There was a fog of darkness that surrounded Roseanne. Hovered over just her, the way the stink followed cartoon characters; a cloud only over them. That very same fog kept her legs from moving forward, but also kept them from crumbling beneath her. She was paralyzed, stuck, deaf, mute and unable to think at all.
That was her father, her real father whom she saw, really for the first time. He had only been around for short periods of time here and there; never long enough for his true colors to be revealed. This time, she saw that other side, cruel, unapologetically so, and all of the things she had hated Todd for being. She finally experienced that other side that Tea said had existed that no one wanted to believe. There was one very big thing that distinguished Todd from Jose; Todd had a heart that he showed whenever he was around Tea, or anyone he loved for that matter. Experienced it first hand when he came to her bedroom and talked to her and said the right things and meant them.
She regained some of her senses; her hearing returned but there were no sounds to be heard. She regained the use of her limbs, turned around and had to get out of there. Her father, her daddy, the man who had always ignored her but for some reason, she always sought his approval, destroyed Tea. She could see Tea reliving the entire thing; could see Tea struggling to maintain her composure even though she was falling apart inside.
Todd was halfway in the hall and halfway in the living room, torn between going to Tea or following Roseanne. He was the pendulum, swaying equally back and forth, waiting for a strong wind to force him in the right direction. So badly he wanted to rescue the woman he loved with everything he was, the same way she rescued him time and time again. Tea paced the floor, wringing her hands at times, resting them on her hips at others, fighting all of the emotion that was threatening to flow to the surface. Smiled to himself at her strength, she was the woman he knew better than he knew himself.
Did she need him there, he kept asking himself. What comfort could he have been when he didn't know anything of the situation? It did explain a lot about why she was the way she was. Not screwed up in a traditional sense, especially not compared to him, but screwed up in a closed off from the rest of the world way. It was her biggest, meanest demon.
He looked at the spot that Roseanne once occupied, still debating with himself. He decided to go to her because no one else would. No one else even knew she was there, much less how affected she was after the things she heard.
He didn't knock on her door because he knew exactly what would happen. She would either pretend she didn't hear anything, or yell, "go away" through her muffled sobs. He opened the door just a smidgen, just enough so he could peek inside. Immediately his eyes landed upon her body, lying face down on the bed. Had to turn his head away at the sight of her being in so much pain. In the past, perhaps as recently as a couple of months before, he would left her there crying and run as far as he could away from the situation.
So much had changed within him, mainly because he wanted it to change. He had done so many awful things to so many people, especially Tea, and she forgave him. Maybe it was too strong of a word, but she was opening up to him and letting him inside. If he could do for Roseanne one tenth of what Tea did for him, everything would be just fine.
He walked over to her bed and asked if he could sit next to her. She didn't respond, so he pulled a chair next to her. God how he hated hearing a woman cry. It wasn't right that anyone should have to feel pain, he thought to himself, then chuckled within thinking of all the pain he'd caused.
"Hey, it sucks when we find out that people aren't who we thought they were, doesn't it?"
She didn't respond.
"That's the problem with loving people, they let us down. You don't want someone like him in your life anyway. He's an asshole." She sobbed loudly; he rolled his eyes. "You got a bunch of people here looking out for you. Shit happens. He wasn't in your life, right? So you're not really missing much."
"But he's my daddy," she said between cries.
"So? Peter was my father and he beat the shit out of me. You're better off without him." He became very nervous at her lack of response. As he watched her back rise and fall with each sob, the more he wanted to go after Enrique. Not just for Tea either, but for the broken-hearted woman he lay face down on her bed. "You know what? Fuck him!"
She turned onto her back and tried to wipe her tear-stained face. It hurt so damn much for him to walk away from her the way he did, but it didn't hurt as much as she knew it hurt Tea to see him. All the years she sat back and blamed Tea for their family being estranged and it was her father that caused it. He hadn't been around much for her, so in the long run, his not being around would be just like old times. She laughed bitterly to herself, like she had been let in on some cruel joke. The joke was her life, and she was seeing it more clearly than ever. They had all kept secrets from her to protect her from the very moment that she walked in on. Perhaps the cruelest joke of all was that Todd Manning was trying to give her advice. Granted, "fuck him" wasn't the most eloquent of statements, but it did fit the situation.
"What?" Todd asked, watching her watching him.
"You're right." There was a part of her that wanted to lean over and give him a hug. That's the side that Tea saw in him but only when no one else was around.
*****
Del and Tea stared each other down from opposite sides of the room. She didn't move, barely even blinked. She really didn't know how to respond to what happened, didn't know if she should continue with her rampage, taking it out on Del, or let it all go.
She had never been in a situation where she was this upset with Del. When they did have it out, it was always over something trivial and could be chalked up to sibling rivalry. This was so much more serious and couldn't be solved with an "I'm sorry."
Del had no idea what was going on in her mind. She was hiding it better than ever, he thought that perhaps their connection had been broken. Testing the waters, he asked if she was okay. Just to see if she'd talk, just to see how much damage he'd caused to their relationship.
"Am I okay?" she chuckled, running her tongue along the inside of her mouth, trying to determine if she should bite it and let it go.
"Baby, I didn't mean for any of this shit to happen."
"I know," she said quietly, still glued to her spot across the room. She had never seen him cry before. Not like he was bawling, but tears did trickle down the side of her face. Nothing could get to her more than seeing a man cry.
"You never told me everything about what happened."
"What was I supposed to do? I was ashamed Del, all I wanted was to forget any of it ever happened."
He took a tentative step toward her, just to see if she would move away. When she didn't he walked the rest of the way to her, stopping when he was right in front of her. "I'm so sorry."
"You should have trusted that there was a reason I didn't want him anywhere near me and you should have accepted it."
"You're right. Babygirl, I swear, I'll never pull anything like this again."
"You better not," she smiled, playfully swatting at him. Next thing she knew, he pulled her into an embrace and rocked with her, the same way he did when they were kids.
*****
Todd stepped into the hallway and listened for objects Tea may have thrown, shattering against the wall. When he didn't hear any, he listened for any yelling. What he could hear were two low talking voices. Couldn't make out what they were saying no matter how hard he strained his ears. He leaned against the wall, leaving Tea and Del to talk amongst themselves.
That was when it hit him. It occurred to him that the reason Tea lost her child was because her father beat her. He had been concentrating on Enrique so hard, that he overlooked that fact. And he was so close to bringing them back together, thinking that it was something she would want. Leon was living off of his money as if nothing happened. Pretending to be the loving father down on his luck when he was anything but.
Like a dry twig, something inside of him snapped and filled every vein, every pore with rage. Not just any rage, the kind of rage that he had for Peter; even the kind of rage he had for himself. A few more days and he would have made the biggest mistake of his life. He would have brought her father back into her life and with him, memories that she tried so hard to forget.
If Leon had been in front of him, he would have killed him without hesitation. He would have taken pleasure in blowing his head off and hopefully, blasting the nasty memories out of Tea's heart. When he thought about, something about her father struck him as odd and it was beyond just the alcoholism. His senses were off; otherwise, he would have done everything he could to keep him from her life.
He made up his mind to go straight to the hotel and throw him out. He'd yet to decide whether Leon would leave via the window or the door, that part would come later. His main concern was keeping Tea away from her father.
Tea looked a little shocked when she saw Todd emerge from the darkened hallway. In all of the excitement, she'd forgotten he was there and then was relieved that he'd stayed. She smiled her "surface" smile, which began and ended on the surface. "Hey," she said, taking a couple of steps in his direction. What she really needed was to be held in his arms.
"Hey. Uh, Tea, I gotta go."
She failed in her attempt to hide the disappointment in her voice when she replied with an unconvincing "okay."
"I don't wanna go but I've got some things to do. You gonna be okay?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine. I'll be fine," she repeated. She wasn't going to be fine, nor was it "okay" for him to leave her. She needed his shoulders to cry on because he was really the only person she felt comfortable with displaying her emotions.
"Do you want me to come back? I can come back when I'm finished and we can have dinner or something. You like lobster, right? We can go and have some lobster and expensive rice junk. I won't be gone long, it's just...I have to do this thing."
She raised an eyebrow and so did Del who was across the room but still within earshot. He was up to something they both thought at the exact same moment. Sometimes Tea didn't want to know what he was planning to do, just in case she had to bail him out of a situation.
"Okay Todd," she responded in such a manner that he felt compelled to expand.
"I'm doing something for you but you can't know about it."
"Okay Todd," she repeated, knowing there was some truth to his explanation. "I'll walk you to the door."
She walked him to the door and then outside, slamming it behind them. "Tell me what's really going on."
"I can't."
She examined him closely, tilting her head to the side and squinting; attempting to read his mind. Just because they were closer than they'd ever been, didn't mean that she was any closer to solving the puzzle known as Todd Manning. If anything, it may have been even harder to read him. He became even more complex with his newfound openness.
"Don't worry about me, okay? It's not your job."
"Don't go after him." Her eyes were very sad when she said that, "he's not worth it," she continued.
And I'm not worthy of you, he thought. He grazed the side of her face with his fingertips in an effort to comfort both of them. "Why didn't you tell me, Tea?"
"There's nothing to tell. It all happened before you and I met."
"I just don't want you to hurt, that's all."
"I don't hurt when I'm with you." They looked in each other's eyes in silence. If she had the strength, Tea would have crawled into his arms and cried on his shoulders. His look was so gentle and sweet; he made her feel like everything was okay. Like she was okay.
"Ditto. Look, I'll be back later, I promise." He leaned over and planted a short, sweet, lingering kiss on her inviting lips and disappeared down the hallway.
*****
"What was so secretive that you didn't want me to hear?"
"If I wanted you to know, then we would have had our conversation in front of you," Tea said, closing the door as she stepped back inside of her apartment.
"If he finds Enrique, he's going to kill him. You do know that, don't you?"
"He's not going after him."
"You've been wrong about him before-"
"But not this time. Give me my keys."
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."
*****
Tea caught up to him fairly easily. There was something to be said for keeping in shape…and for express elevators. She found him just as he had stepped out onto the street, heading toward the Upper West Side. Staying her distance behind him, she weaved and bobbed through the pushy crowd the same as he.
Every now and then, he turned; probably sensing someone was following him. She would always find someplace to hide just before he turned and she watched him searching the area for his "stalker." Satisfied that his paranoia was working overtime, he kept on his journey.
She was a little puzzled when he stopped in front of the Trump Hotel. Nothing about that place was him; it attracted the kind of crowd he would loathe. She was even more curious when he didn't stop at the front desk; instead, he headed straight for the elevators.
From the bottom, she watched the arrow go higher as it ascended to the top of the building. A part of her grew jealous, thinking that maybe he had some woman holed up in the hotel or worse, he was going to visit Misty. She realized that the only way to find out what room he went to, was to slip the right person the right amount of money, so she switched over to the Reservation Desk and turned on the charm.
"Excuse me," she said in her sexiest voice, tossing her shoulder length hair over her shoulder. She gave the man a smile too; men found it hard to deny her anything once she had given them a smile.
"May I help you?"
"Yes. Did you see the gentleman that came in a few minutes ago? The one with the long, brown hair?"
"Yes m'am."
She reached into her purses and retrieved a hundred dollar bill, placed it on the counter and covered it with her hand. "Do you know which room he went to?" She asked, sliding it across the counter but not removing her hand.
"Yes m'am." He wrote the room number down on a piece of paper and slid it next to the hand that covered the money. "Here you go."
"And here you go," she said, removing her hand from the money as he did the same with the slip of paper. "You have a nice day."
