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10,000 Kisses
Suzanne flung herself on her bed hysterically crying. She didn’t know what
the memories where that had come flooding back. But Suz knew it was
something she didn’t want to remember. She had felt a bad and terribly
scared feeling overtake her body as Kevin’s hands had moved to her stomach.
The thought was so strong that she had to get out of there or she might have
literally hurt Kevin.
Meanwhile, Kevin was still in the living room pondering what had just
happened. He knew that it wasn’t simply their kissing that had frightened
Suz and that it was something much more. He sat there with his head in his
hands wondering what he could do to help her. He was afraid that if he
pushed her too far in revealing what was troubling her that she would refuse
to talk to him at all. Wondering if Rachel knew what had caused Suzanne to
become scared again, he went searching for her. He found the guys and Rachel
in the pool playing around. “Rachel?” Kevin said stepping onto the patio.
“Hi Kev. Where’s Suz?” Rachel said as Nick attempted to push her underwater.
Ignoring her question, Kevin said, “Uh, can I talk to you a minute?”
“Sure,” Rachel said carefully as she gazed at Kevin. She could tell that
something else had happened. “I’ll meet you inside,” she said. He nodded
then walked back into the house. “Something is definitely bothering him,” AJ
said. “I don’t think I have ever seen him so worried,” Brian said concerned.
“I wonder what happened now,” Nick added. “Well, I intend to find that
out,” Rachel said as she dried off and went inside the house.
Upstairs, Suzanne had drifted off into a restless sleep filled with
nightmares. The images that had flashed through her mind earlier were now
rolling through her head at full force. She tossed and turned trying to
shut them out like she had originally done some many years ago. “No, don’t!”
Suz whispered, “Get off of me!”
Rachel found Kevin sitting on the couch just staring into space. “Kev,”
Rachel said sitting down next to him as she patted his shoulder. Kevin gave
her a weak smile. “Tell me what happened,” she said softly. Kevin told her
everything that had happened from when they sat down to watch TV until Suz
jumped up and ran to her bedroom. “I know something is wrong,” Kevin said,
“I could feel it as we were kissing but I thought she was just a little
frightened at not knowing what to do but now I don’t know. I think it is
something else.” “Yeah, it does sound like something is wrong. I do know
that she was a little frightened at the feelings she was having towards you
but that was just because of her inexperience and her reluctance to believe
you would be interested in her,” Rachel said. “Damnit, do you know how much
it angers me that she would think no one would be interested in her!” Kevin
angrily yelled, “Were they really that bad to her?” “Yes,” Rachel said trying
not to cry, “I admit that I have a worse time accepting the way that men have
treated us rather then Suzanne. When I was in high school and college, there
were some times I would cry myself to sleep but it always seemed that Suz
would shut out her emotions so she didn’t feel anything. Now, she has to
face up to those feelings of reluctance, anger, and being scared all at once
and it seems to be pretty hard on her.” Kevin nodded, “Rach, you know how
much it means to me that you are willing to help me with this, don’t you?”
“Yes, I do. I am doing it both for you and for her,” she said smiling.
Back upstairs, Suz was still thrashing about in her bed. “Get off me!” she
said, “Please, don’t hurt me. No, stop!” Tears were running down her face
even though she was asleep. The memories were so real that she could almost
feel his weight on her again…the movement of his hands hurting her…her
innocence being ripped away. “NNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!” Suzanne screamed.
Bolting up from the couch when they heard Suzanne scream, Kevin and Rachel
raced upstairs as Chrissy raced from her bedroom. All three fled into
Suzanne’s room only to see her tossing and turning about on the bed crying.
They realized she was still asleep and she was having a nightmare.
“NNNNOOOOO!!” Suz screamed again. Rachel ran over to her, “Suz, Suz!! Wake
up!!!” Slowly, Suzanne opened her eyes staring at the people in front of
her. As her eyes came to rest on Kevin, she burst into tears. “Please, make
him leave,” Suz said as she curled into a ball and rocked back and forth.
Rachel looked at Kevin waving him away. Chrissy grabbed his arm pulling him
out of the bedroom. “Come on, Kevin,” Chrissy whispered as they headed
downstairs. The other guys had jumped out of the pool and were on their way
upstairs because of Suzanne’s scream. “No, don’t go up. Rachel is up there
with her,” Chrissy said to them. They nodded and all took a seat. “What
happened,” Brian said. “We don’t know,” Chrissy said. “We are going to have
to wait and find out,” Kevin said.
Rachel pulled Suzanne close hugging her tightly. “Tell me what happened,
honey. What were you dreaming about?” Rachel said softly. “Oh, Rach, I’m
ashamed to tell you.” “Why?” Rachel said. “I don’t know…I just am!” Suz
continued. “Does it have something to do with Kevin?” Rach suggested. “Oh,
god, no,” Suz said quickly, “It has nothing to do with him but I don’t know
if he will want anything to do with me after he finds this out.” “Finds what
out? I can’t help you unless you tell me what is wrong!” Rach said urgently.
“Rach, I was molested,” Suz whispered softly. “What? I can’t hear you,
Suz,” Rach said. “I said that I was molested as a child,” Suzanne said in
normal flat tone. “WHAT?” Rachel shouted, “Oh, my god, Suzanne, why didn’t
you ever tell me that?” “Because I didn’t remember until now. I guess I
blocked it out all this time,” Suz said cautiously. “Did he…uh…did he..”
Rachel struggled to get the words out. “Yes, he did,” Suzanne said as she
broke down crying again. Rachel pulled her close again holding her and
letting her cry it all out.
Kevin sat there listening to her crying from upstairs. It was breaking his
heart that he couldn’t help her in any way. Not being able to take it any
longer, he ran upstairs taking the step two at a time. “Kevin, wait!”
Chrissy said but was too late.
Rachel saw Kevin standing in the doorway. “Suz,” she whispered, “you are
going to have to tell him if you want this relationship to work. Please?
He’s waiting for you.” Suz looked at him in standing there. He could see
the look of devastation in her eyes. Rachel got up motioning for Kevin to
come closer. Suz backed up on the bed the closer he got. “Just listen to
what she has to say, ok?” Rachel whispered in his ear. He nodded as he
approached the bed and sat on the corner. He could tell that Suz was
uncomfortable with his presence especially when Rachel left and shut the
bedroom door. “Suz..” Kevin started but was interrupted by Suz shouting, “I
was raped!” as she turned away from his gaze and started sobbing again.
10,000 Kisses
Chapter 20
Suzanne repeated her words again a little bit more softly this time, “I was
raped!” Kevin stared at Suzanne while a rush of emotions flicker across his
face. Striding across the room, he scooped her up in his arms fighting her
reluctance to be touched. Tears were running down her face at such an
alarming rate that Kevin was worried she wouldn’t be able to breath. “Shh,
Suz,” Kevin said rocking her back and forth. He could feel her body go slack
as she gave up her fight against him. As she calmed down and began to hiccup
lightly, Kevin forced her to look him in the eye. “Tell me about it,” Kevin
said so quietly that Suz had to strain to hear him. At the mention of the
rape, tears threatened to spill out of her eyes again. Kevin lightly brushed
away the one tear that did manage to escape. As he ran his thumb along her
cheek wiping it away, Suz stopped him by laying her hand on his. Taking a
deep breath, she started, “It started when I was 8 years old.” Kevin sucked
in his breath at the mention of her young age. His eyes narrowed as he felt
the anger well up in him towards the evil and disgusting person who could do
something like this to a child. Kevin nodded his head indicating that he was
listening. “It was the friend of my old baby-sitter, Cookie,” she continued
in a shaky voice, “She always used to bring her friends around and one day
she brought Scott over. As an 8 year old little girl, I thought Scott, who
was 15 or 16 at the time, was so cute.” Suz looked down struggling with the
words. Kevin rubbed her back. He felt her stiffen from his touch so he
stopped. Sighing silently, he was on the verge of crying himself. “I adored
it when he come over which was quite often. U-u-until t-the day that he
t-t-to,” she said, taking a deep breath, she continued, “touched me.” “Oh, my
god,” she cried as the images floated into her mind invading her being. She
started to brush her arms like there were bugs crawling on them. Her long
fingernails scratched her arms in several places causing them to bleed.
“Suz! STOP!” Kevin said grabbing arms. She screamed at the forcefulness of
his strength. Kevin let go realizing that his motions were frightening her.
God, how many times did he violently grab her? Kevin thought as he watched
Suz fall apart. She crawled up in a ball rocking back and forth. Kevin
slowly approached her again. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he waited until
she started speaking again. “I never said anything. I was too ashamed.
Scott made me feel as though I had asked for it,” Suz said burying her head
in the pillow. There were so many question Kevin wanted to ask her but he
was afraid she would become more mad at him then upset. Watching her, he
didn’t say anything but let her cry it out. Soon, she was asleep from
exhaustion. Slipping out of the room, he went downstairs.
Approaching everyone who was sitting in the living room, Kevin looked at
Rachel who promptly stood up and followed him to the kitchen. Kevin was
leaning against the counter looking out the back window. Though his back was
to her, Rachel knew that he was crying. Hesitantly, she approached him and
was ready to tap him on the shoulder when he swung around. Looking him in
the eyes, the tears were pouring down his face. Letting out a sob, Rachel
hugged Kevin tightly. Pretty soon, you couldn’t tell whose sobs were whose.
Meanwhile, in the living room, the 4 guys looked at Chrissy in question. She
knew that it wasn’t her place to say anything. Especially since she didn’t
know what really was going on. “Why are they crying in there?” Brian asked
knowing that Kevin didn’t cry so easily over things. “I don’t know,” Chrissy
said, “I really don’t know.” “Well, what happened up there when Suz
screamed?” Howie said concerned. “I think she had a nightmare or something,”
Chrissy said, “All I know is that I heard her scream and I went running to
her room as did Kevin and Rachel. Then, Rach asked Kevin and I to come down
here.” “Well, I’m going to see what is wrong,” Howie said standing up.
“Wait!” Chrissy cried laying her hand on his arm, “let me go.” Nodding his
head, Howie watched Chrissy disappeared into the kitchen. He turned to look
at AJ, Nick and Brian who were all staring towards the kitchen.
Seeing Kevin and Rachel hanging onto each other crying, Chrissy was hesitant
to approach them. She cleared her throat to alert them that she was in the
kitchen. As Rachel pulled away from him, Kevin cast his eyes downwards.
“Rach?” Chrissy asked in a whisper. Rachel looked at Kevin for approval. He
nodded his head knowing that Chrissy needed to know. “Sit down,” Rachel said
leading her over to the table. “What is the matter?” Chrissy demanded
alarmed at the tone of Rach’s voice, “God damnit! Tell me what is wrong.
Why was Suz crying and screaming?” Chrissy almost broke down in tears
because they weren’t telling her anything. “Chrissy, Suz just told us that
she was once raped,” Rachel said so softly, “actually, she was molested
repeatedly.” Staring in shock at the two of them, Chrissy got up and walked
out of the kitchen without saying a word. Stepping into the living room, she
paused then ran out the front door screaming. Slumping to the ground, she
broke into tears almost feeling Suzanne’s pain herself.
Surprising AJ, Nick, and Brian who were now watching TV, Kevin bolted out of
the kitchen and through the open front door. Rachel followed standing in the
middle of the living room watching through the window. She saw Kevin pick
Chrissy up and comfort her. Collapsing into tears once again, she didn’t
even notice when Brian led her over to the couch and hugged her tightly. AJ
and Howie sat there awkwardly wondering what was going on. Five minutes
later, Kevin carried Chrissy in and sat her down on the couch. He sunk into
the cushions dropping his head into his hands. No one noticed that Suz had
come downstairs. “Kevin?” Suz whispered as her voice wavered. Kevin looked
up and noticed that she was practically holding on to the wall to keep from
falling.
10,000 Kisses
Chapter 21
“Kevin?” Suz repeated again as she started to slump against the wall.
Bolting from the couch, Kevin caught her before she passed out and hit the
floor. “Call the doctor,” Kevin barked at Rachel as he took Suz back to her
room. Laying her on her bed, he stared at her face wondering what she was
thinking since she had told him. All these years it seemed that she had
blocked the memory of the molestation from her mind.
Sighing, Kevin sat on the bed pondering what the next course was going to be
for Suz. He know that she was going to need help with this and was
hoping that she wouldn’t fight it.
“Kevin,” Rachel said as she sat down next to him. He jumped at her voice. He
didn’t hear her walk in the room. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,”
she said. “No, that’s ok. I was just thinking,” he replied. “Well, come
with me. The doctor wants to talk to you,” Rachel said leading him to the
phone in her bedroom. They gave a glance back at Suz as they left the room.
Rachel decided to go wait back in Suz’s room in case she woke up. Also, she
wanted to give Kevin some privacy with the doctor. Drained from crying
herself, she laid her head back letting her mind wonder. Rachel couldn’t
help wondering why Suz had never told her about the rape and molestation.
She knew they were very close friends and it didn’t matter what Suz would
tell her, Rachel was always there for her. I guess she blocked it out of her
memory and everything going on with Kevin opened the gates and allowed the
memories to come flowing back. Rachel looked at her best friend wishing that
she could take away all this hurt and pain that she was suddenly now going
through. What made it even harder is that Suz never let anyone see her
feelings. She never cried about anything, except when people won on game
shows. Rachel laughed at this thought. And now, she was going to have to
face this and all the horrible pain that she had lived through and would live
through. Rachel prayed to God that Suz wouldn’t turn Kevin away. He was the
most important person to her right now even if Suz herself didn’t realize it.
Even Rachel didn’t mind taking a backseat to Kevin.
“Rach?” Kevin whispered as he poked his head in the door. She looked up and
saw him motioning to her to follow him. She followed him out the door into
her bedroom. “Well, what did the doctor say?” Rachel asked concerned.
“First, I told him what Suz had told me and he wants her to get to the
gynecologist immediately. I have a feeling that she has never gone,” Kevin
said. “No, in fact, she was always very frightened when I brought the
subject up. Now I know why,” Rachel whispered. Kevin nodded his head and
then continued, “Second, I told him how she fainted and he said that she is
fine. It was probably caused by all the crying she was doing. He said that
she would wake up but to keep and eye on her. Third, he recommended some
counseling places and psychiatrists that he thinks she should see.” “God, she
had a long road ahead of her,” Rachel said trying to stifle a sob. Kevin
pulled her into his arms giving her a hug. “I know and I will be here for
her all the way,” Kevin said. Rachel stared at him wondering why God had
waited this long to send Suzanne someone so special. “You love her,” Rachel
stated matter of factly. Kevin jerked his head up in surprise. It had only
been about 2 days since he had met Suz but Rachel was right…he loved her.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, Kevin dropped his head into his hands, “God,
I do love her and now I might lose her before I really even had her.” “Kevin,
I will not let that happen, do you hear me?” Rachel said. “And neither will
I,” Chrissy said as she walked into the room, “Now tell me what is going on.”
Fifteen minutes later, they had made an appointment for the gynecologist for
later that day. After hearing the urgency of the visit, they agreed to fit
Suz in. They only prayed that Suz was willing to go. After waking Suz up,
they were amazed that she agreed to go without a fight. But they didn’t tell
her yet what the doctor had said about getting counseling.
As they left, Kevin told Brian that they would be back and eventually, he
would tell them what was going on. “We’ll be back later on guys,” Kevin
shouted as they left the house. AJ, Howie, and Brian all looked at each
other wondering what was going on. “Kevin said that he would explain later
on,” Brian volunteered as they went back to watching TV.
Arriving at the doctor’s office, Chrissy, Kevin, and Rachel waited in the
waiting room at Suz’s request. “I want to do this alone,” Suz said to them.
Rachel gave her a hug as reassurance. Suz took one last look back at Kevin
before she went into the patient room.
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