From: “Conduit”
MULDER: This is the essence of science, you ask an impertinent question and you’re on your way to a pertinent answer.
SCULLY: But what makes this case anymore credible, than…
*Scully lifts a copy of National Comet, from where the article attached to Mulders 3-0-2 was taken, off Mulder’s desk and reads another cover feature*…… the hundred year old mother with the Lizard Baby?
MULDER: Because, the Lizard baby, wasn’t born anywhere near Lake Okobogee.
SCULLY: Oko-what?
*****
MULDER: C’mon, how could an eight year old boy, who can barely multiply, be a threat to national security? People call me paranoid!
*****
MULDER: I know a friend who knows a friend who knows a friend who can get you tickets to a Redskins game.
From: “The Jersey Devil”
SCULLY: Working Hard, Mulder?
MULDER: This woman claims to have been taken aboard a spaceship and held in an anti-gravity chamber without food and water for three days.
SCULLY: Anti-gravity’s right.
*****
SCULLY: They found a body in the New Jersey woods yesterday, missing its right arm and shoulder. They think they might have been eaten off, by a human.
MULDER: Where in New Jersey?
SCULLY: Just outside Atlantic City.
MULDER: Not an uncommon place to lose a body part. They think it’s the mob?
SCULLY: Mmm…, it was a homeless man. There doesn’t seem to be a motive.
MULDER: You feeling lucky, Scully?
*****
MULDER: Hey whatta you say, we grab a hotel, take in a floor show, drop a few quarters in the slot, do a little digging on this case.
SCULLY: You're kidding right.
MULDER: Ok, we can skip the floor show.
SCULLY: Mulder, I have to be back in D.C.
MULDER: What, you got a date?
SCULLY: No, I have my godson’s birthday party at 6.30.
*****
SCULLY: When am I supposed to find the time?
ELLEN: Well, first you have to get a life!
SCULLY: Ooooh.
ELLEN: And, of course, it helps if you find a man
SCULLY: Know of any?
ELLEN: Yeah, they’re disappearing faster than the Brazilian Rainforest. What about that guy you work with?
SCULLY: Mulder?
ELLEN: Yeah, I thought you said he was cute.
SCULLY: “He’s a jerk. He’s not a jerk, he’s erm, he’s obsessed with his work.
*****
DETECTIVE THOMSON: What the hell do you think you’re doing?
MULDER: Enjoying the nightlife here in beautiful Atlantic City.
*****
SCULLY: Where are you?
MULDER: I'm not far from where you left me.
SCULLY: You're still in Atlantic City?
MULDER: Uh Scully, you got anything happening this morning?
SCULLY: What's that noise in the background?
MULDER: That's a guy getting sick.
SCULLY: Mulder where are you?...... The drunk tank?
*****
SCULLY: Well, it’s not hard to see why they mistook you for a vagrant.
MULDER: You gonna rag on me or you gonna take me to get something to eat?
SCULLY: Am I buying or did you manage to pan-handle some spare change while you were at it?
*****
SCULLY: Yeah well, I have got to get back to Washington by 7:30, so er..
MULDER: Another birthday party?
SCULLY: No. I have a date.
MULDER: Can you cancel?
SCULLY: Unlike you Mulder, I would like to have a life.
MULDER: I have a life!
*****
MULDER: What are you doing?
SCULLY: I’m going with you to the Smithsonian
MULDER: Don’t you have a life, Scully?
SCULLY: Keep that up Mulder and I'll hurt you like that beast-woman.
MULDER: Eight million years out of Africa.
SCULLY: And look who’s holding the door.
From: “Shadows”
MAN: Well, thank you for your time Agent Mulder, Scully. If any inquiery into this meeting be made, we request full denial.
MULDER: I’d say you people already suffer from full denial.
*****
SCULLY: You lied. You have seen this before, I can tell. You lied to them.
MULDER: I would never lie. I willfully participated in a campaign of misinformation.
*****
SCULLY: How can the oesophagus be crushed without the neck even being touched?
MULDER: Psychokinetic manipulation.
SCULLY: Psychokinesis? You mean how Carrie got even at the prom?
*****
MULDER: The paramedics check you out?
SCULLY: Yeah. I’m fine. Except I have a waiting in line at the DMV sized headache.
MULDER: Mine’s more IRS sized.
*****
SCULLY:Are you saying Lauren Kyte crashed our car?
MULDER: Either that or a poltergeist.
SCULLY: They're heeeere…
MULDER: They may be.
*****
MULDER: You don’t see too many bosses graves without people dancing on it!
*****
SCULLY: I think Howard Graves faked his own death.
MULDER: Do you know how difficult it is to fake your own death? Only one man has pulled it off…Elvis.
*****
MULDER: I don’t suppose you ran any dental confirmation?
ELLEN: What for? It was him!
SCULLY: How did you know?
ELLEN: It said so on the toe tag.
*****
MAN: I could make her talk.
MULDER: My advice to you. Don’t get rough with her.
*****
MULDER: Hey Scully. Do you believe in the afterlife.
SCULLY: I’d settle for a life in this one.
MULDER: Have you ever seen the Liberty Bell?
SCULLY: Yes
MULDER: You know, I’ve been to Philadelphia a hundred times and I’ve never seen it.
SCULLY:You’re not missing much. It’s just a big bell with a big crack, and you have to wait in a long line.
MULDER: Yeah, but I’d really like to go.
SCULLY: Why now?
MULDER:I don’t know. How late do you think they stay open?
From: “Ghost in the Machine”
SCULLY: How come you two went your separate ways?
MULDER: I'm a pain in the ass to work with.
SCULLY: Seriously.
MULDER: I'm not a pain in the ass? We had different career goals. Jerry wanted the fifth floor.
SCULLY: And you?
MULDER: I was gunning for a basement office with no heat or windows.
*****
MULDER: Phone’s off the hook. *Hangs it up* Maybe Drake was talking to someone right before he did his Ben Franklin impersonation.
JERRY:(to Scully) Taught him everything he knows.
*****
MULDER: I'm just looking for my profile notes.
SCULLY: Maybe if you cleaned your desk more than once a year.
*****
MULDER: Open sesame.
*****
MULDER: 28 down, one to go.
SCULLY: Oh great. Mulder?
MULDER: Trick or treat.
NEXT PAGE
