First, stop expecting to be abused. Adopt a non-victim code of ethics for yourself: 

1. Refuse to explain yourself to anyone who is not interested in what you have to say. 

2. The moment that you become aware that you are talking to a stone wall, STOP! 

3. Walk out of situations where someone is assaulting you verbally. 

3. Eliminate complaining words and phrases from your vocabulary, like "It's his fault" and "He made me....", and instead say and THINK "I taught them to do this to me" and "I allowed this to happen". 

4. Stop waiting for things to get better- you may wait a long time! 

5. Stop saying things that invite people to victimize you, like "I'm not smart enough to do that", or "I'm not really important". 

6. Say NO if you mean NO! Forget the "maybes" and "I'm not sues" that give others room to misunderstand, People respect a firm, polite "no", and you will respect yourself more too. 

7. When you run into whiners, interrupters, arguers, braggarts and bores, you can say calmly, "You said that already", "You just interrupted me", and "You are complaining about situations that will never change." The calmer that you are, the less time you will spend in the "victim seat".

Journaling Exercise

1. Think of a situation with a loved one in your adult past in which you felt victimized. Journal about the circumstances.

2. What was done to you, and what did you ALLOW to be done to you? What was the difference?

3. How would you do things differently now?

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