Moaning, Téa moved her head from side to side. She was so hot. She could feel the drops from the shower pelting her as she slowly came awake. As the last, lingering sensations of Todd’s kisses faded away, she groaned aloud. It was a dream, only a dream. Then why could she still feel the water stinging her? As she reluctantly opened her eyes, she realized that it was flying bits of sand blowing over her. The heat and discomfort were real. She was literally bathed in sweat as she groggily pushed up on one elbow. Todd was still there, stretched out beside her under their makeshift shelter. He appeared to be napping, too, although apparently more peacefully than her.

“What a nightmare!” thought Téa. “Although parts of it were…interesting.” Taking advantage of her companion’s state of unconsciousness, she leaned in and examined him closely for the first time since they had been reunited that morning. He was in need of a bath, as was she, but Téa still found him incredibly sexy as he lay on his back with his hands resting lightly on his flat belly. He wore heavy motorcycle boots and blue jeans, along with a black T-shirt. He now had a gauze bandage on his head wound, since he had finally let her use the first aide kit to dress it. As her eyes drank in every detail of his features, she looked at his full lips and thought about kissing him in her dream. With a deep sigh, she lay back on her half of the blanket, filled with regret. How was she supposed to talk him into coming back to Llanview when he wouldn’t even speak to her?

After the plane crash, they had immediately packed up the salvaged items Todd had managed to extract from the wreckage and started their long hike toward Campo René on the Pacific coast. Todd had assured her that they could find food, water and transportation there. Using the hand held GPS and aeronautical chart, he had set a course for them toward their destination. It didn’t take long for Téa to realize that trekking through the desert was going to be more difficult than she had ever imagined. Every cactus reached out with its spines to tear at her clothes and scratch her skin; their path was riddled with gullies and ravines that exhausted them as they climbed up and down, scrambling in the loose rocks and sand; and then there was the heat, unrelenting and getting worse as the day wore on. Todd rationed the water carefully, doling out only a mouthful every half hour or so. To Téa, it was barely enough to moisten her parched throat, but she knew that running out of water would be death.

They had slogged along all morning, and according to the GPS they had made three miles toward their destination, which was over 20 miles away. Téa tried not to lose heart, but with each steep ravine they climbed it seemed more and more unlikely that they would ever survive the unforgiving desert. Through it all, Todd had barely spoken to her, except to bark orders or warn her away from some hazard. Finally, as the sun rose high over head and the heat became all but unbearable, he decided to call a halt for a few hours of rest. Téa was relieved, as she was already exhausted, hurt and hungry. She helped Todd use the sleeping bag to make a shelter under the overhanging branches of a mesquite bush. They spread the old serape on the ground underneath, then stretched out side by side. Each of them ate a couple of crackers with ‘squeeze cheese’ and had a few more swallows of water before trying to get some rest.

Téa was hurt by the cold way Todd was treating her. She hadn’t expected their reunion to be candlelight and roses, but she wasn’t prepared to be ignored like an unnecessary piece of baggage, either. He hadn’t made one inquiry about his loved ones back in Llanview, and Téa began to worry that he really didn’t care about any of them after all, especially her. The heat had made it difficult to sleep, but finally the stress of their situation, physical exhaustion, and the insomnia of the night before all caught up with her and she had dozed off. And then the disturbing dream of the shower.

As she gazed at Todd while resting on one elbow. Téa noticed his eyes moving below his lids. Some of his muscles started to jerk involuntarily, and his head turned from side to side. She knew he was having a nightmare. The signs were clearly recognizable from her experiences during their marriage.

“Todd, where are you boy?” shouted a man’s voice from out in the hall.

Todd immediately tensed up. His dad was home early. With worried eyes, he glanced down at his latest project, just completed. It was a model of a classic DC-3, painstakingly put together over weeks of work. He looked around frantically for a place to hide it, but it was too late. Peter barged in the room, throwing back the door hard enough for it to slam against the wall.

He brought his hand up to his nose, sniffing at the air with an unpleasant expression on his face. “What’s that smell?” he shouted, coming closer to the desk where his young son cowered. “Glue? I’ve seen those ads on TV! You’ve been sniffing glue to get high!” Todd’s heart sank as he realized the bourbon smell coming from his father was more prominent than any fumes from the model glue.

“I was just using the glue on my model, Dad,” he said quietly, hoping against hope that tonight would be different. Peter laughed, the sound full of contempt.

“Another airplane, huh? What a waste of time! Betcha wanna be a pilot.” He laughed again, a little louder. “Like a loser like you can even get near a plane, let alone fly one.” Peter walked into the room, letting his eyes roam over the shelves covered with models of different aircraft. With his head up, he didn’t see the gym bag Todd had left next to his bed and he tripped over it, stumbling a few steps before righting himself. His eyes filled with dread, Todd jumped up and grabbed the bag, quickly heading for the closet.

“I’m sorry, Dad!” he said. “It won’t happen again!” But it was too late. Peter had a strict rule that all Todd’s possessions were to be neatly stowed as soon as he arrived home. The young boy had been so anxious to complete work on his model, he had forgotten and left the bag out on the floor. Todd didn’t make it to the closet. With a low roar, Peter backhanded him across the face, sending him sprawling.

“I’ve told you to put your things away, you worthless little bastard!” he screamed, kicking at his whimpering son. “But, no! You have to waste your time with these stupid models. You’re too busy to do your chores. It’s time I taught you a lesson.” With a sweep of his arm, he knocked a shelf full of models to the floor.

“No!” screamed Todd as his father viciously stomped on his precious airplanes, destroying them. He reached up and repeated the process with the next shelf, ignoring the tearful begging of the boy at his feet. When he had finished crushing all the planes on the shelves, his eye locked on the newly completed DC-3. “No, Dad, please!” begged Todd as Peter picked it up in his hand. Suddenly, the sadistic man reached out and began to beat his son with the model. Pieces flew everywhere as Todd cowered on the floor, covering his head and sobbing as his father viciously clubbed him with the now jagged plastic. When there was nothing left of the model, he used his fists. When he was finally out of breath, Peter stood up and walked toward the door.

“Get this mess cleaned up!” he ordered. “And quit your stupid day-dreaming about airplanes. Everything you touch is a disaster. Imagine what would happen if you ever got near a real plane…”

“No, Dad,” whimpered Todd, thrashing his arms and legs out to the side. Téa leaned back, putting some distance between them. Todd sometimes got violent when he awoke from a nightmare, as she had learned the hard way.

“Todd, wake up!” she shouted. Todd continued to whimper and shake. “Todd!” she yelled a little louder. With his eyes flying open, Todd abruptly sat up, breathing hard and with sweat dripping off his forehead. It took him a few moments to realize where he was. He looked over at Téa, who was staring at him with wide eyes full of sympathy. For a moment, he looked like he would burst into tears. Then, as she watched, the hard, uncaring mask came over his features.

“Quit looking at me like that!” he growled.

Téa’s eyes filled up with tears. “Todd, you need help,” she said quietly, beginning to sniffle.

“Oh right! Help! I’ve heard that one before.” He mimicked a series of female voices. “Oh Todd, you need to see a shrink….or Todd, they can help you in prison…” He flung himself down on the blanket. “Forget it, Delgado. No one can help me. I’m cursed.”

“Look at yourself,” said Téa softly, trying not to take the bait. “You’ve been wandering around Baja for months in a beat-up plane, apparently doing nothing but drinking. You look like hell. Is that the kind of life you really want, Todd?”

“At least no one tries to tell me what I can and can’t do here! No nagging to fix myself. If they don’t like me, who cares?” Téa drew a deep breath. Time to play the trump card.

“What about Starr, Todd?” she said quietly. “Don’t you even care about her?” His face crumpled and he turned on his side away from her.

“I don’t want to talk about her. She’s better off without me.”

“You can’t really believe that, Todd! She doesn’t know why you left her. She’s become withdrawn and miserable since your abandonment. Do you even know where she’s living? With Asa!” Todd turned back over, staring at Téa with a look of disbelief. “That’s right, Todd. Your little girl is being raised as a Buchanan! Blair married Max and all of them are living with Asa.” Todd struggled a moment, uncontrollable anger in his eyes.

“How could you let that happen?” he shouted.

“Me? What was I supposed to do when you, her father, didn’t even make provision for her before he left? Blair is her legal guardian, and I don’t even get to see Starr all that much.” Téa forced her voice back into a quiet, confidential tone. “Todd, don’t you remember crying at night after your mother left you? The feeling of abandonment and wondering if something you did made her go away?” Todd looked at her, the pain visible in his eyes, but his mouth was set defiantly. “I do, Todd. I remember it all too well whenever I think about what my mother did to me. That’s how Starr feels all the time now. Whenever I do get to see her, the first thing she asks is when you’re coming back.” Todd eyes filled up with tears as he settled back on the blanket, covering his face with a forearm.

“Quit it,” he sobbed.

“It’s hard to hear, but you…” He moved so fast, she was caught completely off guard as he lunged to his knees and caught her by the upper arms. He punctuated his words by shaking her roughly.

“I said shut up!” he shouted. “I can’t go back, Delgado! I’ll go to prison…do you even have an idea of what that is like?” His eyes were just inches from hers. They were wet with unshed tears.

“You’re hurting me,” she said quietly, trying not to upset him further. He released her abruptly, looking horrified. She quickly decided to press her point, knowing that he was vulnerable. “Todd, you won’t necessarily go to prison. If you turn yourself in, go back voluntarily and make a commitment to find help, you may be able to make a deal. Mandatory therapy, community service…I’m sure Sam could help you.”

“Delgado, you’re dreaming. This is me we’re talking about. I never get a break. And Sam is pissed at me. He’ll probably help them lock me away.”

“He was angry at first. We all were. But Sam and Viki have been worried sick over you, Todd. They want you to come home. They’ll stand by you, if you only will give them a chance.”

Todd continued to scowl. “Your brother the FBI agent isn’t down here to get me into therapy. He’s looking to put me away, and you’re helping him.”

“I asked him to help me find you, it’s true,” she said. “But I want to help you, Todd. It’s why I jumped in the plane this morning. I couldn’t bear to lose you again just when I’d finally found you!” Todd stared at her, searching her face. He wanted to believe her, but trust was not his long suit. He shook his head.

“They’re going to put me away, Téa, whether I give myself up or not. Don’t you understand? All that stuff I did…it was to stay out of prison.” He ran his hands through his greasy hair. “But I screwed it up again, hurt everyone I care about, and ended up on the run anyway. Starr, Viki, Sam—they’re all better off without me in their life.”

“That’s bull!” shouted Téa, unable to keep her voice even. “Running out without a word was the cruelest thing you ever did, Todd!” He hung his head, knowing she was right. “Make it right. Go back to the States, face the charges, and be with your family again.”

“No! The only way I’ll go back is in a body bag!” Téa flopped back on the blanket, her eyes filled with disgust. Todd looked at her out of the corner of his eye, trying to assess if her reaction was due to her concern over his well being, or disappointment that her plan to see him punished had gone awry. Shrugging his shoulders, he peeped out of their shelter, noting that the sun was now considerably lower in the sky, although it was still incredibly hot. “I think we should get going,” he said, changing the subject. “We should get as many miles as possible in before we lose the light.”

“Sure, Todd, let’s get going,” said Téa angrily as she sat up and started packing up. “Maybe if you’re lucky, we’ll die out here. Anything to speed up your self-destruction, huh? Who cares if anyone needs you back home.”

“Delgado…”

“No! Leave me alone!” she spat, flinging out of the shelter. “Matter of fact, stay here and die! I don’t need you, Todd Manning! I’ll find my way out of the desert on my own.” She grabbed a couple of the bottles of water, and a few food items and marched off into the heavy mesquite brush.

“Téa, come back here!” she heard him call. She faltered a bit. She really didn’t want to do this alone, but she was just so angry. “Delgado, I’m not letting you do this!” She could hear him crashing through the heavy foliage behind her. She started running, blindly pushing at the shrubs that blocked her way. Panicking, she looked over her shoulder to see how close Todd was. Her next step was into mid-air.

A piercing scream split the air ahead of him, and Todd sprinted even faster toward the noise. He was going so fast, he almost went over a cliff and into a deep ravine, stopping himself just in time. His breath stopped in his throat as he looked down.

“No! Delgado!” A wail of despair tore from his lips, causing two nearby vultures to take flight from their perches atop adjoining cacti. Slowly, they began to lazily circle the area, sensing that their next meal may not be far off.

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