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| REACHING OUT BY TIMA |
CHAPTER 53 |
PREVIOUSLY:
Tea: That doesn't mean that you have to carry me everywhere.
Todd: I think it does. Want to fight about it? Because, I heard that some people do this fun stuff after they fight, instead of taking off.
Tea: And, you want to try it?
Todd: It sounds like more fun than being alone.
Tea: So, I can count on you not to leave, this time?
Todd: I said I'd try. I really will, Tea. I promise, I really will.
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chapter 53:
[Minutes later...
Tea and Todd are lying in bed together. Todd takes great care in ensuring that Tea's body is positioned as comfortably as possible. He wants to minimize the chances of her being in as much agonizing pain as he knows she was when she woke up, after sharing the bed with him the previous night.]
Todd: Is this okay?
Tea: This is great.
Todd: I'm willing to grope you again and reposition you.
Tea: I'm sure you are, but this is fine. Go ahead and sleep.
[Tea waits but Todd doesn't close his eyes. She reaches her hand out and lightly caresses his cheek.]
Tea: Querido, you need to sleep.
Todd: I've gone longer than this before.
Tea: Just close your eye and try. I'll be right here when you wake up.
[Todd continues to stare into her eyes. Tea lowers her voice as she softly speaks to him, sensing his emotional pain right now.]
Tea: What is it?
Todd: Nothing. You sleep. You're good at it.
Tea: I slept last night. Because of you, I slept better than I have in weeks. It's your turn now to sleep.
[Todd still doesn't close his eyes.]
Tea: Does my being awake while you sleep bother you? Would it help if I tried to take a nap.
Todd: Yeah. You sleep. I'll watch.
Tea: You can't sleep vicariously through me. You need to close your eyes and sleep.
Todd: That would be a mistake.
Tea: Why?
Todd: Nothing. Never mind. Go to sleep.
Tea: I'm staying awake until you fall asleep, even if it means going without sleep for days.
Todd: You're the one who really needs that sleep junk, right now. I'm fine.
Tea: You don't look fine. You look tired.
Todd: So?
Tea: So, you need sleep. You are human.
Todd: Haven't we had this debate before?
Tea: Yes, and I won. You are human.
Todd: I still disagree.
Tea: Tough!
Todd: Why are you being so bossy about this?
Tea: Why are you being so stubborn? Why won't you even try to sleep?
Todd: Are you in the mood?
Tea: For what?
Todd: You know...
Tea: I may have allowed you to do that in the past, but we're not doing that anymore.
Todd: Never?
Tea: Maybe I should clarify. I'm not ready to be intimate, in that way. Someday, that may change. For now, this is how it is.
Todd: We can still do other things.
Tea: That's what I was referring to.
Todd: So, we can't do the main course or the appetizers?
Tea: The main course is off limits, for now.
Todd: Fine. We'll fill up on appetizers, for a while. I can handle that.
Tea: No.
Todd: Why are you putting me through this? I thought you liked me again?
Tea: I do like you. But, the last time we were together...
Todd: You regret every second of it, is that it? You wish you never let me near your main course?
Tea: Todd...
Todd: I get it now. I do. You just want me here so you'll have someone to carry you around.
Tea: I don't want anyone to carry me around...not all the time. I want to be able to do things myself. I want to be independent again.
Todd: Great! You don't need me. Just like you didn't before. So, why the hell am I here?
Tea: I do need you.
Todd: No, you don't.
Tea: I do. But, I don't want to live with you again so you can take care of me. I don't want a partner who carries me from place to place, or who helps me in the bathroom, or who cooks for me.
Todd: I never said I was cooking for you.
Tea: I'll cook for myself...and for you, sometimes. I'll do half the household chores.
Todd: You expect me to do half?
Tea: Yes. And, no hiring a maid.
Todd: Fine. I'll hire a butler.
Tea: Seriously, Todd...
Todd: Seriously, I have way too much money to degrade myself doing woman's work.
Tea: You are going to regret that comment so much when we move in together.
Todd: I thought you were trying to tell me that you don't want to shack up with me anymore. You probably only pretended you did so your brother would go away. Now, you're trying to push me away. You're still planning to off yourself, aren't you?
Tea: I'm not trying to push you away.
Todd: That's the way it sounds to me.
Tea: That's not what I'm saying.
Todd: Well, what the hell are you saying?
Tea: What I was trying to say before this conversation deteriorated is that, this time, I don't want to use sex to hide from our problems.
Todd: Why not? It was fun last time, wasn't it?
Tea: But, it didn't make our problems go away.
Todd: So?
Tea: We need to deal with the problems in front of us or we'll be back to where we were the last time.
Todd: You acted like you enjoyed it. Are you being honest now and telling me that you didn't?
Tea: I enjoyed being with you. I did. But, I didn't enjoy ignoring our problems to the point that you left me and never came back.
Todd: We covered this already. I thought you ditched me.
Tea: Maybe you wanted to think that.
Todd: Why would I want that? Things were good between us.
Tea: They were horrible.
Todd: Now the truth really comes out.
Tea: You were wonderful in bed. Our sex life was wonderful. The rest wasn't. You know that.
Todd: As long as you like the fun stuff, we'll just do that a lot.
Tea: That's not a solution. That's a superficial facade.
Todd: But, it's a fun superficial facade. Nothing else matters.
Tea: It matters to me.
Todd: Chicks!
Tea: What if I could never have sex again?
Todd: Is that true?
Tea: What if it is? What do we have if sex is no longer a part of our relationship?
Todd: Two frustrated people.
Tea: Be serious.
Todd: I am.
Tea: Did you come here because you wanted to have sex with me again? Because if sex is all you want, you'd have an easier time finding someone new...or old...if that's all you want.
Todd: You know why I came.
Tea: If it isn't sex, what is it?
Todd: You know.
Tea: I need you to say it.
Todd: I already did.
Tea: You can say it more than twice a year.
Todd: I like to keep it fresh.
Tea: So fresh that I'm left wondering most of the time what your feelings are.
Todd: My feelings are that you're a really hot babe. You used to like that I felt that way.
Tea: But, it didn't work. We tried sex and it wasn't enough to sustain our relationship.
Todd: You want to go back to not having sex? Because, we tried that first and it didn't work either.
Tea: What I would like is to have an honest relationship with you.
Todd: Honestly, I liked having sex with you. Obviously, you don't feel the same way about me.
Tea: I enjoyed having sex with you, but I need more.
Todd: What more is there?
Tea: There is closeness...
Todd: We're close right now.
Tea: Emotional closeness. Affection...
Todd: I said I wanted to have sex.
Tea: Affection and sex aren't the same thing.
Todd: Since when?
Tea: This is impossible. We have completely different ideas about what a relationship is.
Todd: You knew that going in.
Tea: So did you. You knew that if you came here and honestly wanted to try again, it would have to be more than just sex this time. I need more than someone who wants to pound me into the mattress every time there's a problem, every time I want to talk, every time I try to discuss our feelings.
Todd: But, those were good times.
Tea: I need more. Can you offer me more this time?
Todd: So, you get everything that you want and I don't get anything that I want, is that it?
Tea: That's not what I'm suggesting.
Todd: What are you suggesting. Spell it out. I hate playing these word games.
Tea: I'm not using word games. I'm telling you what I need.
Todd: Which is...?
Tea: I need a full partner.
Todd: I'm not doing woman's work.
Tea: First of all, it isn't woman's work. Secondly, that's not what I'm referring to. I need you to tell me how you feel once in a while, not just as a way to manipulate me into staying with you. I need you to show me how you feel, not just by taking me to bed and having sex with me.
Todd: I've got you in bed and I haven't jumped you, yet. Do I get points for that?
Tea: This isn't about points, or scoring.
Todd: You already made that clear...no sex.
Tea: I'm not precluding sex from possibly happening, in some capacity, sometime in the future.
Todd: Which really means that I never get to touch you again.
Tea: That's not what it means. I appreciate that you held me last night and that we're sharing this moment together right now and it isn't sexual.
Todd: It isn't?
Tea: I give up!
[Tea tries to roll away from him. He quickly grabs her body to stop her.]
Todd: Where are you going?
Tea: I could be using my time more wisely than this. I could be working out. I need to build up my strength.
Todd: So you can take me on?
Tea: I don't have enough strength for that, not anymore. Go back to Llanview. Go back to what you had there. You'll be happier. You'll just be frustrated if you stay here, and so will I.
Todd: I'm always frustrated. You're the only one who makes it less frustrating.
Tea: What do I make less frustrating for you?
Todd: Life.
to be continued...
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2001 COPYRIGHT BY TIMA
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