“So,” Xander said, wrapping his arms around Willow’s waist. “What should we do now?” They stood in front of her window, watching the rain pour down.

She bit down on her lip thoughtfully for a moment and then turned around so they were face-to-face, before smiling brightly. “How about I find us a happy Ewan-film and we watch it?”

Xander smiled down at her. “Sounds fun.” They stared at each other silently for a moment and Xander had to fight the urge he had to kiss her. He was still Anya but just barely- they’d begun fighting so often over Willow and how much time Xander spent with her that he barely saw her without some sort of argument anymore. Willow pulled away from Xander and hurried to the door, thinking it was some Buffy or Giles Scooby-Gang needing-crisis. Xander followed her. She pulled the door open and was

surprised to find Cordelia Chase standing there, soaking wet and shivering from the cold. Without a moments thought, Xander pushed past Willow and stared at his ex-girlfriend’s shaking form. “Cordy,” he gasped.

She just stared at him for a moment. “He’s dead, Xander,” she said, taking a step forward. She looked and sounded slightly dazed. “Doyle’s dead.”

She began to cry and Xander gathered Cordelia’s shaking, sobbing form in his arms. Willow watched in confusion. “Who’s Doyle?” she asked softly, not wanting to upset the girl more but curious all the same.

Ignoring her, Cordelia’s grip on Xander tightened. “I think I could have loved him, Xander. I think I was already starting to.” Instinctively Xander pulled her closer and began caressing her hair comfortingly.

“It’s okay, Cor,” he said, trying to be soothing. “You’ll be okay.”

Willow watched and tried to ignore the firmiliar pang she felt. It was like Cordelia was reliving what Willow had gone through with Oz, only Oz wasn’t dead and it’s obvious Cordelia and the guy hadn’t been in a serious relationship. But all the same, she recognized the other girl’s pain immediately. And how did Xander keep ending up being Comfort Guy to all these girls, Willow wondered.

Her sobs became quieter and she pulled back from Xander and turned to Willow. She grabbed the other girl’s hands and, her eyes wide, said, “Bring him back.”

Willow began to frown. “What, Cordelia-”

“I know you’re into that Witchcraft stuff, Willow.” Her grip on the girl’s hands tightened. “Bring Doyle back.”

Willow shook her head. “I can’t, Cor. I don’t have that level of power. And my spells always go wrong and-”

“Please,” Cordelia pleaded, her voice barely more than a breath of air.

Xander pulled Cordelia back into his arms as Willow looked at her apologetically. “I’m so sorry, Cordy,” Willow said truthfully. “I just can’t.” Cordelia began sobbing again and she sunk to the floor, taking Xander with her. He continued to hold her as she cried and Willow stood over them and watched. She bit down on her lip before looking away and focusing on something- ANYTHING- else.

Soon after, Cordelia was in Willow’s bed, asleep. “What did she tell you?” Willow whispered to Xander.

“Doyle worked with her for Angel in LA. They fought alot. She insulted him constantly even though she liked him and about a week ago he died. Said she’s been on auto-pilot since then. Just going through the motions. But last night she was in her place and something reminded her of Doyle and she just lost it.” Willow listened intently as he continued, “Completely wigged, Wills. She started sobbing and throwing things and she thought of you. Remembered how you were Wiccan and into magic and...” he broke off and stared at Cordelia’s sleeping form for a bit. “She’s going to stay at my place for awhile,” Xander told his girlfriend.

Willow nodded. “I wish I could help. I really do but Xander, I can’t. I don’t have that kind of power yet and-”

Xander moved closer and pulled Willow into his arms. “We know. But she’s told me about him and I think she loved him. Or was on the verge of loving him.”

She rested her head against Xander’s shoulder and sighed. “We’ve been lucky, haven’t we. Out of all the people we could have lost, the only ones we *have* lost have been Jesse and Ms Calendar.”

There was silence for a bit as they sat there together, just staring at the darkened TV and thinking about everything. Cordelia, Oz, Anya...it seemed that the Hellmouth just had some new surprise waiting for them every few weeks. He glanced down at the top of her head and couldn’t help but smile. He loved her. He’d re- realized it only days earlier when they were talking about Oz being gone. He loved her in a forever-after way even, he was sure of it. Finally he managed to say, “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you, Wills.”

She didn’t answer immediately, her thoughts fixed on Oz. He was gone. Really gone. In a possibly never coming back. But Xander was there, with her, at that very moment and trying to help her move past the Veruca-Oz thing. A small smile formed on her face as she thought about how right it felt to be close with Xander again. “Me too,” she admitted. “I don’t know if I’d even be able to go a week without breaking down the way Cordy had.” Both of them stared at the sleeping girl, hoping her pain would soon subside.

And they didn’t know what they could possibly do to help.

Living Again
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