All You Want
Chapter 3: All You Want
* *
I'd like to watch you sleep at night,
To hear you breathe by my side
And although sleep leaves me behind,
There's nowhere I'd rather be
* *
Flashback-
JC had been waiting for this for so long. All those years of waiting have finally paid off. Ever since that first moment that they met and shook hands, he knew that he was the one he wanted. Sure, Chris was an initial experience, Joey was always there for a fun time, and Justin will never leave him because, well, just because, but Lance does something else to him.
For four and a half years, he watched this boy grow up into the confident man before him. Oh, he still has that southern charm and naivety that will never disappear. He used to be pretty and soft, now all handsome and muscular. And his smile, simply amazing.
Tonight happened to be Jive's party to celebrate the commercial success of 'No Strings Attached'. By the end of the night, Joey and Chris were plastered beyond happy, Justin was too tired to move from the excessive dancing he did on the dance floor, and Lance and JC were smiling with obvious contentment and jubilation. And then it struck JC like a Mac truck with the driver on speed.
The lights of the dance floor suddenly shifted and some of it focused over Lance's head. It made Lance look like he was wearing a halo, with slivers of strobe light bouncing all around him. This made JC's heart stop for a minute and froze his body. The tugging in his heart made him do a double take of Lance's profile, all angelic-looking and beautiful. Eyes shining like they were placed in the sky and a smile that sent you to the moon in an instant. In that strange and momentous minute, JC fell hard.
After a big round of applauses, Nsync left the party for their own home in the surrounding neighborhoods of Orlando. The limo dropped Lance and Joey at their respective house while the last three came home to the Harliss residence. After Justin and JC managed to dump Chris into his basement room, they parted their separate ways to their own respective bedrooms. While Justin slept soundly and without any problems, JC's mind went on full runaway train mode with the burning image of Lance in heaven. Eventually, sleep came after hours of pondering and contemplation. 'Lance will just have to wait till later', he thought to himself as his eyelids slowly shut themselves. Only dreams weren't on his side of things and made him dream of Lance and one sultry Mississippi night when passion is hot and the sex is hotter. He woke up wet, hot, bothered, and essentially driven to get James Lance Bass.
* *
And now our bed is oh so cold,
My hands feel empty, no one to hold
I can sleep what side I want,
It's not the same with you gone
* *
Hooking up with Lance proved to be surprisingly easy. Just a few flowery proses, a candle lit dinner, and a walk on the beach. He was a sucker for romance, and no one, at least among the members of Nsync, is more romantic than JC himself. Lance fell hook, line, and sinker to JC's advances and they became a couple soon after the release of 'This I Promise You'.
But the relationship that JC hoped and dreamed about didn't measure up to the reality of things. He slowly began to see why Lance always dated and never consummated. Lance was never affectionate, and in relationships JC craved it. Within four months of dating, all he got out of it were tentative make out sessions and brief reassurances. The initial was great, but the ride was getting thin. And then sex came to the picture.
Instead of the romance that both of them wanted, they got instead a sudden night of drunken madness. Neither of them expected it, but their first time in the sack was neither magical nor special. To say the least, the next day was ugly for both of them. The rest of the guys noticed it, even the MTV crew that was there to shoot a special on Nsync saw it. 'Thank God for editing', thought Chris as he assessed the sudden 180 of the couple.
During the course of 3 weeks, Lance began to change. Now, it seems he didn't want JC to touch him at all, as if there was an invisible barrier that separated the two unless Lance allowed it. The boiling point came when JC lost his temper at Lance during one sound check which left them fighting for another 3 weeks. Justin, Joey, and Chris took action by locking them up in the two man bus with Lonnie and Dre watching them. Good thing about cross-country trips is the all-night and all-day driving. By the end of it, things were smoothened over, and effectively, their relationship was over.
Lance became aloof and snobbish, as if his 'Hollywood' image merged with his real persona. JC moped for a week and got it out of his system by going through a creative 'Alanis' streak. Joey and Justin kept on wincing at his new material, but Lance didn't seem to be affected. Chris could only commiserate and relate to JC because of his terrible crash and burn break-up with Dani. Until that party in JC's house, that was the state of things.
* *
Oh if you'd come home, I'll let you know that
All you want, is right here in this room, all you want
And all you need, is sitting here with you, all you want
* *
Present Day-
'Another day, another party,' thought Lance as he drove up to the driveway of JC's house in LA where he was staying for the duration of the break. Coming from another Hollywood event, he was dog-tired and wanted to take a long hot shower. He opened the front door with the key that JC gave him and padded his way inside the dark house. The sounds of Taylor crying and Justin's weary tenor came from upstairs, while the sounds of piano keys being struck repeated came from the music room. Not wanting to disturb Justin yet, Lance went the music room to check up on JC. He saw the songwriter tapping the same notes with his left hand while trying to write words with his right. The adorable sight was enhanced by the slight frown and deep concentration of his brow, along with his lower lip being bitten.
"Hey Josh! How goes the creative session?" asked Lance as he sat down beside JC on the piano seat. JC stopped what he was doing and looked at Lance with half shut eyes.
"Doing good, but I can't seem to get the right words for this melody that I came up with. I've been at it for hours, and I'm sorry to say this, but Taylor's case of Colic isn't helping me one bit.
Lance grinned faintly and started to play a little with the piano keys. "How do you do it?"
An eyebrow rose in question on JC's face. "Do what?"
"You know? Find the inspiration for all this things you write about. Sometimes, I would give a tooth and a leg just to have just a tenth of your talent."
"You have talent, Scoop."
Lance snorted a 'yeah right'. "For numbers and business. I'm talking about real talent. You can write music with a drop of a pin. Joey can cook culinary dishes with just a few ingredients. Chris, though sometimes debatable, is a fashion guru. Justin can blow milk through his nose."
Both of them chuckled at the particular talent. "Yeah, and burp the loudest and longest."
"Not to mention to mention produce the biggest piece of sh-"
"Do not go there, Lansten. You know the rules. No toilet humor unless Joey is around."
"No kidding." A moment passed and the world seemed to be frozen. "I'm going to turn in, Josh. That was a long event that I just came from."
"Sure Lance. Good night."
"Good night, Josh."
As Lance retreated back to his room, JC smiled a bit and resumed his tinkering. He wondered what he saw when he first fell for Lance. He just saw it again.
* *
It's been three years, one night apart,
But in that night you tore my heart
If only you had slept alone,
If those seeds had not been sown
* *
Flashback-
"Shit, that break-up was brutal," said Justin as he poured himself some Vodka and Cran. Grabbing Joey and Chris' drinks, he made his way, with his hands full, towards the living room of Joey's house. Each took their own mix, Chris had a JD and Apple while Joey opened his bottle of Heineken, and gulped them down with mighty swallows. Alcohol seemed appropriate now that the tension between JC and Lance considerably lessened over the past week.
"You said it," concurred in his own crass way as he finishes off his drink, and then walks up to the kitchen to make another one. Joey merely grunted, too tired to form words.
"I hate to say this now, but I'm glad that we quarantined the two until they came to some sort of agreement." Justin guzzles another gulp. "At least their civil to each other now. JC still mopes and Lance still and asshole, but at least we have some piece of mind."
"Amen," all three of them shouted as they raised their glasses, or at least with Joey lifting his beer about two inches off his chest.
Lance's House-
Beside the front door was a bottle of southern Comfort, empty. On the living room table, 15 bottles of beers gathered in various states of near-emptiness. In the kitchen, a piling tower of pizza boxes cluttered the counter and other kinds of garbage lay on the floor. The CD player kept on playing the same Jazz albums that familiarized themselves in Lance's collection. The air hung stale, and from the bedroom, the sounds of crying can be heard.
Deny it as much as Lance could, it just culminated to this point. Five days home, six days since that day at the bus. Since he gotten home, he just stayed home, only going out to meet with the guys for a while and to buy enough alcohol to drown his sorrows in. By day three, all his defenses fell and all he did since then was mourn the lost of a relationship that he considered his fault.
Today, his answering machine was full of messages, but he didn't respond to them, just allowing the phone to ring off the hook. The guys started to worry. Justin and Joey took upon themselves to break into his house and see what's been going on with their bass line.
Neither was prepared to see Lance in his current condition, with a week's beard, near catatonic from being drunk, and as dirty as they've never seen him before in a stained wife beater and torn shorts. Joey stripped him down and gave him a bath, while Justin went around the house to clean. At the end of the day, Joey and Justin held him close so he could continue to mourn his loss, only not alone this time.
* *
Oh you could come home and you would know that
All you want, is right here in this room, all you want
All you need is sitting here with you, all you want
* *
Present day-
Lance woke up fairly early despite getting to bed so late. He shuffled downstairs to the kitchen and got a pot of coffee brewing. His joints felt funny as he slept in an unusual position last night. No morning baby cries nor any piano playing like when he got home earlier, just the sounds of birds outside and the occasional sound of car passing by. After a quick trip outside to get JC's mail and a newspaper from a store that was around the corner, he poured himself a cup. His stomach started to growl close to noon but no one had gone down yet. Checking all the bedroom's proved to be a useless idea for Justin woke up long enough to tell him that he gone to bed shortly before he woke up and let him back to his slumber, and JC room was not slept in.
JC slouched over the piano and was slightly snoring. JC had a bad habit of falling asleep wherever he may be, more so when he works nonstop. Lance smiled and carried him to the couch in the music room. He pulled down a comforter and spread it over JC's lean body.
Seeing that he wasn't it the mood to cook up anything, Lance grabbed his keys for the rented 4runner and went to a local pizzeria.
* *
I hear your key turning in the door,
I won't be hearing that sound anymore
And you and your sin can leave the way you just came in,
Send my regards to her
* *
Flashback-
"You realize that when we get out of that door, our relationship is over," asked JC as he held on to Lance's hands and stared at his face.
"Yeah, I know," said Lance not really looking back, shame-faced. "Sorry."
"If I had a choice, I wouldn't be here right now. We would be in some beach somewhere sipping some of those colored fruity drinks. You had to make your choice. Not that I don't agree with it, but I understand. I still can't believe your mother was outside our door when we first had sex."
"I forgot that her flight came in at that time. I can't believe she heard us do that."
"I still think that she's a bitch for giving you a choice. I wish you 'd told me sooner. We wouldn't be here now if you had just told me."
"I wanted to tell you, but I got scared. I couldn't live without my family. She's not exactly mad. She's thinking that I'm going through a experimenting phase."
"Are you?"
"I'm not so sure. She told me to get it out of my system and get myself a decent girl, no threats but she implied it. I'm sorry that I handled thinks so badly, Josh. I should have told you."
"I know. The best we can do now is to move on." JC moved his face close to Lance and kissed him. It was not a passionate kiss, more of a finality. Pulling apart, JC stood up and walked to the bus' door. Looking back at Lance, he said, "Friends, okay." Then he got off the bus, leaving Lance to gather his thoughts.
* *
I hope you've found that
All you want, is right there in that room, all you want
All you need is sitting there with you, all you want
* *
Present Day-
JC just had to laugh at what he was seeing. Lance was slumped over the desk, with his mouth open, dripping with drool, and eyes shut. His ever present laptop was flashing his screensaver, some Dr. Suess characters jumping around, and papers scattered around the room in some order only know to him. What the scene even funnier was that he had a pen between his fingers, doodling on nothing, as his arms fell off the table.
Removing all the papers off the bed and returning the favor from this morning, JC lifted Lance off the chair he was sitting on and laid him down on the mattress. Methodically consigning the clothes off Lance didn't go as JC planned for as he was removing Lance's long sleeve shirt, Lance moved and pinned JC in his arms. JC tried to move out but Lance's grip was strong and held him down on a tight embrace. Rolling his eyes and shrugging mentally, JC resigned himself and turned off the bedside lamp to sleep.
Later, as Justin was looking for JC, with Taylor in his arms, he peered into Lance's room. He smiled and closed the door, knowing that he and JC would have a long talk in the morning.
* *
I'd like to watch you sleep at night,
To hear you breathe by my side.
* *
**(All You Want by Dido)**
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