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Can You Feel Me? : Chapter 29
Kevin had to smile at the sight.
A whoop brought him out of his thoughts as he saw Nick surrounded and the
life nearly being hugged of him. Nick smiled and hugged them back, but
someone was missing. Nick looked up and saw Brian still standing on the
sidewalk looking at him. A thousand emotions seemed to be skittering across
his face too fast to be read.
Nick untangled himself from AJ and Howie's embraces and tentatively walked
over to Brian, "Frick?" Nick reached out his arms to embrace his friend,
his brother, when he was met with resistance in the form of Brian's hands
meeting up with his down jacket enclosed chest and pushing him away roughly.
The motion caused Nick's shoes to skid on the ice encrusted concrete below
his feet and he stumbled to keep from falling, losing the fight and
sprawling backwards into the snow, the breath being knocked from him.
The other three looked at Brian in amazement. Of all the reactions to Nick
coming around again, this was not one they had foreseen. Brian just stood
there, looking down at Nick laying sprawled in the snow, no expression on
his face. Then he blinked. A second later, all that could be seen of Brian
was his back as he walked away without a word to any of them.
Nick sat up in the snow, shaking his head to rid it of the dizziness the
fall had produced. He watched as Brian walked away and felt his eyes
burning, begging to release the tears that lay in wait just below the
surface. He bit his lip until the salty warmness of his blood awakened his
tastebuds. Without a word, he struggled to his feet and by the time Kevin,
Howie and AJ had pulled themselves out of shock enough to look after Nick,
they could only see the far off outline of his back as he ran from them.
They all looked at each other, not knowing who needed them most at the
moment.
Brian walked through the snow, looking at his hands, which were stretched
out in front of him, almost like he wanted to get them as far away from the
rest of his body as possible. 'I pushed him. I made him fall.' He kicked
at the snowdrift near his foot, 'I sing that I'll be there for him no matter
what and then what do I do when he comes around? I push him and walk away.
I'm a moron. He probably thinks that I hate him. Oh jeez, I have to find
him.' He stuck his hands in his pockets, feeling the warmth of his body
seeping into the cold flesh of his fingers. He almost knew the ground of
the clinic better than the people who worked there a started towards where
he knew Nick would wander to eventually, knowing Nick as well as he did.
Nick kept walking and walking, his head lowered and his hands shoved into
his pockets, making the lower half of his face the only visible part of him.
He didn't understand why Brian had pushed him away. 'Maybe he's tired of
you being a needy retard!' The cold, hard voice in his head wouldn't let him
be. 'Maybe he liked it better when you were off in your own world and you
weren't there to bother him.' Nick shook his head, softly speaking to the
voice in his head, "No, Brian loves me. I know he does."
"You're right. I do."
Nick stopped walking and slowly looked up to see he was in front of a frozen
over lake. Brian stood a few feet away from him.
Nick didn't know what to do. He had no desire to be pushed away again by
the most important person in his life again. Nick just stood there, wrapped
up in his thoughts.
Brian chewed his lip nervously and stepped closer to Nick, "Can we try this
again? Here's what I should have done, but I was so overwhelmed I don't
even know what I was doing." He reached out and pulled the younger boy in
his arms and held him close.
Nick stood in his arms stiffly, making Brian afraid that his insensitive
treatment of Nick had sent him right back into the arms of madness. But
then Nick's posture softened and he leaned into Brian's arms, wrapping his
arms around the older man and sniffling softly into the soft shoulder of
Brian's coat.
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