Chapter 13
Joey found Justin lying quietly in his bunk. Wondering why he didn't hear
any crying or cursing from Justin, he sat down beside him. Justin lay still
on his side, not turning to look at his friend. Joey slowly began stroking
Justin's back.
"Are you ok Justin?" Joey asked quietly.
Justin slowly turned toward Joey. Joey saw the hurt in Justin's eyes, before
he buried his face in Joey's stomach.
"It's ok to cry Justin, you might feel better." Joey said, not knowing how
else to help his friend and continued to stroke his back.
Justin sighed, looking up at Joey, "I can't Joey, it hurts too much. If I
start I'm not sure I'll be able to stop."
Joey wrapped his arms around Justin, "God Justin, I'd do anything to take
away your pain."
Justin looked into Joey's eyes and slowly brought his hand to the back of
Joey's neck.
Joey's breath hitched. He wasn't sure what Justin was doing. Joey wanted
for once to be selfish and take what he'd wanted for so long. He knew that
he couldn't; he wasn't what Justin really wanted. His mind screamed for him
to stop Justin before he did something he'd regret later. His heart refused
to hear what his mind was saying.
Justin caressed the hair at the nape of Joey's neck. He slowly drew Joey's
face down to meet his own. Justin touched his lips to Joey's. He almost
stopped when he heard Joey moan. He wanted to feel something other than
pain, he needed something to make him forget. He gently slid his tongue
between Joey's full lips, and Joey's tongue met Justin's. The tongues
duelled, tasting, touching and trying to forget. Justin trying to forget the
pain JC had caused, Joey wanting to forget that he'd never be the one to
hold Justin's heart.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
JC clutched the jacket in his hand. He wanted to move out of the narrow hall
between the bunks, but his feet wouldn't move. JC felt a hand on his
shoulder and turned to find Lance's eyes on him. Lance gently grasped JC's
arm pulling him into the kitchen area of the bus. He motioned for JC to sit
on the bench across the table from him.
"You wanna talk about it?" Lance asked, watching JC tear a Kleenex to
shreds.
JC glanced up at Lance, "No, there's nothing to talk about." He said,
scooping the shredded tissue into a pile.
"How about we talk about why you hurt Justin tonight." Lance suggested
cautiously.
JC tore the tissue into smaller pieces, "It needed to be done." He said,
shrugging his shoulders.
"Why did it need to be done?" Lance inquired, pressuring JC to talk to him.
JC sighed in frustration, "He was getting too close, it's better to do it
now. The longer I let him go on believing, the worse he would have been
hurt."
"Believing what?" Lance asked, knowing exactly what JC meant.
JC looked at Lance pointedly, "Believing that he could make me love him.
Love isn't real. I can't love him, not the way that he wants me too. He'll
only end up hurt worse if I let this continue." He quietly stated.
"So you're just going to stand back and let Joey have something that you
aren't man enough to admit that you want. Something that you want more than
anything, but are too afraid to take the chance on. You're a fool JC." Lance
said, getting up and walking to the back of the bus.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Joey gently pushed Justin away from him. "We can't do this Justin."
"Why not?" Justin asked, looking at Joey in confusion.
Justin tried pulling Joey back to him. Joey held Justin back with a hand on
his chest.
"No Justin, it's not right. Can you look me in the eye and honestly say that
it's what you want?" Joey challenged.
Justin fought back tears, "I just . . . I don't want to hurt anymore, I
wanna forget. He looked right at me Joey; he wanted to hurt me. Why?" he
whispered, tears beginning to fall down his face.
Joey wrapped Justin in his arms again, "I don't know Justin, I just don't
know. I wish I could take away your pain. I can tell you though that what we
were doing won't help, it'll just complicate things even more." He said
quietly, wiping the tears rolling down Justin's cheeks.
"Will you just hold me for a while please?" Justin pleaded.
Joey pulled Justin closer to him. "Yeah, I can do that."
Joey held Justin until he was sure he slept soundly. He slowly lowered
Justin onto the mattress.
"Josh" Justin moaned, as Joey moved away from him.
Joey sighed sadly. He leaned over kissing Justin lightly on the cheek before
proceeding on to his own bed.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
JC made his way back to the bunks, hoping that everyone was asleep. He was
surprised to find Justin asleep and alone in his bunk. He stood watching
Justin sleep, unaware that Joey was watching him. He slowly brought his hand
down, gently caressing Justin's cheek. He felt the dampness that was still
there. He closed his eyes, resting his hand on Justin's face.
"I'm sorry Justin." He whispered, before climbing into his bunk above
Justin's.
Chapter 14
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