|
Can You Feel Me? : Chapter 28
Kevin managed to swallow his urge to let out a yell of joy and nodded
calmly, "Ok. We brought you some winter stuff, you know, just in case. But
first there is something I want."
Nick looked at him and Kevin opened his arms wide. Nick smiled and hurled
himself into Kevin's arms, nearly knocking him over. Kevin smiled and
wrapped his arms around the younger boy, feeling Nick's arms squeezing him
tightly. Kevin kissed the top of the blonde head tucked under his chin,
"Welcome back, Nick. I missed you, buddy."
Nick smiled against Kevin's chest and laid his ear flat against it. When
Kevin went to pull away, Nick held him still, "Wait."
Kevin stopped and looked down at Nick's head on his chest, "What are you
doing?"
Nick sighed, "When you would hold me and rock me, letting me sleep against
you, I would listen to your heart until I fell asleep. I could still hear
it where I was. It was the only thing I could hear."
Kevin smiled softly, "I always wondered why you put your head in the same
spot all the time."
Nick lifted his head and stepped away, "How long was I away?"
Kevin put his hand on Nick's head, "A month, almost exactly."
Nick looked shocked and sank back on the bed, sitting on it. "Wow. It felt
like I was only there for an hour, maybe even less. A month?"
Kevin nodded, "A month." He went to the closet and pulled out a coat and
some boots and gloves and a hat, then laid them on the bed beside Nick.
"Alright, get your gear on and we'll go."
Nick quickly slid on the coat, boots and all the other stuff he needed to go
outside and waited while Kevin got himself all geared up. Kevin held out
his hand and Nick grabbed it, "Just make like you're following blindly
behind me, as soon as they realize that you've come out of it, they are
going to be all over you and there goes our walk."
Nick nodded and followed along behind Kevin, staring at the back of Kevin's
hat. They managed to get out of the building with Kevin greeting the nurses
and doctors he met along the way and explaining that he was just bringing
Nick for a walk and they would be back soon.
Before they walked out of the door, Kevin popped a pair of sunglasses on
Nick and then on himself. Kevin led them out of the door and down a
shoveled out path until they were out of the eyesight of anyone in the
building.
Nick breathed in the clean, crisp Montana air and let it out on a sigh. "I
like this."
Kevin smiled, "Being a southern boy, I thought I would not like this at all,
but since we've been down here, I've been a lot calmer and we've all been
writing like fools. We've even started to like the cold. This was a good
choice, Nick. I know it was made for you, but it's worked wonders on us
all."
Nick smiled back at Kevin. "Well remind me to go out of my mind more
often."
Kevin cuffed Nick on the back of his head softly, "You weren't out of your
mind, you just took a little time off from thinking, that's all. You had a
really long blonde moment!"
Before the comment was fully out of Kevin's mouth, a hastily formed snowball
was smushed in Kevin's face. Kevin stood there in shock and wiped the slush
off his face with his gloves, "Ok, that one was free. The next time you
die."
Nick only smirked and kept walking. They walked in silence for a while
until they came to a gazebo that had been cleared of snow and sat down.
Kevin had to smile when Nick sat next to him and leaned against him. He put
a fatherly arm around the younger boy and looked at him in the sunlight,
"Nick, what happened to make you leave us like that?"
Nick sighed and closed his eyes for a second, "That phone call was the last
straw, I think. When I heard her on the phone and saying all those awful
things....I just snapped. I wanted to go somewhere where she couldn't hurt
me any more. So I did. I needed time to think without anyone hurting me
any more."
"What made you come back?"
Nick kicked the snow off the tips of his boots and snuggled more into his
coat, "It was pointed out to me that by hiding like this, I was exactly
what...that woman...called me. A coward. I wasn't hurting her by doing
this, instead I was hurting everyone I cared about. But it just seemed so
easy to stay where I was, to not have to fight battles anymore, to just stay
in the calmness. But that was before I knew where I was."
Kevin leaned closer, his concentration focused on what Nick was saying,
"Where were you Nick?" He felt Nick shudder and thought he was cold until
he spoke.
"I was in Hell, Kevin. Hell isn't all fire and brimstone. It's inside of
you, where there is no touch, no love, no humanity, there is just silence
and stillness and an eternity to think about what you gave up on.
Especially for people that did what I did."
Kevin was knocked speechless for a full minute before he could
continue,"But...but didn't you say that it was easy to stay there? How could
it have been hell if it was easy to stay?"
Nick smiled, "You don't realize that it's hell until you've been there for a
while, you forget who you are, who you loved, you forget how to be human.
Those few like me that get a choice of staying or going back lose the will
to go back. It's too inviting to not have to deal with anything, to not face
the consequences of what you've done. To not have to deal with all the bad
things in your life. Kevin, it seemed so easy to stay there and not have to
deal with anything. It seduces you into believing that you are safe when
it's really taking everything away from you."
Kevin nodded, it was too much to comprehend all at once. "I'm glad you came
back, Nick. We all missed you. It was hell for us seeing you like that."
Nick looked up at him, "I know. I'm sorry."
Kevin hugged him, "Don't be. Just get better. That's all we want for you."
Nick nodded into Kevin's shoulder, "I'll do my best."
Kevin smiled and released the younger boy, standing up, "Let's get back
inside. I'm nearly frozen through."
Nick nodded, "Face it, we're Florida wusses."
Kevin laughed and they started walking down the trail to the main path back
to the building. They were nearly to the main path when they heard voices,
familiar voices. They saw the forms of Howie, AJ and Brian coming towards
them. Nick looked at Kevin and grabbed a handful of snow, then whipped it
at the three guys, hitting Brian squarely in the chest. The look on Brian's
face was priceless and Howie and AJ started laughing.
He looked up the path and mock glared at Kevin, "Cuz, there are easier ways
of getting my attention, you know."
Kevin shook his head, "It wasn't me, man"
Brian rolled his eyes, "I suppose you are going to blame it on Nick, right?"
Kevin didn't know what to say, his jaw opened and closed a few times before
a new voice spoke.
"You always were suckass at dodging snowballs, Brian."
Three jaws plummeted to the snow bank as they stared at Nick in
astonishment.
|
||