Hands Clean
Title: The Singer/ Songwriter Series (1/?)
Author: Dane
Pairing: None yet.
Disclaimer: It's not real. Why put me down?
Summary: Slight AU, in the sense that JC has a solo career outside of Nsync.
Chapter 1: Hands Clean
Joshua Scott Chasez was never one to be bitter after a bad experience for long. He learnt that when he went to L.A. for a year and came back home with his tail between his legs. This was reinforced by the critics who keep on slamming him after they heard 'Digital Getdown' and 'Space Cowboy'. Add the fact that he has the worst relationship record among the five members of Nsync, and then what you have is one very resilient person, with big, bouncy hair.
All of them knew that it was tough to break JC. Not even when Lou screwed them over. Not even when none of his songs were chosen to be singles for Celebrity. Not when Bobbie, the supposed love of his life, cheated on him more times than you could swear in a year. Probably, only Chris can be considered tougher than JC because of all the hardship he went through as a kid.
The rest of the guys knew that without JC, Nsync would have never had gotten off the ground. He was their rock and guidance.
All that change one night in JC's house when he asked the guys over for dinner. It was like a scene from a bad melodrama, complete with an all-star cast. Joey brought along Kelly and Brianna while Chris arrived with Dani and half of the Fu Man Crew. Lance, as usual, came alone and Justin came in late with his current, at-the-moment girlfriend. It was not obvious, but the guys could see the change in JC's disposition. He wasn't his usual spazzy self. He was calm, collected, and somewhat a little tense. JC only was like this when he was going to announce something to people. He did this when he told his friends and family that he was Bi, and also when he told them that he was adopted. Of course, all that didn't change the fact that they all loved him. The impromptu party continued all through the evening. Sometime near midnight, JC called all the rest of the group into his study so he could talk to them.
"What's up, C?" asked Justin as he plopped himself down on one of the plush couches in the room. Chris did the same thing, while Lance and Joey eased themselves into the other chairs. JC sat down on his corner desk and stared at each of his best friends. Right now he was going to blow them out of the water.
"Guys, I don't know how I'm going to say this. It's kinda hard to say but I've been thinking about this for some time now and it's kind of been bothering me," JC said nervously. He wrung his hands close and eyed each of them closely.
If it weren't for your maturity none of this would have happened
If you weren't so wise beyond your years I would've been able to control myself.
"Just spit it out, Jace. We won't turn on you. Unless, you're going to tell us that you are an alien from the planet Frahzuzu and plan to take over our bodies, then we'll have to kill you. Survival of the specie, you know," Chris deadpanned. All of them laughed.
JC smiled at Chris. Good old Chris. What started as a drunken one-night stand six years ago after a momentous first meeting in Pleasure Island turned into one lasting friendship. They never talk about that one night. Never saw a reason to. Until now it was a secret between the two of them. It was just like a silent agreement. A wonderful fluke of the moment that both will be laughing about in private jokes.
"Guys, I've been thinking. I think that it's about time that I go solo."
* * * * * *
If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and
If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much
* * * * * *
Lance's eyes went wide. Justin and Joey remained stoic but nodded their heads. Chris was speechless, having nothing funny to say. Eventually, after a good ten minutes of heads trying to process what was just told to them, Lance spoke up.
"Are you going to leave the group?"
JC regarded Lance with passive eyes. He was the one who took him under his wing when he was just a scared little kid from the backwaters of Mississippi. He was the one who taught Lance how to act in front of the public and how to be a popstar. He also happened to be the first person Lance betrayed by sleeping with him and pretended like it was nothing. This is what you get for falling for a closet case, he thought to himself.
Now, Lance is all Hollywood. Fake like all the breasts and faces in that place. Even when they sat down, promised each other not to mention anything to anybody, and forgave the deed, Lance was still giving smarmy vibes. Since that day, JC wouldn't be caught dead in the same room as Lance, unless it was absolutely necessary. The guys noticed but never commented on it.
"No, Lance. I'm not leaving the group so you can rest your uptight bubble butt. I won't screw you up the ass. So chill."
* * * * * *
Ohh this could be messy
But you don't seem to mind
Ohh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime
We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you washed your hands clean of this
* * * * * *
JC thanked the Lord that shut him up. He didn't need to hear some condescending remark from Lance as he was trying to make one of the biggest decisions in his life.
Tirades and volleys were exchanged as JC informed them what he was going to do. Chris kept on asking questions while Lance wanted to validate some points, whether it was going to be a good idea and not backfire on them.
Joey and Justin remained quiet.
* * * * * *
You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me
You're kind of my protégé and one day you'll say you learned all you know from me
* * * * * *
"Well, I certainly shocked by this, but not surprised. So you decided to get on with what we've been talking about before. Jace?" asked Joey with as much joviality and amusement that he could muster though inside he was confused and a little scared.
A small smile formed in JC's face as he crossed his arms. Joey. His partner-in-crime and ever reliable fuck buddy. With a friendship that lasted more than ten years, he was glad that he was there for him in all of his trials and tribulations. In a strange way, history had taught both of them well. JC learned how to be more charming from Joey as well as how to cook, while in turn Joey learned how to be less crass and how to tend a bar. Only one barrier separated the two of them from becoming lovers. It was there mutual envy for each other. Joey wished he was more like JC, and vice versa. But despite that thin barrier, the loyalty of the two can't be denied.
"It's just I really want this, Joey. I love what we've done together as Nsync but I feel like I need to expand my horizons. Johnny told me that I could do this if I wanted to, and Jive is willing to risk me a one-album deal. If it flops, it's okay. No harm, no foul."
* * * * * *
I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian
I know you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it.
* * * * * *
Justin looked lost and confused. He bit his lower lips like he always did whenever he was thinking. In JC's mind, he'll forever be the perpetual kid that he met all those years ago in the MMC set. Sure, he's flashy and sexy as a balmy Spanish afternoon, but he still has his kid streak that makes you see the eleven year old boy with wild, unruly hair and a shy personality. Justin has always been naïve and impressionable, despite all that's happened to him so far.
"C, are you sure about this?" questioned Justin, with bright sky blue eyes. JC looked at him, eye-to-eye, and remembered last night. Justin came over and had sex with him, wild and enduringly long. No, they weren't in love but they have a bond that is similar to that. Like being brothers without it feeling like incest. A secret understanding that they would have until the day they died.
"Yeah Just. But I won't do this unless you all agree to this. My family knows about this and they all think it's a wonderful idea. I already told you what Johnny and Jive think, so all I need is hear what you guys think."
* * * * * *
Ohh this could be messy
But you don't seem to mind
Ohh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime
We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you washed your hands clean of this
* * * * * *
"I think you should go for it. It will give you what you always wanted to do, C," said Chris with an impulsive grin.
"I can't say that I fully agree with this but who am I to say that you can't do this. Go ahead and do your thing," said Lance with a slight frustration. JC could see the worry lines forming, and grinned inwardly.
"Ditto," Joey simply said with wide smile and then slaps him on the shoulder.
"Just?" JC looked towards the young singer who was looking incredibly young at the moment. Justin didn't speak. He only lifted his head and nodded. It was not much of an affirmation but it was enough for JC to come up to him and give him a crushing hug. "Thanks."
* * * * * *
What part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept?
What part of your memory is selective and tends to forget?
What with this distance it seems so obvious?
* * * * * *
After everyone left the party, JC was left all alone to clean up his kitchen until his doorbell sounded off. Closing his dishwasher to start, he bounded to his front door. Out in his porch stood Lance, like a vampire, waiting to be let in. Both of them went back to the kitchen and JC had Lance storing the leftover liquor back in the upper cabinets.
"Why are you here, Lance?"
Lance stopped what he was doing and looking at JC, still holding a bottle of rum in his hand. "Why are you doing this, JC? Aren't you content with Nsync? I just know that if you are successful in what you are planning to do, you stop being with us and break the group."
JC leveled his eyes to Lance's jade ones and sneered. "Fuck you, Bass. I told you that I'm not going to leave the group and if you did have a problem with this, you had your opportunity hours ago."
"Okay, that's it. JC I know we haven't been the best of friends as of late but why are you so hostile towards me? I'm just asking why you are doing this. You didn't give us any other reason than you had been thinking about this and Jive offered you a deal. So why the solo career? Is it because of something we did, or one of us? Maybe so you could go on one of your artistic trips?"
"I'll tell you why I'm doing this," JC said with grinding teeth. "I'm doing this so I can cleanse myself. You get that, Bass. I'm doing this for a lot of reasons but since you are being a sanctimonious shithead, I'll tell you this little bit of info. It's not about you. Understand? I'm not going to go Alanis on your ass, or is it something else you're worried about?"
Lance's face broke and he placed the bottle on the counter as not to drop it. "I'm sorry, JC. It's just that I'm worried that you may not make it as a solo artist. As tough as you think you are, you're not indestructible. At least you had us when we started. Going solo means you'll be depending on us less. As much as it seems like I don't care about you, I really do, Josh. But I'm not going to be a bad guy and deny you your dreams. I'm just not so sure that you will be that strong if you fail. I hate to see you fail."
JC's expression softened. "Oh James. I'll always need you guys. I just need to prove to myself that I can learn from my mistakes. The past 15 years has taught me that. Just don't forget that you are still my friend, even if we do have a history with each other. I'm not mad at you or at anyone. I'm sorry also that we are where we are now. We talked, forgave, but not necessarily forgot. For our sake, we need to move on and rebuild. You're right. I'm not that tough, but I need this. I gave you guys my all but I think its time that you return the favor and give me yours."
Lance nodded and then continued to return the bottles into their proper place.
* * * * * *
Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family
We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse
I wish I could tell the world cuz you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly
I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and keep your firm body
* * * * * *
JC was glad that Lance was coming around and got his head out of his ass. Maybe time is the thing that will cure all heartaches, he thought to himself.
Today, he found himself sitting in one of his favorite cafes near the boardwalk, reading a book about Tarot cards. Unconsciously, he was thinking about the things he was thinking about on that evening. In all the years he had been in Nsync, he learned more about life in that one meeting than in a the seven years that they were together. Then it hit him, like a shovel being held by a guy on a speeding pick-up truck. He tossed the book back into his backpack and took out his lyric notebook to write.
* * * * * *
Ohh this could be messy
But you don't seem to mind
Ohh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime
We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you washed your hands clean of this
* * * * * *
After a few weeks, JC invited Lance over to one of their studios to listen to the first demo tape that JC made for his album. Lance listened to it and was amazed by what he heard. It was a different direction for JC, more rootsy and honest. No synthesizers or sound manipulation. He couldn't quite place the point of the song but the chorus made his spine shiver.
"What does it mean, the chorus, Jace?"
"It's what I've learned from each of you guys. Chris taught me that being driven can get you what you want. Joey taught me to live for others. Justin proved to me that soulmates really do exist, relatively that is. And you taught me that it's okay to regret some things sometimes."
Lance sighed. "I wished that I never was the one to have taught you that." JC placed one hand on Lance's knee and shook it.
"It's okay. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have been the person I am today. So be grateful that we're great friends again. Just make sure that you understand that the next time you do something as equally as stupid as what you did to me, I will make sure that I will kick your ass so high that you'll be tasting leather for a month. Capice?"
"Capice. So, what's the name of the song?"
"Bitter."
"Why?"
"Because I never knew I was until I thought about it."
**(Hands Clean by Alanis Morissette)**
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