Excuse me for having values
Mood:  blue
Rebecca really hurt me tonight. As we were leaving the porn shop (yes, you read correctly), the plan was that Hagan, Kevin, Rachel and I were going to head to KFC to get some food and Rebecca and Randy were going to head to SLO. Then as Rachel and I were getting in my car, Rachel and Randy come up and Rebecca asks Rachel is she wanted to go in Rebecca's car. I asked why. Rebecca said "Because we're going drinking and I know you don't want to go." I was absolutely astounded that she would just automatically assume I wouldn't want to go. I asked her how she knew I didn't want to go. She said, "Because you say people are stupid for going drinking." I told her that I have never said that. She said, "Well, that's how you make people feel ." I might not drink often (mainly because anytime I've gone to where alcohol was being served, I've driven) and I might disapprove of people who drink and drive and might have been confused as to why people went to Vegas only to spend the majority of time drinking but I don't think I've ever said that someone was stupid for doing so. I said "Well, it's clear that I'm not wanted" and got into the car. Then I heard Rebecca basically telling Rachel to get in the car. Rachel said bye to me and got into Rebecca's car.

That really hurt me. So apparently that's two of the values I was brought up with that I tried to impose on people. To me, they have always been common sense: you don't arrange for guys and girls to be sleeping in the same room, and you don't drink and drive. Julie agreed with me when I told her and she too couldn't understand why people got so upset about that.

You know what, I'm not sorry that I was brought up with strong beliefs. I'm not sorry that I believe one should drink responsibly. I'm not sorry that I don't like browsing porn shops. I'm not sorry that I'm uncomfortable sharing a room with a guy I barely know. The only thing I'm sorry for is that they elected me president of the Math Club knowing I had these values.

It took me a while to realize how fully no one liked me as President (and apparently as a person if they don't like the things I believe in). But I do now. I now remember all these feelings I've been having: they're the ones I had in middle and high school; when I was depressed. This whole situation has thrown me so far back into depression, I just can't take it anymore. Monday morning I'm going to the Epicenter and asking how I officially resign. Now that I've managed to make enemies out of friends, I'm not regressing even farther into depression for them anymore.

My real friends helped pull me out of it before and I'm sure that they will be able to do so again. Once I dump Math Club, I'll be able to spend more time with them and I know that that will help me beat this. I just need to be with people I can trust and depend on.