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| LAST CHANCE BY TIMA |
CHAPTERS 41 - 50 |
PREVIOUSLY...
Todd (as he caresses her bare back): Come upstairs with me.
Tea (wanting desperately to give in to Todd's touch): I don't know.
Todd: Viki was telling me to tell you so I'm telling you. (as his hand under her shirt moves around to the front as he presses his chest against her back) I want you to come upstairs with me. We'll go slow and do that kissing thing and whatever else you want. (whispering with his lips next to her ear) I want you, Tea. I really want to be with you tonight. Come upstairs with me.
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
chapter 41:
Tea: I shouldn't.
Todd: Why not?
Tea: You didn't bother to come home.
Todd: I'm here now.
Tea: But you weren't here for dinner. You knew I was expecting you and Starr to have dinner here. You could have called but you didn't bother. I'm not even important enough for you to expend the energy to make a phone call. Why should I go upstairs with you now just because you feel like having sex?
Todd (kissing her neck as his arm encircles her under her shirt, holding her close to him): Don't you want to have sex tonight? It's been more than a day, Tea. Let's go upstairs and forget about talking. Everything is so much easier when we don't talk.
Tea: Not for me it isn't. Not tonight.
Todd: What does that mean?
Tea: It means I want more.
Todd: What we have now is great. Let's not blow it by talking too much, okay? We'll go upstairs and it will be incredible, like it has been every time.
Tea: Did you get turned down for sex in another bar tonight? Is that what this is? It certainly can't be about me. You don't care about me. You have never cared about me.
[Todd wants to tell Tea, to say the words, but it feels so impossible to him.]
Todd: I haven't been to any bars tonight. I haven't been drinking.
Tea: I'm supposed to believe you?
Todd (turning Tea so she's facing him): I'll prove it to you.
[Todd kisses Tea, placing his tongue in her mouth.]
Todd: Do you need more proof?
Tea: Yes.
[Tea pulls Todd's face toward her and kisses him just as passionately as he kissed her. As they break apart from the kiss they both immediately kiss again. Todd's hands return to their earlier place under Tea's shirt as he pushes her body tightly against the window. They kiss for several minutes as they press their bodies together. When Todd finally pulls away from Tea they both are breathing heavily.]
Todd: So, you're coming upstairs with me, right?
Tea: I don't know.
Todd: I think you do. There was no question about it when you were kissing me.
Tea: Well, now that we're not kissing I'm thinking with my head instead of my... I need some answers.
Todd: I like it better when you're thinking with that other part of your body.
Tea: I'll bet you do. Everything's easier for you. You can have whatever you want and you don't care about the consequences.
Todd: What consequences? I just want to go upstairs and do what we've been doing since I got back. You weren't kissing me like that because you were angry. You want to be upstairs with me just as much as I want to be up there with you. Let's just go up and we can talk about whatever you want to talk about tomorrow or next week or something.
Tea: No.
Todd (as he lightly caresses her nipple through her shirt): Are you sure?
Tea (trying not to let him distract her): Where were you?
Todd: I was driving around and then I went to Viki's, okay? You can call her if you don't trust me. I wasn't at a bar. I wasn't with any other women, except Viki, but she doesn't really count. She's just my sister.
Tea: You must have really not wanted to come home if you willingly spent time with Viki knowing how much she wants to ask you about when you were gone and whether you were really faking the DID.
Todd: What about you? Why haven't you been bugging me about that stuff?
Tea: If you want to tell me you will. If you don't, you'd probably just lie to me again.
Todd: You don't trust me to tell you the truth?
Tea: Should I?
Todd: I'm definitely telling you the truth when I tell you that I want to go upstairs with you.
[Todd brings his body in contact with Tea's again.]
Todd (speaking softly): Come upstairs with me.
Tea (losing her battle to resist him): Okay.
chapter 42:
[Tea and Todd enter his bedroom. There's an awkward silence as they both wait for the other to make the first move.]
Todd: Uh, it is pretty late.
Tea (turning toward the door): I'll leave.
Todd: No. I didn't mean that. I just meant that if we're going to do this we probably should do it.
Tea: Okay.
[They both wait again for the other to make the first physical move. Todd expects Tea to since she's done that in the past but she refuses to make it easy for him. She wants him to prove to her that he really does want this...and her.
Todd awkwardly looks down while still trying to watch Tea. He can tell that she's still angry at him but she did come to his room with him so he knows he has a chance. He also knows how easy it would be for him to blow it.
After several minutes of silence Todd can't take it anymore.]
Todd (stepping in front of Tea): Do you want to be here right now?
Tea: Yes.
Todd: Do you want to have sex?
Tea: No.
Todd: What do you want?
Tea: What I thought we would have tonight.
Todd: And what's that?
Tea (gently touching his face): This...(softly kissing his lips)...and this.
Todd: You said you didn't want sex.
Tea: I don't. I want more, Todd. Can you handle that?
Todd: I don't know.
Tea: Well, decide.
Todd: I'm not good at all this pressure.
Tea: No pressure, Todd.
Todd: Right!
Tea: I mean it, Todd. Either you want this or you don't.
Todd: I've made it pretty clear what I want.
Tea: What about how you feel?
Todd: I feel like I want to take your clothes off right now.
Tea: Then do it.
Todd: Are you sure?
Tea: Yes.
[Todd begins to unbutton Tea's shirt but after the first few buttons he stops as his brain starts to panic. He tries to lie to himself that it's just sex. They've done it before. It's no big deal. He knows, though, that it isn't just sex. If he continues to touch Tea, if he kisses her, they'll be making love...for real...no pretending...no hiding. She'll know how he feels...she'll know that he loves her completely. He'll be totally vulnerable to her...open for attack. He knows that Tea wouldn't do that to him. He knows that he can trust her but he's still terrified.
Tea can see the panic in Todd's eyes. She can see how scared he is.]
Tea (placing her hand on his): Are you okay? If you don't want to do this we can stop.
Todd: Stop?
Tea: We don't have to do this, Todd, if it isn't what you really want.
Todd: What I want?
Tea: What do you want?
[Todd looks at her eyes. He sees that look again -- the one that tells him that she loves him...that she trusts him...that she wants to be with him. Even after he hurt her deeply, she still wants to be with him.]
Todd (touching the side of her face near her eyes): Don't look at me like that.
Tea: Like what?
Todd: Like I matter.
Tea: You do matter...to me.
Todd (looking away): No.
Tea (forcing his eyes back to hers): Yes. You matter to me, Todd. You're the most important person in my life.
Todd: That's just because there's no one else in your life anymore.
Tea: No. It's because of you...who you are...how much you mean to me...the way that I feel about you.
Todd: Don't...don't feel anything for me. It just messes everything up. I'll mess you up.
Tea: No, you won't. Todd...(getting more emotional than she anticipated)...I feel so much for you. You've given me so much.
Todd: I've given you pain. That's what I've given you. Get away from me. You deserve a better life than being stuck with me.
Tea: What life? What kind of life would I have without you?
Todd: A happy one...a sane one.
Tea: A boring one.
Todd: As long as you're safe...and away from me.
Tea: I don't want to be away from you. I want to be with you. I really want to be with you, Todd.
chapter 43:
Todd: Don't be stupid, Tea. I'm giving you a chance to get away from me. I'll let you go. I won't try to stop you.
Tea: I hope you won't try to stop me.
[Tea places her hands on Todd's chest and slowly moves them under his jacket and slides it off his body.]
Todd: What are you doing?
Tea: What I want...what I need. Don't stop it, Todd. Let yourself feel it. You do feel it, don't you?
Todd: This isn't a good idea. You don't know what you're getting into.
Tea: I know you. I want to be with you.
[Tea undoes the buttons on Todd's vest and removes it. As she's unbuttoning his shirt she notices he's wearing a T-shirt underneath it.]
Tea (teasing): How many layers are there?
Todd (pulling away): Forget it. Get out!
Tea: I'm sorry, Todd. I was just kidding. I like your layered look. I find it very appealing.
Todd: Don't lie to me. Just get the hell out!
Tea: Is that what you really want? Look at me and tell me to leave and I will.
[Todd looks directly at Tea determined that he will tell her to leave so that he can protect her from himself. He studies her eyes carefully. He sees fear in her eyes. He knows immediately that her fear isn't that he'll hurt her physically but that he really will tell her to leave. She loves him and she wants to be with him. He knows that if he says the words he will break her heart...again.]
Todd: Get out, Tea. Get away from me.
[Todd tells himself to shut up, to stop talking, to leave it at the words he's already spoken but when he sees the look in Tea's eyes he is unable to control the words.]
Todd: Protect yourself.
Tea: Protect myself? From you?
Todd: Who else? Just get away from me, Tea.
Tea: What about you?
Todd: Don't think about me. Just think about yourself. Do what's best for you.
[Tea approaches Todd again and finishes unbuttoning his shirt.]
Tea (as she slides his shirt off his shoulders): This is what's best for me. You are the best thing for me.
[After removing his shirt, Tea begins to lift his T-shirt. Todd stops her.]
Todd: No.
Tea: This is what I want, Todd. I want to spend the night with you.
Todd: Don't be stupid, Tea. I know you're not this stupid.
Tea: No, I'm not. I'm not throwing it away again. I walked away before and I regretted it. I'm not doing that again. I won't make that mistake ever again if there is a chance that this could work.
Todd: It can't, not when one of us is me.
[Todd's thoughts are distracted as Tea caresses his chest through his shirt.]
Todd (needing to be with her): This is the last time, okay? We're not doing this again after tonight.
Tea (not believing him): Whatever you say.
Todd: Turn the light off.
Tea: No, not tonight. I want to see you and I want you to see me. This time I want you to see me...to look at me...to think about only me.
Todd: You're...
Tea: What?
Todd: Nothing.
Tea: Tell me.
Todd: You're...the only one...(closing his eyes, trying to force himself to say the words)...that I've been seeing. (opening his eyes and placing his hand on the side of her face) Every time that we've been together, I look at you...I think about you. When we're not together, I'm still thinking about you...remembering what you feel like, what you smell like...remembering the way your eyes look when you're looking at me.
[Todd pulls his hand away, scared that he revealed too much.]
chapter 44:
Tea (touched by his words): Todd...
Todd: Tea, let's stop talking, okay? If you want this night then we have to stop talking.
Tea: Okay.
[Tea reaches for Todd's T-shirt again and begins pulling it up Todd's body. He's uncomfortable about exposing his body to her but he allows the shirt to be lifted off his body.
After discarding Todd's shirt with the other clothing she had already removed from Todd's upper body she looks at him. She studies his chest as her hands caress his shoulders and down his arms. She moves closer to him and kisses his neck softly as her hands move from his stomach up to his chest.
Todd begins to lift the bottom of Tea's shirt.]
Tea: Wait.
Todd (pulling away from her): Okay. It's okay. We don't have to do this.
Tea: I want to do this but I want to go slow. I don't want to speed through this like we usually do.
Todd: It's late.
Tea: I'm wide awake. How about you?
Todd (gently caressing the side of her face and down her neck): Slow, huh?
Tea: You said we could go slow and you said there would be kissing, remember?
Todd: Um, sort of.
[Tea brings her mouth into contact with Todd's. Their lips touch teasingly several times until Tea brings her hand up from Todd's chest and behind his neck, holding his face to hers. Todd's hand tries to get under her shirt again in the back.]
Tea (ending the kiss but keeping her face in contact with Todd's): Slow, remember?
Todd: Fine...slow...whatever...but I...I need to touch you.
Tea: If I let you remove my shirt will you let me continue what I was doing?
Todd: Okay...sure...I suppose.
[Todd quickly unbuttons Tea's shirt. As her shirt falls open in front of him he stares at her breasts. His hand presses against her breast through her bra making her moan. They kiss again as Todd quickly removes her shirt and pulls her body into his. As he begins to undo her bra, Tea stops him.]
Tea: Hey, we had a deal.
Todd: I don't remember a deal.
Tea: Yes, you do. Trust me, Todd. You'll enjoy what I have in mind.
Todd: I think I would enjoy what I have in mind too.
Tea: Well, we'll do mine first and then yours, okay?
Todd: It might get pretty late.
Tea: I won't mind. If we really needed to, if you need a break after we do my idea, then we'll just do yours tomorrow night...(they kiss) or tomorrow afternoon...(they kiss again) or maybe tomorrow morning.
Todd (as he caresses her bare back): So, what did you have in mind?
Tea: Let me show you.
chapter 45:
Todd: Okay, we'll do what you want if I can take (gesturing to her bra) this thing off.
Tea: We already have a deal.
Todd: Deals can be changed. You taught me that.
Tea: Do you promise no more negotiating?
Todd: Of course.
Tea (smiling): Why don't I believe you?
Todd: You're not as trusting a person as I am.
Tea: Right!
Todd (as he plays with her nipple through her bra): Well?
Tea: Okay, but we're going slow, like you promised.
Todd: Whatever you say.
[Todd continues to touch her through her bra.]
Tea: Um, Todd?
Todd: Yeah?
Tea: I thought you were going to remove it.
Todd: I thought you wanted to go slow.
Tea (reaching behind herself): Fine. I'll remove it.
Todd (stopping her hands): No. I'll do it.
[Todd's body is pressed tightly against Tea's. His hands caress her back as her arms encircle him and her hands begin caressing his back. They each move their bodies slightly against each other, enjoying the sensations. Tea kisses his shoulder and the side of his neck. When Todd unhooks her bra they make eye contact while keeping their chests firmly pressed together. As Todd's hand begins to caress her back where her bra once covered they both move their faces forward and kiss passionately, their tongues exploring. As they continue kissing, Todd pulls away from Tea's body just enough to remove her bra completely. Before the dropped garment even hits the floor their chests are once again pressed tightly together. They've never before felt the sensation of their bare chests touching. The erotic sensation is so great that Tea moans from the pleasure.
For a moment Tea panics thinking that she's gone too far, that Todd will reject her, but then she realizes that this time will be different. This time it won't be casual sex. This time she won't keep her feelings hidden. This time she won't hide her desire for the man who, in her heart, is still her husband. She'll show him that she loves him, she'll show him that she needs him, that she desires him. Tea has a desperate urge to say the words, to tell Todd how much she still loves him, despite everything that has happened in the past.]
Tea (pulling away from their kiss): Todd?
Todd (wanting to kiss not talk): What?
Tea (placing her hand gently on the side of his face): Todd, I have to tell you. I need to tell you.
[Todd can tell from the look in her eyes what she wants to say. He's seen the look before, he knows what it means.]
Todd: Tea, wait. Don't.
Tea: I have to. You have to know. I have to tell you.
Todd: No, you don't. I already know.
Tea: Then let me say it.
Todd: You can say it later, okay? Right now, we shouldn't talk. You shouldn't give me time to think, time to panic. Just keep kissing me and making me feel this way and this will work out.
Tea: Will it?
[Todd knows that Tea isn't just talking about having sex. She wants to know if their relationship will work out this time, if he can get passed the barriers inside himself and really be with her, if he can give her the future he's promised her in the past.]
chapter 46:
Todd: Tea, let's just stop talking.
Tea: I need to know, Todd. (tears beginning to form in her eyes) I don't want it to hurt anymore.
[Todd places his hand on the side of her face and begins caressing near her eyes.]
Todd (not wanting her to cry): Don't.
Tea: Todd...
Todd: I don't want to hurt you. You know that, don't you? I don't mean to hurt you.
Tea: But you have.
Todd: I try not to. It just...it just happens.
Tea: This needs to be different, Todd. We've been having sex since you came back but this time it has to be different. I can't hold back anymore. I don't want to hold back.
Todd: Then don't but just stop talking, okay? (removing his hand from her face and moving it gently through her hair) Show me. Words scare the hell out of me. So does this but just show me, okay? Stop talking and show me.
Tea: You won't push me away?
Todd: I don't want to.
Tea: I need to know that you won't.
Todd: I can't promise you anything, Tea, but the more time you talk the more time my brain has to tell me how stupid this is and what a mistake I would be making.
Tea: I'm not going to hold back. I have been the other times we've been together but this time I won't.
Todd: Okay.
Tea: Are you sure you can handle it?
Todd: Shut up and show me, Tea.
[Tea stares at Todd's eyes. Suddenly she's scared to progress. She wants to but she knows that if she touches him or kisses him she'll be risking everything. She also knows that she doesn't have a choice. She can't leave the room. She doesn't want to leave him, to ever be without him again. She wants to make love to him. She wants to feel him loving her.
Todd senses her fear. He understands it. He feels it himself. Neither can pull away but they're both afraid to move forward, to openly offer their hearts again knowing how painful it will be if it doesn't work out this time.
Slowly, Tea leans forward until her head is resting on Todd's shoulder. Her arms wrap around his body. Todd awkwardly pats her back, uncertain what to do. As Tea continues to hold him tightly Todd's hands begin to gently caress her bare back. Sensing how difficult and painful it is for Tea to open her heart to him again after everything that has happened between them in the past, he wants to comfort her and make her feel safe.]
chapter 47:
[Todd and Tea continue standing with their bodies pressed together and their arms around each other for several minutes as they both deal with the emotions they are feeling. They both know this will be the first time they openly make love to each other. They both are excited and terrified about what they are about to do together.
Tea nuzzles her face against Todd's neck and lightly kisses his flesh beneath her lips. Todd continues lightly stroking Tea's back until Tea moves her head away from Todd's shoulder.
Tea steps away from Todd's body slightly. They both take the opportunity to look at the other person's naked upper body. Tea places her hand on Todd's chest as she studies his eyes to make certain he's okay with what she's doing. Seeing no sign of resistance she continues.
Tea kisses under Todd's chin and down to his chest as her hands explore first his chest and then his stomach muscles. After kissing and licking his chest for several minutes Tea kisses back up his neck and teases Todd by kissing near his mouth but not directly on his lips. Todd can't take it and puts his hands on either side of Tea's face and kisses her deeply. Tea responds instantly.
[As the kiss ends Tea notices that Todd is shaking slightly.]
Tea: You need to relax, Todd. I'll help you. Sit down on the edge of the bed.
[Todd complies. Tea climbs on the bed behind him and tentatively reaches her hands out and touches his bare shoulders. Todd jumps slightly. Tea increases the pressure as her hands massage his shoulders.]
Tea: Does that feel better?
[Todd grunts in response. Tea moves her hands down and massages his lower back for several minutes before moving her hands back up to his shoulders. Tea moves his hair behind his ear as she leans her chest against his back and begins speaking softly into his ear.]
Tea: Does this remind you of anything, Todd? (Todd doesn't respond) Do you remember that night? Do you? I do. I remember everything about that night. I remember what it felt like to finally be able to touch you, to sit so close to you. I had wanted to be close to you for months but you wouldn't allow it, remember? Finally, I was touching you and you were letting me. What did it feel like, Todd? Did you enjoy it?
Todd (uncomfortable with the conversation): Why are you bringing this up now?
[Tea pulls her body back from Todd's and moves her hands down his back and around to his chest. She presses her chest against his back again as her hands explore the front of his body.]
Tea (her mouth near his ear again): I want to know, Todd. What did it feel like when I was touching you that night? Did you feel anything?
Todd: Yeah.
Tea: What?
Todd: That was a long time ago, Tea. We should just forget it.
Tea: I can't. I haven't been able to forget that night. I need to know why it happened. I need to know why I ended up in the hall instead of in your bed, where I wanted to be.
Todd: Is that all that you wanted? You just wanted to get into my bed? You just wanted to have sex with me?
Tea: Is that what you think? Is that what you thought that night?
Todd: Is that all it was?
Tea: No. I tried to convince myself that it was. I tried to distance myself from it so it wouldn't hurt if you rejected me and so I wouldn't go too far and scare you away if you agreed. I wanted more than sex that night, Todd. If you had touched me, if our first kiss had been that night, it would have all fallen apart. All of my defenses would have disintegrated at your touch, the same way they do now when you touch me, when we're together. It doesn't matter how hard I try to prevent it from happening because the second I feel your touch, sometimes when you just look at me, it happens. I lose control. (moving her mouth seductively across Todd's ear) Did you regret throwing me out that night?
Chapter 48:
[Todd doesn't want to answer, scared that he'll let go of too much power if he answers her questions but he also understands why she needs to know.]
Tea: Did you regret throwing me out, Todd?
Todd (quietly): Yes.
Tea: Why?
Todd: I wanted you to stay.
Tea: Why did you want me to stay?
Todd: Because I did. Why are we talking about this now?
Tea: Did you want to touch me that night?
Todd: Yes.
Tea: How did you want to touch me?
[Todd doesn't respond. Tea pulls away from his body and gets off the bed. Todd turns toward her afraid that she'll leave the room but instead watches as she moves in front of him. He stares at her hands as they undo her pants and as they push her pants and underwear down to the floor.
Tea steps out of her clothing and approaches Todd. She stands directly in front of Todd completely naked.]
Tea: Show me how you wanted to touch me that night.
[Todd doesn't move as he stares openly at her body. He looks up toward her face and the moment his eyes make contact with hers she looks away. He knows that she's scared that this night will be like that previous night and that he'll send her away again. The longer he waits to touch her the more strained the atmosphere becomes in the room.
All of the emotions of that previous night come back to Tea...the shame, the humiliation, the pain of knowing that the one person you want the most in the world doesn't want you. Tea considers leaving the room, leaving the penthouse, leaving Todd's life forever, but she stays. Even as tears threaten to come, she stays and waits for Todd to react.
Todd also recalls what he was feeling on that previous night...wanting to finally let himself go, to touch her, to show her how much he wanted her, how much he needed her, to convince her to stay forever so he wouldn't lose her when the terms of their contract marriage came to an end.
Todd looks down at his own hand and watches as it slowly moves up toward Tea's body in front of him. Tea is so lost in her own thoughts and feelings that she jumps back when she suddenly feels something on her stomach. Todd quickly grabs Tea's body, afraid that she's pulling away from him, that she'll leave him.
Tea reaches her hands out for Todd's shoulders to steady herself, to keep from falling. As her body leans toward him he places his lips on Tea's stomach. Tea is stunned. A few seconds earlier she was certain that she had made a mistake by pushing Todd about that night. She was afraid that she would end up alone and naked in the hall again but now Todd is caressing her stomach with his lips and his hands are holding her tight like he's afraid to let go, afraid to lose her.]
chapter 49:
[As Todd continues to kiss Tea's stomach, she moves her hands along his shoulders, up his neck and into his hair. She holds his head to her body, not wanting his lips to leave her skin.
Todd's lips moves upward on Tea's body until they reach one of her breasts. As his tongue plays with her nipple, Tea leans more heavily into Todd. Tea moans from the pleasure which turns Todd on even more and causes him to unconsciously moan into her breast which increases Tea's pleasure.]
Tea (desperately needing him): Todd...
[Todd removes his mouth from Tea's breast and looks up at her. Tea instantly leans down and kisses Todd. Throughout their relationship Tea has held back her passion for Todd but suddenly she can't anymore. Todd senses the difference in Tea. It scares him but it also excites him. Todd moves further back on the bed and reclines back as he reaches out to her, to pull her on top of himself.]
Todd (as Tea climbs on top of him): Do you still want to talk?
Tea: Shut up, Todd.
[Tea's naked body presses down on top of Todd's partially clothed body as their lips press firmly together again. Todd's hands press into her back, needing to feel the warmth of her skin.
After kissing for several minutes, Tea starts to kiss down Todd's neck toward his chest but Todd stops her and brings her lips back to his. As the kiss ends Tea begins kissing down his body again until Todd pulls her back up for another kiss. They continue the pattern, of Tea kissing his body and then returning to his lips before moving onto another part of his body, for several minutes.
Finally, Tea runs out of exposed areas on Todd's upper body to kiss. After returning to kissing his lips for a moment she turns on her side and looks at his pants and then looks up at his face.
Todd quickly pulls her body against him as he rolls them both over so that Tea is now laying with her back on the bed and he is on top of her. They kiss passionately as Tea caresses his bare back and Todd presses his lower body against hers.
Tea enjoys the feeling of him being on top of her. The previous times they've had sex in bed she was always the one on top of him. It excites her to see, and feel, how aroused Todd is by their lovemaking.
Todd is so close to losing control, to letting go completely. He tries to hold back a little, not wanting to scare her or hurt her by being too aggressive. The more they kiss, though, the harder it becomes to stay in control of his emotions and his desire for Tea.
Todd is completely focused on every feeling his body is experiencing...the feeling of Tea's nipples against his chest...the softness of Tea's lips...the way it feels when his tongue makes contact with her tongue...
Todd breaks their kiss and slowly kisses toward Tea's ear and then down to her neck. He then quickly slides down her body until her breast is in his mouth. As his tongue moves across her nipple, Tea squirms beneath Todd.
As Todd moves over and envelops her other breast with his mouth, his hand moves down between her legs. Tea starts squirming even more, wanting him to be inside of her. Todd also wants this and sits up to take his pants off.
It only takes what seems like a few seconds to Tea for her to realize that something's wrong with Todd. He sits completely still on the edge of the bed trying desperately to convince himself not to stop now. He doesn't want to stop now. He doesn't want to sabotage this moment for Tea or himself.]
chapter 50:
[Tea gives Todd a minute to deal with whatever he's going through. She knows that he wanted to be with her, she could feel it, but now she can sense the panic that is rising through him.
Tea sits up and moves behind Todd. She gently touches his back and isn't surprised when his body jerks slightly at her sudden touch. She rubs his back for a moment before placing her arms around him and pressing her body tightly against his.]
Tea (comfortingly): It's okay, Todd.
[There is silence for a moment as Tea rests her head against Todd's shoulder.]
Tea: This could be enough for me, do you know that? Just being next to you, hearing your breathing, being able to hug you. This is what I wanted, Todd...to be close to you...physically...emotionally.
[Tea allows for more silence before continuing to speak to Todd.]
Tea: I missed you, Todd. When you were gone, I missed you. I thought about you. I worried about you. I'm so glad you came back. I really am. It didn't feel right when you were gone. I tried...I really tried to do what everyone told me to do. I tried to get over you, to move on with my life. I did the things people told me would help me get passed the end of our relationship. None of it worked. It just made it more painful. I would stay awake at night and wonder what was wrong with me. Sometimes I would wonder why I couldn't get over you and other times I would wonder why you never cared about me. The nights were so difficult. After I moved back here, I would go downstairs at night and it would be so strange not to find you pacing or standing at the window. I could feel that something wasn't right in this place and inside of me. You belong here and you belong inside of me. When you came back I felt it even stronger. There's a space inside of me, Todd, where you're supposed to be. I don't know how it happened but it did. You filled up a part of me that had been empty for so long and when you left that emptiness was even greater than it had been before I knew you. Now that you're back it doesn't have to feel that way anymore. Neither of us has to feel that way ever again.
[Tea kisses Todd's neck before settling her head on his shoulder again. Tea's emotions are heightened when she feels Todd's hand softly rest on top of her hand on his stomach. She stops talking and just enjoys the closeness. She doesn't feel like she needs to tell him that she loves him right now...to say the words. She's certain that he knows and she feels certain that he loves her too. For now the words aren't necessary.]
to be continued...
