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Can You Feel Me? : Chapter 27
He pulled away from her hands, "I....I'm sorry. I don't know what to say."
Katya looked at him, "Don't say anything. Just do all of us who are stuck
here a favor. Take the gift you are being given, Nick. Take it for all of
us who aren't going to get the choice to leave."
Kevin stood at the door of Nick's room. For a month now, Kevin had been
coming here every Sunday for Visitor's Day. For a month he had been
watching Nick standing at the window staring aimlessly. They had even moved
themselves to Montana to record, to be closer to Nick, in hopes that them
being around more than once a week would bring him back to them.
They each took turns coming in every day, even if it was only for 15
minutes, but Sunday's were always Kevin's day.
Nick never moved from the window, hardly ever slept. The only time he
seemed to sleep was when Kevin was there and sat with him in a rocking chair
in the room, set in front of the window. Kevin had the chair brought in,
because all the rocking Nick did was getting hard on Kevin's back as he
tried to keep up with the motion. This way he could sit them both in the
chair and rock Nick for hours while he slept and still be able to stand
straight at the end of it all.
The room was littered with drawings. Pictures were hung on every available
surface, walls, chairs, doors. Most of them were of people around him, like
Brian and AJ and Howie, Aaron, all his sisters and there were a fair amount
of him too. The ones that had everyone intrigued though were the ones of a
woman none of them knew. Well, Brian made like he didn't know who it was,
but everyone had heard his gasp when the first picture of her came off of
Nick's fingers. The woman always looked so sad. Nick never drew her with a
smile on her face.
Drawing was the only thing that could get Nick's attention. He would be in
the same trance state all of the time, until someone placed a piece of paper
in front of him and curled his fingers around a pencil, then he seemed to
come alive. All of Backstreet, including Kevin had sat in a chair in front
of Nick and watched as he looked at them carefully, never saying a word, and
started to draw. Sometimes he would draw what he saw in front of him, other
times, when they would talk to him about things that had happened to them,
or some memory from the past, they would be amazed to see that Nick had
drawn it in detail on his paper. Somewhere he was listening. If only they
could reach him enough to want to come back.
Kevin gripped something in his hand and walked in the door. He sat in the
rocking chair and popped the tape he had in his hand in the boom box that
was sitting on the table beside him. He pressed play and looked at Nick
standing in front of the window, "Nick, Brian told us he owed you a song.
Well, I hope you don't mind, but the rest of us helped him with it and we
want you to hear it. We mean every word of it."
Nick heard Kevin's voice reaching him. It made him feel safe. Then he
heard something new. He heard music. Katya heard it too. They both
stopped and listened. Brian's voice reached their ears and the other three
came in with him on the choruses.
(this is an actual BSB song, I have just changed some of the words and
singular to plural to make it fit the story it's under their copyright and that of the songwriter and in no way am I purporting that I wrote it. *the author*)
Don't say a word
I understand
you want to know
if I'm still your friend
Nick can't you tell
by the touch my hand
I'm gonna be there for you
every way that I can
Chorus:
We'll hold you
love you
We'll never let you go
for always
We'll stay
just look in our eyes and you'll know
We'll be there for you
wherever you go
whatever you do
We've got forever inside
for all of your life
We'll be there for you
Don't ever doubt
your trust in me
I'll give you my heart
so honestly
deep in my soul
you'll find the truth
I'll never change
I promise you
Chorus:
We'll hold you
Love you
Never let you go
For always
I'll stay
Just look in my eyes and you'll know
We'll be there for you
wherever you go
whatever you do
We've got forever inside
for all of your life
I'll be there for you
Nothing and no one can tear us apart
you'll always be here inside of my heart
and just as sure as the stars shine above
no matter what happens you can count on us
Chorus:
We'll be there for you
wherever you go
whatever you do
We've got forever inside
for all of my life
We'll be there for you
We'll be there for you
(when the morning comes)
wherever you go
(when the evening falls)
whatever you do
oh yah
for all of your life
We'll be there for you
Kevin let the song finish and looked for any reaction in Nick. He just
still stood there at the window, staring forward. He sighed, this was their
last ditch effort to get him to respond. Kevin stood up and walked to the
door, trying to hold in the tears of disappointment.
Suddenly, the tape started playing again. It was the last chorus. Then it
stopped again and played once more. Kevin slowly turned around, almost
afraid of what he would see. He saw Nick standing there with his eyes
closed, listening. His breath caught in his throat.
When it finished again, Nick opened his eyes and turned towards the windows
again, staring out of them.
Kevin bit back the sigh of disappointment and looked down at the floor
trying to hold back the tears for the second time.
"Kevin?"
His head whipped up so fast, Kevin thought that it would tumble clear off
his shoulders. That was Nick's voice! It was soft and a little hoarse from
disuse, but it was Nick's voice. His own voice was shaking from the
emotions running through him. "Yes, Nick?"
Nick turned around and looked right at Kevin for the first time in a month.
"You are flat."
Kevin nearly whooped in joy but managed to contain himself, "I'm what?"
Nick went back to the tape deck and rewound the song and played the last
chorus again, "There. See, you are flat."
Kevin listened and damned if he wasn't flat like Nick said! Kevin chuckled
and smiled at Nick, "I meant to do that. It was a whole ruse to get you to
talk to me. It worked."
Nick's face fell out of the stone mask of indifference it had been in and a
smile graced his features for a brief second, "Sure, Kev. Whatever."
Nick turned back towards the windows and reached one of his hands out to
touch the cold glass, "Can we go for a walk outside? I want to walk in the
snow."
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