Tea stepped into the bank of express elevators, holding her stomach as it lurched toward the upper floors. There were other people with her, peeking from the corner of their eyes, secretly wondering what someone of her background was doing in "their" hotel. She looked back at them, staring at them the way them the way they could not bring themselves to look at her; head on.
With a ding, the doors opened and she "shouldered" through the crowd. She began her trek down the long, empty hallway, hearing the occasional slam of a door or the sound of rich children running through the expensively carpeted hallway. They looked at her the same as their parents, as if she didn't belong. Kept on moving though. Kept on moving.
*****
Leon was surprised when he opened the door to an irate Todd. The anger that exuded from his body was palpable; he instinctively stepped out of Todd's reach. Not fast enough though and quick as lightening, Todd reached out and grabbed him by his thousand dollar lapels.
"You're a dead man, you son of a bitch." Todd lifted him from the floor by his collar and slammed him against the wall. "You are fucking dead."
Leon was unsteady, as he fought to hold his head upright. "Fuck you!" he managed to say, breathing expensive Cognac into his face.
Todd was undaunted by his drunkenness, unaffected by his cockiness. Peter used to smell the same way and slur the same things, right before he took his rage out on Todd. This time, he was the strong one with all the power. He began banging Leon's head against the wall, completely unable to control himself. It wasn't even Leon that he saw, it was his Peter as he stood over his bloody mother, it was Tea with her hands covering her face, taking the beating. It was his father as he pulled up his pants after giving Todd a "special punishment." It was Tea lying in the hospital bed all-alone.
He sort of left his body, the way he did when he was as child. Hovered above himself, watching as his hands wrapped around this man's neck. Could practically feel the neck snapping at his hands and hanging from his shoulders. "Why'd you do it?"
There was no answer, only the gurgling sounds of a man struggling for a breath of air. Suspended, Leon's feet kicked, trying to get Todd off balance.
"How could you do it?" Todd's grip loosened, and he let him drop back to the ground. Both men were out of breath and Todd looked at his hands as if they did not belong to him. Looked at them and wondered how they could nearly take another life and his head not care about it.
Leon massaged his neck, which had already begun to display the black and blue signs of being choked. He had a coughing fit, forcing him to lean forward against the wall until he caught his breath. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"You know what you did to her! You came here, lived off my money and you never once said a damn thing."
"I don't know what you're talking about. You came looking for me. You dragged me here. You bought me these clothes, I didn't ask for any of it."
"But you knew she wouldn't want to see you. Were you laughing at me this entire time? Were you thinking about how you were going to hurt her again? Well it's not going to happen, not as long as I'm alive."
Leon pivoted toward Todd and the two men stared each other down for a long time. Todd had never felt more rage in his life; turned it in on himself for being so stupid. He began to bang his head against the wall, repeating the word "stupid." Just when he thought he had gotten back in her good graces and they were given another chance, this happened and he blew it all over again. Can't ever do anything right, he heard. Can't ever do anyfucking thing right.
While Todd was chastising himself, Leon backed away from him, heading out of the room. He was too familiar with Todd's type, the kind that was consumed with unpredictable anger and that was dangerous. His kind would act "now" and think "later;" his kind would kill him.
He never made it out of the room. Todd saw movement from the corner of his eye and in an instant he had covered the ground of the entire room and had him by the collar. "Where the fuck do you think you're going?"
"I don't know your problem is, you crazy fuck-"
"You know what they say about us crazy people, never piss us off."
Suddenly, the doorbell rang and both men turned toward the sound. Leon breathed a sigh of relief; he would be spared. And while Todd was distracted, he ran to the door and answered it.
*****
Tea beat herself up about trusting Todd again. Thought she should have kept him at a distance like she'd planned, never should have let him worm his way back into her life. The cycle was beginning again, he was keeping his secrets and she refused to let him in. Well, when whoever answered the door, she was going to walk in and break it off, once and for all.
The door flung open and everything she was carrying dropped to the floor. "No, no," she kept saying, shaking her head at her father. "It can't be." But it was and she didn't know whether to jut her chin out or crumble into a pile of tears. Throughout their estrangement, not once did she think of what would happen if she ever saw him again. And there he was again, standing before her with a smart smirk on his face.
The time had come; the ghost of her past was there, in front of her and there was so much she needed to say but the words wouldn't come. The damn words were lost somewhere inside; perhaps she would never find them. Not until her opportunity had come and gone anyway. Her eyes roamed over the "thing" that stood in the living room, from the top of his thinning hairline to the expensive, alligator shoes; he was not the man she fought to forget. This man was much older than his sixty, or was it more like seventy years? She'd lost track. His face wore the wounds of a hard lived life, complete with gaping craters, dents, holes and deep canyons. His eyes were what frightened her the most, with their ruby redness, it was like looking at the devil as she'd imagined.
This is not happening. Pull yourself together and see what's really there. It's not your father. It couldn't be your father. Stop it imagination; stop fucking with me. Step back into the hallway. Turn around and run.
Don't run. Go forward. Move your feet, hold your head high and do what I know you're capable of doing.
Run. Turn. Go. He'll only destroy you. Don't let him suck the life from you.
He can only do what you allow. Show him what you're made of. You're not a child anymore; he can't hurt you.
She shook her head, no, no, while backing away. So desperately she wanted to get away from there and to someplace safe. But wait, what was Todd doing there? She stepped forward and peeked inside. There, she saw Todd, completely frozen and mortified. He shrugged his shoulders, threw up his hands and tried to say something. If her vision had not been blurred by the threat of tears, she may have been able to read his lips.
Leon spoke to her, but she couldn't be sure of what he said. Was he taunting her the way he used to? Was he putting her down in the way he had mastered? Calling her those names like "stupid bitch," and "dumb ass," and all those others that became a regular part of his vocabulary?
No. No, she shook her head. Plugged her ears so she couldn't hear anything. No. No. This couldn't be, could it? Had to be a mistake. This man, in a Trump hotel no less, couldn't be her father. But Todd was there and he was looking at her with such sadness that it had to be true.
"Papi?" she managed to squeak by some miracle. He didn't deserve that honor, nor did he deserve that respect so she changed her mind and said, "Leon?"
Todd, at some point, had moved closer to the door and stood just behind Leon. His hands hovered just behind him, in the "strangulation" position, waiting for the opportunity to choke the life out of his game. He didn't know if he should do that, or get Tea out of there to someplace private where she could yell at him and cry into him, if she still trusted him enough to let that side show. She shook her head at Todd, at which point he dropped his hands to his side.
"You wanna come in?" Leon asked as he sneered at her. There was something in the way he said it that triggered Tea's fighting spirit. As dazed as she was she accepted his invitation inside. She, the most controlled of his children was a poker mask and impossible to read. Not even Todd could make out what was going on in her mind and that's exactly the way she wanted it.
"Tea, let's just get out of here. I'll explain everything to you later, but we need to go."
"No, Todd, I'll come in." She stepped around him, jerking back and plugging her nose as she passed him. She remembered that scent very well from when she was a child. It still got to her; made her want to run to the bathroom and vomit. Her exterior was confident and she knew it, had no idea where it came from but it was there. She slipped easily into lawyer mode, operating on automatic pilot. Stopped right in front of the picture window, pivoted and stared right into the eyes of her Satan. "Living high off the horse, aren't you, you bastard?"
"Todd knows how to treat a person, unlike you."
"I was stupid. If I knew what you did to her, I would've hunted you down and killed you. People like you deserve to die."
"Oh, do you? I know something about you, Todd Manning," Leon taunted. "I know a lot about you, Todd Manning, the rapist, stalker, murderer, and I bet we can count wife beater as one of your many talents. You and I are alike. So does that mean you deserve to die too?"
Tea stepped in to defend him, the way she always did. Had the perfect argument ready and the right words to take away the sting. "You don't know anything about this man. He is nothing like you at all. What Todd is, is the exact opposite of you. He comes from a place of love and you know nothing about that."
"Still believe in fairytales huh, Teita? I would have thought your mother would have told you that fairytales don't exist. Get real and wake up."
"I am real and my eyes are wide open. You are so damn full of hate."
"Oh, don't get all holier than thou on me, Teita. I know where you come from, even if you've forgotten. For a girl to disgrace her family the way you did by getting pregnant, that's unforgivable. You're going to hell on judgment day."
As much as Todd wanted to jump to her defense, this was something she had to do on her own. He would be there if something happened and she needed him, otherwise, he would remain in the background. It physically hurt him to hear someone use that tone with her, but there was nothing he could do. This was her battle, not his.
"And we know where you came from, don't we Leon?" Moving closer she said, "Did you just come from a bar, huh? Did you take some desperate drunk woman to a dingy, dirty black ally, fuck her, bang her up a bit and walk away?"
Leon had forgotten about the mouth on her. Out of all his children, she was the one that was unafraid; fought him at every opportunity. She was doing it again, stepping out of the bounds of a woman's place and acting as if she could belong in the man's world. He found it amusing that she, a woman, would dare try to talk back to a man. She was just like her mother; too much like her mother. The white-hot burning in the back of his head caused a bolt of lightening to flash in front of his face. Made his head spin and his fingers ball into a fist.
"You took the most important thing in my life and you killed it. But you didn't kill me. We both know that's what you wanted, isn't it?"
The back of his head punched a steady beat against his temples. Bolts of lightening flashed in front of his face and the beating became harder. He shook his head, but that only made things worse. "Shut up!" he screamed, covering his ears.
"Is that still your favorite phrase? You can do better than that, can't you Leon?"
"No, no, no," he said backing away as she moved forward.
She kept going at him; attacked as he retreated. He used to frighten her with his height and natural meanness…not anymore. She saw him through a new set of eyes, the eyes of a woman who had been through it all. "What's the matter? Are you afraid of little old me?"
"I used to walk down the street and hear bout how you were with this boy or that; you were just like your mother. You shamed me and disgraced the family name."
"That used to work on me but not anymore. I don't care." Odd how she suddenly felt herself getting lighter with each statement of strength. Funny how the heart could float away after being chained to childhood pain. Funny how the heart worked, period. If she stepped outside herself, she would have seen her features turn upward in an unintended smile. As it was, she saw Leon slumping over, the power of the situation being transferred to her and she loved that.
Leon, on the other hand, was experiencing something quite different. Red flashed in front of his eyes repeatedly like someone had turned on a strobe light. And his head felt like someone had stuck a million needles into his skull. And his hands shook. And his fingers squeezed themselves into fist. And he was out of control. Out…of…control. How long had it been since he'd had that complete loss of control?
"Speechless?" She persisted, daring him in her own way to carry things further because she knew she was safe. Todd was over there, on the couch, watching for any signs of trouble. He was there for her, quietly letting her take care of her own problems. She wasn't so angry with him anymore. Even though she had heard none of the story, she had no doubt that his intentions, as far as her father were concerned, were nothing less than honorable.
Without warning, Leon leapt forward and, just like that, he made contact with her. Too quick for her reaction; too damn quick for Todd to step in front of her. It was her worst nightmare, being on the receiving side of his hand again. This time, it was much harder. This time, it came with all the force that he held inside for many years. It didn't just creep to the surface, nor did it bubble up…it EXPLODED.
It was so dark where she was. It was the connection of his flesh with hers and then her body to the ground and then the silverish stars and then...nothing. Like Todd when he was in a coma, she could hear everything that was going on around her, she just couldn't open her eyes or move her body. Her lips were stuck together as her mind kept trying to get her lips to say, "Todd, help me. Save me!"
Todd was momentarily frozen in time. He didn't know whether to kill Leon first, or to try to help Tea. She wasn't moving and her chest wasn't rising and falling the way it did all the nights he stayed awake to watch her sleep. He ran toward her, dropped to his knees and cradled her head in his lap. "Wake up, Delgado. Please, wake up. I'm so sorry," and he started to cry.
Meanwhile, Leon used the distraction to get out of there. If he stayed, he knew he would have been a dead man. As it was, he would still probably be that dead man. He hit the hallway and took the stairs to the lobby. Sped past the reservationist as they shouted, "Sir, is there anything we can help you with?"
Hit the streets and already his body felt heavier. His feet pounded against the pavement, not floated as he could have sworn they did before. He ran toward the lower numbers where he knew he could find more of his homeless, helpless kind. Slithered on his belly, crawled back to them in his nice, new clothes and expensive haircut.
As he headed closer to the only home he had known in years, people began to recognize him and in their drunken state, they managed to do a lazy wave.
"'Ay, Delgado!"
"You're back!"
"Bring somethin' back for us?"
"Where you been, man? We thought you was dead."
"I am dead, now man. I'm dead," he finally said to no one in particular. Found a nice pile of garbage to cushion the ground and waited for death.
