"Del called," Roseanne yelled from her bedroom when she heard Tea's footsteps quietly easing down the darkened hallway. She lay awake in her room, leaning against a heap of pillows. "Said for you to call him when you got in…if you got in."
"Okay," Tea answered as she entered the bedroom. She looked around to see if anything was out of place. To see if Roseanne had moved from the position she left her in earlier. Not a thing was out of place; the glass of water beside her bed remained untouched. Tea mentioned nothing of her observations recalling going through the very same things after she lost her baby.
"Hot date?"
"I wouldn't call it a date at all," Tea remarked, lightly touching Roseanne's head. "Well, you don't have a temperature, that's a good sign."
"A good sign," she repeated weakly. She never thought she would feel such loss for someone, something she'd never even seen. But it hurt her more deeply than losing Christian, more deeply than losing her mother, more deeply than not seeing her father. She closed her eyes, thinking of him. How disappointed he would be in her yet again. But then there's Tea, she thought, opening her eyes to see her caring, forgiving, heartbroken aunt. "Thanks for taking care of me."
"Hey, you're family, it's my job. You hungry? I can whip something up for you, or, if you want, I can warm some chicken broth. Sound good?"
"Chicken broth is fine."
"Okay, coming right up. If you need anything else, just give me a holler."
*****
"Hey, Big Brother, what's up?" Tea asked as she moved around the kitchen, adding a few things to the very bland chicken broth. She sniffed at it, frowning, wondering how anyone could drink that stuff and have the nerve to say it was good. It might have healing power, but the taste alone was enough to make her sick. Which was why she added her own Puerto Rican spices, adding a little Spanish flavor.
"Well, if it isn't Missing in Action. Where the hell have you been?"
"Out. I repeat…what's up?"
"I'm just checking in with my girls, that's all. You doin' okay?"
She took a clean spoon from a drawer and tasted the broth. "Just dandy," she answered, frowning and shaking her head at the imperfect mixture.
He shook his head and smiled at her obvious lie. For some reason, she still thought she could pull one over on him. The truth was, he had been worried more about her than Roseanne. Not that she wasn't strong...she was definitely the pillar of strength, but she didn't have anyone. Roseanne had her to rely on, for Tea, there was no one. She would hold it all inside and continue to live through each day like all was right in the world, when there couldn't be anything further from the truth.
"Del, you still here? If it's a bad time-"
"Naw, baby, it's never a bad time for you. I was just thinking about something, that's all."
"Look, if you want to ask me something, don't beat around the bush. Say it, and I'll decide whether or not I want to answer." She spoke with a straightforward confidence, the tone she usually reserved for lawyering. With Del, there was no other way she could be. It was either that, or the needy sister whom she buried inside long ago. She was determined to handle her life just the way she wanted, on her own, even if she screwed it up.
"Damn. Okay, I want to know how things are going with you and your ex. I want to know if you're sleeping, or if you're sleeping around. I want to know when's the last time you've slept the night through. I want to know if you're taking care of yourself the way you should. I want to know if you need me."
His words hit her hard and directly in her heart. She struggled to maintain her composure, struggled to pour the steaming broth into a large mug without making the shaking of her hand and the clinking of the pot against the mug too obvious. She struggled to not fall apart as the words of her brother and mentor said what the thought of her without really saying the words. Had she become that transparent? Had her life become nothing more than sex followed by endless nights of pacing, nights of fighting to keep the demons at bay?
"I didn't mean it that way-"
"There's no other way to mean it," she responded through clenched teeth as she carried a tray for Roseanne into one of the guest rooms. "Here you go," she said to Roseanne, putting on her best "happy" voice.
She closed the door behind her so that Roseanne and her ever-prying ears could not hear her end of the conversation and added another barrier by stepping in and closing her bedroom door.
"What I'm trying to say is that you have a history of dating when the going gets tough, that's all."
"I'm a woman…a single woman. Single women date, just like single men. And, yes, sometimes we like to have our needs met, you of all people should know that. I don't see how my sex life has anything to do with you."
Del sighed heavily into the receiver, the conversation not going anywhere near the way he had planned. "Tea, you and I both know it has nothing to do with that. I grew up with you remember? I know how you operate when you feel like you're spiraling out of control. You go off and try to find control. I want you to be happy, little sister, that's all I've ever wanted for you. I haven't seen you happy, I mean really happy since," he stopped himself from saying 'since you were with Todd' and continued with, "in a real long time."
She squeezed her eyes shut, thinking of the last time anyone had seen her genuinely happy. Todd had seen her happy, he'd seen her emotions run the gamut. When was the last time she had been happy? My wedding day.
"You get to be happy, you know that don't you?"
"I know," she whispered.
"So tell me what's wrong? I know what part of it is, but tell me more. You don't have to go through anything alone, I'm always, always here for you."
She held a Kleenex up to her eyes to catch the errant tears that trickled down her face. Stop it! Just stop it! Her tears did not listen neither did her running nose. She pressed the "mute" button on the receiver and sobbed. He couldn't hear her like that.
Get it together Tea! You are strong! You are strong!
When she felt she had herself under control, she put the phone back to her ear. "I honestly don't know. Lately, I've been thinking about mami and papi and how we grew up, you know?"
"What about them?"
"I don't know. I guess I wonder if I'm like her. I wonder if I'm going to be unhappy for the rest of my life like her. I wonder if I'm denying myself something I desperately want because I want to do the right thing. I wonder if this is the best it gets for me so I might as well make the most of it."
"Tea, what are you talking about?"
"I don't know," she said, pressing "mute" before she sniffled. "Todd, I guess. What am I so afraid of when it comes to him? Del, the best and worst times of my life were spent with him, and I kinda want that back. I'm thinking about my baby, the baby that was fucking torn from me. I didn't do right by her, like mami didn't do right by us. She never should have left us the way she did, Del."
"She had to take care of herself, just like you have to take care of yourself. Forget what I think, or what Carlotta thinks, or what everybody else thinks for that matter. Take mami out of the equation, what's done is done. If she had stayed, you and I both know what would have happened to her. And yeah, what happened to you and the baby was really fucked up, but you know what? You survived and now look at you. Papi didn't break you. Mami didn't break you. Todd has not broken you. The way it looks to me, you've done pretty damned good for yourself."
"I know that, Del. I really do, but I don't know what's going on with me. I feel like everything in my life is so wrong, and I don't know how to fix it, you know? It's beyond all the shit I've had to go through, but I can't quite put my finger on it." Sometimes, I really, really hate myself.
"I know the feeling." If he could've Del would have hopped on the next plane to New York and been there for her. She was so sad inside, worse than he had ever seen her. She had isolated herself so much from people, from her friends and everyone else around her, that in her time of need, there was no one there. She was, he concluded, in the same place as their mother before she had left. The only difference between the two is that Tea would not shirk on her responsibilities; she would not turn her back on those that she loved. Which was why it was good that Todd was still in the picture. She would never, ever sever her ties from him and walk away without a backwards glance. That was his only consolation.
"I've got to pull myself together for Roseanne. God, I feel so bad for her. When it rains, it pours…I guess," she chuckled.
"That's the way it usually works." They were all talked out and did nothing but breathe into the phone.
She turned the mouthpiece away from her mouth, attempting to hide her sniffles. She had to get herself together, had to make the tears stop. But they kept coming and would not stop.
"Well, I gotta get off of here. Tea, if you need anything, call me…please. You know I respect your right to live your life the way you want, but you don't have to do it alone. Superwoman you ain't, even though you wish you were."
"Okay. Thanks for listening to me babble."
"I love you little sister."
*****
Trump Plaza
Leon Delgado was loving his new station in life. He whistled around the bathroom, dancing on the marble floors in nothing but a towel. Oh, he could definitely get used the lifestyle that one Todd Manning was providing for him. He had no idea why, other than he was probably another man that his daughter had whipped and was trying to get into her good graces. That had to be it, he concluded.
Not that he cared. He was, for the first time in years, eating hot meals that no other lips had touched before his. Life was good. For the first time in years, he had clean clothes. Not just any clothes either, clothes with names stitched on the inside collar. Clothes that glided on the body and melted to the skin as if it were a part of him. All he had to do was ask and he received anything he wanted.
He often thought about the price he would have to pay when all was said and done. Nothing was too much to ask considering everything that he had. Todd could be the devil and tell him the price was his soul…wouldn't matter. He'd hand it over with a "thank you very much."
He dried himself off with the huge, terrycloth towel and slid into the fluffy, white robe that hung on the door. He took his time as he rubbed the lotion into his hand and over his body. Splashed the aftershave, the expensive aftershave onto his freshly shaven skin. He stepped into his new clothes carefully, avoiding any wrinkles in the overpriced silk. He smoothed moose into his hair, slicking it back into a very tight ponytail, the kind that the gangsters wore in those old movies. And when he was finished, he checked himself out in the full-length mirror and whistled at himself.
"Damn, Delgado, you clean up good."
He admired himself, turning in every direction. He saw past the ruby red eyes that stared back at him. Missed the crow's feet that had gathered in the corners of his eyes. Overlooked the rotting teeth that shone reflected back to him in the mirror, those yellow, rotting teeth. In fact, when he looked in that mirror, all he saw was perfection.
"Damn, you look good."
After he had showered and cleaned himself, he decided it was time to really get down to business. He called for room service, ordering a bottle of their best champagne, a bottle of Cognac and lots and lots of ice. "Charge it to the room," he told them, loving the idea that this was all going on someone else's tab.
A few minutes later when his order arrived, he sat on the couch, turned on the television, kicked up his heels and enjoyed himself. He started with the cognac first, pouring some in the oversized, long stemmed glass, bringing it to his nose. He took a nice, long sniff, closing his eyes to savor the strong scent of the best cognac there was. With a smile, he opened his mouth and poured some down his throat.
"Woo-wee!" he exclaimed as the alcohol burned a path down his throat. He took another long drinking, stretching his arms out beside him. "This is the good life, Delgado."
After a couple more swigs of cognac, he opened the champagne and went through the same, ritual of pouring, sniffing, dumping down his throat. This was the life he dreamed of when he came to New York. This was what he imagined when people mentioned the "Land of Opportunity."
"Looks like little Tea really struck gold this time."
He didn't bother to eat that night. Nothing could compare to the taste of alcohol, the good kind. Nothing could fill him like that or make him feel like that. He continued to drink, until both containers were empty and then he started in on the fully stocked bar.
Beer. He drank the six-pack that was in the refrigerator and almost ordered another case. He started to feel a little woozy and a little sleepy, so he leaned back against the couch, unfastened his tie, undid the first few buttons of his shirt. He opened the button to his pants, slid the zipper down until he was comfortable.
"Ah," he said, letting his neck relax on the back of the couch. "Little Tea sure did it this time," he slurred. That night, he fell asleep with a grin on his face, life had given him a second chance and he had every intention of taking full advantage of it.
