Tea lay still on the floor; her blood raced through the cracks in the marble. It flowed in a fast, steady stream, making a deep puddle at the end of its road. Todd gently lifted her head onto his lap, even though he had heard that you weren't supposed to move anyone who suffered a head injury. This was his Tea and if he was the cause of her death, he wanted it to happen in his arms. He would always remember that he caused yet another life, the most precious life to end.
He spoke loving words to her softly. Said things like "I love you" and "don't leave me" and "you're everything" and "God, take me instead." She heard it all but her eyes seemed to be super glued shut. She tried her hardest to open them up but they wouldn't budge and her eyeballs darted around against her lids as she began to panic. Todd put his hand over her heart and to his surprise the beating was as strong as ever.
"Tea? Tea, can you hear me?" No response. "It's okay if you don't feel like opening your eyes right now, I'm gonna grab your hand and if you can hear me, I want you to squeeze it, okay?" He linked their fingers and waited any movement on her part.
Come on, you can do it. Just try. Try damn it. All you have to do is move your damn fingers and give him something to go on. Don't do this to him. Come on Delgado. In her head, she grunted and squeezed her eyes, even though Todd couldn't see it. She concentrated solely on her fingers and finally, they cooperated.
"That's it, Tea. Okay, I'm gonna go and get something cold to put on your head 'cause that's supposed to get you out of shock, I think. I'm not walkin' out on you; I'll be right back." He dashed into the bathroom, ran a washcloth under ice-cold water, and dashed back.
As soon as he touched the cloth to her head, she began to come around. First, she moaned, then reached for the achy part of her head. "Oh," she mumbled.
"Hey, Tea? Can you hear me?"
She rolled her body over so that she could look him in the eyes. "Yeah."
"Okay, that's good," he smiled at her. "Maybe you shouldn't move 'cause what if there's some neck damage or something. I'm gonna call the doctor-"
She sat up too quickly to stop him and had to grab onto his arm to keep from falling over. "No, just get me out of here. I'll be fine."
She didn't look fine at all. Her coloring was a little pale and her eyes were glassy. There was no use in trying to force her to see someone because she would only put up a fight. In the end, she would win just as she always did. So, he did as she asked, got her out of there and took her to back to his apartment.
*****
Todd's Apartment
He carried her into his bedroom and laid her on his bed. She was quiet in the cab ride over. Every now and then he would spot her out the corner of his eye, her head leaning against the window with her "thinking face" on. He wanted to tell her how sorry he was for being the cause of her pain. He was always hurting her in one way or another and in the past, she would get angry. When she didn't show any emotion, that's when it was time to worry. She had said that it wasn't his fault but he couldn't help but blame himself.
She didn't want him carrying her. Put up a fight, saying she wasn't an "invalid" and had "feet to get her where she wanted to go." This was not an argument she was going to win and she knew that. She gave in and let him sweep her off her feet. Reminded her of another time when he did the same thing only under completely different circumstances.
When she was comfortable and he had stopped running around, getting her this and that, she asked him to come and sit next to her in bed. He did as she asked and she took one of his hands in hers. "Stop blaming yourself, okay?"
"Delgado-"
"Todd, stop it. This wasn't your fault. If it was anyone's it was mine. I knew I was pushing the right buttons but I kept on anyway."
"Yeah, but you didn't deserve this. I promise you, he's going to pay for what he did to you." His breath caught as he tried to continue. "I'm so sorry for putting you in that position. I had no idea."
"You don't have to apologize for anything." She lifted her hand and began to stroke his cheek. "Do you have any idea how long I've been holding shit inside?" In his eyes, she could see his sorrow and regret for something that really wasn't his fault. "I should be thanking you."
"For ruining your life again?"
Her heart broke yet again, just by the sound of his voice. There were so many emotions bouncing around inside of her, all for him. There was the love, which was always there, but there was also the devotion she felt to him and the necessity to make him understand that he was the cause of every great thing that had happened in her life, as well as the reason for some of the worst. There was a time when lying in his bed would have sent shivers up her spine, he still did that and she still wanted to make love to him, but at the moment, she only wanted to hold him. So, she wrapped an arm around his neck and coerced him into lying down with her. He didn't put up much of a fight and when his head landed on her shoulder, she felt his body shaking. Then, she felt the tears soaking through the fabric of her blouse. She held him tighter.
"I'm so sorry, Tea. I hurt you again," he cried.
"Shhh. Leave it behind us, okay? We're both okay we both are going to be okay."
"I love you so much, Delgado, so much."
She squeezed him harder, unable to say the words to him. She felt them though, stronger than ever, she felt love for him. A man had never cried true, sincere tears for her. They were always fake sobs that always, always followed with her comforting them with her body. Magically, they would recover enough to screw her and in the end, she would be the one left crying, all alone. Not with Todd, the beautiful man who lay crying sincerely on her chest.
"Peter told me this would happen."
"Peter told you what would happen?"
"He said I'd hurt you because that's all I ever did. Said I'd destroy you 'cause that's the only thing I'm good at. Now look at you. You got a big bruise on your head 'cause I fucked up again. I should just stay away." He attempted to get up but she held him firmly. There would be no leaving this time.
"Todd, I want you to listen to me. Peter is dead and whatever voices you hear like his, don't exist. I want you to remember something whenever you hear him. I want you to remember that I choose you and I have always chosen you. He can't take that away from us."
With the conviction in her voice, he could almost believe it. Almost. He looked up at her and absorbed her beauty. She looked like an angel with that beautiful smile that he only saw when he was around. He'd never thought of that before, or how her eyes sparkled when they were in the same room. It was so apparent after the ordeal with Del and then with her father. She was more alive than she had ever been. He had never wanted to make love to her more.
"What are you thinking?" she asked with one eyebrow raised. She did that a lot when she knew she caught him doing something he shouldn't have been doing.
That look made him want to confess all his sins to her because he knew she could make everything okay. Never failed to make his heart beat a little faster. Never failed to make him feel like he was worth something, like he was somebody.
"What?"
"I was just thinking about you. You got a problem with that?"
"Not at all. I better be the only woman on your mind, Manning."
"Oh, you are."
Tea could not sleep, even with Todd curled up in bed next to her. It was comforting, but there was so much on her mind; it was racing with thoughts of her father. She was stronger after getting so much off her chest, yet she still had this heavy load bearing down on her. She glanced over at Todd, whose arm was wrapped loosely around her waist as his breath blew lightly against her skin. They were that close and it felt so right, so perfect that she was afraid of moving and ruining the moment.
She lay still for as long as she could, hating her bladder for not cooperating with her soul's desire. As quietly as she could, she extracted herself from his grasp and eased herself into the bathroom. While there, she looked at her swollen cheek in the mirror. The damage could barely be seen by the naked eye, but she stared hard until she saw some sort of mark. It could have been imagined; her eyes could have been playing a trick. She ran her fingers along the tiny mark, putting more and more pressure against her flesh until she could feel the pain, then, she snatched her hand away quickly.
"Damn it," she whispered underneath her breath. She turned on the faucet and let the cold water run over her hands until she couldn't stand it any longer. Then, she splashed her face with that very same water. Looked at herself in the mirror and scrutinized her face. Looked very closely, searching for signs of her rough life, maybe the canyons that often defined the face of the elderly. Her skin was smooth, not a trace of age. Scrutinized the whites of her eyes to see if they had turned reddish, or if they were still the bright white, nearly blue color they always were. "Well, what's next?"
"I'd like to know the answer to that question myself."
Tea spun around only to see Todd watching her from the doorway. In her distraction, she didn't hear him coming up behind her. "You scared me."
"You sorta did the same thing when I woke up and you weren't there. What's up, Delgado?"
The thing was, as Todd stood in the doorway with nothing but love in his eyes, she began to feel a little guilty. He was there, with all of this love and trust, everything she'd ever wanted, more open than he'd ever been and she was keeping secrets. How would he react when he found that she nearly had an abortion and when she couldn't go through with it, God took it from her, using her father as the vessel?
"Earth to Delgado. What's going on?" He was becoming concerned at her lack of response so he went closer to her. "Is it your head? Do we need to go to the hospital?" He reached out, felt her forehead and then held her face between his hands. "You can tell me anything," he practically whispered.
"I'm just thinking, that's all. You don't have to be worried about me."
"I always worry about you. You should know that by now. You're the one always talking about our lack of 'communication' or whatever and yet you're the one who's not communicating. I'm holding up my end of the bargain but you, you're reneging. So, am I going to have to sue you?"
She turned away from his touch and walked back into the bedroom. "You can't sue me because you have no evidence of me reneging or breeching, for that matter."
"I've got circumstantial evidence."
"Circumstantial evidence, huh? Well, you know, the court requires full disclosure to opposing counsel, so let's have it, Manning, what's your evidence?"
"Hmm…well, exhibit one…restless sleep-"
"Due to a nasty run in with a fist."
Todd sort of shook his head at that; the urge to go after Leon had come over him once again.
"Is that all you have?" Tea asked, well aware of the effect her last comment had on Todd. There was no taking it back so she simply tried to move on from it.
"The hollow eyes-"
"From exhaustion."
"The mumbling to oneself-"
"Well, I felt like talking and you were in bed."
"The avoiding-"
"I'm a lawyer, I get paid to avoid."
He studied her face for a long time, and then threw his hands up in defeat. "Seriously Delgado, maybe I can help you. I'm here."
She looked around for her shoes that Todd had taken off of her earlier. She wanted to be home in her own bed, surrounded by her things. And the last thing she wanted to do was deal with Todd's reaction that night.
"Wait," Todd said, putting his hand on top of hers as she tried to put on her shoes, "don't go. Stay here with me tonight." His eyes were so sad and she could tell he really wanted her there with him.
Separation wasn't just hard on him, it was hell on her but she couldn't pull him into her world of darkness. She laughed to herself at the irony, he was always afraid of pulling her into his darkness. How the tides had turned.
"Don't run, Tea. Don't run, especially tonight. I can be here for you like you're always here for me."
She never had been able to resist him for long. As soon as he gave her the look he was giving her then, all conviction flew out the window and she ended up giving into him. Without a word, she took off her shoes and reclined into the bed.
Without a word, he lay back next to her and propped himself up on one elbow. They looked into each other's eyes for what seemed like an eternity, both so competitive that neither wanted to be the first to look away. Gradually, they both drifted off.
*****
The Next Morning
Tea was a bit surprised to find him still lying next to her in the morning. She half expected him to be long gone, or at the very least, awake and watching over her. He snored a little and snuggled further into her. She loved the feeling of his warm body scooted close to her, protecting her and letting her revel in the love that radiated from his body.
The sensation wouldn't last long, not after he woke up. There were things to deal with and things to say. There were secrets to be told and tears to be shed. They were her things that had to be dealt with, her words that had to be uttered. She sighed and leaned her body in closer to his, wrapped her arms around him and placed the softest of kisses on his forehead.
