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| IN SICKNESS BY TIMA |
CHAPTERS 86 - 90 |
Tea: Todd, you don't have to run every time you feel yourself panicking. You could stay. I could help you.
Todd: That's not as easy as you think it is.
Tea: You stayed this time. Do you regret it?
Todd: Not yet.
****
chapter 86
Tea: Todd, you're exhausted. You need to sleep. We can talk more later.
Todd: I hate talking about this stuff.
Tea: It helps, though, doesn't it?
Todd: A little...maybe...I don't know.
Tea: I think it has.
Todd: We can stop talking now, right?
Tea: Sure. Lie down and I'll rub your forehead for you until you fall asleep.
Todd: I don't want you in the same bed while I'm asleep. I might have another nightmare.
Tea: I'll leave before you're asleep, okay? I can help you relax, though.
Todd: Could you get dressed first?
[Todd lies down on the bed and watches Tea get dressed. When she's fully clothed she sits next to him on the bed.
Tea lightly places her hand on his chest for a moment before moving her hand up and running it through his hair.
Todd closes his eyes, enjoying the soft feel of her touch, as her fingers begin to massage his forehead.]
Tea (in a soothing voice): Everything will be okay, Todd.
Todd: I missed you.
Tea: I missed you, too.
Todd: I thought about you a lot.
Tea: What kind of things did you think about?
Todd (opening his eyes and looking at her): Everything.
Tea: Close you eyes. Try to sleep.
Todd: It's useless.
Tea: You haven't even tried yet.
Todd: I've been trying all my life. I'm just not good at this sleeping thing.
Tea: Try.
[Todd rolls over onto his stomach. He grabs a pillow with both of his arms and buries the side of his face into it as he closes his eyes. Tea strokes his hair in a comforting way.]
Todd: While I was away, it was so hard for me to sleep, especially in the beginning. The nightmares wouldn't leave me alone. My head was full of all of these images I didn't want to think about. Even when I was awake they would be there, haunting me. Eventually, I would start to get to that place, you know, where you can feel yourself almost floating...where you feel like you're not quite there. You start to fall asleep, just a few seconds, while you're in the middle of doing something. When I would get to that point, or way beyond it, I would lay down. Otherwise, I wouldn't even bother. When I would get to that point, though, were my body was taking over, determined to make me sleep whether I wanted to or not, I would finally give in and let it happen. I would lay on my stomach and I would pretend that you were in the room with me.
Tea: Did thinking about me help you sleep?
Todd: I would pretend that you were there and that you were moving your hand along my back. I would just focus on the thought of that feeling until I fell asleep.
[Tea stops caressing Todd's hair and moves her hand down to his back and begins to caress his skin in a way that she hopes emulates the way he had imaged her touching him.
Several minutes later...]
Todd: Tea?
Tea: Yeah?
Todd: You should leave before I fall asleep.
Tea: I will.
Todd: I'm serious, Tea. If you don't leave I'll have to stop myself from falling asleep.
Tea: How close are you?
Todd: Very.
Tea: Okay. I'll watch the clock and I'll leave in ten minutes.
Todd (sounding very groggy): You promise?
Tea: I promise. Let yourself fall asleep.
[Tea continues to caress Todd's back as he allows himself to drift off to sleep. Tea breaks her promise by knowingly staying longer than ten minutes. Finally, after spending more than twenty minutes convincing herself that she'll stay just one more minute, she finally forces herself to leave the room.
Several hours later...
Tea is in the kitchen eating lunch when she's startled by a knock on the kitchen door. She turns around and is surprised to see Carlotta standing there.]
Tea (opening the door): Carlotta! We didn't have plans today, did we?
Carlotta: No. I was just running some errands and thought I'd stop by and see how you are.
Tea: Well, you couldn't have been in the neighborhood. Living on Llantano Mountain, nothing is in the neighborhood.
Carlotta: I thought you might want some company.
[Tea decides not to tell Carlotta that Todd is back. She knows that after his visit with Starr he may feel that he needs to leave again so she wouldn't know how long to tell Carlotta he's back for. Not wanting to get into a long conversation with Carlotta about Todd right now, Tea decides to wait and let Carlotta know about Todd's return later.]
Tea: I appreciate your concern, I really do, but I'm fine.
Carlotta: Of course you are but that doesn't mean that you have to be alone.
Tea: I don't mind being alone. In fact, I think some time alone could be good for me right now.
Carlotta: Are you sure you're okay? Did you have trouble sleeping again last night? You look tired.
Tea: I'm fine. I just haven't had my nap yet today. I will very soon. I'm fine. You don't have to baby-sit me.
Carlotta: You're certain you don't want me to stay?
Tea: I promise I'm fine. Everything is fine. I'm feeling better than I have in a long time.
Carlotta: Well, that's great. Did you hear from Todd again? Is that why you're feeling better?
Tea: Todd and I did speak earlier this morning. I always feel better when I have contact with my husband. I think maybe I will try to take that nap now. I don't mean to be rude, asking you to leave as soon at you get here.
Carlotta: I could clean up in here for you before I leave.
Tea: I can handle a few dishes myself. Stop fussing.
Carlotta: That husband of yours should be the one here fussing over his pregnant wife.
Tea: Todd had reasons that he needed to be away. I understand them. I know that you don't know everything so you can't understand. Just trust that I do. I know what's best for me and Todd is definitely what I need.
Carlotta: I know he loves you. I saw that very clearly while you were sick. It's difficult for me to reconcile that image of him as such a devoted and concerned husband and this man who would leave you without a word for months while you are pregnant with his child.
Tea: But, he's back in touch with me now. He's trying hard to deal with his problems. I don't want you to go back to hating him or trying to convince me that being with him is a mistake.
Carlotta: I'll never forget the love I've watched him express for you but no matter what my greatest concern is for you, not Todd. If he hurts you, he has to answer to me. That's the way it is. I know this time apart has hurt you and I don't understand how he could put you through so much worry.
Tea: Carlotta...
Carlotta: I know. I know. You love him and understand him. That's fine but the next time I see him he better be prepared to hear what I think about this disappearing act of his. No one gets to hurt my Tea like this.
Tea (hugging Carlotta): I love you.
Carlotta: I love you, too. Now, I'll leave so you can take that nap. You call me if you need anything at all.
Tea: I will.
[Carlotta leaves and Tea closes the door behind her. When she turns around she finds Todd standing in the doorway on the other side of the kitchen.]
Tea: How long have you been eavesdropping?
Todd: I wasn't eavesdropping. This is my house. I get to stand on the other side of this wall whenever I want to. (moving further into the kitchen) Your surrogate mother's really ticked at me.
Tea: She's protective of me.
Todd: I can relate to that. Why didn't you tell her I was back? Where you afraid she'd attack me or something?
Tea: I wasn't sure if you wanted anyone to know. I didn't really think you were up for company, anyway.
Todd: I'm not. You're the only person I want to put up with right now, at least until Starr gets here.
Tea: Don't forget that Viki will be bringing Starr.
Todd: Maybe I'll hide until she's gone. I don't know if I'll be up for a Viki style shrinking.
Tea: Are you hungry? I could make you something.
Todd: I thought you were going to take a nap. Or, did you turn into a big, fat liar while I was gone? That reminds me, you need to get fat.
Tea: I'm working on it. I ate plenty for lunch. Stop worrying.
Todd: That's not going to happen. So, do you want me to be with you while you sleep?
Tea: You would do that?
Todd: Sure. You helped me fall asleep. I can return the favor.
Tea: Could you hold me while I sleep. I've missed that.
Todd: What about now?
Tea: What do you mean?
Todd: I could hold you now. Only for a few minutes, though. Then, I'll get something to eat. Then, I'll let you sleep on me.
Tea: Sounds great.
[Tea and Todd both approach each other. Todd is still shirtless so Tea places her hands on his stomach for a moment before sliding them around his body and snuggling into his warm body. They both close their eyes as they hold each other.
Unseen by either Todd or Tea, Carlotta returns to the kitchen door. She had been in her car, about to drive away, when she recalled something that she had wanted to discuss with Tea but had forgotten. As she glances through the window, Carlotta is surprised to see Todd and Tea standing in their kitchen hugging. For a moment she wonders why Tea didn't tell her that Todd was back.
As she continues to watch them, Todd slides one of his hands up and down Tea's back as he nuzzles his face against the side of her head. Carlotta is touched by the apparent gentleness in his physical gestures.
Carlotta looks intently at Todd's face. His eyes are closed. His face resting against Tea's head. Carlotta is surprised by the almost peaceful look on Todd's face as he holds his wife. When he kisses the side of Tea's head and his lips move for a moment before he buries his face in her neck, Carlotta is certain that he has just told Tea that he loves her even though she was unable to hear his voice saying it.
Carlotta feels intrusive watching what is clearly a very emotionally intimate moment between Todd and Tea and turns and quickly leaves. As she drives away she is once again stumped by the contradictions existing in Todd.]
chapter 87
[Todd goes back upstairs and puts on a shirt before returning to the kitchen to have lunch. Tea watches Todd eat, occasionally snatching small pieces of food from his plate to eat herself. When the food is gone the Mannings go upstairs to their bedroom together.]
Todd (entering behind Tea): You sure you don't want to sleep downstairs in front of the TV? It might help you fall asleep.
Tea: All I need is you.
[They both get into the bed. Tea stays on her side of the bed, hesitantly watching Todd.]
Todd (noticing her watching him): I can handle this.
Tea: Are you sure?
Todd: You've used me as a pillow before.
Tea: I don't want to scare you away again.
Todd: Well, let's be clear up front, okay? We're not doing anything remotely sexual and everyone keeps their clothes on.
Tea: That's fine with me.
Todd: Then there's no problem.
Tea: I know touch of any kind is difficult for you at times.
Todd: Well, this isn't one of those times...I won't let it be.
Tea: Are you positive?
Todd: I've got a pregnant wife who needs a nap.
Tea: Okay.
[Tea moves closer to Todd on the bed and, facing his body, presses her own body against him, draping her arm across him as he lays on his back.]
Todd: Fall asleep.
Tea (closing her eyes): Tell me a story.
Todd: You didn't say anything about me having to entertain you.
Tea: Just one story. Start with once upon a time.
Todd: I'm not very good at stories.
Tea: Come on. Just one.
Todd: Fine. (Todd pauses for a moment to think) Okay. Once upon a time...there were three girls who went to the police academy...
[Tea lifts her head off where it was resting on Todd's body and grabs her pillow and lightly hits him with it.]
Todd (laughing): ...They were each assigned very hazardous duties.
Tea: Charlie's Angels wasn't what I had in mind, Todd.
Todd: Well, next time be more specific.
Tea (settling back in next to him): Okay. Tell me a story about how you feel about me.
Todd: That's an old and boring story.
Tea: Not to me.
Todd: You already know how I feel about you.
Tea: I know. I just like hearing you tell me. (pause) Todd, can I tell you something you may not want to hear?
Todd: No.
Tea: There were moments when you were gone that I wondered...
Todd: What?
Tea: If you had only been with me because I was sick.
Todd: You know that's not why.
Tea: But it was the reason, wasn't it? You never would have been with me as much as you were, as easily as you were, if I had never been so sick.
Todd: Yeah, but that doesn't mean that's the only reason.
Tea: But it's part of it. I know that. I know that my being pregnant now is part of what brought you back to me.
Todd: That's not the whole story.
Tea: If I weren't pregnant?
Todd: If you weren't and I had hurt you...
Tea: You would have left like you did and you wouldn't have come back.
Todd: I would have tried not to. I know that I need you. You make me talk about things that I don't want to talk about and think about stuff that I'd rather forget about but for some reason I like being with you. I feel better...sort of...when you're around. If I didn't know how much you need me I would try harder to stay away from you...to protect you. If you had never been sick I wouldn't know how much you need me. I wouldn't believe all the stuff you say you feel about me. A part of me would wonder if you were just making it up.
Tea: But you don't wonder about it now?
Todd: You were sick. You could have...
[Todd doesn't complete his sentence so Tea does for him.]
Tea: Died.
Todd: You had no reason to lie to me. Without that I would always wonder no matter how many times you told me what you felt...no matter what you did to show me...it wouldn't have mattered. I would have always wondered. No matter how many years we might have had together, I would have always been waiting for you to reveal the real reason why you were with me. I would have always been waiting for you to take off on me.
Tea: I understand.
Todd: I know you do.
Tea: I trust you.
Todd: I know that.
Tea: It isn't easy for me.
Todd: I know that, too.
Tea: I expect people to leave.
Todd: I know that expectation.
Tea: I know you came back more for Starr and the baby than for me.
Todd: It's not really more. It's just different. I know you get it. I know you know what it's like to have someone take off on you. I don't want to be another person in your life that makes you feel that way. But I also know that you get what I'm going through. You know why I left. You know why I would want to stay away. Starr and this kid don't get it, though, you know? And it's not fair to them. We went into this knowing that it probably wouldn't work out, that it probably wouldn't last, because nothing in our lives has ever worked out or lasted for very long...nothing good anyway. Everything always ends up getting messed up. I don't want them to feel that way. I don't want them to expect that. Maybe it would be easier for them if they did expect people to always leave and relationships never to work out because then they'd be prepared when it happens to them later on.
Tea: Maybe it won't happen. Maybe they'll be lucky.
Todd: What are the chances of that?
Tea: It could happen. I hope it happens. I envision them both having these incredible futures full of love and joy.
Todd: And if they don't?
Tea: Then, they're lucky that they have people in their lives who will be there to help them through it.
Todd: While I was driving back I sort of realized something.
Tea: What?
Todd: I have this...I don't know...desire...to do everything right with this new kid, to not screw it up like I normally do everything else in my life.
Tea: That's normal.
Todd: What I realized is that it isn't just for this kid but it's also for Starr. I mean, I want to stop messing up her life too. I'm definitely going to try to stop doing stuff that hurts her. It probably doesn't make sense but I feel like when I promised myself that I would do it right this time, that I wouldn't miss out on anything, that I would do whatever I had to so that I could be there for this kid, I wasn't just promising myself or even this kid but I was also promising Starr, even though she probably would never know it. She might even be upset if she realizes that some of the stuff I missed out on with her I'll be doing with this kid. It's kind of like I feel that if I can not mess up with this kid then I would be sort of making up, at least a little, for messing up so much with Starr. Does that make any sense?
Tea: I think it does.
Todd: You were so quiet, I thought maybe you had fallen asleep.
Tea: Don't you mean you had hoped?
Todd: Did it really make sense to you?
Tea: Yes. You regret the mistakes you've made in the past, even though some of the things you blame yourself for were beyond your control, and you want to be the parent to this child that you wished you had been with Starr. You can still be the parent you want to be with Starr, you know. It's not too late.
Todd: She hates me.
Tea: No, she doesn't. She's angry. You understand that anger, don't you?
Todd: Sure. I've had a parent ditch me.
Tea: Does she know that?
Todd: I don't tell her stuff about when I was a kid. I don't want to give her nightmares.
Tea: Maybe she's old enough to hear some of it.
Todd: Well, I'm not old enough to have that conversation with her yet. Maybe in thirty years.
Tea: Todd?
Todd: Yeah?
Tea: I'm tired. I'm going to try to sleep now. If you need to talk more, though...
Todd: No, that's okay. I'm done talking for the month.
Tea: I like it when you talk to me, Todd, even if you won't tell me a bedtime story.
Todd: Once upon a time there was this guy...
Tea: A prince?
Todd: This guy is no prince.
Tea: Could he turn into a prince with a kiss?
Todd: Not a chance. There's this chick, though, who must be foolish enough to think that because she keeps kissing him.
Tea: Maybe she likes kissing him.
Todd: Maybe she needs to get a hobby.
Tea: Maybe she doesn't have time for a hobby. Maybe dealing with this guy is a full time job.
Todd: Maybe she should find an easier job.
Tea: Maybe she likes the challenge.
Todd: Maybe you should stop talking and let me tell this story.
[Tea cuddles closer to Todd and listens to his story until she soon falls asleep. Todd waits until he's certain that she's asleep before he stops talking. He lies in bed next to his wife and allows himself to enjoy, as much as he can, the feeling of being with Tea and their unborn child.]
****
****
chapter 88
[That night, Todd tries to sleep alone in the guest bedroom downstairs but finds it impossible to fall asleep. His mind is too occupied with painful visions of his past and concern for what he'll say when he sees Starr again in a couple of days.
He tries watching television but that doesn't work either as he learns that watching infomercials in the middle of the night is only fun if Tea is up and watching them with him so there's someone there to hear, and laugh at, his insulting comments about the products and hosts.
Finally, Todd resigns himself to doing the only thing that he knows for certain will make the next several hours until dawn bearable.
He enters the darkened room and tries to be quiet as he slowly slides into bed next to his wife. She wakes for a moment at the feeling of his body settling next to her on the bed. After he reassures her that everything's okay and that he just wanted to watch her sleep for a while, Tea easily falls back to sleep.
As he watches her sleep, he doesn't allow himself to close his eyes for any extended period of time, afraid to chance falling asleep next to her in case his nightmares come back again. He's tempted to try, though, knowing that sometimes just being next to Tea keeps his worst nightmares away.
When the dawn finally begins to shine light into the room, Todd tries to slowly remove himself from Tea's side but she senses, even in her sleep, his loss and refuses to let him go. He continues trying to slowly pull himself out of her grip until she groans unpleasantly in her sleep.
Todd gives up and realizes that he's stuck in bed with Tea until she wakes up because he doesn't want to wake her by trying any harder to get out of bed.
More than an hour later, Tea moans, this time pleasantly, as she slowly awakes to the feeling of her husband beside her. She keeps her eyes closed, not wanting to wake up completely for fear the incredibly comfortable feeling she is experiencing could disappear.
Todd, lying on his side, carefully studies the face in front of him. He knows that Tea is waking up but he can also tell that she's trying not to. She's happy where she is...being in his arms. He knows that.]
Todd (speaking softly): Tea?
[Tea doesn't respond but Todd knows that she's awake enough to hear him. He places his hand on the side of her head and slowly strokes her hair for a minute before lightly running a finger down her cheek and gently caressing her lips with his fingertip, giving her encouragement to fully awaken.]
Todd (keeping his voice a whisper): Tea...
[Tea still doesn't respond but Todd can tell that she's trying hard to repress a smile and knows that she's definitely awake now.]
Todd: It's too bad you're not awake because if you were I would kiss you right now.
Tea: Try it.
Todd (feigning surprise): You're awake?
Tea (opening her eyes): Kiss me.
[Todd slowly brings his face closer.]
Tea: Unless, you want me to brush my teeth first.
Todd (with his lips almost touching hers): I'm brave.
[Finally, their lips touch in a gentle caress as they both place their hands in the other person's hair. As the kiss slowly ends, their faces continue to nuzzle, neither moving their lips far from the other's mouth.]
Todd: Tea, now that you're up, I'm going to bed, okay?
Tea: Did you sleep at all last night?
[Todd briefly kisses Tea once more before moving his face away from hers as he sits up and stretches his muscles.]
Todd: No.
Tea: Did you try?
Todd: Of course. I'm not like you. I don't just drop off after a few minutes of trying.
Tea: Neither do I, except when you're with me. Do you think you'll be able to sleep now?
Todd: It's light out. That might help.
Tea: Do you want some breakfast first?
Todd: I'll eat later. Unless, you need me there to make sure you eat enough.
Tea: I think I can be trusted to feed myself properly. Todd, maybe we should switch bedrooms. Maybe you would sleep better up here in a familiar bed.
Todd: The bed downstairs is familiar, too. That's where I slept before you moved in here.
Tea: I know but did you sleep much then?
Todd: Some.
Tea: But you've slept a lot up here. Maybe we should just try it and see if it helps.
Todd: No. You're the one who needs to be comfortable the most. Besides, nighttime is nighttime whether I'm up here or down there and that's always been a difficult time for me. Maybe I'll just spend the nights up here watching you sleep and then sleep myself for a couple of hours after you wake up.
Tea: I don't know.
Todd: It might work.
Tea: We can try it.
[Hours later...
Tea is in the kitchen fixing herself a snack. Todd is upstairs in their bedroom sleeping. When Tea hears, from a distance, a car approaching up the long driveway leading to their house, she peers through the window, curious who it could be.
As the car comes into view, Tea realizes that it's Viki's car. She thinks about rushing upstairs to wake Todd but as she watches the car come to a stop she decides to wait.
Tea steps outside as Viki exits the car and opens the trunk to take Starr's things out. Starr quickly gets out of the car when she sees Tea and rushes to hug her.]
Tea: Sweetie, I'm so glad you're here but I thought you weren't coming until tomorrow.
Starr: Aunt Viki wanted to call you but I wanted to surprise you.
Tea: Well, you certainly did.
Viki (approaching with Starr's suitcase): I hope you don't mind. Starr wanted to spend an extra day here with you.
Tea: Of course not. I just thought for a moment that my memory was deteriorating rapidly. Actually, it's great that you're here...both of you. I have a surprise of my own.
Starr (excited): A puppy!
Tea (smiling): No, not a puppy. This surprise is even better than a puppy. It's bigger, too.
Starr: A pony!
Tea: Not a pony either. Let's go inside and find out. (to Viki) I hope you can stay and see the surprise, too. I think you'll appreciate it.
Viki: Well, then I'll have to stay.
[Starr starts pulling on Tea's hand, leading her toward the house.
Tea makes certain that Starr and Viki stay downstairs as she goes upstairs and enters the master bedroom and closes the door.
Todd is sleeping on his side, facing Tea, as she enters. She looks at his face which looks almost peaceful in his slumber and wishes she didn't have to wake him but knows that he would want her to.]
Tea (sitting down on the side of the bed): Todd?
[Todd doesn't respond. Tea gently touches the side of his face.]
Tea: Todd? You need to wake up.
Todd (groggily): What's wrong?
Tea: Nothing is wrong but Starr and Viki are downstairs.
Todd (quickly sitting up): Huh? What day is it? Is it tomorrow already? How long have I been sleeping?
Tea: Only a few hours. Starr decided she wanted an extra day here so Viki brought her early.
Todd: When you told her I was here did she run away?
Tea: No.
Todd: Well, that's good.
Tea: I haven't told her yet.
Todd: Oh, that explains it.
Tea: She'll be okay, Todd. Perhaps a little angry at first but you'll win her over again, probably within the first few minutes. You know that.
Todd: This isn't like when she refused to speak to me when I wouldn't let her have cotton candy for breakfast. This time she really hates me.
Tea: She does not. Now, comb your hair and change your clothes and come downstairs. I told them to expect a surprise.
Todd: What's wrong with my clothes?
Tea: You've been sleeping in them.
Todd: So?
Tea: Fine. Let's just go downstairs then.
[Todd straightens his clothes and nervously runs his fingers through his hair, anticipating and yet dreading the next few minutes.]
****
chapter 89
[Tea walks down the stairs as Todd slowly follows, uncertain about what Starr's reaction to his presence will be, after being away so long.
Tea stops near the doorway into the kitchen and looks behind her. She notices the concern on Todd's face and flashes a comforting smile at him, trying to help calm him.
As she disappears into the kitchen he leans against the wall outside the kitchen and tries to calm himself down so he doesn't have a panic attack from the anxiety of this moment.]
Tea (to Viki and Starr): I think your surprise is ready now. Are you both ready?
Viki: You certainly have my curiosity peaked.
Tea: Starr, are you ready?
[Starr doesn't respond as she looks beyond Tea and sees Todd standing in the doorway.]
Todd (nervously): Surprise!
[Viki immediately turns toward the sound of her brother's voice. She's overjoyed to see him again and to see with her own eyes that he is safe. Viki quickly approaches Todd and immediately hugs him. Todd awkwardly pats her on the back, not comfortable with hugging right now but glad that she doesn't seem to be mad at him.]
Viki: It's good to see you.
Todd: Uh, yeah, sure...ditto.
Viki: Ditto? That's all I get after all this time?
Todd: Okay...uh...your hair looks nice?
Viki: We can skip the pleasantries if they make you uncomfortable.
Todd: Good.
Viki: I am glad to see you. I was worried about you.
Todd: I thought maybe you wouldn't be speaking to me.
Viki: Why?
Todd: The stuff I said when I was leaving.
Viki: I understand about that. We could talk about it, though, if you'd like.
Todd: Haven't you been paying attention all these years? I wouldn't like that at all.
Viki: Perhaps we should anyway.
Todd: Not right now.
[Viki follows Todd's gaze in Starr's direction. Starr has been completely quiet since Todd walked into the room. She has an angry, defiant expression on her face and won't make eye contact with her father.
Todd steps away from Viki and moves a little closer to where Starr is sitting at the table.]
Todd: Starr?
[His daughter doesn't respond so Todd moves closer and reaches out to touch her.]
Todd: Shorty?
[Starr quickly gets out of her chair and moves away from him. Todd is devastated. He knew she would hate him. He knew he would just make her hurt more if he came back.
Tea watches the pain on both of their faces and wants to stop them both from hurting.]
Tea (to Starr): Sweetie, your dad came to see you.
Starr: No, he didn't.
Tea: Yes, he did.
Starr: He came to see you and the new baby.
Tea: He specifically came this weekend because he knew you would be here.
Starr: I want to go home.
[The adults all look at each other, uncertain how to handle this crisis.]
Viki: Starr, honey, you know that your mother is out of town this weekend.
Starr: Then, I want to go home with you.
Todd: Shorty...
Starr: I'm never coming back here again.
Tea: Starr, you don't mean that. You've been excited about spending time here with your new brother or sister, remember?
Starr: Not anymore. (referring to Todd) I'm never coming here again if he's here.
Tea: Starr...
Todd: It's okay, Tea. I'll take care of this.
[Todd tries to approach Starr again but she just runs across the room and hugs Viki.]
Starr (to Viki): Take me home with you.
Todd: Starr, you're staying here for the rest of the weekend.
Starr: No, I'm not. You can't make me.
Todd: I'm your father.
Starr: I hate you.
[Starr's words slice into Todd's heart but he tries not to show it.]
Todd: Your mom's out of town so you're staying here with me.
Starr: I'll call mommy. She'll come back. She still cares about me.
Todd: I care about you. I love you. You know that.
[Starr leaves the kitchen. Everyone follows her as she tries to rush out of the house and towards Viki's car. Todd catches up to her and prevents her from getting into the car.]
Todd: Starr, I'm your father.
Starr: Not anymore. I want a new one.
Todd: Well, you're stuck with this one. And, you're stuck spending the rest of the weekend here with me and Tee.
[Starr looks toward her aunt and can tell that Viki will be supporting Todd in this battle.
Starr quickly rushes back into the house, up the stairs and slams her bedroom door.
Tea goes into the house to check on Starr while Viki approaches a despondent Todd.]
Viki: Are you okay?
Todd: I knew she'd hate me. I just didn't realize how much I'd hate myself right now.
Viki: I don't think she really hates you. She's angry and needs some time to deal with her emotions right now. She'll come around after she calms down.
Todd: That could take years.
Viki: I think you'll win her over sooner than that. Just give her some time and a lot of love.
Todd: She doesn't want my love. I don't blame her. All my love has ever done is cause people pain.
Viki: That's not true.
Todd: Want to spend the night and watch my love ruining my kid's life?
Viki: Everything will be fine. You'll see.
Todd: I'm serious. You could spend the night. Or, maybe you should take Starr home with you.
Viki: I think that you were right to insist she stay here with you. This may be painful, Todd, but if you don't deal with it now, that pain will only worsen.
Todd: I don't think that's possible.
Viki: Are you planning on leaving again?
Todd: I don't usually plan on leaving at all. It just happens.
Viki: For your daughter's sake, I hope you are back for good. And, for your sake, too. And, mine. I missed you.
Todd: No stray ugly dogs followed you home to take my place?
Viki: Not one. I guess you're stuck with me.
Todd: You sure you don't want to stay? We have food. We could feed you.
Viki: I think I'll leave you to your family. Call me if you need to talk.
Todd: And talk...and talk...and talk...
[Viki smiles at Todd and kisses him on the cheek before getting into her car and driving off.
Meanwhile, in the house, Tea is trying to console a crying Starr. She isn't very successful as Starr only stops crying after she exhausts herself into a fitful sleep.
As Tea quietly exits Starr's room, she finds Todd immediately outside the door, leaning against the wall. They both silently walk down the stairs and enter the kitchen.]
Tea: Do you want something to eat?
Todd: That's okay. I'll just gnaw on my heart that has been ripped from my chest.
Tea: She'll come around.
Todd: Yeah, Viki's delusional enough to think that, too.
Tea: She will, Todd. I know you. I know Starr. And, I know the relationship, and the love, the two of you share. Neither of you can stay angry at the other for very long.
Todd: I've never been angry at her.
Tea: Not even that time she used that important fax as paper to draw on and the Sun lost that big scoop to the Banner?
Todd: She was just a little kid. So, the Banner got one little scoop on me? So, my runty nephew was nominated for some stupid, stuffy award? So, the Banner's circulation went up after that?
Tea: So, you were never angry?
Todd: I hardly even remember it.
Tea: You'll see, Todd. You'll turn on the charm and you'll have her back to adoring you in no time.
Todd: I have no charm, Tea.
Tea: You do to me and you do to your daughter. Trust me.
[Todd watches as Tea heaps food from a plastic container onto a plate. He approaches her and places his arms around her, his hand on her stomach. Tea leans back into him, enjoying his presence.]
Todd: You're sure you want to have a kid with me?
Tea: Positive.
Todd: Do you like being pregnant so far?
Tea: It's interesting.
Todd: Really?
Tea: I don't think I've gotten to the worst part yet.
Todd: What part is that?
Tea: Well, I'm guessing the part where I'll be screaming for someone, anyone, to get it out of me.
Todd: Just so you don't expect me to be the one.
Tea: You'll be there, won't you?
Todd: I suppose. But, I'm just there as an observer. I'm not doing anything.
Tea: You'll hold my hand, won't you?
Todd: Okay, I could do that.
Tea: What about cutting the cord?
Todd: What if I do it wrong? What if I dropped the scissors and hurt you or the kid?
Tea: You'll do fine, Todd.
Todd: At this point, watching you push our kid out seems easy. It's my other kid that I don't know what to do about.
Tea: Right now, you're going to help me eat all this food.
Todd: I thought that was all for you so you'd gain weight.
Tea: I think we could share. Starr will probably wake up soon.
Todd: And, demand we let her call Blair. Maybe I should let her. I hate the idea of her being miserable.
Tea: You did the right thing by insisting that she stay here. Let's just see how she feels when she wakes up. Maybe she'll be calmer and will want to stay.
Todd: And, maybe she'll run off down the mountain, trying to get back to town so she can get away from me.
[Todd and Tea sit at the table, eating off the same plate as they brainstorm about how to handle the situation with Starr.]
****
chapter 90
[For several hours, Todd and Tea wait while Starr continues to sleep. Tea tries to convince Todd to watch television with her to help him relax but he refuses. He doesn't want to relax. He feels deserving of his anxiety after putting Starr through so much pain. He deeply regrets ever having left her, even though he knows that each time it had been necessary because of the spiral he felt himself descending into.
The Mannings are quietly sharing the kitchen together. Tea is sitting at the table, reading a book. Todd is standing in front of the large windows, staring outside, at nothing in particular.
They both are startled by a voice.]
Starr: Tee?
Tea: Sweetie, you're up. We thought you were still sleeping. Do you feel better?
Starr: I'm hungry.
Tea: Okay. I'll get you something to eat. Take a seat at the table.
Starr: I don't want to eat in here.
Tea: Why not?
[Todd has been carefully watching Starr. She hasn't looked at him at all. He knows that she's purposely trying to ignore him and that's why she doesn't want to eat in the kitchen.]
Todd: You'll eat at the table.
[Starr continues ignoring Todd's presence.]
Starr (to Tea): Can I eat in my room?
Todd: You'll eat at the table.
[Starr continues looking to Tea for an answer, as if Todd never spoke.]
Tea: Sweetie...
Todd: We're not discussing this. She's eating at the table.
[Todd takes a few steps closer to Starr.]
Todd: You can't avoid me, Shorty. You can't pretend I don't exist. I'm your father.
[Starr comes close to responding but holds herself back. Todd noticed her almost reaction.]
Todd: Tee needs to fatten up for the baby. You're hungry. I'm hungry. We're eating at the table together like the happy family we are.
Tea: Maybe we could cook together, as a family.
Todd: Sounds great. I'll do the guy part...I'll carve.
Tea: I don't think carving will be involved.
Todd: Then I guess I'll let you two take care of things.
Tea: I'm sure we can find something manly for you to do. You could slice the eggplant.
Todd: Nothing about eggplant is manly.
Tea: It will be when you slice it, dear. Starr, sweetie, why don't you help me gather the ingredients, okay?
[Starr doesn't respond. For almost a minute the adults are uncertain about whether she'll stay and cook with them or run back upstairs to her room. As Tea begins taking ingredients out of the refrigerator and cupboards, both Tea and Todd are relieved as Starr steps further into the kitchen and stands near Tea, offering her assistance to her step-mother.
Todd is thrilled. His daughter is still avoiding any direct contact with him but at least she is staying in the room.]
Todd: What exactly are we making here, Tea?
Tea: Eggplant lasagna.
Todd: That sounds like a girl thing.
Tea: Well, there are two girls in this room...possibly three, so we out number you.
Todd: And, what if that kid in your belly is a boy?
Tea: Then he'll get a vote after he's born and old enough to speak for himself. (to Starr) You like eggplant lasagna, don't you?
Starr: Your lasagna is the best. It's better than the kind with noodles.
Todd: No noodles? It's not lasagna if there aren't noodles.
Tea: Trust me, Todd, you'll like it.
Todd: I don't understand. When did you ever make this non-lasagna before? I don't remember it.
Tea: Starr and I made it together several times when you had to work late at the office.
Todd: Oh.
Tea: Luckily, you no longer have an office you need to work late at. Now, you can cook with us girls.
Todd (sarcastically): Yeah, luckily.
Tea: Starr, sweetie, make sure your daddy slices the eggplant the right way, okay?
Starr: Can't you show him?
[In an odd way, even though she's still trying to avoid contact with him, Todd is relieved that she did at least acknowledge his existence.
Starr pauses for several moments, uncertain what to do. She finally does step closer to Todd. Sensing that she still won't speak to him, he places the knife near one end of the eggplant and looks at her for a response. Not getting one, he slices through the eggplant. Still not getting a response, he cuts off a thin slice of eggplant. Starr steps back to Tea's side and speaks to her.]
Starr: He's doing it okay.
[Tea turns toward Todd. She's relieved when she notices a slight smile on his face. They both know that Starr's anger is lessening. She's just stubbornly refusing to acknowledge it and let Todd off the hook yet.
Minutes later...
They have the lasagna made and in the oven. Now comes another challenge...how to pass the time while dinner is cooking with Starr still refusing to directly acknowledge Todd.]
Tea: Maybe we should play a game while we wait.
Todd: Yeah, sure, sounds great. What do you want to play, Starr?
Starr: Tee, can we go upstairs and play dress up and put on makeup and perfume?
[Todd almost laughs out loud. He knows that Starr purposely picked something that she knew he wouldn't want to do.]
Tea: Sweetie, I think we should do something that your daddy can do with us.
Starr: Why?
Tea: It would be the nice thing to do. We can come up with something else, can't we?
Starr: Can I watch cartoons?
[Tea looks toward Todd who seems agreeable.]
Tea: Okay. Let's all go in the other room.
[Todd was all for watching cartoons until several minutes later when Starr has them watching a truly insipid cartoon that features all female characters. He was expecting a male super hero, a crime fighting dog, sarcastic quips, something bearable, not the horror of the inane girl cartoon that is before him now.
After several minutes, Todd turns toward Tea with a pained expression on his face.]
Todd: How much longer?
Tea: Until dinner is ready?
Todd: Yeah.
Tea: Maybe twenty minutes.
[Todd looks back at the television screen for a few more moments and then back at Tea.]
Todd: Aren't we having salad or something first? That takes twenty minutes, right?
Starr: Tee?
Tea: Yes, sweetie?
Starr: Can we eat in here? This is my favorite cartoon and they're showing all of the episodes all day today.
[Todd cringes. Starr really knows how to torture him. He's determined to suffer through it, though.]
Tea: We should probably eat in the kitchen.
Todd: I want to eat in here, too. I'm starting to get into this thing.
Tea: You are?
Todd: Oh, sure. That one chick isn't as irritating now as she was eight hours ago when we started watching this.
Tea: We've only been watching for a few minutes.
Todd: A few minutes...eight hours...trust me, it feels the same.
Tea: Fine. If that's what you both want. We'll eat in here.
Todd (sarcastically): Oh, goody.
[Todd dreads the rest of the evening but resigns himself to the punishment Starr is doling out. He hopes that she'll be more humane the next day. Maybe she'll even speak directly to him by then.]
to be continued...
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