10,000 Kisses
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by: Suzanne
copyright: 1998-99
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10,000 Kisses Chapter 22

After an hour of no sign of Suzanne, Kevin began to get worried, “Where is she?” “Kevin,” Rachel said laying a hand on his arm, “She is bound to be in there longer then normal after what she has been through.” Glancing away, Kevin gazed towards the hallway that Suzanne had disappeared down, “I know. It’s just…” Rachel could see tears well up in his eyes. Getting up, Kevin walked out of the office. Sighing, Rachel followed him out to see him sitting on the seats of the entrance absently watching the cars drive by. She approached his back crouching down and wrapping her arms around him, “She’s going to be fine, Kevin.” “How can you say that? What if she isn’t? What is she can’t get passed this?” he said shaking his head. “Kevin, she has you. She WILL get passed it. We are all going to make sure that she does!” Rachel said forcefully. Kevin couldn’t help but smile at the devotion that Rachel had towards to Suzanne, “You know, she is very blessed to have a friend like you.” “Yeah, well, I’m very blessed to have a friend like her,” Rachel replied, “but I have a question to ask you.” Kevin waited. “Uh, how long are you guys off?” she asked. Kevin wondered why she was asking, “Well, we don’t have a tour scheduled at all. Right now, we are just concentrating on recording our new CD and doing a couple of TV and radio appearances. That is about it. Why?” “Well, what would you think if I could possibly manage to convince Suzanne’s uncle that we could stay the whole summer and even longer? I think being around everyone would do Suzanne a lot of good,” Rachel said. Kevin’s eyes lite up at Rachel’s words. “Well, I guess from the look in your eyes that is a yes,” she said laughing, “boy, have you fallen hard!” Kevin blushed and was about to answer her when Chrissy stuck her head out the door, “Guys, she’s coming. I can hear her in the hallway talking to the doctor.” Hurriedly, Rachel and Kevin got up and headed back into the waiting room. He could see Suzanne thanking the doctor and walk to the receptionist. Turning her head, she gave her friends a weak smile and went back to talking to the receptionist. Five minutes later, after being given numerous pamphlets and some prescriptions, Suzanne was ready to go, “I’m ready, everyone.” Rachel went over to her grabbing her hands, “How was it?” “Ok,” Suzanne answered flatly giving no other answer. No one pressed her for more information. They knew she was overly tired and upset.

Arriving back at the house, Suzanne sighed as she sat in the front seat of the car trying to get her courage up to go in the house. She didn’t want to tell anyone else, just yet, about what happened today and she hoped that Kevin, Rach, and Chrissy understood that. “Suz, we’re home,” Kevin opening her door for her. He reached his hand towards her to help her out but withdrew it when he saw her flinch. Looking at her face as she stared at the house, he realized that she didn’t even know that she had flinched because of his attempted touch. He knew that he had to be strong for her. He was going to be there when she cried, when she was mad, when she was scared, and through anything else. She could use him as a punching bag, even literally, if it would help her get passed all this. Breaking her gaze from the house, Suz climbed out of the truck and headed towards the front door. She walked straight in the door, not looking at anyone in the living room and immediately headed upstairs. “Hi, Su..” Brian had started to say but concluded that she wasn’t even listening to him. Next, they saw Kevin walk in the door and watch Suzanne disappear from his sight. They all exchanged glances wondering what was going on. “Hey, guys, what’s going on?” Howie asked staring at the stairway then back at Kevin and Rachel. She had never said whether she wanted anyone else to know about the molestation so Kevin gave them a phony excuse for the timebeing, “She didn’t really feel well so she asked us to take her to the doctor’s.” Rachel gave Kevin a sigh of relief. “Is she going to be ok?” Brian asked. “Oh, yeah,” Chrissy said, “she is just really tired and out of it. She went upstairs to go take a nap.” “Ok,” AJ said satisfied with their answers, “Is anyone hungry?” “I AM!” Nick said jumping up. Chrissy arched her eyebrow at Nick, “Guys, are you positively sure that Nick is older then me? Because sometimes he acts like…” “ME!” a little voice said. “AC!” Brian said as Aaron ran over to them. “Whoa!” Chrissy said. “What?” Nick asked. “There is two of them…that’s scary!!!!” she answered. “Hi, I’m Aaron? What’s your name?” Aaron said politely to Chrissy. “I’m Chrissy. Nice to meet you, Aaron,” Chrissy replied. Aaron smiled looking over at Rachel. “My name’s Rachel,” Rachel offered as she saw Aaron strangely looking at her. “Hi Rachel,” Aaron said. Aaron turned around to walk back to Nick when Rachel interrupted him, “Oh, and by the way, I love your music.” Aaron stopped in his tracks and looked at her, “You’ve heard my music?” “Of course, we have the CD,” Rachel said going to the stereo and showing it to him. “YEAH!!!!!” Aaron said jumping around. Everyone started to laugh at Aaron’s enthusiasm. “You keep it up, bud, and you will be as big as your brother,” Rachel said, then mumbled, “And gorgeous too!” “Rachel Marie Evans! Did you just say what *I* think you said?” Chrissy asked. Rachel blushed as she avoided looking at Nick. “I think she did,” Kevin said laughing. “Whoa…What did you do with my sister?” Chrissy said jokingly. “Hey, just because I am more attractive to older men doesn’t mean I don’t notice when a younger guy is gorgeous!” Rachel said defensively. “I know, Sis. I was only teasing you!” Chrissy said. “I know,” Rachel said bursting out into laughter. “Hey, what about the rest of us?” Brian said with his usual puppy dog look. “What about the rest of you what?” Rachel said teasingly. “Fishing for compliments, I see,” Chrissy said joining her sister in laughter. “Ok, what does everyone want to eat?” Kevin asked over the girls’ laughter. “PIZZA!!!” Brian and Nick shouted at the same time. “Ok…that’s fine with me,” Rachel said as her laughter subsided. The pizzas were ordered after 10 minutes of arguing about what toppings they should get. “I’m gonna go check on Suzanne,” Kevin said handing the guys money for the pizza, “Call me when the pizza is here.” The guys nodded as they started fighting for control of the remote. When Howie had the remote and wasn’t looking, Chrissy snatched it from him running out the backyard. “What just happened here?” AJ said amusingly. “Uh, oh, where did the remote go?” Nick asked looking at Rachel. Shrugging her shoulders, Rachel just laughed as she pointed towards the patio doors and indicated Chrissy was outside. All four guys got up running out the door after Chrissy. For the next ten minutes, there was a wild goose chase around the backyard as Rachel looked on.

Meanwhile, back in Suzanne’s room, Kevin peeked his head in noticing she wasn’t in her bed. Looking to the windowsill, he saw Suz standing there staring out the window watching the cars go up and down their street. “Ahem,” Kevin said softly. Suzanne jerked her head around towards him suddenly. He could see tears running down her eyes at an alarming rate. Soon her head was buried in her hands trying to stifle her crying. “Oh, Kevin,” she whispered, “I’m scared…so very scared.” Running to her side, he stopped unsure of pulling her into his arms but when she turned to him and looked at him so pitifully, he opened his arms and she stepped into them holding on for dear life. “Shh, tell me what the doctor said,” Kevin said. Stepping back, she looked him in the trustworthy eyes, “Oh, god, I might never…”

10,000 Kisses Chapter 23

IN SUZANNE’S ROOM Again, she repeated Oh god. She knew how much Kevin wanted children and telling him this was the hardest and cruelest thing that Suzanne ever had to tell someone. She just hoped to God that he would still accept her after this. “Kevin, I might never have children,” Suz announced softly. Shocked, Kevin sucked in his breath. Of all things, he hadn’t of expected this. The evident pain in her voice was just tearing his heart up inside. He felt like someone took a butcher knife and carved his heart into little pieces. “Wh..what did the doctor say?” he asked as he stood there rocking her back and forth. All kinds of thoughts were racing through is mind…the most common one that he would like to kill Scott for doing this to her. He could feel her hands fiddling with his belt loops on his jeans. He could tell that she was nervous. She pulled away from him and began to pace around the room, “Jesus, I wish that I could blame it on Scott! DAMNIT! But he had nothing to do with it. Apparently, as the doctor informed me, I have some medical condition that prevents me from ovulating.” Her voice rose in anger with each syllable and Kevin was powerless to help her. Suz continued, “Since I don’t ovulate, obviously, I can’t get pregnant! There is also other symptoms of this condition too.” Sighing, Kevin ran his hands through his hair. How fitting, he thought, he couldn’t even blame Scott for Suzanne’s problems. He didn’t know what to do for her but listen to her. “Damnit to hell, I wish I could just blame this on what Scott did to me. It would have been a hell of a lot easier to understand. Why? Why would God does this to me?” Suz pleaded as she looked at Kevin watching her. “I don’t know, Suz. I really don’t know. I will be there every step of the way. I promise you that. You have me, Rachel, Chrissy, Tracy, and the rest of us,” Kevin answered as he held his arms out to her. “I think God sent you here for me,” Suz muttered as she walked into his arms. “So do I, so do I,” Kevin said rubbing her back.

IN THE KITCHEN Rachel hung up the phone and glanced around the kitchen. Suz’s uncle had agreed to let them stay the summer. The only information that she had given him was that Suzanne had meet a guy down her and that was it. Knowing that it was important to his niece, and ironically, goddaughter, he agreed to let them stay. “Rachel?” Brian said as he stood in the doorway to the kitchen. “Yes?” she answered looking at him. “I don’t want to pry but what is really going on with Suzanne?” Brian asked. Rachel hesitated. Sitting down at the table, Brian watched Rachel, “I’ve never seen Kevin like this before. I know he is falling in love with her and it has only been less then a week.” “Yes, he is falling in love her,” Rach commented. “You see it too?” he replied. “Yes, I see it to but also, I asked Kevin and he told me that he was falling in love with her,” she replied. “Really?” Brian said arching his eyebrow. “What do you mean ‘really’?” Rachel said defensively. Brian stared at her in surprise. He was surprised at her reaction. Looking at him, Rach realized he was a little taken back. “I’m sorry, Brian,” Rachel said in a low voice, “I shouldn’t have snapped at you.” Reaching a hand across the table, he rested it on hers and squeezed as reassurance, “Care to tell me what is wrong?” “I would but I’ll leave that up to Suzanne to tell you guys what is going on,” Rachel replied. Brian nodded his head in agreement knowing it wasn’t his place to pry, “Come on, join the guys and me in the living room. We can tell you some horrid tales of touring and have you laughing in no time.” Rachel smiled weakly as she followed Brian to the living room.

Chapter 24 10,000 Kisses

THE NEXT DAY “Rachel” “Suz” both girls said at the same time as they sat at the kitchen table eating breakfast. Both of them started laughing. “You first,” Rachel pointed to Suz. “Ok,” Suz said taking a deep breath, “I’m wondering it you and Kevin could help me find someone to talk to about this?” Rachel gasped lowly, “I was going to ask you the same thing.” “Oh?” Suz replied looking up at Rachel. “Yeah, we didn’t want to push you into anything and were trying to figure out how to approach you about going to see a psychiatrist or someone,” she answered. Suzanne smiled as she thought about everyone caring about her so much. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to keep it from the rest of the gang…but she didn’t want to tell them just yet. “Thanks,” Suz said grabbing Rachel’s hand.

A FEW HOURS LATER

Rachel picked up the phone and dialed Kevin’s number. Suz had gone to read in her room, so Rachel knew it was the perfect opportunity to tell Kevin. “Hello, is Kevin there?” she asked as someone answered the phone. “Hi Rachel,” the voice said. Rachel quickly tried to recognize the voice but couldn’t place it. Damn, she was never very good at that! “It’s Nick,” the voice volunteered. “Oh, Nick, I’m sorry. I’m terrible at remembering people’s voices over the phone,” Rachel said. “That’s ok,” he said, “Let me go get Kevin.” “Yo, Train, telephone for you!” Nick screamed. Rachel chuckled, “Good Lord, don’t break my eardrum, Nick.” “Oops, sorry,” Nick said, “Here’s Kevin.” “Hello?” Kevin’s deep voice said into the phone. “Hi, Kevin,” she said. “Hi, Rachel, how’s she doing?” he asked. “She seems to be doing ok for now. She’s reading in her room,” she told him. “Did you ask her about seeing someone about this?” he asked. “Actually,” Rachel replied, “She beat me to it.” “What? You mean she asked you about going to talk to someone?” Kevin said in a surprised voice. “Yep, she did!” she answered. “Oh, my, that’s a good thing, isn’t it?” he asked hesitantly. Sighing, Rachel answered, “You bet it is. But how do we find someone? She asked the 2 of us to find someone for her to talk to.” “Well, I think I know someone. Let me call you back after I talk to them, ok?” he said. “Ok, thanks Kevin. I’m glad that she has just more then me in her life now,” Rachel said happily. After saying goodbye, they both hung up the phone.

ANOTHER HOUR LATER-SUZANNE’S ROOM

Suzanne looked up as someone knocked on the door. “Come in,” she said. Rachel peeked her head in, “I wasn’t sure if you were awake or sleeping.” “No, I’m awake, it’s kind of hard to go asleep right now,” Suz said. “Well, I called Kevin and he thinks there is someone he can recommend for you to talk to,” Rachel replied. “Thanks, I don’t know what I would do without you right now,” Suz said as her eyes filled up with tears. “Well, you don’t have just me now…You have Kevin and the rest of the guys. You know that they have all become very taken with you, don’t you?” Rachel added as she giggled. Suz shook her head no. “Yes, they all treat you like a princess, especially Brian because he is Kevin’s cousin. And Brian is very concerned for you. He knows something is going on.” “You didn’t tell him anything, did you?” Suzanne said panicking. “Oh, god, no. I’d never betray your trust like that. I just told him that in your own time you would tell everyone,” Rachel said hugging Suz. “Aww, I feel left out!” a voice said from the doorway. Suzanne and Rachel turned to look. “Kevin!” Suz shouted then realized how eager she was to see him and blushed. “Oh, my, she’s blushing,” Kevin said as he walked over to the bed. “Guys, I’m going to go downstairs, I have to make a few phone calls,” Rachel said winking at Kevin and walking out of the room. He sat down and took Suz’s hand, “I found someone for you to talk to. You can go see him today, if you want to.” Suzanne looked up at him with slight fear in her eyes.

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