Part 5
There had been fear in Xander's eyes, a brief moment of panic when Spike had
lain him down on the bed. Not, ‘Oh God, vampire' but a sadder, more
desperate, ‘please don't laugh at me' expression that flittered across his
face. But so like him, Xander had made a weak joke, taking a shot at himself
to break the tension, and had manfully asked for guidance. Again he put
Spike to shame, this mortal boy who was willing to risk so much to express
his feelings, to show his needs. The boy, young man rather, was a gentle and
affectionate lover. Spike sent a brief thought of thanks to that horny demon
bint that the boy wasn't virgin tight; otherwise they could have never
managed this without the damned chip going off. *Talk about a bloody mood
killer.* Regardless of Anya and her bag of tricks Spike was willing bet he
was the first vampire as well as the first male anything that the boy had
had in his bed. The utter intensity of Xander's undivided attention had
almost been too much. Spike didn't want to frighten the boy and was certain
that slipping into game face right now would horrify him. Bedding a human
that he had no intention of eating, in a nonsexual way, was a new experience
for him. The smell alone of the blood rushing through the boy's body and
rising to his skin in a sensual flush was intoxicating. Adding to the fact
that Spike was still riding high from the simple sure words of acceptance
Xander had gifted him with earlier on the couch and it was all that Spike
could do not to howl with pleasure. Spike was aware he was emitting a low
thrum of contentment and hoped Xander wouldn't find it too animalistic. On
one hand he didn't want to disgust the boy for fear he would change his mind
and on the other, if either of them were going to stop this, it had better
be soon.
"Are you sure?" he whispered, more a purr than a question.
"I think...I think I need this." Xander breathed out against Spike's bare
skin, sending waves of pleasure coursing along in its wake. His brown eyes
were hot and seemed to take up his entire face. Tentatively he reached up
and stroked his blood-warm fingers softly along Spike's face. Spike lost his
battle for control and his demon visage rippled forth. He looked away from
Xander's frank stare but the boy gently turned Spike's head back toward him
and pulled himself up onto his elbow then placed light kisses along the
ridges and continued down the bridge of Spike's nose. The smile Xander
shared with him when he lay back looking up at Spike was not one of pity,
nor was it a brave front. Xander had not had to overcome fear or disgust;
his face shyly conveyed wonder and trust. Spike gave in and stopped fighting
the full body purr he had been trying to suppress. He positioned himself
between Xander's legs and playfully poured the cool oil onto the boy's
stomach. Xander's laugh wasn't all nervousness as Spike spread the quickly
heating liquid thoroughly over his genitals and further back to his anus.
When his slick fingers breached Xander's body relief flooded Spike when he
felt Xander relax into the movement. He had expected a jolt from the chip,
but before long Xander was whimpering and begging Spike to hurry. It was so
much more than he had dared to hope for. For a moment before he mounted the
hot, horny, bucking, body Spike spared a moment to worry if the boy's
reaction in the morning would destroy all that they had built between them
since the Slayer had died. But it's almost impossible for a demon to brood
under the best of circumstances and soon Spike was distracted by the
delicious feeling of blood-warm flesh surrounding his erection. *Oh thou, my
lovely boy,.....Sweet beauty hath no name, no holy hour. [1 & 2]*
Warmth indeed surrounded him. He fell into those beautiful dark eyes. As he
did with everything Xander threw his whole being into their coupling. Spike
marveled at his responsiveness and strength of will. Xander's unflinching
eyes seemed to drink in every aspect, gauge every flash of emotion that
crossed his lover's face with perception and passion. *Too long. It's been
too long!* Had he ever felt this connected with a lover? Dru lived in her
own world and Harmony was her own world. There had been mutual pleasure but
it had been parasitic on both sides, if that was possible. This, this was
symbiotic. *How strange it is only such gentleness begets the fury of joy
and all its tenderness.[3]* Here now with Xander, all the emptiness, all the
terrible loneliness fell away. He belonged. He was seen and accepted.
Nothing felt so much like home; had he a soul he would have traded it on the
spot for this feeling, this connection. Somewhere deep inside he felt the
warmth which surrounded him melt some cold core and give rise to feelings he
had only held in dim memories. Life -- this was life. He almost believed his
dead heart beat in response to the pulse of the blood, which embraced him.
Too soon he felt his lover's muscles ripple and contract around his rhythmic
thrusts. Watching, rapt with awe, as the orgasm brought a flushed, almost
pained grimace to Xander's face, Spike sighed needlessly and spilled his
seed deep inside. Xander pulled him tight against his sticky body. Spike
stayed embedded a moment in the warm slick flesh, petting the boy's flushed
skin, brushing back sweat-soaked hair off his handsome face. Slowly he
disengaged their bodies while kissing away Xander's quiet whimper of
protest. He wiped them both down, thankful he had thought to bring a wet
cloth along with the towels, as he was reluctant to part with the boy even
briefly. Greedy to capture every moment he had with the boy Spike wrapped
himself around his lover's warmth, sure that with the daybreak regrets would
come. He knew he wouldn't be able to blame the boy. Xander had offered him
every thing he had ever wanted and Spike, as always, had insisted on taking
more. The first vulnerability that the boy had revealed and Spike had used
it to stave off his own empty, aching need. In the bars of Sunnydale, there
were a thousand faceless bodies he could have buried himself in, any one of
whom he could have had for a wink and a smile. This boy, this man was the
only one who offered him succor, offered him his family and his trust. *This
man will stand your friend with the whole world round agin you.[4]* Spike
listened to the steady beat of the boy's heart. He anticipated panic and
regrets when Xander woke. He resisted the urge to stroke the firm torso and
contented himself to watch the boy sleep. * There'll be babbling, and he
won't be able to look me in the eye for days, if ever.* Spike had intended
to drink in every minute until his lover woke, but the rise and fall of
Xander's chest and the delicate movement of his eyes beneath their lids was
unexpectedly calming. Spike was lulled into a light doze, feeling both sated
and apprehensive.
~~~~~~
Later, Spike woke alone and noticed light spilling across the bottom of the
bed. He heard muffled noise from the next room and considered rising to deal
with the inevitable regrets, but decided to follow the advice he had given
Dawn and wait to see how Xander wanted to handle this. Briefly the boy's
tall frame blocked the light and Spike shut his eyes, feigning sleep.
Curiosity overcame him when instead of coming back to bed Xander made
rustling noises at the far end of the room. He opened his eyes and saw that
the boy had secured a thick tarp across the room's only window. Spike
watched as Xander carefully examined the border to make sure that the
morning's sunlight would not pass. *If he had regrets, he could have simply
waited for morning.* Gambling that Xander's reaction would be more favorable
than he had anticipated, Spike slipped from the bed and crossed to the
window. He took a moment to admire that lovely backside before sliding his
arms around the boy's waist and marveling once again at the warmth of his
body. Spike was delighted at finding his arms full of a confident, teasing
young man. This was no blushing virgin, no stammering boy; this was an
equal, a man. Xander was well aware of who he was and whom he had in his
bed. As the thickening of his scent told him, Xander also knew what he
wanted. Spike was overjoyed that for now, apparently, Xander wanted him. It
was Xander who maneuvered them back to bed and Xander who started the slow
tandem thrusting as their cocks brushed together. After a second climax and
clean up, Spike was wrapped in the strong arms of his young lover and lulled
back to sleep by Xander's steady breathing.
~~~~~~
Sunlight brightened the outer room but only dimly reflected into the bedroom
when Spike next woke. Xander slept on his back, with one arm across his eyes
and the other loosely around Spike. Spike's head rested on Xander's chest
and he faced toward the boy's exposed throat. Watching the subtle pulse
under Xander's chin, which matched the beat under his ear, Spike was unaware
that he spoke the words in his head out loud until Xander murmured, "That's
pretty. Is it Spanish?"
"Sort of." Spike replied as he watched the boy stretch. Xander looked at him
and a slow smile spread across his face.
"You're a closet brain, aren't you?"
Spike snorted and lifted himself off the boy. Hovering close, he moved up to
claim a kiss. "Didn't think you were awake."
Xander tentatively caressed the angular line of Spike's face, speaking
softly as if Spike might pull away if his voice were more than a whisper.
"What'd it mean?"
He couldn't resist and said, "When, with you asleep, I plunge into your
soul, and listen with my ear on your naked breast to your tranquil heart, it
seems to me that, in its deep throbbing, I surprise the secret center of the
world.[5]"
Xander silently watched him a moment, blinking and then ventured, "You're so
busted. You went to college didn't you?"
"Wasn't quite the same back then, but you might say I had literary
ambitions." Spike said, not meeting Xander's eyes.
"You wrote stuff? Stories?" Interest peaked, Xander rose up on to his
elbows.
"Poetry." Spike said, unsuccessfully suppressing a shudder.
Xander sat the whole way up and radiated excitement, "Lay some on me,
Wordman."
"No. It wasn't just bad, it was horrendous. I know enough about what is good
to know that everything I produced was beneath mediocre."
Xander pulled Spike into his arms, almost into his lap, and murmured in his
ear, "Fortunately for you, I'm an idiot and won't realize that."
"Don't do that." Spike snapped and Xander with a noise of inquiry, released
him immediately. Spike grabbed both arms before Xander could completely pull
away and wrapped them firmly back where they had been. "Don't put yourself
down, idiot: not don't touch me." Spike briefly considered what he had just
said and added softly, "Xander, you're not an idiot."
Xander didn't respond verbally but Spike felt him smile against the back of
his neck and his arms tightened their hold. They sat quietly for a while,
Xander's fingers dancing across Spike's cool skin. Eventually it was Xander
who asked, "Not having regrets?"
"No, pet, thought you might." Spike kept very still, straining for some
sense of the boy's true feelings.
"I'm good." Xander sighed deeply and closed his eyes, his lashes sweeping
softly against the skin of Spikes shoulder.
"You are." Spike said, but his leer was half-hearted. He felt as if this
whole thing could come tumbling down if he made the wrong move - said the
wrong word. Xander lifted his head to look at Spike, searching his face as
if asking how Spike wanted to handle this. Spike stroked the side of
Xander's face. He was pleased to note the boy needed to shave, it at least
gave the illusion he was old enough to know what he was getting into. "
Sweet boy," he murmured. "Bedding a vampire, do you have any idea.....?"
Spike shook his head. He knew the answer. If he didn't know what would come
of this Xander couldn't possibly.
Xander placed his hand over the one Spike rested on the side of his face and
said, "You need me. I need you. This was good, huh?"
Speechless, Spike nodded. "Can't we just try it? See what happens? Xander's
fingers tightened on his and the boy swallowed hard.
"I'm evil." Spike said softly, more to himself than to Xander.
"Is the chip the only thing keeping you from killing me?" Xander's look
wouldn't let Spike break eye contact. The look he leveled said that there
was no way Spike could prevaricate.
Spike shook his head. "I like you. You taste like sunlight. I smell the
blood in your body, but you don't feel like food. We've hunted together.
There's a bond. You almost feel like another vampire, `cept I trust you."
"I trust you, too. I like you. Might just fall in love with you, if that'd
be okay?" Xander watched him so intently that Spike was forcefully reminded
of the night before.
"So... How do we handle this?" Spike thought it would have to be Xander's
call; he was willing to take what he could get, if the boy was willing to
continue this, no matter how temporary, it was more than he had expected.
"I don’t have a clue." Xander's smiled and gave a self-deprecating shrug.
"Can't we make it up as we go?"
"The others won't like it; think I'm having my wicked way with you, they
will." Spike ventured his most prevalent doubt now that Xander seemed
willing to try this, whatever this was.
"You are. And I'm having my wicked way with you, that's the fun part."
Xander's laugh bubbled up and bathed Spike in joyous relief. This
conversation had apparently been as stressful on the boy as it had been on
him. More than anything, he wanted to bury himself in Xander's warmth again
but he had to clear up one more thing.
"Dawn..."
He got no further before Xander clamped a hot hand across his mouth and
firmly stated, "Rule one: we will never, ever, mention Dawn when we're
naked."
part five
1. Shakespeare ‘Sonnet CXXVI’
2 Shakespeare ‘Sonnet CXXVII’
3. Delmore Schwartz ‘How strange love is, in every state of consciousness’
4. Rudyard Kipling ‘The thousandth man’
5. Juan Ramone Jimenez
Part 6
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