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| ANOTHER JOURNEY BY TIMA |
CHAPTERS 46 - 50 |
PREVIOUSLY...
Most of Tea's body has been hidden by part of a wall as she prepared the whirlpool. As she steps into it, though, Todd gets a clear view.
She's wearing a black one-piece swimsuit. She wasn't lying to him earlier...it is conservative. It still shows off her figure incredibly well, as Todd is extremely aware of, as he watches with interest as she settles herself in the water.
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chapter 46:
[Todd continues to stare at Tea. She notices, enjoying his attention.]
Tea: I thought we were going to discuss our travel plan for tomorrow.
Todd: Oh, right.
[Todd picks up the road atlas and opens it to the page that shows both North and South Dakota.]
Tea: Come and sit over here.
Todd: Why?
Tea: Because it would be easier for us to have a discussion and you can show me what route we'll be taking.
Todd: You don't need to know that. I'll be doing the driving.
Tea: I wasn't planning to take your driving duties away from you. I should probably tell you, though, that I did make a copy of your car key while I was out.
Todd: You planning on stealing my car?
Tea: No. I just thought we should have a spare and I wanted my own copy in case I ever need it.
Todd: Yeah, in case...
Tea (interrupting him): In case of an emergency. That's all, Todd. I promise I'm not planning an escape. There's nothing for me to escape. I want to be on this trip with you. You can have the key if you want. It's in my purse.
Todd: You can keep it...for now.
Tea: Thank you. Now, come over here and sit by me.
[Todd slowly approaches the whirlpool. He sits on the flat outer surface and leans his back against the wall, facing Tea.]
Tea: Are you sure you don't want to join me?
Todd: I thought people were supposed to wait for a while after they ate before getting into water...or something like that.
Tea: I think that's swimming. There's no room for swimming in here.
Todd: Yeah, it looks like a pretty tight fit.
Tea: There's room for one more.
Todd: Drop it.
Tea: Hey, I just thought it might help relax you.
Todd: Wearing that tiny thing you bought me and submersing myself in water is supposed to relax me?
Tea: It could happen. Todd Manning could actually relax for once.
Todd: Todd Manning doesn't do relaxed.
Tea: I noticed. I think that could change. I think if you just gave it a try...
Todd (interrupting): What is this about?
Tea: What do you mean?
Todd: Why are you pushing this so hard?
Tea: I want you to relax.
Todd: No, there's more to it than that. There has to be. You're up to something.
Tea: I'm not up to anything. I just wanted to enjoy a little time in a whirlpool with you. That's all.
Todd: I don't do whirlpools and I don't do enjoyment. Deal with it.
Tea: Fine. Stay dry and tight. I'm staying in here and relaxing.
[Todd watches as Tea readjusts her position, unknowingly giving him a better view of her cloth covered chest. Tea's eyes are closed so she doesn't notice Todd staring at her.]
Tea: Where are we going?
Todd (distracted): Huh?
Tea (opening her eyes): Tomorrow...where are we going?
[Todd looks back at the atlas in his hands. Tea isn't certain but she thinks that Todd was checking her out. She smiles slightly at the thought even though she knows she's probably wrong since Todd has never shown much of an interest in her body before.
Todd spends several minutes looking at the atlas and not speaking to Tea. She rises out of the water a little more and closes her eyes again. If Todd wants to look, she'll give him the opportunity to.]
Todd: You want to go to Bear Butt?
Tea: They have a place called Bare Butt?
Todd: Yeah.
Tea: Let me see that.
[Tea turns around in the water and positions herself at Todd's side. He points out the location on the map.]
Tea: That's Bear Butte.
Todd: Oh, I must have missed the E on the end.
Tea (smiling): Right.
[Tea stays where she is and leans back, closing her eyes again. Todd watches her for a minute before looking back at the atlas.]
Todd (a few minutes later): Want to go to Dallas...Gettysburg...Toronto...
Tea: Those are all in South Dakota?
Todd: Yep.
Tea: You know, we could go...
Todd (interrupting): Dead guys on the mountain, I know.
Tea: There must be a reason so many people have been going there for so long.
Todd: Because they're stupid and have no lives?
Tea: We can skip it.
Todd: If you have your heart set on it...
Tea: I don't.
Todd: Well, if we go in that direction we could hit Nebraska and Wyoming and then go up to Montana.
Tea: You know, we don't have to go to every state.
Todd: We need a goal, right?
Tea: My goal is to spend as much time with you as possible. I don't care where we are. We could stay here even.
Todd: You just don't want to get out of that tub.
Tea (opening her eyes): Actually, I don't. This feels great, Todd. You should try it.
[Todd stands up and walks across the room.]
Tea: Don't leave. I wasn't trying to pressure you.
[Todd drops the atlas on the floor near their bags.]
Tea: I swear, Todd, I wasn't. This does feel great, though. I think you really would enjoy it if you gave it a try.
Todd: If I did would you shut up about it?
Tea: Of course.
Todd: Okay.
[Todd yanks off his shoes and tosses them on the floor. He pulls out the contents of his pants pockets and places the items on a dresser. He approaches the whirlpool and prepares to enter.]
Tea: Wait!
Todd: Now you don't want me in there?
Tea: No, of course I do but you're not going to come in wearing all of that, are you?
Todd: Take it or leave it.
Tea: I'll take it, you know that, but at least take off your socks.
Todd: You really want me to strip for you, don't you?
Tea (smiling): You have no idea.
[Todd gives Tea a look that causes her to laugh out loud. After removing his socks, Todd sits on the side of the whirlpool and slowly places his feet into the water.]
Tea: Maybe that's as far as you should come.
Todd: You don't want me to come all the way, Delgado?
Tea: Todd Manning flirting with me?
Todd: Was that flirting?
Tea: When you have that look in your eyes and that sexy sound in your voice, yes it is.
Todd: Nothing about me is sexy.
Tea: You are so wrong about that.
Todd: Do you want me to stay, or not?
Tea: Fine. I won't list all of the things I find sexy about you. Besides, that would take us a few days, at least.
[Todd grumbles as he seats himself in the whirlpool. Tea knows that his displeasure is more at her words then how it feels to be in the whirlpool.]
Todd: Now what?
Tea: Hmmm, let me think.
Todd: Forget it, Delgado. No thinking from you. No flirting anymore either.
Tea: Are you sure you can hold yourself back?
Todd: I've had years of practice.
Tea: Don't I know it.
chapter 47:
[Minutes pass without either person speaking. Tea has her eyes closed and is enjoying the relaxing whirlpool. Todd has his eyes open and is staring at Tea. Except for his view of Tea he finds the experience in the whirlpool uninteresting.]
Todd: So, are we supposed to talk or something?
Tea (opening her eyes): You want to talk? You? Todd Manning?
Todd: I'm going to get out. I feel like an idiot in here.
Tea: Well, maybe if you took your pants off...
Todd: Hey, no flirting while in whirlpools. This is a rule.
Tea: Surprisingly, that wasn't an attempt at flirting on my part. It can't be very comfortable sitting in here in all that soaked material. Go and change into those swim trunks I bought for you.
Todd: I don't accept swimwear from ladies.
Tea (smiling): Is that a policy of yours?
Todd: Yes.
Tea: Todd, would it be such a bad thing if I saw your legs uncovered?
Todd: You might not be able to control yourself.
Tea: I have seen them before, remember? (smiling) You're right, I might not be able to control myself. They are rather sexy.
Todd: You really don't want me to ever get into one of these stupid things with you again, do you?
Tea: I think we should stay in hotels every night that have whirlpools. It would be a great way to end the evening. I bet I'll sleep better tonight than I have in a long time. Especially since you'll be sharing a bed with me again.
Todd: You think that's a good idea?
Tea: Why not?
Todd: You've been touching me a lot lately. What if you start touching me while you're sleeping?
Tea: You might enjoy it.
[Tea and Todd are both silent for a few awkward moments.]
Tea: Seriously, Todd, if I do touch you while I'm sleeping and it bothers you then just roll me back over to my side of the bed, okay? I promise I'll try to control myself while I'm awake, although, I will be touching you.
Todd: Why?
Tea: Because, I like touching you. I also like being touched by you. I hope we'll do more touching, Todd. This all could end soon and I don't know about you but I haven't had enough touching with you yet...or kissing.
Todd: You want me to kiss you?
Tea: Yes...very much.
Todd: Right now?
Tea: Whenever you want.
Todd: My lips are kind of chapped right now and my lip balm is on the dresser.
Tea: I could get out and get it for you.
Todd: It can wait.
Tea: I don't know if I can.
Todd: Tea, if I do something do you think you can control yourself?
Tea: That depends on what you plan on doing.
Todd: I was thinking about taking my shirt off.
Tea: All of them?
Todd: No, just the outer layer.
Tea: I think I can handle that.
Todd: You're sure? I don't want to overstimulate you.
Tea: I don't think there's such a thing as overstimulation when it comes to what you do to me. I want every bit of stimulation you can give me.
Todd: Does everything have to turn into flirting with you?
Tea: Only when I'm with you. And, only because I realized that you like it when I flirt with you.
Todd: What gave you that idea?
Tea: Maybe the way you've been flirting back. Go ahead, Todd, take your shirt off for me.
Todd: You just want to see me in a wet T-shirt.
Tea: I do have fantasies to fulfill before this all falls apart.
Todd: You think that's what will happen?
Tea: You do, don't you?
Todd: Of course but I thought you were more...what's that word...optimistic.
[Todd watches as a look of incredible sadness crosses Tea's face.]
Tea: I know this can't last. I don't know about you but I want this and I need this and nothing that I have ever wanted or needed has ever lasted for me...not since I was a little girl. (smiling slightly) So, I'm going to flirt with you, okay? I'll touch you and kiss you and spend as much time with you as I possibly can while we're both here, while I still have the chance. I want time to feel something...anything...with you. When it ends, I'll go back to feeling nothing but until then I want to feel everything.
Todd: You didn't feel anything when we were apart?
Tea: I felt the pain but everything else I was numb to. When I'm with you I can't be numb. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing I'm not even sure. There are so many feelings it's overwhelming. I know that I should turn from that but for some reason with you I want to feel. (with tears in her eyes) I want my heart to finally feel something instead of just that emptiness, you know?
[Todd stares intently into Tea's eyes as tears fall down her cheeks. He knows he has to do something to change the mood. He can't handle his own emotions right now and if he continues to allow Tea to bring hers out then he knows his own will follow.]
Todd: You really know how to kill the mood, Delgado.
Tea: Todd...
Todd: If you're going to be all weepy then I'm keeping my shirt on.
[Tea studies his eyes. She can see something in them. Maybe it's compassion for her. Maybe it's his own pain. She's not certain what she sees in his eyes but she is certain that whatever it is must be too much for him to handle right now. She hadn't intended to get so emotional. She had wanted this to be something fun for them and she knows that if she doesn't play along with him she'll ruin the experience and possibly the night.]
Tea (wiping at her tears): You know, I was hoping you would be willing to exchange my tears for your shirt.
Todd: So, it was a set up?
Tea: I'm afraid so. I'm through crying and you owe me one shirt removal. Pay up.
Todd: Tea...
Tea: Todd, let's forget my little outburst and get back to something important...you with one less layer.
Todd: You're sure?
Tea: Todd...
Todd: You're sounding serious again.
Tea: Just for a minute and then we'll get back to you in a wet T-shirt, I promise. When it does end, I want to say good-bye to you. I don't want our last words to be in anger and I don't want to wake up and find you gone like I did when I woke up in the hospital after our wedding night. I want to have a real good-bye this time.
Todd: With real tears.
Tea: Yes. I will cry, Todd. It will hurt and I will cry. I need a real good-bye. Can you give me that this time?
Todd: What makes you so sure that I'll be the one leaving this time. You know, you've left me before.
Tea: When you told me to get out.
Todd: Sometimes you misunderstand my words. Besides, there were times when you left without my telling you to.
Tea: Well, I promise that I'll try to give you a chance to say good-bye if I'm the one who leaves, okay? But, I can't imagine that happening because I want this to work so badly.
Todd: That doesn't mean anything. That doesn't mean that you won't leave.
Tea: Just promise me that you'll try to give me a good-bye.
[Todd pauses for a moment, studying her eyes. He hates these emotional talks. He'd rather deal with her flirting than have to deal with seeing the pain in her eyes.]
Todd: Fine. I'll try.
Tea: Okay. (a smile crossing her face) Now, get that shirt off.
Todd: You know, your bossiness isn't your most attractive feature.
Tea: What is?
Todd: The way your eyes look when they're closed. Now, close your eyes.
Tea: No, I get to watch.
Todd: That wasn't part of the deal.
Tea: I think it was. Come on, Todd, it's not like you're going to be showing me your naked chest. Although, I wouldn't mind if you did.
Todd: Yeah, well, I don't exactly see you rushing to show me yours.
Tea: You want to see my bare chest? Fine.
[Tea reaches for the straps on her bathing suit as Todd watches intently.]
chapter 48:
[Tea has her hands on her bathing suit straps, waiting for Todd's reaction. He sits unmoving...unblinking.]
Tea: Aren't you going to stop me?
[Todd doesn't respond.]
Tea: Or, do you want to see my breasts?
[Todd still doesn't respond but his gaze does lower from her face to her chest which is still covered with her bathing suit.]
Tea: Maybe I should show you just to help ease your concerns.
[Todd's gaze slowly returns to her eyes.]
Todd: What concerns?
Tea: You think I'm pregnant, right?
Todd: Well, you are, aren't you?
Tea: I don't think so. There's never been any reason to assume I was, except for the fact that it would instantly put an end to our relationship and both of us expect something to cause our relationship to end.
Todd: So, you probably are pregnant.
Tea: I don't feel like I am. My body doesn't feel any different. If I were pregnant wouldn't there be changes? You've seen my breasts before. You'll know if they look different, won't you? Assuming that you did in fact look at them when you had the chance and that you remember them. Do you?
[Todd doesn't respond for almost a minute. Tea waits for him to speak again, uncertain herself how they got to the point where she's ready to pull down her swimsuit and show him her breasts. The thought does excite her even though she knows he probably won't let her follow through with it.]
Todd: I saw them. I remember. (speaking slowly) I...would...notice...changes...if...there...were...any...changes...to...notice. I suppose. Sure.
Tea: Are you saying...
Todd: If you want me to examine them to give us a clue about what to expect, I could do that.
Tea: You want me to show you my breasts? You really do?
Todd: I could handle it.
Tea: Would you be...handling...my breasts?
Todd: I never did before. That wouldn't help us now.
Tea: Todd...
Todd: If it would make you feel more comfortable, I could take my shirts off...all of them.
Tea (smiling): So, you'll show me yours if I show you mine?
Todd: If you're just going to make a joke out of this...forget it.
Tea: No. Wait. Okay.
Todd: Okay. Go ahead.
Tea: I think you should go first.
Todd: No way. This is your idea.
Tea: But, you were supposed to remove your shirt before and you still haven't done that yet.
Todd: That was just my outer shirt. Fine. I'll remove that shirt right now.
[Todd unbuttons his shirt and quickly removes it, tossing it onto the floor with a wet thud. Tea stares at his obvious muscles underneath the wet T-shirt he's still wearing.]
Todd: Okay, go ahead.
Tea: Show me your chest first. It would make me more comfortable if you weren't wearing anything...on the top part of your body.
Todd: Why would that make a difference?
Tea: Just show me your chest.
Todd: We're not doing anything. We're not touching. You get that, right?
Tea: Of course.
Todd: This is just a visual examination.
Tea: Okay.
[They both are more nervous then either of them can ever recall being before. They both know that they're entering dangerous territory. They know that they may have a difficult time controlling their desire if they continue.
They stare at each other for several minutes, neither speaking. Todd finally looks away. His hands go to the bottom of his T-shirt and he quickly pulls it over his head before he can talk himself out of it. His soaked T-shirt lands near his other shirt on the floor near the whirlpool.]
Todd: Your turn.
Tea: Give me a minute.
[Tea looks at him...carefully looking at his chest...his shoulders...his arms. She studies him admiringly.]
Tea: You've been working out.
Todd: It's no big deal.
Tea: You look great. Why do you cover yourself up? You're beautiful.
[Todd is uncomfortable with her words and the intensity of her gaze but he forces himself to open his arms and stretch them out to his sides as he leans back and tries to look relaxed.
Tea allows herself a few more minutes of gawking.]
Tea: So, uh, I guess it's my turn.
Todd: Maybe we should just forget this idea. It's stupid. It won't prove anything. We'll know soon anyway, right? We can wait.
Tea: I don't mind showing you. We should probably get used to it anyway, don't you think? We're sharing small bedrooms, a bathroom and even a bed. We're bound to see different exposed body parts.
Todd: Not if we try hard not to.
Tea: I want to do this. I want to show you the same trust you just showed me by letting me see your chest.
Todd: That's different. You have more on you to see than I do.
Tea: But, you've seen mine before. Besides, I'm tired of having to always go into the bathroom every time I want to change my clothes. This way I could change in the bedroom.
Todd: Not if I'm in the room with you.
Tea: It's not that big of a deal, Todd.
[Todd starts to stand up.]
Todd: Okay, that's it. We're through here. I knew this would get out of hand. I'm never getting into water with you again.
[Todd begins to step out of the whirlpool as Tea lowers the straps on her swimsuit. Todd is almost to the bathroom door when she speak.]
Tea: Turn around and look at me.
[Todd stops but continues to face away from her.]
Tea: Look at me, Todd. I want you to look at me.
[Todd stands still for several moments, uncertain what to do. He wants to look at her but he knows that if he does he'll want to pick her up and take her to bed and make love to her. He can't do that right now. Looking at her would seriously test his willpower.
Todd slowly turns around. His gaze falls first to her eyes. He tries to read all of the emotions in those expressive eyes.]
Tea: Look at me.
[Todd waits a few more seconds, still caught up in her eyes. Finally, he looks down, directly at her chest. Tea keeps her arms at her sides so they won't impede his view and so she can show him that she trusts him to see her exposed in front of him.
Tea only lowered her swimsuit enough to expose her breasts but kept the rest in place. Todd is grateful. It's enough for him to deal with the sight of her uncovered breasts again after such a long time. He's not ready for her to expose all of herself to him yet. As it is, he's having a difficult time not reaching out and pulling her to him, responding to the passion he feels for her.
After several minutes of staring at Tea's breasts, while she continued to enjoy the view of his naked upper body, Todd finally returns his gaze to her eyes.]
Todd: They look the same. Just the way I remember them.
[Tea is shocked that Todd had even noticed her body the previous time he saw it. She's even more shocked that he would remember it and be willing to admit it.]
Todd: Pull it back up.
[Tea covers her chest with her swimsuit again.]
Todd: Could you toss me a bag so I can find something to change into. I'll use this bathroom. You use the other one. Nobody exposes anything to anyone anymore tonight.
[Tea passes him one of their bags of clothing.]
Tea: Okay.
Todd: When we get into bed we won't talk about this.
Tea: I understand.
Todd: Don't push this, Tea. It could be okay if you don't push it.
Tea: I won't. I won't regret it either, Todd.
Todd: Neither will I.
[Todd enters the bathroom and closes the door. Tea takes the other bag of clothing and leaves the main bedroom to change her clothes in the other bathroom.]
chapter 49:
[Minutes later, Tea returns to the main bedroom. A few seconds later, Todd exits the bathroom and also enters the bedroom.
They both feel awkward and uncertain about how to act, what to say and where to look.
They both are now fully dressed...Todd in several layers and Tea in an oversized T-shirt and shorts.
Tea notices Todd's gaze lingering on her bare legs.]
Tea: Do you need me to wear pants tonight? Are you uncomfortable?
Todd: Why would I be uncomfortable?
Tea: Well, after...
Todd (interrupting): We had a deal. No talking about earlier.
Tea: We don't have to talk about it but if you are uncomfortable then tell me and I'll put pants on.
Todd: But, then you'd be uncomfortable, right? It would make it difficult for you to sleep, wouldn't it?
Tea: I'll handle it.
[Tea kneels down on the floor next to one of their bags and starts rummaging through it looking for a pair of pants to wear for bed.
Suddenly, the room is darkened.]
Tea: Did the power go out?
Todd: I turned the light off. Since we're going to bed we don't need it, right?
Tea: I was looking for something.
Todd: Forget about it.
Tea: You want me to sleep like this?
Todd: Yeah.
Tea: You're sure?
Todd: Yeah. Now, let's just shut up and go to bed...to sleep.
Tea: What about brushing our teeth?
Todd: We can skip it just this once.
Tea: I have to brush my teeth or I can't sleep.
Todd: Fine. Go ahead.
[In the dark, Tea finds her toothbrush and toothpaste and enters the bathroom alone to brush her teeth. When she returns to the bedroom, Todd is lying in bed, on top of the covers, the way he has every night of their trip, except this night his attire is boldly different...he isn't wearing socks or shoes.
As he lies in bed waiting for Tea to join him, his partial nakedness distracts him. He's tempted to cover his feet but determines to try to make it through the night the way he is, no matter how exposed he feels.
Tea settles into bed next to him, under the covers. They lie in silence for several minutes.]
Tea: Are you tired?
Todd: It is late.
Tea: We could talk for a while if you'd like.
Todd: About what? It better not be...
Tea: Relax. No off limits topics.
Todd: Well, what's left?
Tea: With you, not much.
Todd: Maybe you should just do the sleep thing.
Tea: Okay. Good night, Todd.
[Todd doesn't respond. Tea turns on her side facing him. She recalls waking up the previous morning and finding him resting on her pillow, his face right in front of her. She casually slides her head back so there's room for him to do that again if he feels like it. She doubts that he will but the thought does make her smile.
After several minutes, Todd rolls over onto his side, facing Tea. He recalls the surprise he wanted to spring on her this evening but hasn't yet. He still could...but he shouldn't...but he wants to...but it would just complicate things...well, complicate them even more than the massive complications they're already dealing with.
After lying there for a long time with his eyes open, Todd decides to go ahead and do it, no matter what the consequences might be.]
Todd: Tea?
Tea (groggily): Yeah?
Todd (changing his mind): Never mind. Go ahead and sleep.
Tea: Okay.
[Minutes later...]
Todd: Tea?
[Tea moans her response, on the verge of falling asleep.]
Todd: Never mind.
[Minutes later...]
Todd: Tea?
Tea: Todd, just say it...do it...whatever the appropriate action is for whatever you have in mind so we can sleep.
[Tea stops breathing for a few seconds as Todd shocks her by placing his hand lightly on her cheek and bringing his face into contact with hers. She knows that he's going to kiss her. He is finally going to kiss her. He's going to kiss her without her having to kiss him first. Her heart beats faster in anticipation.
Several blissfully agonizing seconds later...
Nothing happens. Todd removes his hand and rolls away from her.]
Tea: Todd?
Todd: Shouldn't you be sleeping?
Tea: Shouldn't you be kissing me?
Todd: What? Why would I be doing that now? It's the middle of the night. This is no time for kissing.
Tea: Then what was that?
Todd: What was what?
Tea: You were about to kiss me.
Todd: I was?
Tea (frustrated): Fine. Forget it. I should have known better than to have thought that you would actually want to kiss me.
[Tea rolls away from Todd, clearly hurt.
Minutes later...]
Todd: Tea?
[Tea doesn't respond.]
Todd: Tea?
[Tea continues to refuse to respond.]
Todd: I know you're awake. Tea?
Tea: I'm not playing any more games with you tonight, Todd. Either do what you want to do or let me sleep.
Todd: Fine.
[Tea is again shocked when Todd rolls back toward her and touches the back of her head.]
Todd: It might be difficult for me to do this with you facing that way.
Tea: Will it really happen this time?
Todd: You'll have to take your chances.
[Tea rolls back toward Todd. His hand again caresses her cheek and into her hair. His face moves nearer. She can feel his mouth hovering near hers. As time passes without any contact from his lips she's tempted to be the one to make contact but resists, wanting him to be the one to initiate a kiss this time.]
Todd: Don't get ticked, okay?
Tea: If you're not ready, it's okay. We can try again another night.
Todd: No, it has to be tonight. I've been thinking about it all day.
Tea: You have? Really?
Todd: I'm going to go brush my teeth, okay?
[Tea grabs onto his hand before he can remove it from her face.]
Tea: Wait. You don't have to. Your breath is fine. I don't want you to move until you've done it.
Todd: What I want to do will be more enjoyable for you if I brush my teeth first. Trust me.
[Tea lets go of his hand. He gets off the bed and quickly grabs his toothbrush and the toothpaste and goes into the bathroom.
Several minutes pass. Tea is certain that Todd is sitting in the bathroom hoping that if he waits long enough to come back to the bedroom she will have fallen asleep and he'll be off the hook for the kiss.
In the bathroom, Todd is carefully and thoroughly brushing his teeth. He even brushes his tongue. He wants everything to be perfect. She deserves that.
Finally, Todd returns to the bedroom. Tea is surprised when he turns on a lamp by the bed. She's even more surprised when he pulls the covers up and gets under them as he gets back into bed.
Todd enjoys the surprised look on her face. He looks forward to seeing that look again after he does what he has planned. If all she's expecting is a kiss then she is definitely in for a surprise...hopefully, a pleasant one.]
chapter 50:
[Todd tries to settle in under the covers but the restrictive feeling is frustrating for him.]
Todd: Tea, can we toss the blankets aside, just while we're doing this?
Tea: Sure...okay...whatever you want.
Todd: You're sure? You won't get cold?
Tea: What exactly are we doing?
Todd: I can't tell you. I'm supposed to surprise you, remember?
Tea: I just meant that if you were planning on...holding me...or something like that then I probably wouldn't have a chance to get cold.
Todd: You know, we're not...
Tea: All I'm expecting is a kiss, Todd.
Todd: Good. I wanted to surprise you.
Tea: If it's not a kiss then what do you have planned?
Todd: You'll find out.
Tea: Todd...
Todd: Tea, if you stop talking I'll do it and you'll have your answer.
Tea: Okay.
Todd: So, the conversation is over?
Tea: The verbal one.
Todd: Do you have to say things like that right now?
Tea: Was that a bad thing to say?
Todd: Just stop talking, okay?
Tea: Todd, you know, if my mouth were occupied I wouldn't be able to talk.
Todd: Well, as long as you keep yapping I'm not going to give you your surprise.
[Tea makes a point of closing her lips in a exaggerated way so that he'll know that she's done talking.
Todd tosses the blankets covering their bodies toward their feet and then pushes them with his feet until they're hanging over the end of the bed.
Tea lies on her side, facing Todd, waiting...anticipating. She can't control a slight smile that has formed on her lips. Todd notices her smile. He enjoys knowing that she wants to be here with him, even if he can't understand why or what she sees in him.
Todd's hand again goes to the side of her face. He rests his head on his own pillow for several minutes as he gazes at her face and feels her smooth skin beneath his fingertips.
This time Tea doesn't allow herself to become too anxious. She focuses completely on how good it feels just to be lying in bed with Todd and feeling his fingers caressing her cheek.
She's glad that Todd turned the light back on. Being able to watch his eyes right now adds to her pleasure in a way that she never knew simply looking at someone's eyes could.
He studies her face...her eyes. There's so much trust there in her eyes. Sometimes that's scared him in the past. He feared her trust in him. He felt he needed to protect her since she seemed unable, or unwilling, to protect herself.
He knows that she has walls...barriers...inside herself. He could always see them. He knew, though, that she allowed him beyond those barriers. She let down her guard for him, not completely but enough to leave herself vulnerable and enough to make him feel that he had to stay at a distance so she would be safe.
Tonight, right now, he intends to cross that distance, to be close to her...physically and emotionally. He hopes that she'll at least keep some of her internal barriers up but he actually wants her to let some of them down.
It's hard for him to believe what he's thinking and what he's feeling. He wants to be inside that place that he ran from so many times before. He wants to escape into, and disappear inside, that place that he sees in her eyes. It looks so comfortable...so safe. He knows that it's not. If they continue advancing closer and closer to each other, he knows that they'll both end up getting hurt and he knows that Tea knows it too. She's willing to go there with him even though she knows that her heart will end up broken in the end.
Looking in her eyes, he knows that he'll go there with her. His heart will end up more damaged than it's ever been before but he doesn't care anymore. It hurt like hell being without her and if it's destined that he'll have to live in that hell again then he's going to be with her now. He'll touch her, kiss her, experience her. He already has so much of her memorized but there's more he wants to know, more he wants to experience of her...with her.
He knows that they have time. Maybe it will only be days, possibly weeks, but they do have time. They don't have to rush. They don't have to do everything right away. Some things they may never do. That's okay. They'll do everything that they both want to do, that they're both ready to do. They'll push themselves further than they've ever gone together before. They'll learn more, experience more, share more.
Todd is forced out of his thoughts as Tea's hand touches his face. He's been caressing her face for several minutes. She knows that he's deep inside himself. She can see that through his eyes. She wants to feel more connected to him, more a part of him and what he's feeling right now...what he's thinking. If she could enter his mind, she would. His thoughts fascinate her. She wants to know all of his thoughts, even the unpleasant ones.
They both continue slowly caressing the skin beneath their fingertips, each amazed that the other person is real. They both have dreamt so many times of being with each other again, of touching...looking. They both could spend all night just staying where they are, doing what they're doing.
Todd, though, has other plans. He still has something that he wants to do, something he's wanted to do for a long time.
Todd moves closer to Tea, his head joining hers on her pillow. His hand leaves her faces and moves into her hair. Tea follows his lead and moves her hand into his hair.
After a few more minutes of watching each other from a closer vantage point, Todd slowly raises his head and moves it closer to Tea. She turns her body so she's almost lying on her back. He hovers above her, his mouth grazing her face near her mouth but not kissing her.
Tea tries hard not to apply any pressure on the back of his head. She wants this to come completely from him. She wants to let him know that she wants this but she doesn't want to be the one who makes it happen this time.]
Todd (still nuzzling his face against hers): Tea?
Tea: I want this, Todd. I swear.
Todd: I know that. I was just thinking that maybe we should go into the other room.
Tea: What? Why?
Todd: This might not be the best place for this.
Tea: This is perfect. Right here...right now...this works for me.
Todd: I don't think we should...not in bed. Things could go too far.
Tea: We'll control ourselves. I don't want to move. What if...
[Todd presses his forehead firmly against her cheek.]
Todd: Are you afraid that if we leave this bed I won't give you your surprise?
Tea: Yes.
Todd: I promise I will.
to be continued...
