| RUNNING ON EMPTY BY TORRI |
CHAPTER 34 |
Jamaica Tea's Suite
Tea braced herself for the heart to heart that she knew was on its way. It had been a long time since she and Del sat down, together, to engage in one of their patented chats. She had learned from experience, to bury her feelings deep inside. Exposing them to anyone didn't do any good; they just forced her to feel things she didn't want to feel. She covered them up with layers, somewhat like that of a cocoon wrapped safely where sometimes she could not access them.
It was a game of cat and mouse. Del was the cat; she was the mouse, scurrying to escape his questions, comments and judgments. She was a smart mouse, an expert and avoiding the dead ends of the emotional maze, but he was just as good at getting exactly what he wanted.
Del sized her up mentally, devising his plan of attack. Directness never worked with her, she was just as direct and would tell him just where he could go. Slipping in the back door was just as risky, because she was just as good. No longer could he exact his mental games, sneakily pulling information. She was a lawyer, a damned good one, one who could trick, and was nearly impossible to trip up. Made even more dangerous by the husband that was a skilled technician in the art of lying.
"You didn't answer my question. What's kept you away from home for three weeks?"
She whipped her head around, repeating, "never let them see you sweat," in her head. She slid her body onto the couch, next to Del, where she continued to rub her stiff neck. "I'm a busy woman. I work. I have my own practice for God's sake. Yes, sometimes my job requires me to work strange hours…it comes with the territory. You of all people should know that."
"Good tactic, but it won't work with me. Baby, something ain't right with you and you and I both know it. Don't try to bullshit me, okay?"
"I'm not…bullshitting…as you say. I'm not a little girl anymore…you can't just read me the way you used to." She massaged her temples, which had begun to throb. Sighing with relief, she closed her eyes anticipating a close to the conversation.
He watched her, the way she kept her body as far away from him as possible, scrunched into a corner. Listened to the way she breathed, like she was trying to maintain some semblance of control. Rarely had she needed to fight herself to keep her emotions under control; whatever was wrong, was eating her alive. "You remember when we were kids and mami left us?"
"What about it?"
"You remember how she looked before she left. Her eyes were always shiny? She was quiet? Stayed away from home during the day? You remember how isolated she was? Do you remember coming to me and asking me if she was going to kill herself because her eyes looked dead and maybe she wanted body to join her soul?"
"Yes," she whispered, blinking back the tears that had started to form in her eyes.
"Go look in the mirror. Look at your eyes. You are all messed up mija."
"Del, I am fine. I have a lot of things on my plate right now. That's all." She stood up and put her palms together, shaking them as she continued to talk…switching to lawyer mode. "Listen, I may be a little distracted, but it has nothing to do with me being unhappy…I'm just focused. Focus is a good thing for an attorney. I have neglected my career for too long, and now I'm just trying to get it back on track."
"Well that focus is killing you, Tea. You aren't going to tell me what's going on…now…but you know how I am about finding things out. I swear if Manning had anything to do with what's bothering you, God help him 'cause I will make him pay."
*****
Todd's Apartment
The paramedics had burst through the apartment door, dragging orange plastic containers and other equipment, which Viki could not identify. She was outside her body, had no control over anything. It was situations like this, that could cause her personalities to splinter, when she detached herself, she was vulnerable. She observed them with a keen eye as they dropped their things on the floor, pulling out all typed of gadgets and tubes, untangling them as they went along. One person took his pulse. Another, his blood pressure. Another his temperature. Like a well-oiled machine, they worked together, easily moving from one task to the next. They shouted words to one another that simply floated over the heads of Viki and Misty.
They stood on opposite sides of the room, Viki in her corner, Misty in hers. The paramedics lifted Todd's body onto a gurney, one shouting directions to someone else who was writing something down. "Mam," someone said to Viki, "do you know how long he's been unconscious?"
"Uh, no…I have no idea at all. He was like that when I got here. You might want to ask her," she said, nodding her head in Misty's direction. She reached out and touched the shoulder of the paramedic who had just spoken to her. "Wait, can you tell me if he's going to be okay?"
"I really can't say mam. We have to get him to the hospital as soon as possible. There's only room for one person in the ambulance, which one of you is going to go?"
"I am," Misty announced before Viki could open her mouth to speak.
"Oh, no…I will be going." With the look Viki gave Misty, she knew she couldn't argue. As the paramedics wheeled his body out of the apartment, Viki, Misty nor the paramedics knew if he would ever be able to walk through his front door again.
*****
Jamaica Tea's Suite
Clarice Starling had trouble silencing the lambs…Tea had problems silencing her own cries. When the floodgates broke, months worth of unshed tears dripped through her tear ducts. For someone who prided themselves on their ability to control their emotions, such a loss was devastating. Usually, there was some sort of "trigger" that made her emotions overflow, but this time; there was nothing that she could put her finger on.
After Del left her room, Tea tried to pretend that she wasn't bothered. She turned on the television, flipped channels until she stopped on "Breakfast at Tiffany's." Watched Audrey Hepburn, with her hair up, playing the "I don't need anybody" role…when, in fact, she needed everybody. She flipped to and passed "Imitation of Life," the mother/daughter story that she loved as a child and despised as an adult.
For all the beauty that surrounded her, she could not take comfort in it. She could take comfort in nothing, not even deep within herself where she could block out the rest of the world. In her suite, finally alone, she allowed herself her daily "memory check."
She sat on the ground, in the doorway of the balcony. Letting the wind swirl around her, with her eyes closed, she tried to let her mind go blank. The paper blowing around inside her room kept breaking her concentration. The sound of the water washing upon the shore was a distraction. There was no silence, no when meditated, not when she attempted to block all noise out…none. The longer she sat there, the harder she tried, the more frustrated she became. She couldn't settle into the comfort of her precious memories.
"Come on. Come on," she urged to no avail. She rose and leaned over the balcony railing. Her arms stretched out beside her, her head leaning back, meditating in her own way, she felt prickles in the small of her back. Tiny, but noticeable little stabs in her back, causing her to snap her had forward and look around her. As she snapped forward, she found it hard to breath, as if someone was trying to suffocate her.
"What are you trying to tell me, huh?"
*****
The Hospital
Viki waited impatiently right outside the room where Todd was being worked on. If something happened to him before they were able to repair their relationship, it would kill her. Through the window, she could see several people standing over him, speaking to each other. They moved around lithely, knowing instinctively what to do next…while she knew nothing of the sort.
She wanted to rush through those doors, grab hold of her brother, and awaken him with the strength of her love. It was all he really needed; yet she had been so unwilling to give it to him freely. It was her fault that he was in the position he was in. Family was supposed to be there, no matter what, she of all people knew that. Tea abandoning him was easier to understand…she was not of blood relation to him. But her abandonment was inexcusable.
She looked over at Misty, who had hidden herself in a corner, biting her well manicured fingers and twisting a few strands of her well coiffed hairdo. In all the excitement of the afternoon, she had forgotten about the tall blond who was the first on the scene. She moved toward Misty, quickly, unseen and silent.
"I'm Victoria Carpenter, Todd's sister. And you are?" Viki appraised her from head to toe, trying to decipher whether she was a high priced prostitute or someone Todd had been seeing.
"Um, I'm Misty."
"What happened?"
"I don't know. I got there a few minutes before you and I found him in the tub."
"Did you talk to him earlier? Was he in a bad mood? Do you know anything about his mental condition before this happened?" Viki was desperate for answers. Accidental drowning would have let her off the hook, free her conscience of any guilt. Suicide attempted or otherwise, would have haunted her forever.
"I don't know. I mean, I spoke with him earlier, and he seemed the way he always seems…irritated. I didn't pay that much attention. I don't know what else I can tell you Victoria."
Frustrated, Viki turned her attention back to the room, and watched the line of the heart monitor moving up and down…gaining strength. "Oh thank God," she whispered under her breath. She stepped backwards, as one of the doctors pushed through the double doors.
The doctor removed her cap and began a long speech about what was wrong with Todd. Viki only caught bits and pieces, as she tried to keep one eye on what was going on in the room, and the other on the doctor. "His system was flooded with drugs. We tried to flush out his system. We took blood samples and are still awaiting the results to figure out if the drugs were what caused his near drowning. There was no oxygen flowing to his brain for several minutes, and that does cause us a bit of concern. At this point, we will have to wait until he regains consciousness before we will know what, if any, damage was done."
Viki turned away. Drugs. She had always feared that he would someday turn to drugs for comfort, and this was her worst nightmare come true. Tea had been keeping something from her, she sensed it, and now she knew what it was.
*****
Jamaica Tea's Suite
Hour after hour passed with Tea laying in bed, on her back. She knew every nook and cranny on the ceiling, counted every hole. She was sweating a little, even though it wasn't particularly hot. After about the second hour of doing nothing, she gave up, got dressed and went downstairs to a small club.
The lights were dim when she walked in, with only a scattering of couples swaying together. She didn't belong there either, with people who were other halves, or better halves…whatever was politically correct. She sat at the bar just the same, with every intention of drinking all her troubles away.
Nighttime was still, with only the whispers of lovers and a slow, rhythmic beat to fill the silence. As she drank one tequila after the other, and closed her eyes, she could almost see what her honeymoon would have been like. She never told Todd, but her dream was to come to an island. Have the sand be the first or second place they made love. See what was beneath all those layers that Todd wore.
If only they had left, forgotten about the cabana, and headed immediately to destinations unknown…then she would have been happy. If only the cabana wasn't wired with speakers. If only he had trusted her enough to tell the truth in the first place, then all her dreams would have come true. She would have been a real mother, not some paid servant to his child. The possibilities were endless, and so was the well of pain that was deep in her heart.
Reggae music brought out a different side in her. More carefree, something like what salsa did to her body. Whether she was in the mood or not, somehow, it always got to her and made her let go of herself. When she sipped the last bit of her exotic island drink, her body moved toward the dance floor. She didn't look silly or out of place, being the only single person on the floor, she looked like a woman who was in love with an invisible image. She moved with her eyes closed, and her arms wrapped around herself, grinding someone who wasn't even there.
She was being watched by everyone, men, women, couples...they all envied her grace. It was as if the music became a part of her, controlled her every movement. The bassist in the band had been eyeing her since she first walked in. Keeping tabs, waiting for her lover to make an appearance. But he never came, and she looked so sad until she stepped foot out on that dance floor.
"Hey, woman, you wanna partner or you just wanna dance out here with yourself?" He asked, after having someone fill in for him in the band while he went to talk to her.
Tea started at the feet, bare of socks or shoes. His legs were clearly defined, not too hairy, but bulging with muscles. Khaki colored shorts drooped loosely around his midsection, showing just a hint of his pelvis. An unbuttoned, multi-colored shirt hung over his shoulders. Through the gap, she could count his six-pack, see his pierced naval and what appeared to be two more rings going through his nipples. Continuing upwards, veins were visible through his large biceps. He wore his hair in braids just below his shoulders, nicely groomed. His face personified the word "beauty." A neatly trimmed beard connected with a just as neatly trimmed mustache. His long eyelashes and thick eyebrows only accentuated his large brown eyes. To top it all off, he had bleach white teeth, perfectly straight, and deep set dimples.
"Are you alright, m'am?"
"Huh? Oh yes, I'm sorry," she answered, quickly recovering. As beautiful as he was, he wasn't Todd, and that was all she could think about.
"It's okay. You look like you was havin' a good time out here with yourself. I figured, I might as well come out here and join you…maybe some of your fun can rub off on me." He flashed her a quick smile, working his magical charm that had women falling to their knees.
"Yeah? I think it has to do with this beautiful island, the fresh air, the wonderful music."
"Could be. You mind if I dance wit' you for a bit?"
"Uh, not at all." The music that had been fast, now switched to a slower beat, one where they would have to move their bodies closer and wrap their arms around each other. Compared to her, he was very large; she was like a little doll in his arms. Safe and protected.
They swayed together for several songs. As each became more comfortable, they leaned into each other more, running their hands along their backs. Without saying, they knew what was coming next.
He pulled away from her, took her hand, and they left the club.
