Brick
Chapter 2: Brick
* *
6 am day after Christmas
I throw some clothes on in the dark
The smell of cold
Car seat is freezing
The world is sleeping
I am numb
* *
Justin woke up early, too early for the sun has yet to peek over the horizon. The darkness outside only made his mood more somber. The coldness didn't help either. He got up from his bed and shivered, feeling the goosebumps rise from his skin. The bath he took didn't help improve his frame of mind, and just slowly he put on his jeans and dark blue sweater. Deciding that vanity will have to take a backseat, he placed a dark green bucket hat to hide his short curls. With a quick look over, he shrugged with slight satisfaction over his appearance, not the usual flair but decent enough. With slow steps, he walks out of his room.
When he got to his kitchen, still messy from the late Christmas party yesterday, he decided on a light breakfast as his stomach felt like it could throw up at any moment. Toast and coffee seemed to be the only option. Clearing up the table seemed like a monumental task and waiting for his breakfast to get ready seemed like an eternity. Sitting down and actually consuming the meager bread and dark liquid felt like a prisoner's last meal before an execution. He cocks his head to the wall clock to check the time.
6:18.
He still had time before he had to head out. A sudden rustling noise from the couch made Justin look in the direction of the living room. JC stood up, all disheveled and sleepy from the sofa, and walked towards the kitchen. The smell of the coffee made JC lumber slowly towards the percolator and pour himself a large cup. He shoved away the party favors on one chair beside Justin and sat on it with a 'whump'.
Both of them sat quietly, still letting the effects of the coffee to happen, like statues. When a synapse or two started to work in JC's brain, only then did he noticed the expression on Justin's face. His observations extended to the rest of the house. All silent and dead. Lifeless. Not even the glow of the Christmas decorations offered any warmth.
"So. What's up, Justin?" Justin remained quiet. JC sipped at his large mug and finished it off before going back to the percolator for another cup. "Okay. Let's pretend that I left you alone for three weeks and now you're actually ready to talk. So, what's up?"
Justin faced his long-time best friend with sad eyes and sighed. "I had a talk with Sarah last night before everyone left. She said she took a test the other day. It was blue."
JC's face crunched up in confusion. "Blue?"
"She thinks she's pregnant."
Not exactly sure what to say, JC just nodded and proffered a reassuring smile. That gave a small comfort to Justin knowing that his best friend hasn't abandoned him yet. After a few minutes of explaining to JC about what he and Sarah talked about last night, he got his keys off the front foyer table and walked out the front door to his BMW.
* *
Up the stairs to the apartment
She is balled up on the couch
Her mom and dad went down to Charlotte
They're not home to find us out
And we drive
Now that I have found someone
I'm feeling more alone
Than I ever have before
* *
Sarah was lying on her living room couch when Justin arrived at her condo. The afghan wrapped around her body provided little warmth to her shuddering. Justin wondered why she wanted to leave the party when she was just going to come home to an empty place. Justin sat down and shook her awake.
"Hey baby girl, are you alright?" he asked with worry clearly written on his face. Sarah sat up and rubbed the sleep from her tired eyes. Justin gave her a tender embrace so her body could warm up.
"I'm okay. Are you sure you want to come with me? I mean, this could take all day."
Justin gave her a reassuring face. "I'm sure."
* *
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
* *
The ride to the hospital was one of the longest trips that Justin has ever made. Not even a plane ride to Japan or a cross-country trip to get to some venue in another state could compete with the 20-minute ride he was currently taking. He looked sideways to see Sarah in deep contemplation. He wanted to say something but nothing came to mind, just the same thoughts of 'what if's' in his head. Only the melancholic voice of Ben Folds broke the silent in the car.
* *
They call her name at 7:30
I pace around the parking lot
Then I walk down to buy her flowers
And sell some gifts that I got
Can't you see
It's not me you're dying for
Now she's feeling more alone
Than she ever has before
* *
They finally called her name near the end of the business hours of the doctor, being that she was a last minute patient. The nurse told Justin that it could take a while so he decide to go to some dingy mini-mall outside the hospital. Before he could even set foot outside, Justin found JC and Lance standing about in the front of the hospital, all dressed in jackets and beanie hats. Both of them looking like they came out of some catalogue for Urban Outfitters.
"What are you guys doing here?" asked Justin as he approached the twosome.
"We have been waiting here for you just in case that you guys needed some support or something," said JC as he offered his hot chocolate. Justin took it graciously and sipped heartily. "Now why aren't you in there with Sarah?"
"They're going to perform some tentative tests which will take about an hour, and if its what we are afraid of, they plan to confine her overnight for more tests. Being inside that office was driving me nuts with all those women looking at me like I was a murder suspect or something. I just had to get out of there. Besides, I thought I could go down to that mini-mall across the street and buy something for Sarah. After all this is done, she going to need some major cheering up."
"Okay, we'll join you then," said Lance. With that, all three of them bounded for the mini-mall.
The stores in the mini-mall were tacky and terribly unappealing. Only a small flower shop suggested any hope of buying a gift for Sarah. Justin frowned at the sight of some of the wilted flowers on display and wondered about Sarah's plight. If history proves to repeat itself, then the both of them will have troubling times ahead.
* *
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
* *
Sarah held Justin tight as their worst fears were confirmed by the legion of doctors. Both of them fell asleep on the sterile hospital bed, with a nurse coming by every hour or so to check on the vitals of Sarah.
The rest of the guys came early the next morning bearing gifts but the young couple were still asleep, holding on to each other as if they were going to be torn apart at any moment. They decided to leave them alone for now and put away their gifts beside the almost pitiful bouquet of yellow flowers on the table.
JC looked back at the couple and ruefully puckered his brow. "This will be a depressing new year. I certainly hope that you can handle what's going to happen to you both."
Silently, he closed the door, with a silent prayer wording in his head.
* *
As weeks went by
It showed that she was not fine
They told me son, it's time to tell the truth
She broke down, and I broke down
Cause I was tired of lying
* *
January proved to be as gloomy a month for Justin as it was Christmas. He spent most of his time in the company of JC when he wasn't spending time with Sarah or his other endeavors that take his mind off the situation. For weeks, Justin's family have been calling, wondering when was he going to call or visit them. JC finally convinced Justin to go home and talk to his family about this.
It was a gray afternoon that he gathered all of his family, the guys, some close friends, and even Britney and Wade, for his big announcement. Only JC and Lance knew of the full nature of the news that Justin was going to say. Unclenching his throat was difficult, but Sarah, on his right, and JC, on his left, give him the courage to talk.
Justin's mom, step-mom, Britney, and other mother figures to the group cried. The rest felt their sorrows rise as Justin told everyone about his and Sarah's precocious situation. About the difficult choices that were going to be made when that day came. People seemed relieved that the both of them said that they thought an abortion was out of the question, but it did not alleviate the tension hovering over everyone's mind.
"It was a simple choice really," thought Justin as he held his mother who was in tears. JC hugged Sarah for him while the rest of the guys milled about. Lance was already looking through the liquor cabinet for some gin and tonic.
* *
Driving home to her apartment
For a moment we're alone
Yeah she's alone
I'm alone
Now I know it
* *
The afternoon moved to the evening, continuing on to the next day, when everyone finally left for their own homes to ponder over. Justin drove Sarah home so she could have a turn at telling her family, but she wanted to do it alone. JC wrapped Justin in his arms and led him to his bedroom when he arrived at his front door with the weight of the world on his shoulders.
"Jace, what am I going to do when the time comes? I'm so tired of thinking about it. The doctor said it was either Sarah or the baby. One of them is going to die. I'm afraid of making a choice, so is Sarah." Justin continued to babble as JC embraced his tense form. He allowed Justin to rant on until he was all worn from talking, rocking his body like a parent would do to a distraught child.
"Jace?"
"Yeah, Just?"
"Please help me forget, at least for now."
JC regarded Justin for a few minutes before kissing him full on the lips and stripping off his shirt. Two bodies moving as one with one measure in mind, temporary escape.
* *
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
* *
Six months have passed, and everyone found themselves on a hillside cemetery just 15 minutes outside of Orlando. In his arms, all bundled up, was Sarah Taylor Timberlake. Around him are his family and Sarah's family, all witnessing the coffin being lowered into the cold earth.
In the end, it was Sarah who made the decision to let Taylor live. Her water broke while Justin was out on tour, two days before he was supposed to arrive in the city. By the time he arrived at her side, she was dead, leaving a 4 lbs premature baby girl in his care.
With Sarah buried into the ground, Justin broke down and it was all JC could take. Tears took over as they fell quickly. Joey held Justin just so he wouldn't breakdown. Chris clutched little Taylor away from her father's arms while he mourned as Lance led JC away to cry himself out.
"That was intense, Jace. I don't think I ever saw you cry before the funeral," Lance later commented a week later in JC's house in LA. He never did cry, it was just one of those things that JC did.
Nsync decided to take a break, to recuperate themselves before facing the real world again. JC decided to stay in LA for the break period to meet with some producers for his album. Lance tagged along, seeing that California started to look promising after all these months of Justin being in misery. JC had also managed to drag Justin and the baby with him and Lance so he could have a change of environment.
"I know."
"You know this whole thing changes everything. It's like we're slowly drowning and we just don't know it. With you and Justin in your positions now, I don't know what's going to happen next. Anything could happen. I'm too scared to find out."
JC didn't answer. He had no answers either.
Later, after Justin and the baby had gone to sleep, JC snuck into their room and sat down in the corner with his lyric notebook in hand. He stared intently at his best friend and then he started to write.
**(Brick by Ben Folds Five)**
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