Bangbangbangbangbangbang! That was the first sound that Leon Delgado heard as he rolled off the side of the couch and onto the plush, white carpeting. Its roughness brushed against his cheek, scratched it like a day old beard.
Bangbangbangbangbangbang!! The knocking continued, more urgently. "Hey, Delgado, get your ass up and answer the fucking door!" Bangbangbangbangbangbang!!
Leon stumbled to his feet, staggered to the bathroom where he fell to his knees in front of the toilet and heaved into the bowl. He heaved until he saw blood drip into the stool, flushing it continuously as to not stain the bleached white bowl. He heaved until there was nothing left but a dry cough that lost itself in the air around him. He heaved until the vein in his forehead bounced around so much; it looked as if it might burst from his skin. Then, he stood up, splashed a little cold water on his face, squeezed a strip of toothpaste on his finger and licked it off. He did that thing where he blew his breath against the palm of his hand and sniffed the air that bounced back into his face. With a satisfied nod, he buttoned his shirt, tucked it in, zipped up his pants and stood in front of the door. Fumbling a bit more with his appearance, he swung the door open once he was convinced he looked just as good as the night before.
"What took you so long?" Todd asked irritably, pushing past the hung over, red_eyed man that stood in the doorway. Quickly he scanned the room, immediately noticing the empty bottles that lay carelessly on the floor around them. "What the fuck happened in here?"
"Oh, this shit? Aw, man, you know how it is. I went out last night and met a couple 'a people," Leon answered as he proceeded to try and clean up some of the garbage.
Todd was perceptive and saw what was going on immediately. The behavior pattern rang too familiar. He had seen the same sort of thing in his house growing up, seen it far too many times. No, not Tea too, he thought. He recalled seeing him in the alley, belligerent, drunk; ready to take on the world. Then the thought back to the conversations he had with Tea about her childhood. She made her father sound like a hero, especially the way he would read teenage magazines to try to understand his daughter. He couldn't be that bad Todd surmised; any man who would raise his kids alone with their mother walked out on them couldn't be a lost cause. He thought of himself after he walked out of Tea's life; how pitiful he was. He turned to the bottle too, as well as other things. Still indulged. The loss of a woman like Tea could do that to you, make you want to kill yourself with any sort of numbner.
He sat down on the couch, letting his long, light spring jacket fan out behind him. He had plans for Leon, things he was going to have to do before he let him see Tea again. The first thing was to get that damned odor that penetrated his pores out of his skin. Pure alcohol he smelled like, getting worse with each passing minute. Then, there was the whole matter of getting them in the same room together. Tea could be funny sometimes, shutting herself off from the rest of the world. When she did, no one could get through until she was good and ready.
"Listen," Todd began, jumping up form the couch, "I don't wanna come here anymore and find you like this. Got it? If you wanna see your daughter again, you gotta do exactly what I say when I say it."
Leon glared at him, wondering who this man thought he was. Nobody intimidated him! Nobody talked down to him not even those rich white people he worked for all those years before. After all, a man had to have his pride. With as much anger as he could muster, he got in Todd's face, his neck stretched out to add an inch or two to his height. "You think you can buy me? I don't 'gotta' do nothin' you tell me. Just because you get me a nice hotel room for one night doesn't mean you own me!"
"Shut up you fuckin' loser. You outta be glad somebody dragged your sorry ass off the streets or else you'd be diggin' through the garbage looking for your next meal. I say you better be damned happy I came when I did."
Todd turned around and stormed out of the room. It hadn't gone at all the way he planned; now he was wondering if he did the right thing by seeking him out. What if Tea never wanted to see him again? What if she hated him? They talked about him a few times; Tea never gave him any indication that their relationship wasn't solid. Must be all in my head.
*****
Before Todd got out the door good, Leon was looking for something else to drink. He smacked his tongue against his lips, trying to produce some moisture. There was none, so he went to the refrigerator, opened a bottled water and poured it down his throat. His mouth turned upward in a grimace at the plain tasting liquid.
"What kind of shit is this?" he asked, turning the bottle sideways to read the side. "Perrier…ugh, no wonder." The glass shattered when he casually tossed it against the wall.
He then called room service and ordered more beer and more wine and Covasier. He had never had it like this before. Not where he could get whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted to quench that early morning desire. It was better than a drug and much less expensive. Took him higher than any drug too, straight to heaven it did.
The only trouble was falling back to earth and dealing with the constant throbbing of his head. But he could cure that easy enough; cure it with another stiff drink and further numb it with more and more and more until he couldn't see right in front of him.
He couldn't think of a time when "al" had not been his best friend. Couldn't recall a time when that desire was not a part of his being. Funny how it worked. Started off as a casual thing to do with buddies, the rebellious thing to do. Ended by taking him by the short hairs, leading it wherever it wanted to take him.
He used to blame it on his father. He used to sit on the back porch, watching his father carve figures out of wood with a cigarette in his mouth and a beer right next to him. On those hot summer days, he would watch the sweat bead up on the side of the beer bottle and drip down the side. How he wanted to taste its coldness. How he craved it when there was nothing else but beer in the house and his father would let him take a sip every now and then.
That was all it took. Soon he couldn't imagine life without it. Especially once his friends started getting into it. The egged him on until his will was broken and he had to have some. Never occurred to him that he was hooked. Never dawned on him that his most natural craving was so destructive, it would control the rest of his life. Led to his wife's "disappearance," but two and two never quite came together to equal four.
AnnaRosa. After more than twenty years, he still thought of her. Remembered her fondly during some of the darkest times of his life. She was his second wife, the one that forced him to leave his first family. AnnaRosa with her wide brown eyes, generous mouth and womanly wiggle. She was his junior by decades, but he couldn't resist her features, couldn't resist her childish laugh and her very real and feminine walk.
He told his friend, the first time he saw her, said she would be his wife. Though he was still married at the time, none of that mattered. The only thing that mattered was that woman with the scent that would haunt him forever. The trail stayed behind, long after she'd walked by, half covering her face as she laughed with her girlfriend. She walked passed without even noticing him, even though he stood as straight and tall as he knew how, she still passed him by.
That night as he slept with his wife and made love to the woman he saw earlier that day, he decided that he would have her if it destroyed him. His wife lay in his arms after he pulled his flaccid manhood from inside of her, playing with the hairs on his chest and declaring it as the best love they'd ever made. He didn't acknowledge her statement; instead he pushed her head downward until she came face to face with her "duty" as he called it.
The next morning, the image of the young girl that passed him was still fresh in his mind. There was no getting her out. No way to wash her out of his skin.
By day, he avoided his wife and searched for the young girl who captured his attention and his heart in one foul swoop. He scoured the beaches for her, combed the local hangouts. Finally, he saw her again and she ignored him. All he needed was for her to acknowledge his existence, which she refused to do. That is, until he mustered up the courage to approach her himself.
He had to take a few deep breaths to settle himself down. She was so breathtaking; he couldn't immediately find the words. When she smiled at him, he felt his heart melting inside. He was willing to give up everything, if only for one night with her.
"What's your name?" he asked her, nervously playing with his knuckles.
She wasn't drawn to him at all. He was too old, too cocky, too ragged looking for her taste. She had been raised to be polite, which is exactly what she was when she responded quietly, "Rosa."
"Ah, Rosa, my name is Leon Delgado." He extended his hand, "nice to meet you."
"You too." Her friends, seeing she did not want to be bothered, called to her from across the room, telling her they had to go.
"Wait," Leon stalled, "can I call you sometime?"
"I don't think that would be a good idea," she answered, before quickly disappearing into the crowd.
*****
Todd's Apartment
Todd looked around his apartment, wondering when it got so messy. He didn't recall eating there, yet there were dishes piled to the ceiling, overflowing from the sink. He didn't recall not calling his laundry service to pick up his things, yet there was a trail of clothing all the way down the hall. It was a mess.
Rarely had he attempted to clean anything, but it was too much of a pig's sty, even for him. Plus, he was thinking of inviting Tea over for dinner and whatever came next. He smiled, feeling more optimistic than he ever had. She had been so kind to him, so gentle and kind, it was really a shock. After all he'd done, she was still there to be his biggest cheerleader.
"You don't deserve her," he whispered into the air as he pulled the dishes from the sink and threw them into a heavy_duty garbage bag. It was disgusting, the mess that surrounded him.
He thought that maybe they could start over and do all the romantic things that she liked. Maybe she would come over and they could have a candlelight dinner. Maybe she would come over and they could watch one of those love stories she loved so much. The possibilities really were endless and it didn't matter anyway, as long as they were together.
There was still that other problem to deal with, his inability to make love to her. He inwardly cringed as he thought about the blown chances. There was no explanation why he could not make love to her; his body was more than willing, most of the time in fact. Something inside of him kept screaming that all he would do is hurt her if he let her see that side. Deep down, that may have been one of the reasons that he could never fully trust her to love him, he couldn't give her that one thing that she so desperately wanted.
He continued to clean, picking up his clothes and stuffing them into one of his laundry bags. Yeah, he thought, she might be back. How would things be different though? How could he possibly convince her to give up everything and put her faith in something as unstable as him?
He tried not to think about it. What he did want to think about were the good times they had together. Those times when no one else was around and they would simply "be" together. She, wearing something comfortable like jeans and a sweatshirt, curled up on the couch, reading a sappy love story. He would usually sit on the floor across from her, pretending to read the paper but really looking at her. Every now and then, she would look up and catch him watching. She'd give him that smile of hers, maybe say something and then go back to reading her book. Those times were few and far between.
*****
Tea's Apartment
Sometimes, Tea imagined herself as the functional Princess who couldn't be deterred by the trials and tribulations of life. She imagined herself as the pillar of strength, the person that everyone could count on to make things better. She was the every woman who could be all things to all people, all of the time, and still take care of herself. She imagined, but she intuitively knew she could never be any of those things. Her heart was too fragile, her soul too bruised to ever heal.
She couldn't remember the last time she slept, really slept and woke up feeling renewed and refreshed. In fact, she couldn't remember the last time she was asleep when the first rays of morning light peaked through her window. She had become a robot, getting up, going to work, coming home and working some more.
As she watched the sun slowly lighting up the sky, she wrote in a little book she had learned to carry with her. The "Book of Life" was what she called it. There were volumes upon volumes of the book, detailing her life from before her mother left, until that very day. She used to write in it out of habit, now she wrote in it out of necessity. If she didn't, she would surely lose her mind.
Looking back through the worn pages as she often did, she saw how frequently she wrote about Todd. They weren't angry words that she wrote, they were words of friendship, words she hadn't the opportunity to use very often. No one, since early in her youth, had ever been a real, true friend. Not until Todd in his nonjudgement of her and his unconditional love for her. She believed that he loved her with all his heart. It wasn't something that was particularly easy to believe, but over time, he proved it time and time again. An evolution was what she called it. From the earliest mentions of him in her book, to the present, there was this tumultuous wave of emotions that led her to a place of total acceptance of him and all the things he could offer her.
She began to think about maybe taking things a little further. He needed her, she knew that much. He wanted her, she knew that much too. As her pen glided across her paper, she began to smile thinking that maybe this was it…he was it. Maybe the time was right and all the pieces were in the right place. Maybe, just maybe, they could give it one more try.
An idea came into her head, one she should have thought of long ago. She dialed the familiar numbers and tapped her pen against the paper while she waited for an answer.
"Victoria Carpenter."
"Hi, Viki, it's Tea."
"Tea, how are you?"
"I'm okay. How are you?"
"I'm well. To what do I owe this unexpected pleasure? Is Todd okay?"
For the first time Tea was actually able to answer with an honest, "yes." It felt good even as it slid off her tongue. Yes, he was fine and maybe she was really going to be okay too. Maybe the phase was just about over. "Actually, Todd is part of the reason I called."
"Oh?"
"Yes. Viki, I know I have no right to ask you this, but do you think that maybe you can get Starr and bring her out here to spend a few days with her father and me? If you can't come, we can use Todd's jet to bring her out_"
"Oh, Tea, honey, I don't know if I can do that."
"Viki, please? It would mean the world to Todd and I know what it would mean to me. Just for a few days, we both…we both really need this."
