From: “E.B.E”

SCULLY: From the trucker's description, the shape he fired on could conceivably have been a mountain lion.

MULDER: Conceivably.

SCULLY: The National Weather Service last night reported atmospheric conditions in this area that were possibly conducive to lightning.

MULDER: Possibly.

SCULLY: It is feasible that the truck was struck by lightning, creating the electrical failure.

MULDER: It's feasible.

SCULLY: And you know, there's a marsh over there. The lights the driver saw may have been swamp gas.

MULDER: Swamp gas?

SCULLY: It's a natural phenomenon in which phosphine and methane rising from decaying organic matter ignite, creating globes of blue flame.

MULDER: Happens to me when I eat Dodger Dogs.

*****

BYERS: And, Mulder, listen to this. Vladmir Zhirinovsky, the leader of the Russian Social Democrats? He’s been put into power by the most heinous and evil force of the 20th century.

MULDER: Barney?

*****

LANGLY: Is this your skeptical partner?

FROHIKE: She's hot.

SCULLY: …what makes you think they could plan and execute such an elaborate conspiracy?

FROHIKE: She IS hot.

MULDER: Settle down, Frohike.

*****

BYERS: Why would you need to expose a secret plane to an air force that runs to Iran whenever you take to the air?

MULDER: What about UFO activity during that period?

LANGLY: Yeah, UFOs caused the Gulf War Syndrome, that’s a good one.

BYERS: That’s why we like you Mulder, your ideas are weirder than ours.

*****

SCULLY: Those were the most paranoid people I have ever met. I don't know how you could think that what they say is even remotely plausible.

MULDER: I think it's remotely plausible that someone might think you're hot.

*****

MULDER: I thought you were my ally.

DEEP THROAT: Oh, I am.

MULDER: Yeah, imagine if Eisenhower told the rest of the Allies that D-Day would take place in Belgium.

*****

MULDER: Called every weigh station and bureau office west of Colorado. Tied up an airphone for three hours. I don’t speak Japanese, but I think some businessman told me to stick a piece of Sushi where the sun don’t shine.

From: “Miracle Man”

MULDER:I think I saw some of these same people at Woodstock.

SCULLY (smiling): Mulder, you weren’t at Woodstock.

MULDER: I saw the movie.

*****

SCULLY: Maybe we should head backstage and see what the Reverend has to say.

MULDER: No wait, wait, this is the part where they bring out Elvis.

*****

SCULLY: A few thousand grasshoppers does not constitute a plague. Besides which, we’re in farm country. This area is an agricultural smorgasboard for this type of infestation.

MULDER: Yeah, maybe for a cornfield, but this happened in a courtroom.

SCULLY: So what’s next? The slaying of the first born?

*****

SCULLY: ...And God never let the devil steal the show.

MULDER: You must have really liked ‘The Exorcist’.

SCULLY: One of my favourite movies.

From: “Shapes”

LYLE PARKER:....It gave me the creeps.

SCULLY: The creeps?

LYLE PARKER: Yeah, the creeps, *to Scully* Don’t you ever get the creeps?

*****

ISH: Go home, FBI.

MULDER: How’d you know?

ISH: I could smell you a mile away.

MULDER: Well, they told me that even though my deodorant’s made for a woman, it’s strong enough for a man.

*****

ISH: I sense you are different, FBI. You’re more open to Native American belief than some Native Americans. You even have an Indian name - Fox. You should be “Running Fox” or “Sneaky Fox”.

MULDER: Just as long as it’s not “Spooky Fox”.

From: “Darkness Falls”

MULDER: Take a good look, Scully.

SCULLY: What am I looking at?

MULDER: Thirty loggers working a clear-cutting contract in Washington State , manly men in the full bloom of their manhood.

SCULLY: Right, but what am I looking for?

MULDER: Anything strange, unexplainable, unlikely... boyfriend?

*****

MULDER: In 1934, long before anyone even knew what an ecoterrorist was, a W.P.A. crew vanished from that same area without a trace. Not one of those men were ever found or heard from again.

SCULLY: And you suspect what? Bigfoot?

MULDER: Not likely. That’s a lot of flannel to be choking down for even Bigfoot

*Scully smiles*

MULDER: Come on, Scully. It'll be a nice trip to the forest.

*****

HUMPHREYS: Find anything?

MULDER: Party favours.

*****

SCULLY (talking about the body found in the cocoon): I think.... it’s a male.

MULDER: Barely.

*****

SCULLY: What kind of an insect could have gotten a man all the way up into that tree?

MULDER: Itsy-bitsy spider.

*****

SCULLY: What do you think?

MULDER: I think I’m going to suggest sleeping with the lights on.

*****

MULDER: When Mt. Helens erupted, there was a large amount of radiation that was released from inside the earth. Strange things started to grow. There’s actually this lake where they’ve discovered a kind of amoeba that can literally suck a man’s brains out.

SCULLY: Oh, a brain-sucking amoeba.

*****

MULDER: Scully? *To doctor at hospital* How’s she doing?

DOCTOR: She’s still not out of the woods, so to speak. She’s lost a lot of fluids. Two or three more hours of exposure, she might not have made it.

MULDER: I told her it was going to be a nice trip to the forest.

From: “Tooms”

MULDER: You think they would have taken me more seriously if I wore the grey suit?

*****

MULDER: Excuse me. Could you help me find my dog? He's a Norwegian Elkhound. His name is Heinrich. I use him to hunt moose.

*****

SCULLY: Can you determine the cause of death? My instinct says that burial in cement is murder.

*****

MULDER: It's not enough. It doesn't tie it to Tooms.

SCULLY: Well, it's a start., it's getting a bit ripe in here, don't you think?

MULDER: Pine-scented.

SCULLY: Ooh!

MULDER: Better? He hasn't come out of the house all day. I sat through a Phillies game, an Orioles game, and four hours of Ba-Ba-Booey. When it got dark, I took a walk around the block. Do you have that sandwich that I asked you to bring?

SCULLY: It's liverwurst.

MULDER: Ha-ha.

*****

SCULLY: Fox...

MULDER: And I... I even made my parents call me Mulder. So... Mulder.

SCULLY: Mulder, I wouldn't put myself on the line for anybody but you.

MULDER: If there's an ice tea in that bag, could be love.

SCULLY: Must be fate, Mulder. Root beer. You're delirious. Go home and get some sleep.

MULDER: Here. Take my sandwich, I only had one bite. You're gonna want it later, believe me. And you'll call me if anything happens, immediately. I'll be here, oh, and 11:30, station 790, Pete Rose Late Night Sports Talk Radio Show.

SCULLY: Wouldn't miss it for the world.

*****

SCULLY: There's only room for one.

MULDER: You can get the next mutant.

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