Todd: Believe me? I don’t expect anything from you Delgado. Maybe I’m lying again. I just don’t know anymore. I’m not trying to tell you anything. (Rising to his feet with his back toward her) This changes everything, doesn’t it?
Tea: Of course this changes everything. Todd…look at me. (He doesn’t move.) Damn it, Todd, you look at me!
Todd: I can’t look at your right now, Delgado. You don’t know how hard it is for me at this moment to even stand being in the same room as you.
Tea: I have to know Todd, but probably not for the reasons you’re thinking. I need to know if you lied to me about everything.
Todd: Which lie would that be?
Tea: Todd, you need to come clean on this. I need to know. (Raising her voice) I really need to know! Please don’t stop now. You’ve already started to tell me.
Todd: I didn’t tell you a damn thing. Just keep on believing that on our wedding night, I duped you. I think I can handle that better than (he stops talking).
Tea: Better than what? The truth? You think I don’t deserve the truth? After everything you’ve put me through, you owe me at least that much. I don’t need to play a hypothetical game with you to know and understand what you’ve told me, Todd. I am smart enough to figure it out.
Todd: Tea, I can’t do this. (pausing) You want me to tell you that Peter raped me? Okay fine. He did. You need me to tell you that I raped Margaret? Fine! I did. What else do you need to hear? One thing has nothing to do with the other. What happened between me and Peter had not a damn thing to do with what happened between me and Marty…..or me and Blair and certainly not you and me.
Tea: Todd, please look at me. Please. (Emotion-filled and sincerely, pleading.) Puh-lease, Todd! (Todd turns, hesitating to make eye contact at first, but gradually, slowly, their eyes meet.) This doesn’t change a thing.
Todd: Sometimes (pausing), the lie is the truth and the truth is the lie.
Tea: I won’t have you talk to me in riddles. Some people may buy that, and maybe, in the past, I would have. But not now, Todd. Not this time. This time, we’re doing it right. The truth is the truth and nothing but the truth…(she pauses).
Todd: Always the lawyer.
Tea: I can’t help what I am any more than you can help what you are.
Todd: You mean, a rapist? A monster?
Tea: No Todd. You’re human.
Todd: Don’t you call me human. I don’t know what that is.
Tea: Todd. You’re a man, with a heart that has real feelings and emotions and you can’t hide them any longer. At least, not from me.
Todd: I can try.
Tea: You won’t succeed.
Todd: This is getting us nowhere fast. What else do you want to know Tea?
Tea: Friday the thirteenth of November has haunted me for more than a year. I have so many things I need to know about that night. We’re your alters real? Who are you? Are you really Todd? Did this all really start on your fourteenth birthday? What happened to you on your fourteenth birthday?
Todd: You certainly are in lawyer mode tonight. Are you asking for details? Do you want dates? Times? Places? Do you want to hear how he did what he did? Do you want to hear what I did to Marty? To Blair? That I can’t do with you? Does that do something for you Tea? Does it turn you on? Or better still (he takes a few steps towards her), do you want me to show you?
Tea: Todd. Why are you
Todd: (interrupting her) Showing you what I do best?
Tea: I never believed that. Not for one second!
Todd: You should be scared right about now.
Tea: I’m not.
Todd: (Taking another step toward her) Are you sure? Are you sure you’re not scared, even a little? (His voice taking on a menacing tone.)
Tea: Not even a little Todd. I can take whatever you dish out. But there is one thing I am certain of. You won’t hurt me. You have always protected me from your dark side.
Todd: Are you sure about that? I’ve always protected you?
Tea: I’m still here aren’t I? Do you think I would be with someone who I would let hurt me?
Todd: I don’t know Tea. Would you?
Tea: I’m not wrong about you Todd. I know I’m not. I feel…
Todd: (Approaching her all the way, placing his hands on the sides of both of her arms and finishing her thought) I’m not trying to scare you Tea and I don’t want to hurt you. I am trying to protect you. But how do I tell you things and still protect me? I don’t know how to do that yet. Wait a minute! We’re you going to say that you feel sorry for me? I won’t be pitied by you, of that, I’m sure.
Tea: (Placing her hands on both sides of his chest and pulling herself into the warmth and safety of his chest) It’s not pity Todd. It’s compassion.
Todd: (Pulling back from her a little) I know better. Compassion, I’ve discovered, no thanks to you, is a fancy way of saying AND feeling pity.
Tea: (Pulling him back in to her) It’s not pity Todd. And you still don’t understand that you don’t have to protect yourself from me? After all this time? Haven’t I proven to you, by coming with you, by being here with you and giving up EVERYTHING that I’m on your side? (Placing her hands on his back and rubbing them up and down) Please tell me you trust me. I need to hear you say it.
Todd: Why has my trust always been so damn important to you? (Pulling her body away from his so he can look into her eyes)
Tea: (Meeting his gaze with her own) Because, you need to be able to trust someone. Why not me?
Todd: Believe me Tea. If I was going to trust anyone, it would be you. I AM trying, Delgado.
Tea: You do understand that no matter what you’ve done, no matter what has been done to you, I will still (she pauses) I will still always, always care about you.
Todd: Care? (looking at her) But not love? (looking at his reflection in the window) How can you stand being in the same room with me?
Tea: (She places her hands on his shoulders and turns him back around, meeting his eyes again. She places her hand on his cheek, gently caressing his scar.) It’s not always easy, but it’s harder not being with you. I thought even you had figured that out.
Todd: Believe me I did.
Tea: I do so want to trust you too Todd. It would just be so much easier if I could know the truth. The whole truth. Even if it hurts. Even if everything you told me were lies. I just want you to be honest with me for a little while.
Todd: So here’s our paradox. You don’t want to stay with me if I don’t tell you the truth. And I’m terrified that if I do tell you the truth, the whole truth, you’ll run for the door and never look back.
Tea: Todd, I swear to you I won’t.
Todd: But what if you do?
Tea: Would it make you feel better if you tied me up? Do you feel more secure with a captive audience?
Todd: Been there, done that. Didn’t work.
Tea: It wasn’t exactly one of my better memories either. (thinking aloud) Here’s a radical concept. Why don’t we just try talking to each other, openly and honestly and see where it takes us? I don’t think we’ve really tried that one before. We were always so protective of ourselves, that we didn’t always give each other a chance. What do we have to loose now?
Todd: Everything. I could still loose you.
Tea: Okay, so let’s put this into a context that you can understand. What if I make you a deal?
Todd: A deal?
Tea: A deal! I’ll stay for at least 24 hours past you telling me. That way, if I feel like leaving, you’ll still have a chance to change my mind.
Todd: Or tie you up?
Tea: We’re going to have to talk about this whole captive audience complex.
Todd: I’d rather talk about that than try to explain the past.
Tea: (She reaches up and kisses him softly on the lips.) We don’t have to talk at all (she offers coyly.)
Todd: (Grabbing her hand and leading her to the bed) I’m willing to give this a try. But don’t make me sorry, Delgado.
Tea: You won’t be. You might just end up surprising yourself. You might just end up with the truth and the girl.
Todd: I’m not holding my breath…..
Tea: No, you’re holding my hand….
Todd playfully pushes Tea back onto the bed. She laughs as she bounces, then moves back into her comfortable spot on the bed. Todd watches, cracking a small smile.
Tea: It’s missing.
Todd: What is?
Tea: My pillow.
Todd jumps playfully onto the bed and pats his shoulder. Tea repositions herself on his shoulder, pretending to fluff it.
Todd: Only for you Delgado. Only for you.
Tea: I really missed that.
Todd: My shoulder?
Tea: No. You don’t miss what you have never had.
Todd: Then what?
Tea: Delgado. I missed hearing Delgado.
Todd: No one ever called you Delgado?
Tea: Some tried. But I wouldn’t let them. It’s always been yours Todd. It’s always been you.
Todd: Go to sleep.
Tea: I still want answers Todd.
Todd: No, you still want the last word.
Tea: If not today, then tomorrow.
Todd: It’s already tomorrow, Tea.
Tea: Then later, Todd. You’re not off the hook.
Todd: Are you going to sleep?
Tea: Yes.
Todd: Then I’m off the hook.
Tea: No, but you’ve been given a reprieve.
Todd: What will it take to shut you up?
Tea: I’m a lawyer. We like to talk. We have to talk. It’s part of our D…
Todd presses his lips to hers as she tries to say N-A. It’s not a hurtful kiss, but it’s hard and long and wet, unending as her brain is trying to catch up with the suddenness of it all. She reciprocates, pressing back, just as emotion-filled and confident as he seems to be. She lets out a moan, which catches him by surprise and he pulls away from her. He stares into the warmth and comfort of her eyes, content that she enjoyed his decoy, to get her to forget what it was she was talking about. Neither speaks for what seems like an eternity, uncertain where this is heading. Finally, Todd decides to break the silence.
Todd: (Quietly, he speaks, almost stuttering his words) You, you were, ah, saying?
Tea says nothing but slumps back down onto her “pillow.” She knows he’s made his point and she loves the thought of falling asleep in his arms, content that he’s shown her his confidence and comfort in trying to do whatever the hell it has been that she has wanted him to do all along. Finally, he’s done it and she’s pleased. Nightmares should be long gone for both of them for a little while. She falls asleep on his shoulder, he, follows her lead.
Tea’s grin is telling as she sleeps. Her dreams are wild yet predictable. She dreams of a day when she can openly be affectionate with her husband. And he in turn, enjoys the attention. It’s obvious that her thoughts, even as she slumbers are of the intimacy she so desires from him. And in her dreams, he is everything she’s always hoped he’d be, including his own true lustfulness he displays so openly and outwardly toward her.
As REM approaches Todd, his usual nightmares are nowhere to be found this early morning. REM this night finds Todd, standing before a distraught Tea, on their wedding night, at a point which should be their first physical union. He remembers hearing the music, as he kisses his wife passionately. She caresses his back and starts to unbutton his shirt. Briefly, something interrupts. It’s Blair’s voice, followed closely on the heels by his own voice. As he hears himself say, “I always have been and always will be Todd Manning,” he physically shudders in his sleep. He now, again, sees his distraught love and begs her listen to him. But this time, instead of turning and walking away, she listens. Quietly and with trepidation, she listens. He explains that he had to lie to her to get her to fight with all her might to get him off for the fiasco at the lodge. He explains that the prospect of 350 years in prison clouded his judgment. She nods. She understands. She grabs his shirt by the collar and continues from where they had left off. She resumes unbuttoning his shirt. He resumes passionately kissing his wife.
Todd no longer shudders in his sleep, but now smiles as he’s rewritten the past in his dreams, as he has so many other times in his nighttime thoughts. He’s figured out how to make things right. These are the dreams he can tolerate. Even though the physical intimacy is sometimes difficult to concede to wanting, he would love to be able to make love to her. He has always wanted her. He is able to peacefully catch forty winks without much hesitation. Okay, so it was probably more like fourteen winks, but sleep is sleep. He awakens content that God has granted him a little relief in the form of a few hours of restful peace. He awakens content that Delgado is still here for another sunrise. He takes her hand in his and just stares at their hands, conjoined in the mystical, magical mess that is their connection. “God, I love her hands. They are so beautiful, just like her…,” he thinks to himself.
