason, she was almost afraid to ask her about it. "You okay?"
"You remember that doctor who came here when I was sick?"
With an internal groan, Tea mumbled, "yes."
"Did she know you and Todd before?"
"Why are you asking me this now? Did something happen?"
"She just said something about him hurting you."
"Yes we knew each other." Tea didn't expand and that was the giveaway. Roseanne had picked up on some of Tea's lawyering techniques, one of which was to answer briefly.
"So, what's the story?" Ever since she was a little girl, Roseanne pushed people until she wore them down and told her what she wanted to know. The joke in the family was that Roseanne was going to follow in Tea's footsteps and become a lawyer too. They were supposed to meet each other in court for a "Delgado Showdown." It was a joke back then, but somewhere along the way, it had become the truth.
"It's complicated."
"You always said I could ask you anything and you'd answer. So I'm asking you, what did she mean?"
"Listen, it's not really my story to tell, it's Todd's. I don't think it's right for me to put his business out there."
"You're not putting it out anywhere, I'm family."
Tea stood up and started pacing in front of Rosenne. Up and down the hardwood floors she walked, running her fingers through her hair and mumbling under her breath in Spanish. Todd's past was public knowledge but she knew for a fact that Roseanne had just gotten to a point of, not necessarily liking him, but tolerating him and being civil. It meant so much to her that someone in her family treated him decently and she didn't want to risk losing her one ally over something that happened long before she entered his life.
"Tea?"
"Yeah, I'm here." This was it, the moment when she would have to say the words aloud. She had to tell someone that the man she loved more than anything perpetrated the most heinous crime that could be committed against a woman; the man she planned on spending the rest of her life with raped someone.
"So?"
"Dr. Sayebrook's name is Marty Sayebrook-Thornhart. She lived in Llanview-"
Gotta keep moving. Can't stop to look at the horror on her face.
"She attended Llanview University with Todd. They went out on a couple dates…I don't know all the details…there was this one night…one fucking night…Spring Fling…it was a huge party on campus…the frat that Todd belonged to...they were there…and Marty had a reputation for partying…something happened between she and Todd…and he got mad…so damn mad…and he couldn't control it…he wasn't himself…not the man I know now…and there was a gang rape…but Todd paid for his crime. He went to jail and was pardoned by the Governor and he even saved Marty's life."
"Oh my god."
"Don't say that Roseanne; you don't know the whole story. Marty went to him, years later and asked him to go to Ireland to save the man she loved and Todd did that and he was shot; he lost everything because of that…because he was trying to help her…everyone thought he was dead. He was married to Blair at the time and she was pregnant with Starr. He missed Starr's birth but he fought his way back to his family but Blair had moved on with Patrick Thornhart, the man he went to Ireland to save and there was a lot of bad blood between all of them. Anyway, Marty ended up marrying Patrick and on their wedding day, some Irish terrorists, the same people that Todd took a bullet from, broke into the penthouse. Patrick got caught in the crossfire and he was killed."
Roseanne's mouth hung open in disbelief. Now she understood why everyone hated Todd. Before, she went along with everyone else because making Todd Manning a target was the "in" thing to do. Her mind went blank; no responses came to mind.
"Roseanne, don't judge him like everyone else. He was good to you and you know it."
She couldn't say anything to that because she was absolutely right. He had been good to her, although most people didn't know that part of him. But what did it say about Tea for her to fall in love with a man like that?
"He was good and he is so good to me. You should see him when we're alone, he's so wonderful." Tea smiled, wishing everyone else could see the side of him that she saw. They looked at the surface, just like people looked at her surface and judged her based on nothing. Roseanne should understand that, she lived it. "Say something."
"What's there to say Tea?"
"Say you understand. Say that's his past and he's different. Say something like that but don't just be silent."
"I don't know what to say. What makes you think he won't do those things to you, huh?"
"Because I know him like no one else. I've lived with him, I love him and I am loved by him and I know what's in his heart. He feels terrible about the things he's done and I trust he would never do them again."
"Just be careful, that's all I'm saying."
"Don't hate him, okay? There are enough people who hate him and that's one of the reasons he did some of the things he did. Be open-minded."
Roseanne couldn't look at him with any sort of "open-mindedness." He destroyed a woman's life and he's walking the streets, loved by Tea and living the life. Where were his consequences? Marty still suffered at his hands and like Marty, she knew all about lost love.
"Do me a favor okay?"
"What is it?"
"Todd is having a car pick us up for the airport and he's riding with us, at my request. Can you at least be civil to him?"
"Yeah, fine," she mumbled and then went back to her task of packing.
*****
Later that Afternoon
Todd called Tea to make sure she was ready and he detected something in her voice. She sounded very sad, which made him take a mental inventory of anything he could have possibly done to hurt her. When he asked her about it, she just said she was tired which was entirely possible. She had been putting far too many hours in at the office, still catching up from when she let her work lag. Many nights, he would call her office and she'd pick up at 12 or 1 in the morning. Those nights, instead of talking her into going home, he would go to her office, maybe with a light snack, put on some music and massage her feet while she worked.
Those things were so unlike him but they were things that came surprisingly naturally. He would tell her that he missed her and that's why he had to see her but really, he didn't want her roaming the streets so late all alone. She never said anything but he suspected she knew what he was up to and just didn't care.
He had been counting down the days until Roseanne left. Not because he didn't like her but because the selfish part of him wanted to go to Tea's and not have to worry about any interruptions. With Roseanne there, it was always like they were holding back, looking over their shoulder and watching what they said in case she walked in.
The limo he ordered was the best money could rent. Not the usual stretch Lincoln Town car; he chose the Lincoln Navigator, big enough to fit 16 people comfortably. Tea, of course, would think he over did it but it didn't matter. He made "cheer up" plans for them afterwards, a night on the town which included dancing at the Copacabana.
She sure loved the dance and he loved watching her move. Salsa was not his thing but there was something about the look on her face once she started moving the music that made the torture worth it. He had a dress picked out for her, which was already hanging in the back of the Navigator. With one last look at himself, he grabbed his keys and headed out to pick her up.
