Chapter 29
And the award for Best New Artist goes to....." The presenter started as Nick made his way backstage determined to find Jayme. He had to find her. Hold her. Tell her he loved her. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her standing by the stage peering through the curtain. He followed her eyes and saw she was staring at his empty seat. He saw her read eyes and realized she had been crying. His body ached with the need to hold her tightly and kiss her swollen eyes and tell her everything would be okay. He took a deep breathe and began walking towards her. "Jayme Caruso." He heard the presenter say and stopped as he saw Jayme step onto the stage smiling widely.
"FUCK!" He cursed.
Jayme made her way to the podium and accepted the award graciously. She hugged the presenter and almost cried at her excitement. But her eyes never left Nick's empty seat.....where had he gone?
"WOW!" She started looking over at AJ hoping her eyes would reveal what she was thinking but all she received was a smile.
"I don't know what to say, this is my first award and I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am."
She smiled at the screaming fans and waved to all of them. "I think all of you guys deserve the biggest thanks. I don't think you guys realize how much you do for us. Your what puts us on this stage and what gives us the power to make music. I don't think that we thank you enough."
"And of course God.........he has blessed me with so much. To all my producers and to all the people who provided me with beautiful lyrics. To all the wonderful people who have helped me along the way."
Jayme took a deep breathe and once again looked at the empty seat that was occupied by Nick only a few moments ago, then looked at the rest of the guys. "And to the Backstreet Boys, thank you guys for everything. You've helped me so much. I can't even begin to express all that you've done for me."
She help up her award and with one more quick 'thank you' into the microphone she left the stage and headed for her dressing room.
When she opened the door she kept her eyes on the floor and set her award on the table with a loud yawn. She laid herself down on the sofa and held a pillow in her arms. "God Nick where are you."
"Right here." She heard someone say. She jumped up to see Nick standing in the far corner of the room.
She stared at him breathing heavily, unable to believe he was standing so close. She stood up and took a few steps near him. "Hey." She said.
He too stepped closer to her and said, "I wanted to talk to you."
"I wanted to talk to you too."
"I saw your performance."
"I saw you and the guys too. It was great."
"Thanks.....the song.....you know I....."
"You what." Jayme asked needing to hear his answer.
"I wrote that song with you in mind. I wrote it for you."
Jayme thought she might burst into tears. It was finally happening the moment she was waiting for. The feeling was so much better than she ever thought, she couldn't believe this was happening. He was so close she could reach out and touch him. And here this amazing, beautiful, wonderful guy was telling her that he wrote such a beautiful song for her. "I.....I wrote." She gulped and stared at him wide eyed.
He raised his head to meet hers, "you wrote what?"
"The song I performed....it....I..."
Nick smiled at how nervous she suddenly became and said, "Jayme, just spit it out."
"When I wrote it, I had you in mind also. I wrote.....I wrote it for you." She lowered her head as a blush crept over her face.
"Thank you."
"Your welcome. And thank you."
"Your welcome."
"Is that all you wanted to say?" She asked raising her eyes looking hopefully at him.
"No."
"Good....I mean....I just wanted to talk to you for a while."
Nick smiled and said, "Yeah me too."
"So..."
"Jayme, I have something to tell you."
Jayme's heart skipped a beat and she looked at him saying, "what is it?"
"Ever since the first time I laid eyes on you, when we fought in that grocery store over some aspirin and AJ was drunk. Do you remember?"
Jayme smiled at the memory and said, "Of course. How could I forget? I had a headache all night long because of you."
Nick laughed lightly walking over and taking a seat on the sofa, Jayme following. "I had to take AJ home completely drunk because YOU wouldn't let me have the aspirin."
"I needed it more."
"Shut up."
Jayme laughed and looked over at the award she had just won needing to say something but not being able to look at him while saying it, "what about that night Nick?"
"Ever since that night.......I've loved you Jayme, more than anything I've loved you."
This time Jayme did burst into tears so much she caused Nick to jump and then grab her into his arms.
"Shhh. " He told her rubbing her forehead. "It's okay. I'm here, it's okay." Once she calmed down a little Nick looked into her eyes and said. "Sweetie, are you okay?"
"God Nick, you don't know how long I've waited for you to say that."
"Really?" Nick smiled widely pulling her into his chest and running his fingers through her hair.
"God yes. I've loved you for so long. I denied it to myself for so long because I was afraid of getting hurt but I just figured that if you loved me you would say something or you would have run after me when I left the tour, when you didn't I just thought you didn't feel the same."
"I did run after you. But it was too late, you left, you left me like it was nothing." Nick said tears filling his eyes.
"Leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever done Nicky."
"Jayme?"
"Yeah."
"The song we performed 'Trust,' I have to know...."
"What? Anything Nick, ask me anything."
"Do you trust me?"
The question caught Jayme of guard. She was unprepared for that question, but it was a simple question right? And she did trust Nick, more than anything.
Nick searched her eyes his heart sinking when he realized she wasn't answering as quickly as he had hoped, "Jayme I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me, I love you. I'll never hurt you like Jake, please, tell me you trust me."
"Nick..." Jayme started but a sob took over. Why was this so hard? It was so easy to just say 'yes Nick I trust you,' so why couldn't she say it?
"Jayme I need you to say it. I can't....no...." He pushed Jayme off him and stood up running a hand through his hair.
Jayme stood up and ran to him, "nick please I'm sorry."
Nick grabbed Jayme by the arms and held her tightly, "tell me, Jayme, please just say it, I'll believe you if you say it please. Do you trust me?"
Jayme nodded and stared into his eyes. She did trust him dammit. She did.
"No, Jayme, say it. I need to hear it."
Jayme couldn't speak, it was as if her voice had just suddenly disappeared. What was going on? Why couldn't she just say it? Dammit I trust you Nick. She yelled in her mind.
"JAYME DO YOU TRUST ME!" Nick suddenly yelled causing Jayme to jump.
"I guess, I think I do." She answered.
Nick stepped away from her and sighed. "You think? You fucking think. FUCK! Jayme I can't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't trust me." He ran his hand thorugh his hair and sighed looking at her sadly. Things hadn't turned out as well as he had hoped. "Call me when you do." With that Nick walked out of the room.
Jayme ran after him saying, "Nick please don't leave, you don't understand please."
But it was too late, Nick was gone. She walked back into her dressing room slamming the door and grabbing an object from the table and throwing it across the room.
"Fuck, Nick loves me and we actually had a chance. That's all I wanted and I've gone and ruined it." She paced the room sighing when she found Nick's tie laying on the sofa, he must have taken it off before she had gotten there. "God Dammit Nick I trust you. I fucking trust you." She yelled.
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