Ten Points About Assertive Behavior: 

1. Self expressive 

2. Honest 

3. Direct 

4. Self enhancing 

5. Not hurtful to others 

6. Partially composed of content of message: feelings, rights, facts, opinions, requests, limits. 

7. Partially composed of non verbal style of the message: eye contact, voice, posture, facial expression, gestures, distance, timing, listening.

8. Appropriate for person/situation 

9. Socially responsible 

10. Combination of learned skills, not inborn traits.

                     Step by Step Process For Improving Assertiveness

1. Observe your own behavior 

2. Keep track of your assertiveness 

3. Set realistic goals for yourself 

4. Concentrate on a particular situation 

5. Review your responses 

6. Observe an effective model 

7. Consider alternative responses 

8. Imagine yourself handling the situation 

9. Get help if you need it 

10. Try it out 

11. Get feedback 

12. The real test 

13. Further training and practice…

                              Assertiveness Exercises 

Use journaling to practice assertive (not aggressive or passive) ways to rephrase the following statements: 

 1. You make me so mad. Why do you always have to start a fight? 

 Example: I don’t like arguing. I would like to find a way to discuss this without arguing. 

2. You think you know so much- why don’t you just cool down?________________________________________________________________

3. Why didn’t you call me to let me know you would be late? You never let me know anything___________________________________________________ 

4. You’re so clumsy- every time I pour your milk, you spill it. What’s wrong with you?________________________________________________________ 

5. You get me so confused when you give me all those answers all at the same time_____________________________________________________________