"Are you sure you don’t want to come up with me?" he asked as he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me. "My uncle loves you," he said, trying his best to persuade me. He was going upstate to visit his uncle and his cousins. Thankfully, he’d be spending the night there too.

"JC…" I laughed, hugging him, "I can’t. I’d love to but I can’t. You know I love hanging out with your family but, we’ve been swamped at work and I have three meetings tomorrow. I’m sorry." He pouted, but nodded to show that he understood before he placed his hand on my back and smiled gently.

"Then I’ll see you tomorrow night?" he asked softly, his eyes raising to meet mine as I smiled at him assuredly.

"Yes, tomorrow, Josh," I answered, kissing his cheek. "You’ll have fun.

"Dinner was fun," she said softly as we walked down the street, arm in arm. I nodded in response, watching her intently as she looked around, those bright eyes of hers taking everything in. She was dressed formally, encased within a black knee-length cocktail dress, her shoulder length tresses clipped away from her face with two delicate butterflies. She wore a long, deep blue tailored coat with fur at it’s edges, fishnet stockings and black stiletto pumps. She walked just as regally as she was dressed, her tall stature, flowing and elegant. Just beautiful.

She felt cold. I could tell by the way she leaned into me as we walked down the cold city street, our breath making smoky trails in the crisp air. But she was happy, content, and that pleased me. Very much so. She had opted to walk the six blocks home, down the bright city streets and past the restaurants bustling still with late customers.

She loved the city, everything about it embodied something that she craved. The thickness of it, the hoards of people, each one different, beautiful in their own sense. She appreciated the beauty of the city. The dirty buildings and gritty sidewalks. The tall skyscrapers and the mom and pop shops. It all was in every way very much a part of her. She smiled as we approached the bakery at the end of the corner, a tiny run-down, hole in the wall. It was family-run, old but clean, turning out some of the best pastry I had had in my entire life.

"Dessert?" she asked, raising a playful brow. I smiled, nodding as she took my hand into hers, leading me inside. A little bell tinkered as we entered and we were immediately engulfed by the sweet smell of sugar and flour. A tiny woman smiled wearily as we approached the glass counter, greeting us pleasantly.

She turned to me, leaning her chin against my shoulder, those big eyes of hers gazing into mine. "What do you want?" she asked softly, her ruby tinted lips held in a cheerful smile.

I laughed, smiling as we picked out a few pieces of cheesecake and a couple of her favorite raspberry tarts. Riley added some slices of carrot cake and then a few other things before we waited in line to pay. "Do you think we have enough?" she laughed as she watched the woman fill a large box with our pastries, trying her best to fit all of them into it.

"I dunno, Ry," I answered as I took her hand into mine and kissed her forehead gently. "You know how you get sometimes…" she laughed as she leaned into me, her head resting against my shoulder as we waited. She sighed against my neck, wrapping her arm around my waist from the side, and tickling me. I wiggled, laughing before I pushed her, shaking my head.

We finally approached the counter and the woman rung us up, slowly pressing the buttons on the cash register. "Damn these eyes of mine," she cursed under her breath, "I can’t ever seem to see what these buttons say. Those little buggers, you’d think they’d make the letters on the keys bigger…" Her eyes lifted and her from melted until she smiled thinly. "It’s so lovely to see you two together," she said softly, a knowing tone in her voice. "I was in love once, it’s wonderful isn’t it?"

Riley smiled warmly, "We’re not–"

The woman shook her head, raising a hand to stop her. "I know a pair of lovers when I see them. You two have something undeniable. Look at the way her eyes light when you speak," she continued as she smiled, folding her hands onto the counter top. "And you," she said pointing to me with a teasing finger, "the way you watch her, it’s adorable. You make a lovely couple, you do. Beautiful." She smiled again, the deep lines in her lips fading as they stretched, perhaps recalling a lover past.

"Well," Riley said softly, "Thank you. He’s not so bad if you cock your head to the side and close your eyes…"

I pushed her again, laughing as I took the box from the woman and paid her. "Thank you," I said winking as she blushed profusely. "Have a nice night."

We walked the remainder of the way home in silence, entering the loft a few minutes later. Clark was still out at work and the rest of the guys had decided to hit the clubs and wouldn’t be home until well into the night. She disappeared into her room and came back dressed in boxers and a sweatshirt, her hair thrown up into a ponytail.

"We’re alone. Fun times," she laughed as we entered the kitchen and she took the box from me. She got out two clear, glass plates and lifted a few pieces of cake onto the platters, handing them to me as she reached for forks, a jug of milk and two mugs.

She led the way up the stairs and past all of the guest rooms until we reached another flight of stairs. She flicked on the light, illuminating the carpeted staircase and we journeyed up it, and into the room at the top. We entered the small room and sat on the two overstuffed, chenille couches that stood in the middle of the room, a wood table between them. I loved the room, it had a fantastical feel to it. Beautiful tall, glass windows that revealed an astounding view of New York and a tall, spiral staircase led to the roof where the sky never ended.

I started to strip of my clothes, unbuttoning my shirt and laying it over the backside of the couch, before I unzipped my pants. Soon I matched her, clad only in a wife beater and boxers, thankful to be relieved from the constraints of my suit. "It’s funny that that lady though we were a couple," she whispered softly after a moment. She dipped her index finger into the middle of a raspberry tart, scooping up a dollop of fuschia colored filling. "She seemed pretty adamant about the whole idea."

I nodded as I watched her, "I know. I can understand why she would say that though, we would make a pretty cute couple." I let out a soft chuckle as I took a bite of carrot cake, and paused, pouring milk into the two mugs.

"Yeah," she laughed, "I guess." Silence befell us, and we kind of just sat there, content to not speak. The notion of a romantic relationship was just too…bizarre? I doubt that even articulated the feeling that accompanied the thought. We finished our dessert in silence, Riley finally placing the two empty plates onto the wood table before us and taking my hand. She led me over to the iron staircase and began to climb, pushing the door that presented itself at the stair’s zenith.

The night air was cold against us as we ventured onto the roof, the faint glimmer of stars bedazzling the black sky. Jets of smoke rose from surrounding buildings, modest spurts of gentle heather gray against the dark of night. We walked over to the two patio chairs that stood at the far edge of the roof and Riley placed the basket that had stood by the door between us. She opened it, producing two fleece blankets and handed me one, wrapping herself with the other. I did the same, thankful for the fuzzy interior of the blanket, something to shield me from the gripping breeze that had begun to blow.

Again we were silent, my eyes scanning over the tops of the buildings before finally resting on the endless sky. "Sometimes I don’t think the idea of us as a couple is so crazy," I bravely conceded after a moment, waiting anxiously for her reaction.

There was nothing for a moment. But when they came, her words, articulate as usual, her eyes set firmly on the scenery before us. "Me either," she said softly, "But…" she paused as she searched for words, her eyes shifting downwards before they returned to the peaceful horizon. "…I, I don’t want to lose you. It seems to be a trend with the men I date and…well…I mean, you’re you. If anything ever happened between us and we changed," she paused again, this time because of emotion, "I don’t know what I would do, Justin. I would go insane without you."

"I don’t think that it would ever be like that, Ry," I answered softly. There was nothing pressing about my tone, it was gentle, assuring. It was almost as if I wanted it. As if the idea of a romance between us wasn’t absolutely crazy. "I mean it’s us. We need each other, we wouldn’t ever not talk, or drift apart. We’re too hopeless to do that." I let out a chuckle and she smiled, her breath making an almost clear curl of warn air as she exhaled.

"Maybe…" she agreed, nodding her head, biting her lip. And in that moment, I knew we both knew that there was the potential for something more. And after twenty some odd years of not taking chances, I wanted to. In that split second I saw something with Riley; it just made too much sense. Best friends and lovers. It was almost too perfect. I stood and took her hand into mine, her eyes showing me how startled and afraid she was as I led her over to the roof’s edge. I wrapped my arms around her frame, my hands resting on the curve of her back, and I could feel her tremble within my arms.

"Riley," I whispered as she looked at me, that hopeless fear still gripping her dark eyes as we began to sway, her arms now resting on my shoulders. "Does this scare you?" It wasn’t out of the ordinary, us dancing to imaginary music, my hands on her body. But it felt different, my intentions less platonic, and it was exciting. New.

She bit her lip and nodded, looking away but not letting go. She wrapped her arms tighter around my neck, her fingers tentatively stroking the back of my neck. "Justin…" she whispered, her voice quivering, "this is…"

I pressed my lips against hers, gently at first before she reciprocated, her hands roaming cautiously until they were in my hair. It was a sweet kiss, almost pleading on my part– I had finally found what I had been looking for and I wanted her to feel it too. She was it.

She broke the kiss and we stopped swaying, her eyes looking into mine with frightened terror. "Justin…" she said, tears coming and then spilling over onto her cheeks, "this, this changes everything."

"What are you thinking?" he asked me as we lay in bed, my head resting comfortably beside his. He took my hand into his and squeezed it before I took it back into my lap and shook my head.

"I don’t know…" I answered, shrugging. I didn’t want to know. There was an unfamiliar fear throbbing in the center of my chest. And no matter how hard I tried to ignore it, it pressed on, pleaded with me to listen, it begged me to consider Justin’s proposal. But each time I thought about it, I shivered– the idea of an "us" was too insane to even begin to comprehend. The barriers were already set up; they were clearly drawn…there were no gray areas between us. With that kiss, Justin had brought in a new dynamic to our relationship. We could be not just friends, but lovers.

And what about JC? Although out of sight, he was certainly not out of mind. He was always tucked in the back of my mind, reminding me that I still had an obligation to him. Reminding me that he still loved me. That part of me still cared for him.

I stared back towards Justin and sighed. He took my hand again, and this time I consented, watching him as he breathed in deeply, his chest rising and falling. I closed my eyes, erasing the image of Justin’s face, just a reminder of my betrayal.

"Riley, baby, you need to talk to me. Say something. Tell me what you think. If you want, we can erase this entire thing, pretend like it never happened…maybe this was a mistake. He rubbed his free hand over his face tiredly before he sighed, furrowing his brow.

I opened my eyes slowly, watching him as he watched me, his blue eyes staring into me coolly. "Justin," I replied softly, the tone of my voice still managing to be harsh, "we can’t pretend like nothing happened. This is huge," I muttered, "it’s not something that you can just erase. And God, Justin, what about JC? What am I ever going to say to him? What are you going to say to Ashleigh? Don’t you think about these things?" I closed my eyes again, just imagining the way JC’s face would look if I told him, my mind’s eye picturing the tears rolling down his beautiful cheeks.

"Screw Ashleigh," he answered, shaking his head. He spat her name in disgust as if she never even mattered. "You know what I think about her, about what she and I share. Nothing I ever had with her can ever compare to anything I could ever have with you; that’s insane to even bring her up. JC is a different story. But I know that you don’t love him," he said softly, "you told me last night, Riley. You’re unhappy with him. You can’t possibly choose him over something that could bring you so much joy. That’s insane."

I shook my head and sat up, my head swarming with a million different ideas that I couldn’t possibly formulate into sentences. I paused and gathered my thoughts, biting my lip before I spoke, trying my best to keep my voice down. "Justin, you can’t tell me that you don’t care at all for Ashleigh. She’s been apart of your life for three years. And it doesn’t matter whether or not I’m happy, Justin. JC needs me. I can’t do this," I whispered as my voice calmed and tears suddenly sprang to my eyes. "I just…I can’t… JC…he loves me…and I…" Tears began to fall readily and when I looked up, I saw that Justin’s eyes matched mine. "I’m so sorry, Justin."

"Riley," he whispered softly as he wiped at his eyes. "What you don’t understand is that I need you too. I mean I know this is sudden and I know that this seems insane. But it makes so much sense. You’re more apart of me than anyone else and I love you…"

I shook my head, trying to keep the words from registering in my head. "No, Justin. I can’t. I’m sorry."

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